bipolar boyfriend dumps me using the silent treatment & igno (Page 1)

I think that you really need to talk to his family, friends & his dr(s) especially the dr(s) - - obviously with his permission - but if he truly loves you & wants you to stay with him he will understand that you need to understand him & what is wrong & what you can expect - that also includes what the chances are of any children you have having the same/similar probelms!!!!

Then you need to get on the net & go to some search engines & forums like this to educate yourself about what this man has - all the stuff that doctors etc do not tell you!! That really is important - it's one thing to love him but it may be another to live with him & have children with him - & how would the children cope with his behaviour swings??

You need information first so that you can consider what you want to do. Good luck - I think you need it. Pm me if you want to talk.

I feel for you katrina. I am going through what seems to be a very similar relationship to you and I think I know how you feel.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months. Throughout the first 3-4 months she did have some small periods where she was quite upset, and said she was a "bad girlfriend" and would cry. But I thought this was nothing too serious and that everything would be ok. During the last month, things either got worse with her or she just became more honest with me. Her feelings would change just like you describe - she could be extremely happy, saying "i love you, im so lucky to be with you" etc, then only a day later saying things like "i don't know if I can do this anymore".

I was very worried but she soon told me it was nothing to worry about and she didn't know why she said that. One day she was really happy and so I thought i'd go with it and said i'd take her out that night for dinner. She said she wanted to go shopping, so we did. She bought some clothes and stuff and was really happy as a result and was back to her usual "thanks for putting up with me, I love you so much".

So by then I was convinced everything was fine, but then only the next day she didn't sound so happy anymore. That night she went out without me and did some drugs (she hardly ever does that). The next day, when I came over she said she wanted to break up and that she just doesn't feel the same about me anymore. Only a day and a half after she had been saying how much she loved me, she said she didn't feel anything for me. It hurt me so bad because I had never felt a strongly about anyone as I had with her before.

Another two days later she called me, apologising and crying and saying she doesn't know why she broke up with me, but that she loves me and wants to be with me. So we are back together now, but I have been worried that it will not be long before her next depressive period comes and she dumps me again.

She is seeing a psychologist now so hopefully that helps. I feel better knowing that there are other people in the world with the same thing happening in relationships. I really want to be together with this girl and be supportive of her during mood swings, but it is really hard when she takes them out on me. In fact, I don't mind so much when she is irritable or short tempered, it's when she goes from saying she loves me, to feeling nothing for me, that makes it really hard to deal with.


I'm interested to hear how it turns out for you katrina.

As someone who suffers from chronic depression, all I can add is that you can't love his depression away. I have a wonderful husband and a pretty darn good life, but my depression is always there. The right medication can work wonders and has given me back my life (and sanity) but he also needs to stay in regular contact with a good psychiatrist and/or psychologist. It's not uncommon to need ajustments in medications as we navigate thru the various phases and events of our lives. Recognizing that for some of us, depression is just part of who we are is a huge first step. What is really important is that you both understand that keeping those demons at bay will likely be an ongoing process. I have to make a conscious effort to recognize the signs of a downward spiral coming on and deal with it head on. My husband also alternates between giving me my space when I need it and giving me that gentle reminder that it might be good to visit my pdoc. That's not to say that you should ever tolerate any type of cruelty from him just because he is depressed. He needs for you to be honest and understanding. Hopefully if he feels that he can be honest with you, he would be able to let you know that he feels a funk coming on and might need a little space while he works his way through it. There's a balance between being caring and supportive, yet not being codependent. All-in-all, taking on a relationship with someone dealing with ongoing depression can be a hard thing. My husband and I have been in counseling which has helped both of us understand our roles and boundaries. But ultimately, I have to accept responsibility and make a decision to fight back and not let depression rule my life or become who I am. If that requires taking antipressants the rest of my life, then so be it. Having a wonderful, supportive and loving person in my life helps tremendously because it makes me want to be a better person (not that being depressed makes me a bad person, it's difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced clinical depression, I mean that in the context that it is very encouraging to know that you have someone in your corner, with unconditional support).

Not sure if my rambling helps. Just trying to explain things from the other side. It's not always going to be a bed of roses, but being his soft place in the world can be a big help. Just set your boundaries (no meanness), stick to them, encourage honesty and give him space when he needs it without making him feel guilty (or need to lie about) needing that space. If it sounds like more than you are ready to deal with, then make the break (especially if he doesn't acknowledge that he has to want to feel better and take a proactive role in his own treatment). It doesn't make you a bad person to feel that way.

