What Now? Bipolar Relationships. Posted: 06-20-04 07:44am
No place to start, but from the
beginning...
I have recently been in a relationship
with a bipolar girl. I knew her for four
years in highschool before we started
going out. I was actually going to a
different college than her all of fall
term and we didn't start dating until
christmas break. I didn't go back to my
other college. We broke up and got back
together I think 8 times in two months and
eventually she just asked me to be
friends. I agreed to this, but I wanted
her to know how I felt about her. I had
been telling her for the past 3 years how
I felt and I told her that I would be her
friend; that I would always be there, but
that I would always be interested in more
than friends.
We were friends for about two weeks in
february and when valentine's day came I
gave her a journal of my past thoughts and
experiences for two months. Alot of it
was about her. There was an ensuing
conversation that lead up to me giving her
the journal though. We had just gone for
a walk and she had invited me up at 12:00
in the afternoon to do so. After the walk
she asked me to leave and I asked her why
because I had only been there for about a
half hour and I thought we could get a
bite to eat or get some people together
and see a movie. She said she had school
and other things (but she had told me
yesterday she didn't have anything so I
didn't say anything). I then asked her
openly why she was pushing me away. She
became defensive and then asked me why I
was thinking that. I just looked in her
in the eyes said happy valentine's and
gave her the journal. I gave her the
journal reluctanntly because she didn't
like mentioning "us". We then said
goodbye and I drove home.
Not but a half hour later I recieved a
call saying she had read the journal and
told me she never wanted to see me again.
I knew this was an act of manipulation on
her part, and I said giving you the
journal was a stupid idea I knew you
didn't want me talking about our
relationship it gives you stress and hung
up. She called me back telling me not to
do anything stupid and I told her she
already had. I never should have written
that journal in the first place.
The next day I tried to get a hold of her
and found out she was at her work so I
drove over there to fix things. I didn't
know what I was gonna do. It ended with
her asking me to leave and me walking off
solemnly. I went back to her dorm room
and sat outside her door all day till she
got back from work. I then handed her a
love letter she had sent to me when I was
in colorado, said I was sorry and that
we'll always have paris =).
It has since been three months. I have
called her twice since then, once to ask
her if she had seen something of mine, and
a second time to ask for her forgiveness
and to see if we would do something this
summer. The second call was a month ago,
I have since sent two emails. I haven't
heard from her or seen her.
I know that bipolar relationships are
hard, and that I have to give more. I'm
not bipolar. I am willing to do anything
for her. I swore to myself that no matter
what is happening in my life if I heard
her name I would drop my life right there
to find her and help her.
I have to ask what do I do? Why?
(this isn't the whole story just most of
it)
"the sweet can only get sweeter till it's
sour."
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whirlybird
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 16 Location: Midwest
Posted: 06-24-04 09:52am
Years ago I was in a relationship with a
girl who was bipolar and all I can tell
you is that you probably can do nothing.
From what i've learned sufferers of
bipolararity usually see the world in
black and white, which makes sense since
they waffle between extremes. I myself am
unipolar depressive and I saw the world in
b/w, too, until I finally overcame my
depression.
I would gather that she probably feels
isolated and knowing that you are not
bipolar she might not feel "worthy" of you
and is just acting this way because it's
easier than facing the truth. When I was
younger I would break off relationships,
with really nice girls, because I felt as
if they shouldn't have to put up me and my
problems. It was easier to abruptly end
it and never look back.
When I had the relationship with the
bipolar girl she ended it very abruptly
and never looked back. I realize now,
after 10 years, she must have felt as if
she were the only person in the world who
understood what she was going through. I
know that I would've done anything for her
at the time, but she was feeling so much
isolation it didn't matter what I did or
said, because it always fell on deaf ears.
It's really hard, but there is abolutely
nothing you can do and you just need to
move on and not look back.
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Weasel2do
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2004 Posts: 2
Posted: 06-26-04 05:52am
Just keep moving on that's what everyone
says. What happens to all those people
then? People just keep moving on with
their lives and they are left alone?
