What Now? Bipolar Relationships. (Page 1)
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No place to start, but from the beginning...
I have recently been in a relationship with a bipolar girl. I knew her for four years in highschool before we started going out. I was actually going to a different college than her all of fall term and we didn't start dating until christmas break. I didn't go back to my other college. We broke up and got back together I think 8 times in two months and eventually she just asked me to be friends. I agreed to this, but I wanted her to know how I felt about her. I had been telling her for the past 3 years how I felt and I told her that I would be her friend; that I would always be there, but that I would always be interested in more than friends.
We were friends for about two weeks in february and when valentine's day came I gave her a journal of my past thoughts and experiences for two months. Alot of it was about her. There was an ensuing conversation that lead up to me giving her the journal though. We had just gone for a walk and she had invited me up at 12:00 in the afternoon to do so. After the walk she asked me to leave and I asked her why because I had only been there for about a half hour and I thought we could get a bite to eat or get some people together and see a movie. She said she had school and other things (but she had told me yesterday she didn't have anything so I didn't say anything). I then asked her openly why she was pushing me away. She became defensive and then asked me why I was thinking that. I just looked in her in the eyes said happy valentine's and gave her the journal. I gave her the journal reluctanntly because she didn't like mentioning "us". We then said goodbye and I drove home.
Not but a half hour later I recieved a call saying she had read the journal and told me she never wanted to see me again. I knew this was an act of manipulation on her part, and I said giving you the journal was a stupid idea I knew you didn't want me talking about our relationship it gives you stress and hung up. She called me back telling me not to do anything stupid and I told her she already had. I never should have written that journal in the first place.
The next day I tried to get a hold of her and found out she was at her work so I drove over there to fix things. I didn't know what I was gonna do. It ended with her asking me to leave and me walking off solemnly. I went back to her dorm room and sat outside her door all day till she got back from work. I then handed her a love letter she had sent to me when I was in colorado, said I was sorry and that we'll always have paris =).
It has since been three months. I have called her twice since then, once to ask her if she had seen something of mine, and a second time to ask for her forgiveness and to see if we would do something this summer. The second call was a month ago, I have since sent two emails. I haven't heard from her or seen her.
I know that bipolar relationships are hard, and that I have to give more. I'm not bipolar. I am willing to do anything for her. I swore to myself that no matter what is happening in my life if I heard her name I would drop my life right there to find her and help her.
I have to ask what do I do? Why?
(this isn't the whole story just most of it)
"the sweet can only get sweeter till it's sour."
I have recently been in a relationship with a bipolar girl. I knew her for four years in highschool before we started going out. I was actually going to a different college than her all of fall term and we didn't start dating until christmas break. I didn't go back to my other college. We broke up and got back together I think 8 times in two months and eventually she just asked me to be friends. I agreed to this, but I wanted her to know how I felt about her. I had been telling her for the past 3 years how I felt and I told her that I would be her friend; that I would always be there, but that I would always be interested in more than friends.
We were friends for about two weeks in february and when valentine's day came I gave her a journal of my past thoughts and experiences for two months. Alot of it was about her. There was an ensuing conversation that lead up to me giving her the journal though. We had just gone for a walk and she had invited me up at 12:00 in the afternoon to do so. After the walk she asked me to leave and I asked her why because I had only been there for about a half hour and I thought we could get a bite to eat or get some people together and see a movie. She said she had school and other things (but she had told me yesterday she didn't have anything so I didn't say anything). I then asked her openly why she was pushing me away. She became defensive and then asked me why I was thinking that. I just looked in her in the eyes said happy valentine's and gave her the journal. I gave her the journal reluctanntly because she didn't like mentioning "us". We then said goodbye and I drove home.
Not but a half hour later I recieved a call saying she had read the journal and told me she never wanted to see me again. I knew this was an act of manipulation on her part, and I said giving you the journal was a stupid idea I knew you didn't want me talking about our relationship it gives you stress and hung up. She called me back telling me not to do anything stupid and I told her she already had. I never should have written that journal in the first place.
The next day I tried to get a hold of her and found out she was at her work so I drove over there to fix things. I didn't know what I was gonna do. It ended with her asking me to leave and me walking off solemnly. I went back to her dorm room and sat outside her door all day till she got back from work. I then handed her a love letter she had sent to me when I was in colorado, said I was sorry and that we'll always have paris =).
It has since been three months. I have called her twice since then, once to ask her if she had seen something of mine, and a second time to ask for her forgiveness and to see if we would do something this summer. The second call was a month ago, I have since sent two emails. I haven't heard from her or seen her.
