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After My Husbands Death

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I have never posted a msg. Anywhere before so I am not sure how I should do this but I will just tell my story and see if anyone has a response. July 25, 2003 my husband passed away. He was 23 years old. I work midnight shift and came home from work. I got something to eat and went into my room. I tucked in my 19 month old daughter, who was still sleeping. I went over to my bed and noticed that my husband wasnt snoring. He had sleep apnea and had started recently snoring. Then I noticed that his c-pap mask was off. I climbed into bed and thought I better wake him up to put his mask back on. When I touched him he was very cold. I got scared and started to shake him but he was on his stomach and already "stiff". He was a heavy man and I was able to push him up on his side and I saw his face. It startled me and I dropped him. I ran out of the room and into my brothers room (we had moved back into my mothers home a few months earlier) and yelled get up something is wrong with joe I think he is dead. My brother started to yell to call 911.. After that I remember what was happening but it is not important to the story. The emt's took my blood pressure which was very high and sent me to the hospital. My husband was estimated to have died about 2 hours after I had left for work. Cause is still unknown.. Now my problem is I cant get that day out of my head. It has been almost 9 weeks and I still see his face when I found him..How his body looked.. I feel sick whenever I go to check on my daughter now thinking I am going to find her dead. This morning I came home and she has crawled out of bed and fell back asleep on the floor and I almost vomited when I seen her there.. It is almost like before I see her real face I see it like I would if she had died.. I cry all the time, in private but keep a strong face in public.. I have lost my appetite.. And I feel tired all the time, but I am afraid to sleep because as soon as I close my eyes the movie starts..
Can anybody help me? I have nobody to talk to about this.
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replied September 20th, 2003
Extremely eHealthy
U poor dear, it's such a sad story Sad
i don't know exactly what you're going through but I have some idea. The closest i've been to death was when my grandmother died and I saw her body laid out in the casket. It absolutely terrified me even though I loved her very much. When someone dies, they don't look like themsleves and unfortunately, because u found ur husband, this is your over-riding memory of him. Because of the situation and how over whelming it was, all your fond memories seem to have taekn a back seat. My nans dead five months now and for the first few, all I could see was her face, I had nightmares and everything. Gradually, I found that through pictures, prayers and talking about her, I began to feel a bit better.
What you've been through is somehting you'll never forget but in time, the face u see will start to become the husband u married. 4 the sake of ur child, u must cherish all ur memories of ur husband. Perhaps u could talk to your family or a close friend about the way you feel or even ask the doctor to refer you to a trained grief counsellor.
In time, I hope u r able to 4get the bad images and remember the good.
God bless and I hope things start to get better for you and ur daughter x
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replied September 20th, 2003
Sparkle
Thank you for your response.. I hope you are right and I will keep faith.. Thank you
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replied September 21st, 2003
Extremely eHealthy
If u ever wanna talk, i'm here. I know i'm across the pond (!) but i'm sure we'll both be on-line at some time.
You're a very brave woman.
God bless x
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replied January 8th, 2004
Death of a Husband!
Lipstickdiva,

i know exactly what you are going through. 15 years ago, i, too, lost my husband in a snowmobile accident. He was 28, I was 22. We had a 16 month old daughter. It was devasting to me, not knowing how I was going to raise a little girl without her daddy. I thank the lord for family and friends. You are still greiving, and it is very normal. Just allow yourself that. Its okay to cry, even if it is in public. But I will tell you this, god has a purpose for you and your daughter, though you may not understand how this could happen, he knows what he is doing. I am happily re-married, with 4 children. My daughter, is now 16, and junior in high school and is doing very well. God has put someone in her life, not to replace her father, but to be a father role model. Every day I look at her, is everyday she looks more and more like her daddy, I am so glad about that. That may not be what god has planned for you, but only he knows. My whole point to this is this, you will grieve for a time, and that is expected, but allow yourself that, you need that, and joy will eventually come to you again. And to your little girl! I also saw my husband lying there on the ground after the accident. That too, will fade. It will take time, but it will happen. I also hope I was of some kind of help.