No. Maybe being young and stupid has
something to do with this, but I see no
reason to walk away from someone I love
and am willing to do everything and
anything to help her. She may not want
it, but that doesn't matter to me. I'll
always be there. Maybe we'll all learn a
little if you take the road less traveled.
It's all a measure of your integrity.
|
goodboy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2004 Posts: 3
Weasel2do Posted: 06-26-04 08:50am
I agree with you.
Even the people with the disorder
themselves sometimes don't even want
people in thier life. They feel they need
to be miserable. I don't think that's
very fair. What do they have to gain if
they don't let us in?
I've noticed that this forum is very
negative with relationships.
Like I said in my other thread, bi-polar
is not the plague. It's a disorder. That
can be treated. There's a lot worse
things to have.
Sure, there have been some bad
experiences, and i'm sure that they once
felt like us too.
Maybe we will see it their way someday,
but maybe we won't.
But, atleast we followed our heart and
gave it a chance.
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lostintranslation
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jul 2004 Posts: 2 Location: USA
Posted: 07-02-04 19:17pm
Please whirlybird, the last thing people
living with bipolar want is stereotypes.
Many, many people see the world in black
and white....Waffling between extremes
aside.
Considering weasel2do's situation, i'm not
sure this has much if anything to do with
the bipolar. Speaking from experience,
when I make it known to a
friend/ex-boyfriend that I want to be
friends and nothing more, and he
continuously pursues me romantically, I
would feel too stressed to continue
contact. You should keep it on a
strictly friendship level if that's what
she wants. (if you hear from her again)
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Thoron
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 2
Can Anyone Say the Trials of Life? Posted: 07-09-04 13:52pm
I've just recently started exploring the
signs and everything else that has to do
with being bi-polar. This all started
because my ex (now of a little over two
months) broke up with me and had
previously shown signs of being bi-polar.
He even joked about it once. I can't
say that I will ever know if he is really
bi-polar but many friends and I think he
is. Not my decsion to make though...
Anyway, I tried the whole pushing thing
and that went no where. I have seen him
out and he chooses to ignore me and walk
right by as if he has no idea who I am.
I hate to say it but everyone reacts
differently in a realtionship. He went
from telling me how great I am, how happy
his mother is, how I needed to get this or
that so we could do things together, and
how he wanted to move with me to boston,
etc... To not speaking to me at all.
This happened over the course of a week.
I have to say that he was brilliant. I
thoroughly enjoyed the five months I had
with him and wish they had continued but
he put an end to that stating he didn't
see out relationship going anywhere.
Anyway, I guess the point is that it is in
their hands. You can't lead your life
waiting for them to contact you. I would
love him to contact me again but I doubt I
will ever speak to him again. I doubt he
will ever speak to me even though I was
his longest relationship and probably most
successful. It is part of the trials of
dating someone that may or may not be
bi-polar. They can very easily shut a
person out. Yes, so can everyone else
but there is an overall big picture you
have to look at. If you are at all
curious here's another site I found with
info on bi-polar relationships. I found
it to be interesting and a lot of what
happened here happened to me. Http://www.Sui
te101.Com/discussion.Cfm/3694/87983
well at least how he handled everything
including the signs of depression.
As a final note I have been tossing up
contacting him again in a few months (2,
5, maybe even 2 years, lol). Any
thoughts on what type of reaction I would
get? I doubt I would even get a hello.
He has had two months to talk to me if he
felt he made a mistake in the breakup...
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mia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 147 Location: dallas
Weasel2do And Thoron Posted: 07-09-04 22:12pm
First, weasel2do, the problem you are
having doesn't sound like her bipolar is
getting in the way, it sounds like you are
dangerously close to being charged with
stalking!!!!! I'm not kidding. There
are very serious stalking laws now, and
waiting for someone outside there dorm
room when they have asked not to see you
any more is one of those violations.
Seriously consider your actions before
continuing on this course of action. She
has told you repeatedly that she does not
want you in her life, there are far too
many people in the world, go find
yourself someone new. Why would you want
to be with someone that does not want to
be with you. You did not state your age,
but i'd be willing to bet you are young
and think this is the only girl for you.
Look around, there are thousands of girls
within 1 mile of you.