I know that bipolar relationships are hard, and that I have to give more. I'm not bipolar. I am willing to do anything for her. I swore to myself that no matter what is happening in my life if I heard her name I would drop my life right there to find her and help her.
I have to ask what do I do? Why?
(this isn't the whole story just most of it)
"the sweet can only get sweeter till it's sour."
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First Helper mia
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Years ago I was in a relationship with a girl who was bipolar and all I can tell you is that you probably can do nothing. From what i've learned sufferers of bipolararity usually see the world in black and white, which makes sense since they waffle between extremes. I myself am unipolar depressive and I saw the world in b/w, too, until I finally overcame my depression.
I would gather that she probably feels isolated and knowing that you are not bipolar she might not feel "worthy" of you and is just acting this way because it's easier than facing the truth. When I was younger I would break off relationships, with really nice girls, because I felt as if they shouldn't have to put up me and my problems. It was easier to abruptly end it and never look back.
When I had the relationship with the bipolar girl she ended it very abruptly and never looked back. I realize now, after 10 years, she must have felt as if she were the only person in the world who understood what she was going through. I know that I would've done anything for her at the time, but she was feeling so much isolation it didn't matter what I did or said, because it always fell on deaf ears.
It's really hard, but there is abolutely nothing you can do and you just need to move on and not look back.
I would gather that she probably feels isolated and knowing that you are not bipolar she might not feel "worthy" of you and is just acting this way because it's easier than facing the truth. When I was younger I would break off relationships, with really nice girls, because I felt as if they shouldn't have to put up me and my problems. It was easier to abruptly end it and never look back.
When I had the relationship with the bipolar girl she ended it very abruptly and never looked back. I realize now, after 10 years, she must have felt as if she were the only person in the world who understood what she was going through. I know that I would've done anything for her at the time, but she was feeling so much isolation it didn't matter what I did or said, because it always fell on deaf ears.
It's really hard, but there is abolutely nothing you can do and you just need to move on and not look back.
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Just keep moving on that's what everyone says. What happens to all those people then? People just keep moving on with their lives and they are left alone?
No. Maybe being young and stupid has something to do with this, but I see no reason to walk away from someone I love and am willing to do everything and anything to help her. She may not want it, but that doesn't matter to me. I'll always be there. Maybe we'll all learn a little if you take the road less traveled. It's all a measure of your integrity.
No. Maybe being young and stupid has something to do with this, but I see no reason to walk away from someone I love and am willing to do everything and anything to help her. She may not want it, but that doesn't matter to me. I'll always be there. Maybe we'll all learn a little if you take the road less traveled. It's all a measure of your integrity.
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Weasel2do
I agree with you.
Even the people with the disorder themselves sometimes don't even want people in thier life. They feel they need to be miserable. I don't think that's very fair. What do they have to gain if they don't let us in?
I've noticed that this forum is very negative with relationships.
Like I said in my other thread, bi-polar is not the plague. It's a disorder. That can be treated. There's a lot worse things to have.
Sure, there have been some bad experiences, and i'm sure that they once felt like us too.
Maybe we will see it their way someday, but maybe we won't.
But, atleast we followed our heart and gave it a chance.
Even the people with the disorder themselves sometimes don't even want people in thier life. They feel they need to be miserable. I don't think that's very fair. What do they have to gain if they don't let us in?
I've noticed that this forum is very negative with relationships.
Like I said in my other thread, bi-polar is not the plague. It's a disorder. That can be treated. There's a lot worse things to have.
Sure, there have been some bad experiences, and i'm sure that they once felt like us too.
Maybe we will see it their way someday, but maybe we won't.
But, atleast we followed our heart and gave it a chance.
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Please whirlybird, the last thing people living with bipolar want is stereotypes. Many, many people see the world in black and white....Waffling between extremes aside.
Considering weasel2do's situation, i'm not sure this has much if anything to do with the bipolar. Speaking from experience, when I make it known to a friend/ex-boyfriend that I want to be friends and nothing more, and he continuously pursues me romantically, I would feel too stressed to continue contact. You should keep it on a strictly friendship level if that's what she wants. (if you hear from her again)
Considering weasel2do's situation, i'm not sure this has much if anything to do with the bipolar. Speaking from experience, when I make it known to a friend/ex-boyfriend that I want to be friends and nothing more, and he continuously pursues me romantically, I would feel too stressed to continue contact. You should keep it on a strictly friendship level if that's what she wants. (if you hear from her again)
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Can Anyone Say the Trials of Life?