Sc

your story is a real eye opener-thank-you

Thank you for this insightful post. i am someones soft place in the world now, Someone that i love very much so i try to educate myself as much as i can.
He self medicates with alcohol which has its own set of problems and recently told me he is manic depressive.
Sheila

Okay so i'm really in a mess here. There's this guy i've been good friends with for almost 4 years now, and we've started "going out" a few months ago.. i say "going out" because we're really really shaky.

He started liking me, told me when he was drunk [I was catching up with him on holiday- he lives in another country] and I returned home and we sorta didn't talk for a while. Despite that we started talking everyday online again and we decided to go out when I came there next or when he'd come here.

Then all of a sudden 3 days later he wanted to get into a relationship that very minute and I found it odd, but agreed. Then, 3 days into our relationship he suddenly had a moodswing and disappeared from everyone for 3 days while I was worried sick.

We went on for a couple of months and I kept thinking he was losing interest etc, and then suddenly his interest zapped back and we had a great month when all of a sudden one sunday morning he dumped me out of the blue. We'd been talking as usual and he was even really into our convo and extremely loving, but then he went off to watch 300 and returned and dumped me.

We didn't talk for four days after that, and then he started talking again, and eventually we decided we'd be just friends, but that didn't work and he fell back to acting like a boyfriend.

Soon everyone assumed we were back together since he acted totally boyfriendy, but we both didn't ever bring up our feelings. Then out of the blue he said he didn't want to see me when I came to his country in 3 weeks time [we were fine like half an hour before this, he just suddenly turned off my webcam and said he'd lost interest]

as always we stopped talking for a couple of days and once again went back to acting like we're going out.. he even admitted he'd liked me till last week but called it off cuz it seemed too on and off.

So anyways things were going really great, we spent a fab weekend talking on Video Call, playing songs for each other, singing etc and then from Monday he suddenly started distancing himself when i wouldn't rise to him making me jealous.

I tried to act more friendly to show I was still interested in a subtle way, and he just instantly back off and picked a huge fight with me over the plot of 300 [I hate that movie so much now] and said he was sick of me at the moment and even used swearwords [though he seemed pissed off even before we got talking about the movie]

Now I'm going to his country tomorrow, and I don't know how to handle him. We're not officially going out, but he still feels like a boyfriend and I never know whether to support him or to leave him alone or what.

He hates councellors [he's been made to see them before when he went through a "don't care" period] and so professional help is something I can't talk about. He's 18 and I'm 16, and I have enough to deal with of my own [my parents are getting divorced, I'm in grade 12 trying to aim to major in neuroscience and i'm having issues with my best friend who is also a guy. Not to mention I recently lost a relative who was really close to me] and I can't keep letting his bad moods swill over into my life, especially how its long distance and I can't physically be there.

I get constantly stressed and worried about him, and I know he had this huge trauma about his ex girlfriend [whom he dated for 2 years and who dumped him for lying to her] not so long ago, and I really can't handle this for much longer. Can someone PLEASE help me.. I'm only 16 and I've already got high blood pressure dammit!

Thanks a lot for reading this vent..

Okay so i'm really in a mess here. There's this guy i've been good friends with for almost 4 years now, and we've started "going out" a few months ago.. i say "going out" because we're really really shaky.

He started liking me, told me when he was drunk [I was catching up with him on holiday- he lives in another country] and I returned home and we sorta didn't talk for a while. Despite that we started talking everyday online again and we decided to go out when I came there next or when he'd come here.

Then all of a sudden 3 days later he wanted to get into a relationship that very minute and I found it odd, but agreed. Then, 3 days into our relationship he suddenly had a moodswing and disappeared from everyone for 3 days while I was worried sick.

We went on for a couple of months and I kept thinking he was losing interest etc, and then suddenly his interest zapped back and we had a great month when all of a sudden one sunday morning he dumped me out of the blue. We'd been talking as usual and he was even really into our convo and extremely loving, but then he went off to watch 300 and returned and dumped me.

We didn't talk for four days after that, and then he started talking again, and eventually we decided we'd be just friends, but that didn't work and he fell back to acting like a boyfriend.