By the way, I am bi-polar and I am
married, just incase you were wondering.
Thoron, have you ever heard the saying "
you can never go home"? It means when
you go back to where you have been before,
it is never the same, never as good. If
he already told you he wasn't interested I
would listen. Women talk around a
subject and are subtle, men are not.
They say what they mean. Take what he
said at face value.
Good luck to you both,
mia
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Thoron
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 2
Re: Mia And Weasel2do Posted: 07-10-04 09:25am
Mia, I agree with you that "i can never go
home". Thanks for the reminder. As far
as men saying what they mean I wouldn't
say that is always true and I think it
also holds true for a bi-polar individual
as well. From what I have been reading,
everything that happened before the
breakup was a good indicator that he is
bi-polar, everything after is pretty much
normal for the average guy. My ex still
won't tell me to leave him alone or that
he doesn't want to talk to me, but silence
is a prettty good indicator here... I
can also point out that he is four years
older than I and I was his longest
relationship. Anyway, I feel it is
important to point out that I am actually
a male. Not a big deal in my opinion but
I figure I should throw it out. If
anything it adds a level of complexity to
a relationship that pretty much sucks but
the basis of feelings and actions are the
same throughout all relationships.
Weasel2do I have to agree with mia. The
sooner you can let go the better off you
will be (easier said then done). If you
are not ready to let go then at least
don't show that side of yourself to her.
Don't track her down, or call, or email,
or send anything, etc... Silence can be
one of the best things in this case. I
have always had my ex's come back to me
and do one of three things,
1. Apologize
2. Want to be friends
3. Want to get back together with me
in the case of my last ex I have the
feeling I will have to open up a new
category, lol in this case it will be
cold hearted no namers who fall in love
and can't deal with it and instead never
talk to me for the rest of their lives.
But hey, this is life and I think everyone
probably has a few of those.
*no matter how wonderful that person was
and they continue to be you have to face
the fact that for their own reasons they
don't want you in their lives. It is
them and not you. You have done
enough...
Here are two passages I found of
interest,
"about all I can suggest is patience. And
no anger or guilt. You didn't do anything
wrong, and your boyfriend isn't doing this
to spite you. Regardless of the
appearances. So if neither or you are
doing anything wrong, just relax and get
rid of the anger and guilt. And blame." -
this was written by someone who is
bi-polar in reaction to a breakup
"just remember this...You should be with
someone who wants you as much as you want
them... " - i'd say this is more
importnant
good luck to all and thanks for the
comments mia! - I dunno but this is
helping me a litttle...
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whirlybird
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 16 Location: Midwest
Lostintranslation... Posted: 07-16-04 15:37pm
That is simply not true. A balanced brain
does not see the world in black and white.
Again, I was not only referring to the
bipolar person I had the relationship
with, but I was also referring to myself.
Now that i'm free from anxiety/depression
I no longer share that perspective. I
would argue that anyone who does see the
world in extremes is imbalanced to some
degree, whether they are diagnosed with a
disorder or not. We all carry some
neurosis from our upbringing, or at least
the majority of us do, and that neurosis
makes us imbalanced to varying degrees,
which skews are perspective and tends to
make us react in extremes. The greater
the imbalance the more extreme we'll see
our world.
No stereotypes, just the truth about
imbalanced brains, that's all.
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zilbucks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Apr 2004 Posts: 210 Location: NY
Posted: 07-16-04 16:39pm
I just wanted to say...After reading most
of this, that I am bipolar..Bipolar 2 to
be exact, and I find all this kinda
ridiculous. People who are bipolar do ,
like what whirly bird said, see the world
as one extreme or another. It's very hard
to find a balance between the two, so he
was correct- your either on a high and
happy and brilliant and very productive,
or on a low where you cut off all
communication with people, even people you
truly care about, you could quit your job,
break off a relationship out of nowhere-
even an extremely good one. Speaking for
myself, it's hard to distinguish what a
"normal" mood is...I don't believe i've
ever had a normal mood, i've been
extremely happy...Or crashed from having
been so happy to being very depressed. I
personally do not feel ashamed at all to
be bipolar, this is who I am and what I
know...Just like others who live without
bipolar, that is what you know. I agree
with mia. It really does not sound like
her "bipolar" was th reason for her not
wanting to be with you, it seems that you
were invading her space even after she had
mentioned she did not want to be with you.