I've just recently started exploring the signs and everything else that has to do with being bi-polar. This all started because my ex (now of a little over two months) broke up with me and had previously shown signs of being bi-polar. He even joked about it once. I can't say that I will ever know if he is really bi-polar but many friends and I think he is. Not my decsion to make though...
Anyway, I tried the whole pushing thing and that went no where. I have seen him out and he chooses to ignore me and walk right by as if he has no idea who I am. I hate to say it but everyone reacts differently in a realtionship. He went from telling me how great I am, how happy his mother is, how I needed to get this or that so we could do things together, and how he wanted to move with me to boston, etc... To not speaking to me at all. This happened over the course of a week.
I have to say that he was brilliant. I thoroughly enjoyed the five months I had with him and wish they had continued but he put an end to that stating he didn't see out relationship going anywhere.
Anyway, I guess the point is that it is in their hands. You can't lead your life waiting for them to contact you. I would love him to contact me again but I doubt I will ever speak to him again. I doubt he will ever speak to me even though I was his longest relationship and probably most successful. It is part of the trials of dating someone that may or may not be bi-polar. They can very easily shut a person out. Yes, so can everyone else but there is an overall big picture you have to look at. If you are at all curious here's another site I found with info on bi-polar relationships. I found it to be interesting and a lot of what happened here happened to me.
As a final note I have been tossing up contacting him again in a few months (2, 5, maybe even 2 years, lol). Any thoughts on what type of reaction I would get? I doubt I would even get a hello. He has had two months to talk to me if he felt he made a mistake in the breakup...
Anyway, I tried the whole pushing thing and that went no where. I have seen him out and he chooses to ignore me and walk right by as if he has no idea who I am. I hate to say it but everyone reacts differently in a realtionship. He went from telling me how great I am, how happy his mother is, how I needed to get this or that so we could do things together, and how he wanted to move with me to boston, etc... To not speaking to me at all. This happened over the course of a week.
I have to say that he was brilliant. I thoroughly enjoyed the five months I had with him and wish they had continued but he put an end to that stating he didn't see out relationship going anywhere.
Anyway, I guess the point is that it is in their hands. You can't lead your life waiting for them to contact you. I would love him to contact me again but I doubt I will ever speak to him again. I doubt he will ever speak to me even though I was his longest relationship and probably most successful. It is part of the trials of dating someone that may or may not be bi-polar. They can very easily shut a person out. Yes, so can everyone else but there is an overall big picture you have to look at. If you are at all curious here's another site I found with info on bi-polar relationships. I found it to be interesting and a lot of what happened here happened to me.
As a final note I have been tossing up contacting him again in a few months (2, 5, maybe even 2 years, lol). Any thoughts on what type of reaction I would get? I doubt I would even get a hello. He has had two months to talk to me if he felt he made a mistake in the breakup...
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Weasel2do And Thoron
First, weasel2do, the problem you are having doesn't sound like her bipolar is getting in the way, it sounds like you are dangerously close to being charged with stalking!!!!! I'm not kidding. There are very serious stalking laws now, and waiting for someone outside there dorm room when they have asked not to see you any more is one of those violations. Seriously consider your actions before continuing on this course of action. She has told you repeatedly that she does not want you in her life, there are far too many people in the world, go find yourself someone new. Why would you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you. You did not state your age, but i'd be willing to bet you are young and think this is the only girl for you. Look around, there are thousands of girls within 1 mile of you.
By the way, I am bi-polar and I am married, just incase you were wondering.
Thoron, have you ever heard the saying " you can never go home"? It means when you go back to where you have been before, it is never the same, never as good. If he already told you he wasn't interested I would listen. Women talk around a subject and are subtle, men are not. They say what they mean. Take what he said at face value.
Good luck to you both,
mia
By the way, I am bi-polar and I am married, just incase you were wondering.
Thoron, have you ever heard the saying " you can never go home"? It means when you go back to where you have been before, it is never the same, never as good. If he already told you he wasn't interested I would listen. Women talk around a subject and are subtle, men are not. They say what they mean. Take what he said at face value.
Good luck to you both,
mia
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Re: Mia And Weasel2do
Mia, I agree with you that "i can never go home". Thanks for the reminder. As far as men saying what they mean I wouldn't say that is always true and I think it also holds true for a bi-polar individual as well. From what I have been reading, everything that happened before the breakup was a good indicator that he is bi-polar, everything after is pretty much normal for the average guy. My ex still won't tell me to leave him alone or that he doesn't want to talk to me, but silence is a prettty good indicator here... I can also point out that he is four years older than I and I was his longest relationship. Anyway, I feel it is important to point out that I am actually a male. Not a big deal in my opinion but I figure I should throw it out. If anything it adds a level of complexity to a relationship that pretty much sucks but the basis of feelings and actions are the same throughout all relationships.
