Sorry I also forgot to add that he has some weird dirty phobia. Hes so scared of being dirty and germs and stuff. It really bothers me because as soon as we're done having sex he goes and washes off everything really quickly or if he fingers me he needs to wash his hands right after. I dont know if this is normal or not but I never experienced it with a guy before. Does anyone have any thoughts on that? Do you need to clean your hands/privates right after sex? I dunno it bothers me like he thinks im dirty or something... I want him to love my juices

Talking to your significant other about sex is diffficult, as it's a touchy subject (esp. When a guy's pride is on the line), but I suggest you just find a way to be totally open with him, especially if you're so sexually frustrated. Ultimately, if you think talking so frankly w/ him will be damaging to your relationship, imagine how much more damage will be dealt to it if you were to end up cheating on him.
If you communicate w/ him, and he doesn't want to put forth any extra effort to please you, then he's selfish, and you might want to reconsider your relationship with him.

And in regards to the phobia--no, I don't think it's normal to be more caught up in the cleanliness aspect of sex. Talk to him about it.

I've heard of men being obsessed with cleaning before and/or after sex, to the point that both partners need to shower before and afterwards, i've heard of two condoms being used, and the guy not wanting to give oral. So I don't think that's just him, but I can see why you'd be upset, or something, towards it.

Have you ever just told him 'i'm not going to have sex with you if you don't listen to me about what I want'? Have you told him you get horny? Sometimes I have a feeling guys think only they have sexual desires.

Mutual sexual satisfaction is a mystery to some men.I had the misfortune to date one of these neanderthals for almost 3 years.I became well aquainted with my "toys" during this time.He also made me feel as if I were a filthy creature.Gargled and spat for 5 minutes (if he felt like doing me the favor of oral love).He also had an extensive porn collection-the most graphic stuff i've yet to see.He truly believed women wanted to be treated the way women are treated in porn flicks!!(but he was not even close to porn star material!!)ah,so,i had no choice--i accepted his marriage proposal-and wised up 2 years later and left him (before I married him,thank god!!)a man who will not try to please you in bed will probably not try to please you outside of bed either.
I was fortunate enough to find my husband(pleases me in and out of bed :d ).So,if your boyfriend does not listen and try to please you(does he listen to you outside of bed????)there are plenty of men out there who would love a chance to please you!!

Yeah, you really need to put your foot down. I also had a fiancee like that. Never ever even tried to last. Of course he always said, "well, I try but it just hurts me too bad" whatever. Ever heard of stamina? He didn't give a hoot. He got what he wanted and when we were "done" (sorry when he was done) I was so freakin horny I wanted to die!
He also, didn't listen. Didn't really care if you ask me, because unless we shut them off then they will not change. I left him finally, of course this wasn't the only reason, but it was a big one. Sex is not everything, but it does matter.
I would sit him down and tell him exactly what you just told us. That he needs to please you or you are just not going to have sex anymore! Tell him, that you will just start pleasing yourself and he can do the same.
As for his cleanliness thing, is it just in bed? Or is he a germ freak all of the time? If it is all of the time, try not to let it bother you. It is probably just an ocd that he cannot control.
But, don't let it get out of hand either. Good luck and if he doesn't change leave him!

Mine gargles and spits after oral but I also not only refust to swallow but do not even allow his "juice" within 10 feet of my mouth so at least that is mutual. As long as he doesn't try to make me either spit or swallow, he can gargle and spit for a year afterwards, I don't care. Other than that, we are pretty decent about hygeine. We only shower when we sweat too much or just plain need a shower either way.

Every one elses ideas are great...Like talk with him..Let him know how you feel...
And have you ever thought of doing it in the tub or shower??? I know it sound crazy but, maybe a really clean inv. Might make him more comfortable....Its always worth a try...


And girl if the talk don't at least make him think more of your feeling then he is not worth it...

Lynn

Hey I think you should tell him if he is not going to make you happy in the bedroom he can do it by himself !And that you wont give him a thing untill he is ready to make you happy in the bedroom as well ...Why jus make him happy ? Sit im down and tell him what you want ,,,if he is not willing to listen and try leave him he is only thinking of himself..Or you could try doing it yourself in front of him and telling him he dosent please you so you have to do it your self and untill he does he is not allowe to touch you ...Good luck

From a man's point of view...
There is no excuse for not giving your woman what she wants and needs. This does not only apply to the bedroom, but in all aspects of the relationship. I have always made sure my girl was well satisfied in bed before I would let myself get to that point. Ladies first does not just apply to entering a room there are several techniques for pleasuring a woman and I learn something new about it every day. I will never stop learning about the wonders of the female body and how to make relationships work in and out of the bedroom. The bottom line is that if he is not willing to take the time to pleasure you, he is not worth your time. Its funny to me though because I have always put her before me. I was not taught that, I just knew that thats how it should be. I get more pleasure from seeing my girl completely satisfied than anything else.

Okay,ladies........

All together now.......

Awwwwwwwww!!!!

First off never assume things will change without you putting effort into it. And to me it sounds like you already have told him what you want. This guy sounds like a looser. No, sex isn't everything but it can show how loving, caring, and/or giving your lover is in general. Or on the otherhand how selfish he is. It is my guess that if your bf is that selfish in the bedroom he is probably selfish in the relationship as a whole. Let me tell you don't settle for one guy if you are not truely happy. I am not saying someday you will meet some sex goddess giving lover that will never need some in the bedroom or out of the bedroom advice but you may meet some one who is receptive to the advice and receptive to the needs of a women. Get rid of this guy he sounds like an a-hole

Thanks everyone for responding... Especially nyguy I like the guys perspective.. I used to date a guy like that for a few years and the feeling that a guy really wants to make sex pleasurable for the girl 2 is sucha good one..Damn I miss that. Well with my currrent boyfriend.. I try to tell him how I feel and that im horny too and that its very frustrating to rarely ever be satisfied and its hard to get through to him because he acts like its not his fault.. I think he thinks that because he can get off in 2 minutes that I can 2.. Haha. Once I get through to him it seems like he listens but then we get in the bedroom and I just doubt that he has. I really love him and hes not selfish in other parts of the relationship but in regard to sex, its all about him, like one of you said when hes finished, we're finished, regardless of whether im finished as for the cleanliness thing, its an all around deal he hates being dirty, but I hate feeling like i'm dirty cuz hes like afraid to touch me. And as for the sex in the bathtub... Haha he wont take baths because he thinks ur bathing in your own dirt... I guess thats true.. But c'mon, what girl doesnt want a romantic candlelight tub experience anyway, thanks for the advice.. Id really like to know what more of you think..Is bad sex 2 big to ignore even though the relationship is good?

Tell him what you want and need to be satified. If he isn't willing to do that for you for whatever reason, you should invest you time with someone who can make you feel good. It sounds like he might be young only lasting 3 minutes. Try getting him to take viagra. Maybe he just doesn't have any confidence in him self. Try renting a porn. Let him see that men do orally pleasure women.