If you love someone and truly care about
tehm, yes you can be there for them, of
course you can, but let them come to you,
don't hassle them. And never, just
becasue someone is bipolar, think that
they don't know what they are doing by
breaking up with you becasue they are
bipolar...That's basically making it sound
like if I were to break up with someone
it'd be a big mistake becasue I was in a
bipolar mood..You just don;t know ..And
can't use a mental illness as an excuse as
to why someone broke up with you...It may
just have been her time to move on ...
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mia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 147 Location: dallas
Black And White, High And Low Posted: 07-16-04 21:33pm
This is mia, again and I have to sound off
regarding a thread that has been going on
here. Just because you are bi-polar does
not mean that you are "never" going to
experience normalicy. You do not veiw
things in only black and white, especially
if you have bi-polar2, which is a milder
form of the disease. In fact, people
with bi-polar can go for long stretches
between depression and mania, it is not an
either or situation. On the other hand,
there are rapid cyclers, that do go
swiftly between depression and mania, but
they are the exception not the rule.
If you are on a medical routine with a
good doctor and regular medication, there
is no reason that there can not be long
stretches of happy, normal, productive,
regular living. I should know, I am
married to a man I have been with for
almost 8 years and work at a job I have
been at for 15 years and I am bi-polar 2.
We also own a lovely home that I keep up
in addition to working full time.
My life is full of black, white, grey,
blue, purple, red, green and blue. Sure
there have been times when I have been
high, high, high and come crashing down
but with the help of a great doctor,
self-dicipline to stay on my meds, and the
love of family and friends I have come
through. Even when the skies where black
for months at a time, I always remebered
that there where better days ahead and it
was up to me to get there.
If you haven't found that place for
yourself, find a new doctor, find new
meds, find new inspiration, but find
something to grab onto because it won't
always be black and white! It is a
technicolor world out there, go find it!
Good luck,
mia
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zilbucks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Apr 2004 Posts: 210 Location: NY
Posted: 07-17-04 09:52am
Aye...Alright i'll assume, and correct me
if i'm wrong, that post was tended a bit
for my last comment. Yes I am bipolar
2, to say it is a milder form of the
disease in not absolutely correct.
Bipolar one experiences more extreme
manias, as compared to there lows...Where
as bipolar 2, experences hypomanias- which
is still quite hyper..But not as much so
as an abslolute manic episode. The
depression in bipolar 2 is what is known
to be worst/ last longer as opposed to
bipolar 1. One is not better to have
then the other, they are both equally
harmful illnesses to have if not kept in
check. I do see a very good med dr,
and psycho therapist. I myself
personally, am definnetly not as hyper as
I could be, but I am also not on a thin
line, that one would characterize as
"normal mood" I usually rise a bit above
that line, and am usually go - go -go, but
my mood stabilizer prevents me from
getting to a more extreme sense of
hypomania. My other med prevents me
from crashing into my depression. I'm
sure i've dipped into the"normal" mood a
few times, but didn't recognize it,
because most of the time I am one or the
other, hyper or low... And like you
said , yes many shades inbetween..So maybe
it wasn't quite correct to say just black
and white...I was trying to explain what
someone else had mentioned, which I feel
was mostly correct, theres a huuuge
spectrum of moods when it comes to
bipolar, like you mentioned there is rapid
cycling, ...I myself believe that what was
mentioned about the black and white was
very true to a bipolar mood, shifting to
one extreme to the next, necause that is
what the moods do...They do give little
warning sides, if you know what they are
and when to catch them, so lets say...Gray
being normal, purple going higher and
white the highest, so yes, there are other
defining moods inbetween the two extremes,
they also tend to last for a shorter
while, in my case anyways, then just
either one way or the other...How ever
right now, I am at a good level......Just
had to throw that back, because I do
understand a little bit about my bipolar
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mia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 147 Location: dallas
Zilbucks Posted: 07-18-04 13:44pm
I was in no way trying to diminish
bi-polar 2, but when I said less severe, I
was referring to successful suicied
attempts by bi-polar 1 patients. I'm
sure you know your own bi-polar better
than anyone else, but if you are not
experiencing enough green, purple and
blue, please look for something to add to
your life that can add something joyful.