Weasel2do I have to agree with mia. The sooner you can let go the better off you will be (easier said then done). If you are not ready to let go then at least don't show that side of yourself to her. Don't track her down, or call, or email, or send anything, etc... Silence can be one of the best things in this case. I have always had my ex's come back to me and do one of three things,
1. Apologize
2. Want to be friends
3. Want to get back together with me
in the case of my last ex I have the feeling I will have to open up a new category, lol in this case it will be cold hearted !**@! who fall in love and can't deal with it and instead never talk to me for the rest of their lives. But hey, this is life and I think everyone probably has a few of those.
*no matter how wonderful that person was and they continue to be you have to face the fact that for their own reasons they don't want you in their lives. It is them and not you. You have done enough...
Here are two passages I found of interest,
"about all I can suggest is patience. And no anger or guilt. You didn't do anything wrong, and your boyfriend isn't doing this to spite you. Regardless of the appearances. So if neither or you are doing anything wrong, just relax and get rid of the anger and guilt. And blame." - this was written by someone who is bi-polar in reaction to a breakup
"just remember this...You should be with someone who wants you as much as you want them... " - i'd say this is more importnant
good luck to all and thanks for the comments mia! - I dunno but this is helping me a litttle...
Weasel2do I have to agree with mia. The sooner you can let go the better off you will be (easier said then done). If you are not ready to let go then at least don't show that side of yourself to her. Don't track her down, or call, or email, or send anything, etc... Silence can be one of the best things in this case. I have always had my ex's come back to me and do one of three things,
1. Apologize
2. Want to be friends
3. Want to get back together with me
in the case of my last ex I have the feeling I will have to open up a new category, lol in this case it will be cold hearted !**@! who fall in love and can't deal with it and instead never talk to me for the rest of their lives. But hey, this is life and I think everyone probably has a few of those.
*no matter how wonderful that person was and they continue to be you have to face the fact that for their own reasons they don't want you in their lives. It is them and not you. You have done enough...
Here are two passages I found of interest,
"about all I can suggest is patience. And no anger or guilt. You didn't do anything wrong, and your boyfriend isn't doing this to spite you. Regardless of the appearances. So if neither or you are doing anything wrong, just relax and get rid of the anger and guilt. And blame." - this was written by someone who is bi-polar in reaction to a breakup
"just remember this...You should be with someone who wants you as much as you want them... " - i'd say this is more importnant
good luck to all and thanks for the comments mia! - I dunno but this is helping me a litttle...
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Lostintranslation...
That is simply not true. A balanced brain does not see the world in black and white. Again, I was not only referring to the bipolar person I had the relationship with, but I was also referring to myself. Now that i'm free from anxiety/depression I no longer share that perspective. I would argue that anyone who does see the world in extremes is imbalanced to some degree, whether they are diagnosed with a disorder or not. We all carry some neurosis from our upbringing, or at least the majority of us do, and that neurosis makes us imbalanced to varying degrees, which skews are perspective and tends to make us react in extremes. The greater the imbalance the more extreme we'll see our world.
No stereotypes, just the truth about imbalanced brains, that's all.
No stereotypes, just the truth about imbalanced brains, that's all.
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I just wanted to say...After reading most of this, that I am bipolar..Bipolar 2 to be exact, and I find all this kinda ridiculous. People who are bipolar do , like what whirly bird said, see the world as one extreme or another. It's very hard to find a balance between the two, so he was correct- your either on a high and happy and brilliant and very productive, or on a low where you cut off all communication with people, even people you truly care about, you could quit your job, break off a relationship out of nowhere- even an extremely good one. Speaking for myself, it's hard to distinguish what a "normal" mood is...I don't believe i've ever had a normal mood, i've been extremely happy...Or crashed from having been so happy to being very depressed. I personally do not feel ashamed at all to be bipolar, this is who I am and what I know...Just like others who live without bipolar, that is what you know. I agree with mia. It really does not sound like her "bipolar" was th reason for her not wanting to be with you, it seems that you were invading her space even after she had mentioned she did not want to be with you. If you love someone and truly care about tehm, yes you can be there for them, of course you can, but let them come to you, don't hassle them. And never, just becasue someone is bipolar, think that they don't know what they are doing by breaking up with you becasue they are bipolar...That's basically making it sound like if I were to break up with someone it'd be a big mistake becasue I was in a bipolar mood..You just don;t know ..And can't use a mental illness as an excuse as to why someone broke up with you...It may just have been her time to move on ...
