I dnt noe where to start! Im 14 and I think im depressed I dnt noe . . . Wen I go out with friends im so happy and have alot of energy. . But wen im at hme im depressed 75% of them time and at school im usualli happy but depressed and upset about 25% of the time at school maybe a week each month! I cut my wrists I onli started that aobut a month ago. . I dnt want to kill myself I jst want to hurt myself to make the pain in my head go away!!I have a big group of friends and a good social life. . I cry all the time! Just about nothing realli well little things that r so stupid to cry about !At school in the last 2 months theres been this one boy he hangs around the smokers and all those kinda guys who think there
"sik" and can get there "connections" onto any1! He pushes me n kicks me n calls me a promiscuous person everyday! It started over his ball! I was kicking it with one of my friends and he wanted it bak and I have an obsession with booting any ball that cums my way!So I booted it across the oval! He then threw his salad sandwich at me n I got all his scraps and mayonase from hes lunch all over me! Afta that sarah had his ball n I grabd it off her n threw it in a big green bin . . . . At 6th period he came up to me n said wheres my f*n ball I told him I didnt noe where it was n afta skool he came up to me n put scissors 2 my stomach telling me if I didnt go get it he was going to kill me!I told my mum about it in trust and she rang my skool they said they'de do something about it but b'coz there medical answer they did absolutely nothing about it . . Then a week later he grabd my skool bag form me on the playground(and my principal n deputy walked straight past us!!!)he attempted to spit on me 2 or 3 times threw a plastic bottle at my head!Slapped me across the face I got realli upset b'coz about 3 days be4 this had started I cut my wrists for the first time and my emotions were runing everywhere!Anyway I went to my mums work afta that happened and she rang up the skool n came up for an interview with my principal n deputy while the last 2 periods were on n they told my mum the reason they hadnt yet done anyhting was b'coz they had been "busy" with other stuff. . They said they'de call his parents and organise an interview well nothing has been done and I feel unsafe everyday at skool! I havent been at skool yesterday or 2day . . . Either has another one of my friends as on the weekend he turned up to where we go and he took her money and put a knife to her telling her he was gna stab her! She told her dad n they went up to the skool yesterday and they went to the police station and the police went to the school to interview sum of my friends that were there the principal n deputy said they'de keep an eye on my friend but her dad took her hme saying well it onli takes a few seconds to be stabbed . . . And yesterday wen we were both away our third friend that this boy annoys he kiked her in the head called her a promiscuous person n told her he was gna kill her coz she is a f*n promiscuous person!He also threatened to stab me wen I saw him on the weekend. . . Told me he was going to throw my hot drink all over me so I jst got up n walked away as we were at the football and I went n sat sumwhere else . . . . My mum n dad fite alot n its usualli got somehtign to do with me n I feel bad!My dad also tells me jst not to worry about this boy at school and yells at me wen I say I dont do anyhting to agravate him I told them yes I guess I did agravate him in the start but now he jst cums up to me wen he sees me and my dad jst yells n yells saying no no boy would do that u must agravate him u cant jst blame it all on him n then last nite he yelled at me saying I have 2 go to skool I cant jst hide away for the rest of my life! N wen my dad yells at me for somehtign that I havent done or that isnt even there I get angry n cut my wrists my dad drinks n smokes n also smokes pot n I think that affects him badly 2 . . . . . Its 10 in the morning and i've properbly cried 10 times 2day . . . . I've smiled twice 2day and as I rite this I realise how miserable I am an I get upset and cry coz I dont want to be like this!!! This morning wen my mum said I could stay hme she had perfume on the hand and she told me to pull up my sleeve so she coul put sum on my wrist and not thinking I pulled up my sleeve and she saw my cuts(as there new ones I did last nite!)she askd what they were from but im 2 imbarrassed to tell her the truth n I told her I didnt noe how I got them n she askd me if I was going what stephanie did(shes one of my old friends n I told my mum she slits her wrists) I jst said no im not that stupid n she goes stephanies not stupid n either r u n I jst went yer ok n walked into my room . . . I want to get help but I cant talk to my parents about it or my friends coz my friends think that im a happy person n I dnt want them to think any different n if I ring one of those stupid lines eg:kids helpline all there going to tell me to do is go see a doctor! But I dont want to ! I cant talk about it without crying! I dont want any medication ! I dont noe what to do!Be4 I was thinking about running away but then I got a message from one of my good guy mates n it made me smile n think maybe I shouldnt . . . . But at leats if I did my parents could be happy and stop fiting about me! But I cant run away 2day b'coz my mum let me have the day off n we cant tell me dad coz he'll get angry and I dnt want my mum to get into any trouble. . . . And all the little things my friends do my first thought is oh they dnt even like me ! Im jst so negitive! As I said im not depressed all the time n usualli it occurs be4 during and a little after my period well thats wen im negitive towards myself etc! But I cut mywrists wenever my dad is wrong n im rite n im getting in trouble for it or wenever I get upset about skool or my parents fiting etc I jst want to be normal and happy!!!!??????? Dnt mean to waste any1's time if I did!!