Soon everyone assumed we were back together since he acted totally boyfriendy, but we both didn't ever bring up our feelings. Then out of the blue he said he didn't want to see me when I came to his country in 3 weeks time [we were fine like half an hour before this, he just suddenly turned off my webcam and said he'd lost interest]

as always we stopped talking for a couple of days and once again went back to acting like we're going out.. he even admitted he'd liked me till last week but called it off cuz it seemed too on and off.

So anyways things were going really great, we spent a fab weekend talking on Video Call, playing songs for each other, singing etc and then from Monday he suddenly started distancing himself when i wouldn't rise to him making me jealous.

I tried to act more friendly to show I was still interested in a subtle way, and he just instantly back off and picked a huge fight with me over the plot of 300 [I hate that movie so much now] and said he was sick of me at the moment and even used swearwords [though he seemed pissed off even before we got talking about the movie]

Now I'm going to his country tomorrow, and I don't know how to handle him. We're not officially going out, but he still feels like a boyfriend and I never know whether to support him or to leave him alone or what.

He hates councellors [he's been made to see them before when he went through a "don't care" period] and so professional help is something I can't talk about. He's 18 and I'm 16, and I have enough to deal with of my own [my parents are getting divorced, I'm in grade 12 trying to aim to major in neuroscience and i'm having issues with my best friend who is also a guy. Not to mention I recently lost a relative who was really close to me] and I can't keep letting his bad moods swill over into my life, especially how its long distance and I can't physically be there.

I get constantly stressed and worried about him, and I know he had this huge trauma about his ex girlfriend [whom he dated for 2 years and who dumped him for lying to her] not so long ago, and I really can't handle this for much longer. Can someone PLEASE help me.. I'm only 16 and I've already got high blood pressure dammit!

Thanks a lot for reading this vent..

well after 6 months of a perfect relationship with a 'perfect' boyfriend, from one day to the next I got dumped. All his explanations where regarding problems he had with me which, he had never once mentioned. A day before he broke up with me he had like for the 6 months said he wanted me to be his wife......i feel like a piece of dirt and have no idea where to find the strenght to recover. I believed him, I thought he loved me.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I will speak to you as I was that guy for 18 months. Unlike you I am 43 but suddenly became socially wreckless with little regard for my family. I was visibly distant and would not tell people where I was or where I was going.

I am undergoing intense treatment for Biploar II. the treatment is ongoing but keeping me not as down as I was, but certainly not up.

The challenge is to get the diagnosis. It did not mean I don't fundmentally love my family. I am still working on that as hard as it is.

Point is I feel like my heart is broken as well. I don't know if you still have a line of communcation I hope you can influence treatment. With out creating hope, I can't say that he is heartbroken. I can just say I am and I do not know why.

If you want to bounce anything off me regarding the symptoms, please keep posting.

Thanks for reading

I feel sorry for you. Honey you need to just walk away. Yes you may love this guy. But he is bipolar and also sounds like he has some persionality disorders for sure. With someone like this he cannot change. But for the bipolar part he can take medicine. The problem is that bipolar people classically stop taking their meds and then go on a downward spiral again.he will be this way the rest of his life. He may think he loves you one minute and doesn't like you the next. This kind of behaviour you cannot love away. Bipolar people live in a differant reality than others. The way they love is differantly too. I am a registered nurse. I have had to deal with people like this many times in the hospital I work at. Also I have had a boyfriend that is bipolar. I got ill having to deal with the yo yo relationship.I also have four stepsisters and brothers that I was raised with that are bipolar.They seemed to be a lot like your boyfriend. Bipolar people a lot of the times will mimick what other people do or act like tbecause they dont know how to actually be. They act out a wondeful persona to get people to accept them.But they can never keep it up for long when they get angry or out of control. This is what you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Look deep inside of yourself. Are you so lonley to be loved that you have to be with someone who treats you this way? Do you really want to live a never ending circle of problems with this person? Do you want to be come acodependant and end up ill and depressed also?I do not want to be harsh. But you would be better off walking away before you become depressed and ill. I went through thinking I could help my guy too. But you cannot. He will be in therapy for the rest of his life.Yes he is a human being and has a soul just like the rest of usd. Yes sometimes feeling sorry for these people is waht makes us think we can help them. But lots of times a relatioship is too uch for these people and only ends up making them more stressed.bipolar people have a harder time handeling normal things and everyday ocourances like other people. Too much responsibility or too much to deal with or a relationship that has normal needs is way too much for them to handel. Do you want your children to have the same problems? It sometimes skips a generation....but not often. Most likley your kids might be ill also. He obviously isnt sure what feelings of love really are. He was probably telling you the truth that he cant feel love. When he sayes he doesnt like you is when he is agitated and nervous and cant deal with a relationship or being "bothered " by your company at the time. But then when he gets lonley and does not want to be alone he will tell you he loves you and even cry. But he actually doesnt seem to know how to love or deal with the responsibilitys of it. My advice is unless you want to be hurt the rest of your life and possibly be a depressed person seeking therapy, you should move on and break contact with him. It would be differant if he were just suffering from depression. But depression is only one part of his problem. I dont mean to hurt your feelings honey. But I have a lot of experiance with this sort of thing. it is always the same story.