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Black And White, High And Low
This is mia, again and I have to sound off regarding a thread that has been going on here. Just because you are bi-polar does not mean that you are "never" going to experience normalicy. You do not veiw things in only black and white, especially if you have bi-polar2, which is a milder form of the disease. In fact, people with bi-polar can go for long stretches between depression and mania, it is not an either or situation. On the other hand, there are rapid cyclers, that do go swiftly between depression and mania, but they are the exception not the rule.
If you are on a medical routine with a good doctor and regular medication, there is no reason that there can not be long stretches of happy, normal, productive, regular living. I should know, I am married to a man I have been with for almost 8 years and work at a job I have been at for 15 years and I am bi-polar 2. We also own a lovely home that I keep up in addition to working full time.
My life is full of black, white, grey, blue, purple, red, green and blue. Sure there have been times when I have been high, high, high and come crashing down but with the help of a great doctor, self-dicipline to stay on my meds, and the love of family and friends I have come through. Even when the skies where black for months at a time, I always remebered that there where better days ahead and it was up to me to get there.
If you haven't found that place for yourself, find a new doctor, find new meds, find new inspiration, but find something to grab onto because it won't always be black and white! It is a technicolor world out there, go find it!
Good luck,
mia
If you are on a medical routine with a good doctor and regular medication, there is no reason that there can not be long stretches of happy, normal, productive, regular living. I should know, I am married to a man I have been with for almost 8 years and work at a job I have been at for 15 years and I am bi-polar 2. We also own a lovely home that I keep up in addition to working full time.
My life is full of black, white, grey, blue, purple, red, green and blue. Sure there have been times when I have been high, high, high and come crashing down but with the help of a great doctor, self-dicipline to stay on my meds, and the love of family and friends I have come through. Even when the skies where black for months at a time, I always remebered that there where better days ahead and it was up to me to get there.
If you haven't found that place for yourself, find a new doctor, find new meds, find new inspiration, but find something to grab onto because it won't always be black and white! It is a technicolor world out there, go find it!
Good luck,
mia
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Aye...Alright i'll assume, and correct me if i'm wrong, that post was tended a bit for my last comment. Yes I am bipolar 2, to say it is a milder form of the disease in not absolutely correct. Bipolar one experiences more extreme manias, as compared to there lows...Where as bipolar 2, experences hypomanias- which is still quite hyper..But not as much so as an abslolute manic episode. The depression in bipolar 2 is what is known to be worst/ last longer as opposed to bipolar 1. One is not better to have then the other, they are both equally harmful illnesses to have if not kept in check. I do see a very good med dr, and psycho therapist. I myself personally, am definnetly not as hyper as I could be, but I am also not on a thin line, that one would characterize as "normal mood" I usually rise a bit above that line, and am usually go - go -go, but my mood stabilizer prevents me from getting to a more extreme sense of hypomania. My other med prevents me from crashing into my depression. I'm sure i've dipped into the"normal" mood a few times, but didn't recognize it, because most of the time I am one or the other, hyper or low... And like you said , yes many shades inbetween..So maybe it wasn't quite correct to say just black and white...I was trying to explain what someone else had mentioned, which I feel was mostly correct, theres a huuuge spectrum of moods when it comes to bipolar, like you mentioned there is rapid cycling, ...I myself believe that what was mentioned about the black and white was very true to a bipolar mood, shifting to one extreme to the next, necause that is what the moods do...They do give little warning sides, if you know what they are and when to catch them, so lets say...Gray being normal, purple going higher and white the highest, so yes, there are other defining moods inbetween the two extremes, they also tend to last for a shorter while, in my case anyways, then just either one way or the other...How ever right now, I am at a good level......Just had to throw that back, because I do understand a little bit about my bipolar
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Zilbucks
I was in no way trying to diminish bi-polar 2, but when I said less severe, I was referring to successful suicied attempts by bi-polar 1 patients. I'm sure you know your own bi-polar better than anyone else, but if you are not experiencing enough green, purple and blue, please look for something to add to your life that can add something joyful. Talk to your doctor and tell them you are not experiencing any joy in your life. They don't just want you to exist. Existing isn't living, plants exist but they can't experience happiness. I know sometimes it is a struggle just to keep a balance between not too high and not too low, but numb is not it!
