I'm completely new to this forum, and I
have to admit I have a fear about things
like these, but I have to talk to
someone.
I'm 27 and gave birth to a beautiful
baby girl 3 months ago. Her father, a man
I trusted more than anyone in the world,
abandoned us a month before she was born.
His excuse.... "god told him he had
sinned and it was his responsibility to
make it right". I was devastated when he
did it. Human beings have a tendency to
do horrible things to each other, but this
was more than I ever expected one to do.
The most insane thing about this.....
He's 43 and has been unable to have
children before. He wanted this child
more than anything, and so we decided to
go ahead and do it. This was a planned
pregnancy!!
This is more than I think any person
should ever have to go through. It's
something i'm not sure i'll ever be able
to get over. I cry almost every day. I
keep focusing on the fact that I had to
give birth completely alone. Then I
remember that my child, this true gift
from god, will never have a father.
Will I ever be able to get through
this? Some days I think I will, but
others are so hard to bear that I wish I
could be somewhere else. Do any of you
have any ideas about what I may be able to
do to help myself? Thanks in advance for
taking the time to read
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 06-16-04 22:53pm
It's not your fault, don't blame yourself!
Some times men have a lot of problems
try not to figure it out, he may come back
and then again, he may not! You have
your child, you will have good times and
bad times, we all do! Just do what you
can! My thoughts and prayers are with
you! You can get help, their is help
out their for you and your baby, don't be
afraid or ashamed to ask. Life is not
easy with or without children. Feel free
to talk to us anytime. I hope I have
helped!
Sincerely,
sandy
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scgal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jun 2004 Posts: 3 Location: sc
Posted: 06-16-04 23:58pm
I have gone thru something very similar -
my husband and I planned our daughter
...She was born and placed on life support
and by a miracle god left her with us
...Today she is 6 and just fine . My
husband one day three years ago decided he
didnt want to be married anymore and up
and walked out . I was devastated . He
moved 5 states away to be with his high
school sweetheart and now treats me as if
I am diseased . Its been three years and
I am now back among the living . Our
daughter does not even remember her dad
and I together and that breaks my heart .
We had a great relationship and then poof
. All thanks to the internet . The truth
is ...Some people cant handle being
parents ....Its not your fault ...Its
there problem ...Thank god for your child
and learn to accept that this is just
yours for now ...In time when he sees that
u are ok on your own and that this child
is more important then his selfishness
...He may have a change of heart ...But
dont bet the farm on it ...Take care of
yourself and the baby and learn to love
you ...U did nothing wrong ...Remember
always its his problem ..Not yours ! And
certainly not the babys
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JanetBee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 332
Posted: 06-17-04 11:55am
What is important is that your baby has
one parent who loves her very much. You
will be able to tell your daughter how
much she was wanted, and maybe one day she
will get to know her father, but that he
couldn't be there for her just now.
Some people just can't handle the
responsibility, and it sounds like your
man may have some serious "issues"
generally. You can't be sure that if he
had stuck around that he would have been a
good father -- and it certainly isn't true
that any father is better than none at
all! Just consider yourself lucky that
you got something good from him, and maybe
that was what his role in your life was
intended to be. Good luck.
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ARAero
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2004 Posts: 2 Location: PA
Been There Too! Posted: 07-11-04 21:47pm
My ex-husband did the same thing to me.
I was so crushed. He may have said and
acted that he wanted a baby. The bit
about the sin...caca.
Like someothers have said...Be greatful
for your baby..She has one loving parent.
My two have me, it's so difficult at
times. Also be greatful that you didn't
marry this jerk. Men can be real
worthless. Please take care of you and
your little one. Enjoy her while she is
young. Hang tight. I am sorry I don't
have many words of wisdom for you but just
thank your lucky stars you have a
beautiful baby and she is all yours.
Jess,
your daughter is the lucky one:she has
a mother there for her.I think the father
just thought of himself.But don't
worry,you're gonna have so many fun times
watching her grow.It may hurt because you
might want the father to be there for her
at her time of need but it's your
wonderful time with her.Spend as much time
with her as you can.She will look up to
you for support.Be advised though:these
kinds of fathers are the ones who will
come back years later after all the hard
work you've put into raising her by
yourself and try to be the "daddy" he
missed out on.We all make choices that
work for us.He's made a choice he thinks
works for him.I think he's losing so much
of life! You and your daughter are the
lucky ones! Have a nice day.Hug and kiss
the baby:)