So i have been researching and looking for everything i can on bi polar disorder for over 5 months now. I have the most amazing man in my life...he is perfect in every way..every single thing i could pick out in a person that i would want for the rest of my life.. he has. We are both madly in love and we talk about marriage and children one day. But every so often he will just overreact and get mad about nothing. I'm a pretty sensitive person, so when this first started happening i thought there had to be something i did that caused this. It would eat me and tear me down so bad. I would cry and cry..like i never have before. And then after an hour or two..or maybe even a day later he would call and say to me...what is wrong with me...I'm so sorry..how can i treat someone i love so much this terrible? Honestly, I ask myself how he can too. Last month when he freaked out he broke up with me, to then call the next day and ask me to come over. We talked about everything...he told me that his dad was on medication for something like this..his sister once also took some medication..how when he was younger he used to have mood swings with his mom and then with a past girl friend. The next day he went and talked to his dad about everything. His dad told him you have to pick your battles and choose whats actually worth fighting over. Since then he has been WONDERFUL. But then this past weekend it happened again. But worse this time only because for the first time i knew for a fact i did nothing wrong...NOTHING. It started Sunday and actually didnt end until today (wed). I obviously reacted to him being that way to me by crying and just being a mess for the past few days, which is very unhealthy for a relationship that is so perfect. I woke up this morning to a text from him saying, how on earth can you still want to be with me after i treated you that way?, my answer to him was that i asked myself the same question and that i didnt know how much more i could take. but that i was deeply madly in love with him, but this just has to be worked on.

He doesnt want to go to anyone for help..yet..or get on medicine..he is a typical guy and hates even taking medicine for a headache. I know he wants to try to deal with this on his own but i feel that eventually he is going to need to go to someone for help. He's never depressed and doesnt seem to have high highs or low lows..just random mood swings. Its so crazy odd to me. But i try so hard to help as much as I can. I have decided that whenever this happens again..bc i know it will Im just not going to react to him..I'll just walk away..and just tell myself this is his issue..bc no one deserves to be as upset as i was for the past couple of days. I know that i need to try to be strong and grow a back bone...I know that i love him with all my heart and he feels the same way. And possilby i would have the chance that my children could be this way...but he is the love of my life and i want to do everything i can.

any advice?? am i on the right track??

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months who was bipolar, and it's been hell. He'll tell me he loves me one minute, and the next he'll tell me that he can't stand to be with me.

He used to pick a fight with me over nothing, like which bands I like, whether I clean the dishes or how many kisses I put on a text. He sees himself as a hopeless romantic, a tragic hero and simultaneously the best and worst boyfriend in the world.

He broke up with me a day after telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He made all these grandiose plans then completely flipped, telling me he never wanted to see me again.

It was agony at first because I never got on with someone as well as him , had as meaningful, passionate relationship or loved anyone that much, but after allowing myself to greive and getting some counselling, I'm okay now. You can't treat this as a normal relationship - his illness is part of his being and he is always going to be unpredictable. You can search for answers and trawl through websites researching his condition, but it won't give you closure. Although I've found reading other people's stories has helped so much. You are not on your own! The only thing you can do is take care of yourself. Go see your friends, eat your favourite food, exercise, get counselling. Fill your time with a new hobby.

Chances are, even if you get back together, he will do it again. And again. You have to question whether that is good enough for you. At first I swore I would stick with my boyfriend through thick and thin, but now I'm not so sure. He will never give me stability, a safe home and will never truly accept me for who I am.

I know you love him, but sometimes love just isn't enough to make things work. But you will move on, take care of yourself and you will find someone who truly appreciates what a beautiful person you are.