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replied January 10th, 2004
I lost my husband last year just before thanksgiving. He was giving my friend a ride on his motorcycle and was supposed to be right back. Another friend and I went looking for them and couldn't find anything. We called the police and they wouldn't do anything. Some one found them on the side of the road the next morning. My friend survivied. They had been out there for 10 hours not even 5 minutes from my house. The last year has been a major rollercoaster for me. I quit my job. Got involved with the wrong people but I am doing much better now. You just have to give yourself the time. I only saw a photo of him gone and he appeared to be sleeping. And when we had the funeral they make them look good, but when I touched his hands they were freezing. I kept holding them to warm them up. Closing the casket was really the worst it is so final. My 7 year old son was right there too.
But you start to let go of all that. Cherish all the good times you had. My husband and shared in a lot of great things. The birth of our daughter. Teaching my son to ride his bike. He video a lot. I can hear him laughing in the back ground. And yes it makes me sad that we can't make anymore memories. I owe to him and my children to remember. Kids really pick up on how you are feeling. As I get better they are too.
My husband and I were having a really awful year and he had been really stressed and grumpy. But that night he was so happy and was telling me we were going to be ok. Kissing me and just happy. I am so thankful for that.
I don't know if this helps you at all. But sometimes you need to know that there are others out there who can relate to what you are going through. You'd be amazed at how many people have been there. My husband was only 33. I am now a 27 yr old widow with 2 small children. It sucks and its not fair. But you have to pick yourself back up and keep living. One day at a time. A co worker told me that it could take up to two years to feel ok. I say don't give yourself a set amount of time. You'll just know.
Good luck and god bless
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replied October 25th, 2004
Husbands Death
Hi diva, I lost my husband 2 years ago and went thru nearly the same torturous scenes in my head that you describe. I kept seeing my husbands lifeless body being poured into the body bag and lifted out of our house. These thoughts do subside. I moved and started "over" so to speak, the past always comes creeping back in when you least expect it but it is different. Your daughter is growing up and you need to find help for yourself and you. There is a light at the end of this path for you hang in there!
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replied October 26th, 2004
After Husbands Death
It is very hard for someone to loose their spouse. My husband died two months ago on august 25th. He was 48 years young. He had been sick for a while but always seemed to come back around. He had waited for a liver transplant for such a long time it affected his other organs. On july 5th in the morning he was laying on the floor, I dial 911 and he went to the hospital. My doctor said he would not make it. But I said he will. I had him transferred to a larger hospital in penna. After 3 days he came around but part of his memory was gone. He did not remember things over the past year or so. As time went on he was doing better then had another heart attack 3 weeks later and came back stronger with his memory and everything. The only thing is they never took him out of the bed much so he would need a rehab to get his strenth back. He was getting ready to leave the hospital and they said one more day here. The next day on my way up to the hospital he was put in intensive care . His blood pressure was so low they did everything for him, by the next morning the doctor said he is not going to make it. By 11:30 wed morning he passed away. I thought he was getting better and they he was gone. He was so full of fluids that the undertaker told me he might have to have a closed casket, his body was dying before he did. The undertaker did a wonderful job on him and his casket was open. I still think of the way he looked when he died but I also think of the wonderful times I had with him when he was alive. I miss him so much but I realize it does get just a little better each day, you realize that a day went by without you crying, you might cry again but you realize your partner would want you to go on. I still feel him along side of me in bed and that does comfort me at times. I go to his grave and talk to him and tell him I am mad he left me by myself and I don't want to start all over again. But he watches over me I know this and you will realize this too. He is beside you trying to help you through the pain.
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replied June 2nd, 2008
Husband died
Hi

I have never ever posted messages on the mail. I am at the stage where I will do anything just to feel better. My husband died 4 weeks ago. He had jaundice-he had liver failure and was in hospital for two weeks. I thought he was gonna come out and recover. He was weak the one day and the next just lost all mobility and his speech. He was very depressed at home and drank a lot. Things were not to good between us but I stayed because I love him. He was 44. I am 31 and feel that my world has fallen apart. I did not expect this to happen. I have never seen anyone die and he did in my arms. I keep on seeing him and the suffering he went through in hospital. He wanted to get better. It kills me to think about it. I get panic attacks at night and cant believe what I have seen. I am sorry if this is not relating to all you guys stories. I just stumbled across this site and felt I have something in common with you. I cant get all these things out of my head.