Talk to your doctor and tell them you are
not experiencing any joy in your life.
They don't just want you to exist.
Existing isn't living, plants exist but
they can't experience happiness. I know
sometimes it is a struggle just to keep a
balance between not too high and not too
low, but numb is not it!
I've been diagnosed with bi-polar and have
bouts of hypomania, but more so depressed.
I'd like to stress that bi-polar can be
completely different from one person to
another the way my psychiatrist described
it is; if you draw a horizontal line and
then put a squiggily line through it the
curves above the line are mania or
hypomania the curves below the line are
depression. Everyones curves are
different i'm down more so than up but my
curves don't sway from the line near as
much as some, some are manic (more so in
men) most of the time (like your in a race
car and can't cant slow down) and are not
depressed all that often but when they are
it is serious often being hospitalized.
These are just a couple of examples there
are so so many. I think black &
white describes a "personality type" and
there are many people who are black and
white that are not bi-polar or anything
else, like (i hate to say the word) a
family I know, they are very " religious"
and their personalitys are black &
white they are 7th day adventus to be
exact (not to say that all of them are
black and white)
to me it feels this: my personality is
more open minded than say my sister who is
very black and white (not bi-polar) when I
talk to her its either this or that no in
between i'm right your wrong, I have some
psychic things happen to me once in while
to her i'm doing it its not happening to
me and i'm doing something wrong where my
other two sisters who are more open
minded it's not like that at all, my
grandmother was like this and so am I they
think of it as a gift and know first hand
that i'm not making this happen theybe
been there and seen it for them selves
where my other sister knows this but still
thinks its evil, no she is not bi-polar
and just not been diagnosed her moods are
very stable she is a strong catholic,
there are allot of people like this, I
think thats why there are so many
relilgions for all the different
personality types.
Your wholeoutlook on life changes whith
your personality, some can recognize this
in a person and can know when its mania or
depression. But i'm far from black and
white, I think it's just a misuse or
misinterpretation of words I think up and
down is the better word for bi-polar and
maybe for some their personality is more
black and white when they're up or down,
more stubborn whatever. Not for me.
So mny variables its hard for a non
bi-polar person to understand. I've heard
people say I wish I was bi-polar so I
could just take a pill to pick up my mood
or I could use it as an excuse.
Sometimes you get overwhelmed with peoples
attitudes and tired of trying to make
people understand you just want to be away
from people period. Best we can do is
try to stabelize ourselves on our med's or
what ever your doing. Some are lucky and
have someone who can see your ups and
downs and helps you recognize it when it
happens without judging.
Try to picture yourself and your mood
changing up or down out of control how
would your personality change and hwo
would people perceive it then maybe you'll
understand a little of how we feel.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 07-18-04 17:49pm
To me there are three words that should
have never been put in any language,
1.)hate, 2.)can't, and 3.)normal(their is
no such thing as being normal and hate and
can't are toooo negative.
Their are a lot of people bi-polar, or
not, that have been hurt in relationships
and are not ready to go there again. I
am sure that being bi-polar is rough!
But not being bi-polar can also be rough
with reality. I am not bi-polar but I
have a good friend that is, sometimes
being there for this friend is helpful,
sometimes walking away is helpful also and
sometimes she is the same with me, heck,
maybe I am bi-polar. But to me I know
how to read this friend, and this friend
knows how to read me!
To me this is important! Try to not shut
out people and living, I know it is
difficult @ times, but remember, we all
have our weaknesses.