Good luck
x x x

I can tell each and every one of you that loving a person with bipolar disorder is a slippery slope and can be so unrewarding and excruciatingly painful. I have spent the better part of a year with a man who told me after our first date that he couldn't do it after all, (after the most perfect night of my life with a man) that he was bipolar and could not have a relationship even though we had a an incredible connection and he was madly in love. He then aplogized and made up for it and in grand fashion - helped me move my father across country, cooked me gourmet meals, drew me bubble-baths, so kind in many ways - great sense of humour, intelligent, very smart - brilliant actually. The best sex I ever had and he said the same of me.

He catered to my every dream, swept me off my feet, completely loyal and committed. We were blissfully happy to have found the other once we got past that first date bump and his gigantic fear of loving someone and being afraid to tell about his disorder. I was kind and supportive. I was witness to the many things you fine people have experienced. Unexplainable manic episodes (he would call it "ramping up"), followed by sleepless nights, spur of the moment tattoos promising he would never drink again (another really fun bi-product of being bipolar) followed by marriage proposals, promises to sober up, see the right shrink for meds, etc - he was very cunning and very believable, seemed to want to get better so badly. I witnessed some very alarming behavior - a small spat, misunderstanding, or unreturned phone call in a time-frame he felt appropriate, would cause him to disconnect his phone and change his email address and vanish only to reapear remorseful, miserable and even more in love - this was after I hunted him down thinking he was dead or had not paid his phone or internet bill (another by-product of bipolar disorder - they disrespect authority and court danger.) He had no impulse control and acted out dramatically full throttle on every emotion he felt.

Then there were the guilty declarations that he had been with over 150 prostitutes at one point in is life years before meeting me (which he waited nine months to tell me - that shock made me leave him and run to get an AIDS test and I truly am livid about that horrific and inhumane lie), and trips to Mexico to blow all of his money and score cheap meds. BTW, this is a gorgeous man, a formerly well known hip t.v. host/personality, popular and all the rest - not a guy you would think had to do that to get female attention - it was a compulsion during a manic episode he says.) Incapable of keeping a clean house and lived in total chaos and disorder which drove me bonkers, but I patiently tried to stick it out because of his love for me and the genuine connection I felt. He even tried to clean and it was so hard for him - which them made me feel compassion beyond and to want to help him. Then it got worse. Explosive temper tantrums followed by tearful apologies. Nasty verbal abuse which then escalated into physical abuse. Then the classic denial - "There is nothing wrong with me, it's YOU that's the problem, we "fight" too much ( I am a light social drinker from a good family and successful and have done much therapy and relationship work - we even went together to try and find a solution to this madness.) The more I pushed him to seek yet another medical opinion (more than eight doctors half saying he was, half saying they didn't know - countless drugs, nothing helped. The more I wanted him to seek help the meaner he got, the more defensive he got. It ruined every good moment we could have, he was constantly belligerant and hostile, constantly sarcastic and picking fights, I was always on edge trying to not discuss the "elephant in the living room".

In the end, he abandoned me at a crucial time in our relationship which was such a hot-topic and so very wrong that several of my protective, brotherly male friends wanted to literally hunt him down and strangle him. When I finally exploded from a year of this crueltly/confusion/madness and fled one night, literally moved out in a mad panic terrified he was on his way to stop me from throwing things into the car like a maniac in the dark, he refused to return the rest of my things and got an attorney buddy to do his dirty work and cut me off - it was like talking to a stranger who had undergone a brain and personality transplant. He's drinking heavily again after telling me he was going into rehab - then he sicked an lawyer on me and treated me like a criminal. He did admit he was cruel and a coward but nothing changed.

I had to save myself in the end and stay away. It was very hard, there was a genuine bond there and many good times that were always followed in the end byhorrific cruelty and detachment - I started to feel as if I were losing my mind, literally. How could someone so loving one minute turn into such a monster? I warn you that if your going to stick it out, be prepared for every dirty emotional trick in the book (they have extreme difficulty having relationships and usually destroy them), every shocking confession you don't want to hear. You must have the patience of a saint. I had to ask myself was he worth it and my final conclusion was "NO". I was a nurse on call 24/7, a shrink, a mother, and in the end he was spiteful, ungrateful, a professional liar, and vindictive. There was no trust and complete unpredictability. WHO NEEDS THAT? I know love is hard to find but how hard do you want to work? And here's the kicker - they often don't want to work as hard as you do to get them better! They end up hating you and THEY WILL CUT YOU OFF IN A WAY THAT IS CRUEL, BIZARRE, and DAMAGING. You will question everything about your love, your ability to trust, his love for you, did he ever love you, did he use you like a drug? It's horrible and it will turn your world upside down.