Good luck
mia
Good luck
mia
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Black & White
I've been diagnosed with bi-polar and have bouts of hypomania, but more so depressed.
I'd like to stress that bi-polar can be completely different from one person to another the way my psychiatrist described it is; if you draw a horizontal line and then put a squiggily line through it the curves above the line are mania or hypomania the curves below the line are depression. Everyones curves are different i'm down more so than up but my curves don't sway from the line near as much as some, some are manic (more so in men) most of the time (like your in a race car and can't cant slow down) and are not depressed all that often but when they are it is serious often being hospitalized.
These are just a couple of examples there are so so many. I think black & white describes a "personality type" and there are many people who are black and white that are not bi-polar or anything else, like (i hate to say the word) a family I know, they are very " religious" and their personalitys are black & white they are 7th day adventus to be exact (not to say that all of them are black and white)
to me it feels this: my personality is more open minded than say my sister who is very black and white (not bi-polar) when I talk to her its either this or that no in between i'm right your wrong, I have some psychic things happen to me once in while to her i'm doing it its not happening to me and i'm doing something wrong where my other two sisters who are more open minded it's not like that at all, my grandmother was like this and so am I they think of it as a gift and know first hand that i'm not making this happen theybe been there and seen it for them selves where my other sister knows this but still thinks its evil, no she is not bi-polar and just not been diagnosed her moods are very stable she is a strong catholic, there are allot of people like this, I think thats why there are so many relilgions for all the different personality types.
Your wholeoutlook on life changes whith your personality, some can recognize this in a person and can know when its mania or depression. But i'm far from black and white, I think it's just a misuse or misinterpretation of words I think up and down is the better word for bi-polar and maybe for some their personality is more black and white when they're up or down, more stubborn whatever. Not for me.
So mny variables its hard for a non bi-polar person to understand. I've heard people say I wish I was bi-polar so I could just take a pill to pick up my mood or I could use it as an excuse. Sometimes you get overwhelmed with peoples attitudes and tired of trying to make people understand you just want to be away from people period. Best we can do is try to stabelize ourselves on our med's or what ever your doing. Some are lucky and have someone who can see your ups and downs and helps you recognize it when it happens without judging.
Try to picture yourself and your mood changing up or down out of control how would your personality change and hwo would people perceive it then maybe you'll understand a little of how we feel.
I'd like to stress that bi-polar can be completely different from one person to another the way my psychiatrist described it is; if you draw a horizontal line and then put a squiggily line through it the curves above the line are mania or hypomania the curves below the line are depression. Everyones curves are different i'm down more so than up but my curves don't sway from the line near as much as some, some are manic (more so in men) most of the time (like your in a race car and can't cant slow down) and are not depressed all that often but when they are it is serious often being hospitalized.
These are just a couple of examples there are so so many. I think black & white describes a "personality type" and there are many people who are black and white that are not bi-polar or anything else, like (i hate to say the word) a family I know, they are very " religious" and their personalitys are black & white they are 7th day adventus to be exact (not to say that all of them are black and white)
to me it feels this: my personality is more open minded than say my sister who is very black and white (not bi-polar) when I talk to her its either this or that no in between i'm right your wrong, I have some psychic things happen to me once in while to her i'm doing it its not happening to me and i'm doing something wrong where my other two sisters who are more open minded it's not like that at all, my grandmother was like this and so am I they think of it as a gift and know first hand that i'm not making this happen theybe been there and seen it for them selves where my other sister knows this but still thinks its evil, no she is not bi-polar and just not been diagnosed her moods are very stable she is a strong catholic, there are allot of people like this, I think thats why there are so many relilgions for all the different personality types.
Your wholeoutlook on life changes whith your personality, some can recognize this in a person and can know when its mania or depression. But i'm far from black and white, I think it's just a misuse or misinterpretation of words I think up and down is the better word for bi-polar and maybe for some their personality is more black and white when they're up or down, more stubborn whatever. Not for me.
So mny variables its hard for a non bi-polar person to understand. I've heard people say I wish I was bi-polar so I could just take a pill to pick up my mood or I could use it as an excuse. Sometimes you get overwhelmed with peoples attitudes and tired of trying to make people understand you just want to be away from people period. Best we can do is try to stabelize ourselves on our med's or what ever your doing. Some are lucky and have someone who can see your ups and downs and helps you recognize it when it happens without judging.
Try to picture yourself and your mood changing up or down out of control how would your personality change and hwo would people perceive it then maybe you'll understand a little of how we feel.
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To me there are three words that should have never been put in any language, 1.)hate, 2.)can't, and 3.)normal(their is no such thing as being normal and hate and can't are toooo negative.