Sincerly,
sandy
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zilbucks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Apr 2004 Posts: 210 Location: NY
Mia Posted: 07-18-04 18:24pm
I do understand what you mean...And yes my
meds, and my mood are fine. I agree with
you that being a zombie is no way to be,
while one is on medications...And like
someone has mentioned above, every mood
for every person who is bipolar is
different. I just want to clarify, that I
am doing fine- I also wanted to clarify,
not just to you, but for myself so I don't
sound ignorant- that when I say black or
whit- I mean one extreme to the other in
bipolar. Black depression, white, mania.
I agree there are many inbetweens, ans I
think what someone mentioned above - a
better description of this would be ups
and downs, that's actually the correct way
to describe it. I personally have more
ups, but then when I crash it is an
extreme down...And thank god there are
meds out there for those of us who do have
bipolar. And as far as a "normal mood" I
aslo agree with what sandy allen
said...What is a normal mood? Heck if I
know, if i;ve been there I wouldn't even
know, becasue there isn't anything that
says what a normal mood is..Everyone has
there quirks, being bipolar is just a
bigger quirk. Someone recently asked me
if I ever planned on having children
because I have bipolar- and I had to
really think about it, becasue you do want
to think about these things, and will my
child experience what I have...But when it
comes down to it, you have to think about
life, do you regret having been born, do
you regret all the good things- forget the
bad things- that happened? And the answer
is no, so yes, I would have kid. Everyone
has challenges that they are given in
life, this - bipolar- is just another
challenge...There are people suffering
from far worst ailments than
this..Alrighty thats it, I went off on a
huge tangen...But basically what i'm
saying is just becaue someones bipolar-
don't categorize them as just that, you
can't say oh well he broke up with me he's
diabetic, and blame it on that.
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mia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 147 Location: dallas
Zilbeck Posted: 07-26-04 23:54pm
....My point exactly, just because they
are bi-polar, don't blame the disease,
blame the persons' actions not even the
person. And yes, up and down I think is
a better way to describe bi-polar, up
being the direction that I usually
gravitate toward. Though, when I head
down, I stay down for a long time
and when I refered to normal earlier, I
hope I wrote it in this manner , "normal".
By this, I mean a meaningless definition
of normalcy to fit into "societies"
definition of what is normal. Which I
actually would never want to be
considered. I like being a little more
colorful.
Good luck to all
mia
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Life Has Ups & Downs Anyway!! Posted: 07-27-04 11:40am
Whether you are bi-polar, paranoid or
anything else the simple fact is that life
has ups & downs for everyone - if you
get promoted you feel up - if you miss out
on a promotion you feel down, if you
miscarry several times - the first down is
built on by each successuve one until you
are seriously down versus say someone (or
a period in your life) when you have alot
of good things happen & so the ups are
built on.
I am not saying that bi-polar & other
mental health conditions don't have ups
& downs i'm merely trying to put
things into perspective in that
a) everyone has "mood swings to various
degrees
b) if you have a mental health issue which
has mood swings these will also be
affected by the ups & downs of your
daily life & your world.
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Pizzaz612
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Lacey
I Need Some Advice Posted: 12-12-05 10:10am
I just recently found out that my
boyfriend is bipolar. Things have been
like a crazy roller coaster ride for us.
Now a days he is pushing me away, snapping
at me, always gone, showing no affection,
almost never talking to me, and been very
defensive and easy to anger on everything.
There are times when he is very happy and
on top of the world. I have been having a
hard time trying to understand what he is
going through because when I try to talk
to him about what is going on or how he is
feeling he doesn't really tell me
anything. I also feel like I need to walk
on eggshells around him otherwise he will
end up snapping or getting angry. I have
tried to look up on bipolar everywhere and
there is nothing to help me with how to be
there for him. I love my boyfriend with
all my heart and want to be there with him
for the rest of my life, but I need help
before it is too late and he decides that
it's over. If anyone can help me please
email me at pizzaz
612@hotmail.Com that would be
appreciated. Thanks.
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windparade
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 1 Location: new jersey
Re: What Now? Bipolar Relationships. Posted: 01-17-06 18:41pm
weasel2do
wrote:
no place to start, but from
the beginning...