I do not admire or respect him anymore as he refuses to seek treatment. He's a organic chef as well, semi-vegan health nut who won't take aspirin but drinks booze like a fish - go figure. Compassion has it's limits. My dreams of love found are over and I now need to pick up the pieces and move on, take care of my health, surround myself with loving friends and hope that I find healthy love again. I will not let him take away my optimism and hope. I have cried and grieved this loss. Please be warned if your thinking about staying with someone like this. I was constantly on edge and scared of his moods and it was so draining. He would not necessarily have "high-highs and low-lows" -not the full blown in bed depressed for weeks - up for weeks stuff - much more subtle but noticable nonetheless which made it all the harder to deal with and diagnose. He was really hyper-sensitive and moody, always ready to attack verbally but still functioning enough to make you wonder if he was sick or just tragically artistic and misunderstood.

He was very charming in person and everyone instantly loved him. They weren't sleeping with him nor his soul-mate - I was privy to his private pain which then became my private on-going pain and nightmare. Please be warned. It has taken me two very painful months away from him to even begin to recover my self-esteem and health to only hear his hollow lies about how he was going to make the effort, did not want to lose me and then cutting me off for no apparent reason after forcing me to flee. There was no reason to involve an attorney, he could have given my things to a friend - another example of how they spin their drama and lies - your the bad guy they need "protection" from in the end in their mind. Eventually I left because of his erratic behavior. The friend and lover I had is gone, the bond is destroyed, I can never trust him again. I had to seek protection from his psychological, verbal, and physical abuse and it has been very painful. Don't let your love for a relationship or romance keep you tied in if they are an addict who won't seek treatment. Sympathy gets good people in alot of trouble. They are masters at guilting you for abandoning them when they misbehave even though they think nothing of dropping out of your life - it's very sociopathic actually - they have no emotion for you or what their behavior is doing to you. Never once did he say "I am sorry for what this has done to you - I know I'm not easy to live with:.........in the end it was all my fault he said which just added insult to injury.

Good Luck to you all and please protect yourselves in every way going in, during, and after.

I have been researching every thing I could find on depression and bipolar for the past few weeks. I was involved in a relationship with an absolutely amazing man, he was everything I had been looking for. An amazing father, kind, compassionate, affectionate, and told me everything I could have ever wanted to hear. We were together a little over three months and I completely fell for him. In that time span he had days where for no apparent reason after a fantastic weekend, or time spent together, he would suddenly pull away and would talk to me about why he didn''t know why I was with him, and how he had so many faults, and had made so many mistakes in his life and could do nothing but think negative thoughts. I would constantly try to build him back up and point out the positives in his life, after a few days he would go back to the amazing man I knew him to be. I started thinking he was depressed and started researching it proabably 2 months into our relationship. About 3 weeks ago we went on a trip out of town that we had been planning for well over a month. The week before we left I would receive phone calls multiple times a day and text messages, that were the absolute sweetest most sincere of any I had ever received from anyone. We left for our trip on a Tuesday and the ride up was fantastic, we joked and played and talked about any & everything all the way there. That night we sat at dinner for over 2 hours, and had an in depth conversation with him telling me how wonderful I was and how he didn''t deserve me, and that I was an angel in his life and how much he wanted things for us to work out. The next day he slept the entire day (we did not leave our hotel until 11:30 that night to get food). The next day was the same, I knew then things with him were very wrong. That Friday on our way home we didn''t speak a word to one another, and things became very distant. In that next 2 weeks we had one good night out with friends, and he was back to what I thought was himself. Four days ago, after many days of very little contact he text to tell me he needed to say something to me, but not while at work. I knew what was coming, but insisted on going to his house to talk. Needless to say he told me he couldn''t do this anymore. That his head was in 50 million different places, and he didn''t know where he was going, or what direction to go. I am absolutely heart broken, I don''t know what to do. I truly do love him, and have been in tears for four days. I know this part is not healthy for me, but I hurt inside to see him so distraut and lost. I asked him to go talk to someone and to not shut out everyone in his life. Reading these posts have made me realize he truly does have a problem, and needs help, and that others have been hurt like I have. A part of me wants to hang on to hope he will call and want to work things out, but in reading other''s stories, it seems that if we were it would happen again. I love him so much and feel there is such a void without him, I don''t know if assuring him I am here for him is enough. He has apologized for not being able to be the person I need him to be right now. He has said this many times over the past 3 months, but never ended things and completely shut me out. I am at a loss as to what to do, although I know it is out of my hands. I am broken hearted, and hoping I can just move on. Thank you for everyone''s personal stories, it helps to read them!!!