I keep on replaying everything over and over in my head. I got to tell him that I love him and will make him proud. Everything feels like a bad dream. I wake up in the mornings feeling sick. I hope this all will get better. You all sound like very brave people
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Users who thank anna31 for this post: vschuyler 

replied February 15th, 2009
I also lost my husband.....
Very simliar situation, My husband of 30 years passed away of liver failure and it was so painful to watch him suffer in the hospital.
I too thought he was going to make it.
Also having trouble sleeping, when all I can think of was the terrible treatment he received in the hospital
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replied May 28th, 2009
h
Hi everyone...

just read this wonderful story truly makes you feel God's power, love and compassion over His people. An eye opener towards the realms of our spirituality. I urge you to through the links and let know your comments by posting it below. So go on, experience life one's more with God's words...and try to search in google the thankgodforebooks My Husband Died by Luan Mitchell.... thank you
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replied August 17th, 2009
Hi everyone....

I just lost my husband Feb 17,2009. He drank alot.He was
in rehab for two months.We thought he was doing better.But he was in and out of the hospital.Then on Feb 14th he went in cuz he was vomitting.They had told him he was dehydrating.So they kept in i left to go and take our girls to school that morning. When i came back he was rush to the icu because he was having hard time breathing, He also had a bad liver from his drinking.He kept going down hill.He was put on life support.It was very hard to hard to pull the plug. I feel so depress i don't like going to work anymore i still have his ashes i still can't let go. There's time i just want to yell.There's also times i don't want my girls near me.
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replied September 5th, 2010
My husband of 22 years died from cancer two and a half years ago. He was my best friend. We did everything together. I was special because he made me feel that way. I don't make friends easily and I feel so alone. We did not have children. I find it difficult to talk about him because the tears are always there just waiting to fall.
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replied September 11th, 2010
My husband died of cancer
My husband passed away on August 29, 2010. He had stomach cancer and had battled it for a year before he lost his battle. He kept bouncing back and I thought he would do that again. I know he was suffering and I had to give him permission to leave. I know it was best for him because he was in so much pain, but now I feel like I'm the one in so much pain. I miss him so much. He was only 38 years old and we have four kids together. I am still making it moment by moment. I keep going for my kids but it is not easy. I could easily crawl into bed and not get up for a while. I know that is not what he would want, so I keep going. I miss him so very much and pray that my kids will remember him and the wonderful dad that he was. I know he is still around us and we can feel him, but I would love to feel his warm arms around me again. I miss that comfort.
I know the days will eventually get easier, but right now it is hard to imagine.
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replied November 22nd, 2010
LOST MY HUSBAND TO CIRRHOSIS 4 WEEKS AGO.
Hello,
I know exactly how it feels, I too just lost my husband 4 weeks ago (exact to the day)Sergio passed away on 10-25-10, he had his last b-day 52 years old on 10-01-10 and was in the hospital for 4 days the last week of September; he came home but the doctors said that they couldn't do anything else for him; it was so hard to hear those words because in the past he was admitted to the hospital but always bounced back but not this time. He tried so hard to get healthy quit drinking 4 years ago, took all his medicines, supplements, vitamins and rested as much as possible but this time when he came back from the hospital he had to walk with the help of a cane because cirrhosis is an evil disease still he didn't give up until the last weekend before his passing when he took a turn for the worst; I thank the angels from the hospice home that helped us to take care of him at home for the last 2 weeks of his life and kept him confortable until the end. I'm taking one day at the time and with the help of my daughters (24 and 22 years old girls)I have faith that I will be able to enjoy life again. Good bless you and take care of yourself!
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replied January 21st, 2011
my fiance passed away :(
my fiance died 1 month after we got engaged September 1st 2010 but i think he died the 31st, we had been arguing so i went to my parents house for a few days since they had just got home from being on vacation for 3 months too, he went and stayed at a friends house, we talked a few times while we were apart i was mad cuz he wanted to be with his friends without me which is also why i told him we shuld take a few days apart, then he had called me the day he died telling me that he wanted me to come pick him up and he felt like he was dying, he has alota panic attacks so i just thought he was having another one of those, plus i asked him like 3 times if he was sure he was okay before i got off the phone and he told me yes, so the last thing he said to me was ill call u right back, mysteriously he never did which is very unlike him and i called the phone and no1 answered. next thing i kno i go to work the next day was planning on going to be with him after work then on my lunch break i get