I have recently been in a relationship
with a bipolar girl. I knew her for
four years in highschool before we started
going out. I was actually going to a
different college than her all of fall
term and we didn't start dating until
christmas break. I didn't go back to my
other college. We broke up and got back
together I think 8 times in two months and
eventually she just asked me to be
friends. I agreed to this, but I wanted
her to know how I felt about her. I had
been telling her for the past 3 years how
I felt and I told her that I would be her
friend; that I would always be there, but
that I would always be interested in more
than friends.
We were friends for about two weeks in
february and when valentine's day came I
gave her a journal of my past thoughts and
experiences for two months. Alot of it
was about her. There was an ensuing
conversation that lead up to me giving her
the journal though. We had just gone
for a walk and she had invited me up at
12:00 in the afternoon to do so. After
the walk she asked me to leave and I asked
her why because I had only been there for
about a half hour and I thought we could
get a bite to eat or get some people
together and see a movie. She said she
had school and other things (but she had
told me yesterday she didn't have anything
so I didn't say anything). I then asked
her openly why she was pushing me away.
She became defensive and then asked me why
I was thinking that. I just looked in
her in the eyes said happy valentine's and
gave her the journal. I gave her the
journal reluctanntly because she didn't
like mentioning "us". We then said
goodbye and I drove home.
Not but a half hour later I recieved a
call saying she had read the journal and
told me she never wanted to see me again.
I knew this was an act of manipulation
on her part, and I said giving you the
journal was a stupid idea I knew you
didn't want me talking about our
relationship it gives you stress and hung
up. She called me back telling me not
to do anything stupid and I told her she
already had. I never should have
written that journal in the first place.
The next day I tried to get a hold of her
and found out she was at her work so I
drove over there to fix things. I
didn't know what I was gonna do. It
ended with her asking me to leave and me
walking off solemnly. I went back to
her dorm room and sat outside her door all
day till she got back from work. I then
handed her a love letter she had sent to
me when I was in colorado, said I was
sorry and that we'll always have paris =).
It has since been three months. I have
called her twice since then, once to ask
her if she had seen something of mine, and
a second time to ask for her forgiveness
and to see if we would do something this
summer. The second call was a month
ago, I have since sent two emails. I
haven't heard from her or seen her.
I know that bipolar relationships are
hard, and that I have to give more. I'm
not bipolar. I am willing to do
anything for her. I swore to myself
that no matter what is happening in my
life if I heard her name I would drop my
life right there to find her and help her.
I have to ask what do I do? Why?
(this isn't the whole story just most of
it)
"the sweet can only get sweeter till it's
sour."
hello, I to am in love with a bipolar
woman. I have exactly the same
response to my advances as you. She
shared with me that she just can't handle
the stress of committment. Actually,
it's the stress of the decision process.
When I expressed to her what I desire
from her ( a life together), she ran.
She just couldn't handle it. I called
her one night at 4am, just to here her
voice on her answering service, thinking
she would have her phone off, and
charging. She answered, and asked me
why I called her. I told her, and she
said I was scaring her, and not to call
her again. I said to myself, "dang, I
blew it". I pushed to hard.
I had no choice, but to honor her wishes.
I thought she was gone forever. I had
no contact for at least 5 months. A
special day came up for her, and I just
had to give her something, because I love
her. She was at a open support
meeting, I walked in, put he card down in
front of her, and left. She was talking
at the time, so I don't think she saw me.
She e-mail me about a week later.
She said I know it was you who left the
card, thanks. (my name was one it)
i don't have much contact with her, but
when I do, I just let her know that I
still love her. No strings, just two
human beings. One loving the other,
even if the other don't love me. I
talked with her recently, and she said the
most I can get out of this is a friend,
take it or leave it. Guess what, i'll
take what I can get. I trust, and love
her. I will not bring up boyfriend,
husband, lover etc,. No committment,
no promises from her. She don't want
to feel that she owes anything. We're
friends, she just don't want me to grab
her, or try to kiss her, (just for right
now I hope). I just pray for us, and
let her know i'm there if she needs help.
Just be her friend. The fact that
she's like that with all men gives me
hope. If she tells me one day that
she's in a relationship with someone, I
wish her well, and walk away. I lose.
(i may even cry a little) dang. I hope
this helps a little. See ya.
