~ New Girl Here ~

Because you were anorexic you are having heightened feelings of a number of issues which most (if not all) women face after having children.

Pregnancy - well we sure do gain weight with that & it is often hard to get off & we often continue to feel bad about our weight/the way we look afterwards even when there's no need. Being a mother is wonderful but it is also extremely hard work physically, emotionally & mentally, so we feel drained & like we're not coping, nut doing things right, as if we should be better, stronger, wiser, do everything better like that woman down the road etc, all these sorts of feelings also make us feel bad about ourselves.

You don't say whether you stay at home or work, either way there's a whole pile of issues connected to whichever choice you've made that can make you feel bad.

People are oh so willing to tell you all the things you're doing wrong & all the things you should do etc etc etc etc this leaves us feeling lousy about ourselves.

Then of course there's the plain old exhaustion that comes from having three young active children - no matter how good your fiance is - men are not women - they're not "mum".

In your case as I said all of these "normal" emotional traumas are heightened by having been anorexic. You got through it last time & you can do it again, especially as you have 4 extra reasons this time.

Check out cbt (cognitive behaviour therapy) there are often free or cheap course run at hospitals & colleges & they run for about 12 weeks - the main thing is you have to practise what it teaches you. Check it out on a search engine - google or yahoo?

How old are your girls? Do you get any real free time just for you?

My girls are almost 7, 5 1/2, and almost 3. I am a stay at home mom which I became after I had my last daughter. Do I get time to myself? Not really ~ anywhere I go I pretty much have them with unless its done while they are in school. I dont really go out much with friends or my husband for that matter b/c trying to get a babysitter for our crew is next to impossible. Ive just been in an all around 'down' mood lately and I dont know why. Thanks for listening.

If your 3 year old goes to pre-school? Then you can get some time for you during the day, if she doesn't could she - even for 1-2 days a week? It is reallly important for you to get some "me" time (& for them as having an unhappy/unhealthy mum is not good - ask my 2 kids!). You need time to go to a movie, or read a book, take a walk have lunch with a friend & if you feel you don't have any - there are other mums whose kids are at school with yours! There are other mums who take their kids to the park with yours! There are other mums whose kids are in pre-school! Or there are groups (writers, historical, craft, religious, etc) that you could join & meet people - so you can meet some people to have lunch/go to the movies with if you really don't know anyone - hell you could even have lunch with your fiance!!!!!!!!!!!! That might be a nice change - just the two of you!!

Also if you check out cbt & if there's a group going during the day fine, if it's an evening group - then dad is just going to have to deal with the girls!! If you end up in hospital ill, he'll have to deal for alot longer under much worse conditons!!

You might be in a down mood just because you've had almost 8 years (including first pregnancy!!) of dealing with pregnancy, motherhood, work (paid & at home as a slave!!) & the antics & emotional traumas of 3 young girls. Plus if you aren't getting any me time you are overdue to feel as if you're a no-one with no life. The kids have friends, school life to live, your fiance has a job & friends there & a life of his own away from you & the girls but you only have them. Now that is not true but it may be what's making you feel down. So you need to do something about it: "me" time; friends; hobby/interest; job (paid or voluntary - can just be a few hours a week - your baby will be a "big" school before you know it & you need to have really started working on these issues befreo then & have things in place for you.

Are there things you had wanted to do after school & didn't get to do? Could you still do any of them?

How tall are you & what is your actual weight?

Well my youngest will be going to preschool in the fall now but I am also going to start attending college. Its something I started to do right after high school but then decided my b/f (now hubby) was more important ~ lol the things we do when we're young. Sometimes I do feel like I got 'tied down' too young and didnt experience life as I should have, I mean I was preg at 19, married at 20 and preg again. I spent my 21st bday preg. I have alot of what ifs goin on in my mind but I mean I do love my girls and I have a great husband. Most people think i'm so happy and have this normal good life (which dont get me wrong I think I do) but i'm not happy with myself and thats why i've started to starve again. I hate the way I look right now and no one understands. I am 5'3" and weigh 135 lbs which is an 'ok' weight when you do the bmi but I wont be happy until I am down to like 110 lbs again. Thats the weight I was the last time I was happy with how I looked.

Now having sort of figured out imperial measures (you)to metric (me) I tend to think that yes, your weight is fine but as a young woman you would feel better at around the 110-115lbs. One thing you should consider though is that muscle weighs more than fat & if you have gained muscle (lifting kids & groceries, housework etc)some of your weight - not all - just some - may be muscle so you may need to accpet being abit over 110. Also you have to be careful not to get so hung up on 110 that you become obsessive again - I mean 112 is fine!!!!

i think that you are planning to do the right thing by going to college. if for any reason you can't do that then find something to do as an interest, actually as I type that i'm thinking you should start doing something to re-activate your brain to study: - research family tree? Write stories/poetry? Maybe do some reading on the topics you're interested in studying? that would help you prepare for college & at the same time help get you out of the down mood & give you something other than food & feelings of "what if" to think about. the cbt might also help you long term with feelings like these that push you toward anorexia.

So, what & how much do you eat in an average day & at what times? ? Do you do what many mums do>>> eat food left over by kids or that kids ask for then fall asleep or decide they don't want it after all? Very easy to do, but a bad habit & one that will gain weight.

You know you have a great husband, i'm sure equally great girls & I bet you tell them all that they're wonderful & loved etc alot but I wonder if you are able to say the same about & to yourself? ? You need to learn how.

Thing is what do you want: anorexia, illhealth & depression or health, happiness & growth (personal not weight!!)

This is something a 26 year old married mother should be feeling but I just cant help but be obsessing over this right now. My main problem is my belly/rear. Its like I got a spare tire goin on and I hate it! Everyone in my family (parents/aunts/uncles/siblings) are all very much over weight and it terrifies me that the older I get the bigger I will get. Everyone tells me I have nothing to worry about but it pretty much comes down to becoming huge. I'm already picky with my girls I mean, they eat snacks and stuff but I really watch their weight. I dont want them to become obese but I dont want them to be like me and obsess over it either. There is just no middle ground for me. I pretty much have just been eating the wrong things for quite awhile and thats how I put it on. Plus I was so into exercising and that has gone out the window. I have a treadmill and i've started to use that again and i'm just not really eating. I can get away with it during the week b/c my hubby is gone all day and we actually eat supper before he gets home b/c he gets home so late. Weekends I have to eat a bit b/c if not he catches on but so far i've been getting away with it.