a call that he is dead!!so i rushed to where he was because i just couldnt believe it then i saw all the cop cars and almost passed out after the forensics were done taking pictures then i went inside the house to see him and i cant get these images out of my mind!!! i just remember seeing his face like he was sleeping the police were standing all around, i was crying hysterically and could barely breath then i walked over to him to kiss him but i was scared i almost closed my eyes but i didnt i just remember when i looked down and went to kiss him i could see his eyes thru his eyelids and his lips didnt move they felt like ice against mine. That was the most terrifying experience of my life, he didnt even look like himself at the funeral so i got really upset, anyways its pretty sad that sum1 gave him drugs that he never did and knowing that gave him a large dosage which caused him to pass away he was only 25! i went to the police they wont do anything, these "friends" of his all made up a story and are sticking to it i have no help i dont know what to do no1 believes me, when i went to the house none of the kids were remoresful and the fact they waited till his body was stiff to call the police is insane to me! the police never liked my fiance so thats why they wont do anything, its ashame i feel like i need to do something because ive always done everything for him and backed him up on everything and now i feel helpless wut do i do!!!!! Sad
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replied June 5th, 2011
When does the loneliness end?
35yrs. of marriage...like all marriages had the ups and downs, unfortunately due to mental and physical health of my love. But we made it until he got hit with Lou Gehrig's and pancreatic cancer. He lost his ability to talk and it was so hard. Sometimes it just comes over me that he is gone. Hospice counselor says "think a month for each year of marriage." Almost 1 1/2 in and tho not crying or ranting, I am so lonely. Live with my daughter and grand daughter but she is getting serious with a young man and it scares me to think of living alone. The loneliness and not knowing what kind of life I will be living in the years to come is horrible. I'm not a joiner, my friends are work friends and they are in retail so it just seems to go on and on.
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replied February 5th, 2013
pulmonary embolism
Hi I know how you feel I came home from work and found my husband on our bed he had been gone a while. We were TTY together nine years and married three years. I have millions of cherished memories but all I can do is relive that day. He passed away November 2012. I know how u feel it is heart wrenching seem to be walking in a daze. I will move soon and take my memories with mexx
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replied April 19th, 2014
Husbands Suicide has taken it's toll on me
I am 31 years old with three daughters. My recent husband was 6 years younger then I. We both stem from the same unstable childhood and at first it was a bumpy relationship to say the least. But after being married for for years, we were better together then most couples would be. We worked together and played together. Laughed together cried together we did everything together. We were 23 and 29 at the time, we were at a friends house party I got sleepy early because I normally do not drink... I should tell you that we are both bipolar and had Major Depressive Disorder. Well anyways I had gotten sleepy so I went across the street to our house to lay down. A few hours later he came through the door and apparently had not only been drinking but had taken several xanax as well.. He had tried to give me his money and told me to put it up, however he never would actually give it to me! well he decided he was going to go to the store around the corner to get some cigarettes and when he returned he said give me my money! well he thought he had given it to me when he hadn't(xanax make you forget things). so he began to get angry and demanded his money or he would burn the house down. he took a torch and went out to the siding on the house and started it up. I got it put out and told him to come in and we would find his money. In the mean time we had woke up his dad (we were staying with him) and he came out and told my husband to leave me alone that I didn't have his money and then my husband got really angry. He said he then wanted his gun and that he couldn't find it so with the fit that he was throwing his dad gave him the gun(it was a occtogone barrel .22 pistol) and then his dad told him he was done with him and got in his car and left. So I was left with him. well all the sudden he had me up against the wall and had the gun barrel resting on the middle of my forehead. I didn't get scared and I didn't freak out I calmly said "I don't have your money Babe" and all the sudden you could see the change in his eyes and he came back to being him, when he imediately realized what he was doing he said he would never hurt me again and shot himself in front of me. It has been since October 2011 and to this day there is not a minute that goes by that that day does not play over and over again in my head. My dreams are reliving that moment and my emotions are consumed with missing him and being angry that I was left alone to deal with the mess of a life that we had only just started to clean back up and make it worth living. So I Know how it is to be lost confused and angry when you lose someone unexpected such as a spouse. I have since become a bitter and cold with numbness person in a shell that barely resembles the person I was before all this. I have gained 50 pounds lost interest in everything and go nowhere!
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