if any of these guys names are david or glenn,GET OUT NOW''do not let their selective realalities,and personalitys pull you into their NIGHTMARE,sick doesnt mean stupid,they use their illness to his advandtage,incapable of truth,trust,and this is with monthly meds,and dr.30 years,i lost my friend,lover,soulmate since childhood,I DECIDED TO LIVE!HE''S JUST A DEAD MAN WALKING,GET ALIFE BEFORE YOU DIE,OR YOU RISK BEING JUST LIKE THEM ''SOULESS'' YOUR CHOICE,BE CAREFUL.GOD BLESS.

I loved a guy for three years, wanted to help if he wanted me to and share our lives together. He is very intelligent and beautiful. he told me things and behaved difficult at times. I thought this was his illness. he said he wanted to share his life with me, grow old together, look after each other, however in another breath he would tell me things, upsetting, sometimes sexual, say I am not capable, just sex, refer to my intelligence, all I thought was his illness. I have during this time I lost a brother, my mum,had financial difficulties, had to get another job, and did not get any emotional support from him.I have two fab kids by the way. I also have read that bipolar people get bored of us. Well I could keep up with him and care and love him. Be fun and loving and consistant. Lucky I love me.

I must admit I am learning a lot from this forum...thanks so much for the insight and detailed stories...they sound soooo familiar!

OMG now I am wondering if he might be bipolar?
I met a man online, handsome, sweet, nice, interesting, fun, great sexual chemistry and he fell head over heels for me -- said I was the one he had been waiting for all his life, he wanted to marry me, and much more of the same. We had a terrific chemistry and passion, it was like a fairytale. I fell for him hard. We went out for a couple months and suddenly he seemed less available, he called and e-mailed much less, seemed unavailable and his usually long and frequent e-mails became short bland notes every few days and he stopped responding to mine - it became a one way dialog with him sending almost random, short notes infrequently and at odd times. His sex drive and passion toward me seemed to disappear overnight. I confronted him several times about what was happening asking directly why he changed, asking if he was no longer in love with me and he said he still loved me but would not say anything more and would never have a discussion about why he had become so distant and cold. This has now continued for about 6 weeks and I am about to give up, but so broken-hearted and disappointed in him. There is no closure, no explanation. Here's the thing - I have not changed, but HE has, and he won't talk about it. I started wondering if he might be bipolar and maybe I met him at the beginning of an "up" cycle and then he crashed into a "down" cycle at about 12 weeks into the relationship? Anyone out there think this might be the case? Also wondering if up and down cycles tend to be the same length of time? Thanks to all for sharing your very touching stories - I have learned a lot from you. -Renee

Am fairly new at this but wanted to share something that I have been through recently to see what you think.

I have recently started a relationship with a friend that I have known for around 20 years. We started this relationship 4 months ago. He was my then partner's best friend (sounds awful I know) but we came clean and now it is all out in the open.

I have always known that he drinks a lot but didn't realise how much until I began to spend a lot of time with him. He is a policeman and so holds down a responsible job which he seems good at and enjoys.

For the past four months everything has been wonderful. He has gushing, almost over the top and has me on a pedastal. I have never experienced anything like it. When he drinks he gets even more emotional to the point of being over the top. Telling me how much he loves me, how he would die for me, how everything is so perfect. I tell him how I feel but he has trouble believing me and almost dismisses it. He says a lot of negative things about himself and has low self esteem. He has been asking me to live with him and saying he can't be without me.

He gets stressed in everyday situations, like taking the children swimming or going to the supermarket and has to get home to have a drink to take the edge off. He also has great trouble sleeping and is always tired. He is also reckless sometimes with money but then worries about it afterwards.

Two weeks ago he told me that he was going to stop drinking, go cold turkey for me and the sake of our relationship. I said that I would support him in any way I could. He had been to the doctors around 7 months previously and had been given Diazepam but said that he didn't want to take this this time.