Their are a lot of people bi-polar, or not, that have been hurt in relationships and are not ready to go there again. I am sure that being bi-polar is rough! But not being bi-polar can also be rough with reality. I am not bi-polar but I have a good friend that is, sometimes being there for this friend is helpful, sometimes walking away is helpful also and sometimes she is the same with me, heck, maybe I am bi-polar. But to me I know how to read this friend, and this friend knows how to read me!
To me this is important! Try to not shut out people and living, I know it is difficult @ times, but remember, we all have our weaknesses.
Sincerly,
sandy
Their are a lot of people bi-polar, or not, that have been hurt in relationships and are not ready to go there again. I am sure that being bi-polar is rough! But not being bi-polar can also be rough with reality. I am not bi-polar but I have a good friend that is, sometimes being there for this friend is helpful, sometimes walking away is helpful also and sometimes she is the same with me, heck, maybe I am bi-polar. But to me I know how to read this friend, and this friend knows how to read me!
To me this is important! Try to not shut out people and living, I know it is difficult @ times, but remember, we all have our weaknesses.
Sincerly,
sandy
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Mia
I do understand what you mean...And yes my meds, and my mood are fine. I agree with you that being a zombie is no way to be, while one is on medications...And like someone has mentioned above, every mood for every person who is bipolar is different. I just want to clarify, that I am doing fine- I also wanted to clarify, not just to you, but for myself so I don't sound ignorant- that when I say black or whit- I mean one extreme to the other in bipolar. Black depression, white, mania. I agree there are many inbetweens, ans I think what someone mentioned above - a better description of this would be ups and downs, that's actually the correct way to describe it. I personally have more ups, but then when I crash it is an extreme down...And thank god there are meds out there for those of us who do have bipolar. And as far as a "normal mood" I aslo agree with what sandy allen said...What is a normal mood? Heck if I know, if i;ve been there I wouldn't even know, becasue there isn't anything that says what a normal mood is..Everyone has there quirks, being bipolar is just a bigger quirk. Someone recently asked me if I ever planned on having children because I have bipolar- and I had to really think about it, becasue you do want to think about these things, and will my child experience what I have...But when it comes down to it, you have to think about life, do you regret having been born, do you regret all the good things- forget the bad things- that happened? And the answer is no, so yes, I would have kid. Everyone has challenges that they are given in life, this - bipolar- is just another challenge...There are people suffering from far worst ailments than this..Alrighty thats it, I went off on a huge tangen...But basically what i'm saying is just becaue someones bipolar- don't categorize them as just that, you can't say oh well he broke up with me he's diabetic, and blame it on that.
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Zilbeck
....My point exactly, just because they are bi-polar, don't blame the disease, blame the persons' actions not even the person. And yes, up and down I think is a better way to describe bi-polar, up being the direction that I usually gravitate toward. Though, when I head down, I stay down for a long time
and when I refered to normal earlier, I hope I wrote it in this manner , "normal". By this, I mean a meaningless definition of normalcy to fit into "societies" definition of what is normal. Which I actually would never want to be considered. I like being a little more colorful.
Good luck to all
mia
and when I refered to normal earlier, I hope I wrote it in this manner , "normal". By this, I mean a meaningless definition of normalcy to fit into "societies" definition of what is normal. Which I actually would never want to be considered. I like being a little more colorful.
Good luck to all
mia
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Life Has Ups & Downs Anyway!!
Whether you are bi-polar, paranoid or anything else the simple fact is that life has ups & downs for everyone - if you get promoted you feel up - if you miss out on a promotion you feel down, if you miscarry several times - the first down is built on by each successuve one until you are seriously down versus say someone (or a period in your life) when you have alot of good things happen & so the ups are built on.
I am not saying that bi-polar & other mental health conditions don't have ups & downs i'm merely trying to put things into perspective in that
a) everyone has "mood swings to various degrees
b) if you have a mental health issue which has mood swings these will also be affected by the ups & downs of your daily life & your world.
I am not saying that bi-polar & other mental health conditions don't have ups & downs i'm merely trying to put things into perspective in that
a) everyone has "mood swings to various degrees
b) if you have a mental health issue which has mood swings these will also be affected by the ups & downs of your daily life & your world.
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I Need Some Advice
I just recently found out that my boyfriend is bipolar. Things have been like a crazy roller coaster ride for us. Now a days he is pushing me away, snapping at me, always gone, showing no affection, almost never talking to me, and been very defensive and easy to anger on everything. There are times when he is very happy and on top of the world. I have been having a hard time trying to understand what he is going through because when I try to talk to him about what is going on or how he is feeling he doesn't really tell me anything. I also feel like I need to walk on eggshells around him otherwise he will end up snapping or getting angry. I have tried to look up on bipolar everywhere and there is nothing to help me with how to be there for him. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and want to be there with him for the rest of my life, but I need help before it is too late and he decides that it's over. If anyone can help me please, that would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Re: What Now? Bipolar Relationships.
| weasel2do wrote: |
| no place to start, but from the beginning...
I have recently been in a relationship with a bipolar girl. I knew her for four years in highschool before we started going out. I was actually going to a different college than her all of fall term and we didn't start dating until christmas break. I didn't go back to my other college. We broke up and got back together I think 8 times in two months and eventually she just asked me to be friends. I agreed to this, but I wanted her to know how I felt about her. I had been telling her for the past 3 years how I felt and I told her that I would be her friend; that I would always be there, but that I would always be interested in more than friends. We were friends for about two weeks in february and when valentine's day came I gave her a journal of my past thoughts and experiences for two months. Alot of it was about her. There was an ensuing conversation that lead up to me giving her the journal though. We had just gone for a walk and she had invited me up at 12:00 in the afternoon to do so. After the walk she asked me to leave and I asked her why because I had only been there for about a half hour and I thought we could get a bite to eat or get some people together and see a movie. She said she had school and other things (but she had told me yesterday she didn't have anything so I didn't say anything). I then asked her openly why she was pushing me away. She became defensive and then asked me why I was thinking that. I just looked in her in the eyes said happy valentine's and gave her the journal. I gave her the journal reluctanntly because she didn't like mentioning "us". We then said goodbye and I drove home. Not but a half hour later I recieved a call saying she had read the journal and told me she never wanted to see me again. I knew this was an act of manipulation on her part, and I said giving you the journal was a stupid idea I knew you didn't want me talking about our relationship it gives you stress and hung up. She called me back telling me not to do anything stupid and I told her she already had. I never should have written that journal in the first place. The next day I tried to get a hold of her and found out she was at her work so I drove over there to fix things. I didn't know what I was gonna do. It ended with her asking me to leave and me walking off solemnly. I went back to her dorm room and sat outside her door all day till she got back from work. I then handed her a love letter she had sent to me when I was in colorado, said I was sorry and that we'll always have paris =). It has since been three months. I have called her twice since then, once to ask her if she had seen something of mine, and a second time to ask for her forgiveness and to see if we would do something this summer. The second call was a month ago, I have since sent two emails. I haven't heard from her or seen her. I know that bipolar relationships are hard, and that I have to give more. I'm not bipolar. I am willing to do anything for her. I swore to myself that no matter what is happening in my life if I heard her name I would drop my life right there to find her and help her. I have to ask what do I do? Why? (this isn't the whole story just most of it) "the sweet can only get sweeter till it's sour." |
hello, I to am in love with a bipolar woman. I have exactly the same response to my advances as you. She shared with me that she just can't handle the stress of committment. Actually, it's the stress of the decision process. When I expressed to her what I desire from her ( a life together), she ran. She just couldn't handle it. I called her one night at 4am, just to here her voice on her answering service, thinking she would have her phone off, and charging. She answered, and asked me why I called her. I told her, and she said I was scaring her, and not to call her again. I said to myself, "dang, I blew it". I pushed to hard.
I had no choice, but to honor her wishes. I thought she was gone forever. I had no contact for at least 5 months. A special day came up for her, and I just had to give her something, because I love her. She was at a open support meeting, I walked in, put he card down in front of her, and left. She was talking at the time, so I don't think she saw me. She e-mail me about a week later. She said I know it was you who left the card, thanks. (my name was one it)
i don't have much contact with her, but when I do, I just let her know that I still love her. No strings, just two human beings. One loving the other, even if the other don't love me. I talked with her recently, and she said the most I can get out of this is a friend, take it or leave it. Guess what, i'll take what I can get. I trust, and love her. I will not bring up boyfriend, husband, lover etc,. No committment, no promises from her. She don't want to feel that she owes anything. We're friends, she just don't want me to grab her, or try to kiss her, (just for right now I hope). I just pray for us, and let her know i'm there if she needs help. Just be her friend. The fact that she's like that with all men gives me hope. If she tells me one day that she's in a relationship with someone, I wish her well, and walk away. I lose. (i may even cry a little) dang. I hope this helps a little. See ya.
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This page was last updated on Jun 19, 2013.
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