We have a distance relationship and only see each other at the weekends. Last weekend I went to stay with him with my daughter which was his first dry weekend and he was very different. Distant, sad, tired, irritable. You could tell he was holding it in because he was worrying and kept asking whether I thought he should have a drink and did he seem boring. He was withdrawn and almost completely non-affectionate which is so unlike him to date.

Then the day after the weekend he rings me up and says that he can't be with me anymore because of the guilt he feels about his best friend. He was fairly dismissive and tried his best to get off of the phone as quickly as possible. I tried to talk him around because it was so uncharacteristic of him. He said that he needed some time to sort his head out and I asked him if he would go and see a doctor or a professional to talk to someone. He said he would think about it.

I have since sent him texts and a letter saying that I would support him and saying that I thought he was suffering from depression.

As yet I have heard nothing at all, nothing. No replies. And this is from someone who would call me 3 or 4 times a day and never ignore me. He has switched off or disconnected his phone.

Would be grateful for any opinion. I am not sure whether he is ill, or whether I have just been taken in by a cowardly and clever man.

Thanks

Hi everyone, very new to this subject but I have been researching it for a week now. Here is my short story. I work at a retail store and this man was interested in me for a year now. I stayed my distance because of being afraid of relationships. I have had nothing but horrible men in my life. So I decided to guard my heart. Well this man I met I saw him every single day. I enjoyed seeing him and talking with him more and more. Then one day my friend asked him what was wrong he looked so sad. Well then he blurted everything out on how he felt about me and how he just had to have a chance with me. Well the emotions were so explosive so real that he even had tears in his eyes. Next he bought me a red rose and our relationship blossomed like the rose. Well we talked everyday, met after our works hours and just talked and talked about everything. We both were so open. He was everything I ever wanted and needed. Everything was great. I felt like the queen with him. He did everything for me. He discussed marriage and a child in the future, moving in together, I was ecstatic! I wanted this to work so bad. Then two days later he dumps me!! He says he is sorry, but he got suspended from work from seeing me after works hours with the company truck. He almost was fired. He said he was getting very jealous of guys speaking to me. He realizes that I work retail and thats my job, but he says he started to think bad things. He went to the doctors and they diagnosed him bi polar and that did he. He left me. Saying someone will make me happy someday and he is sorry but he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he misses me very much but that was it. He has now disconnected his phone so I can't contact him and refuses to speak to any of his friends. I worry so much. I want to be with him every after everything I have read. I just want him to come back to me and we work on this with meds etc. But I am afraid it won't happen. He has left me feeling broken inside. I have cried every day for almost two weeks and not even healing a little bit.

ok i have a similar experience. i have to say this forum is amazing. i have learned so much and now realize it's not me.

in short, i met this man about a year and a half ago. we met through a friend and things progressed at lightning speed. our first date he took me to meet some of his family and he went on and on about how i was the one. after 3 months he broke up with me saying i was just a hook up and that he didn't care for me at all. I was devestated but i healed. I thought he just had a drinking problem but then learned through others that he was a very depressed person.

fast forward 10 months to this year. he shows up literally out of the blue (we had no contact for 10 months) and says everything i wanted to hear last year. we had another amazing 3 months but he did tell me that he was depressed about his job situation and that he went days sleeping and sometimes couldn't get out of bed. things got better for a week - then bam - he didn't leave the house for a MONTH. a whole month. he kept telling me to hang in there and that this happens to him sometimes. Well i tried to be patient but when 6 weeks had gone by without seeing each other (he would text and call at least once a day) - i put my foot down and said that we can't be together if we dont see each other. he lashed out about how selfish i was (!?!) and that he was depreseed and had too much going on in his life, and the fact i could only think about myself showed him how horrible a person i was. i was shocked. I have only tried to help him and be there for him during this depression. The next he emailed me like nothing had happened and told me he was going to visit his sister to help her with her new baby. We live in the same town and have now not seen each other for 7 weeks. 2 days ago I texted him (since i can't get him on the phone)and told him i couldn't do this anymore. His response!?! - he avoided that subject all together and wrote about how cute his sister's baby was.

I'm so torn and hurt because he has a HUGE drinking problem and is bipolar. i know these are not healthy things but i care about him so much. the face he evades any talk of us - when 2 months ago we were planning a vacation to the carribean and a trip to visit family for the holidays.
I'm crushed.