Medical Abortion Forum - Have a Son, Had 1 Abortion, Pregnant Again, What to Do....

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Q: Have a Son, Had 1 Abortion, Pregnant Again, What to Do....

asked by: TresJolie on June 15th, 2004

New User

I have a 4 1/2 yr. Old son. His father is still in the picture. We're together but separating in the next week, he has a drug problem he's going to get help with. Hopefully he'll get clean and be able to come back with his family, otherwise i'm on my own. I've already had 2 medical abortions since my son was born because at the time we just couldn't handle another child. We're still struggling now. I know it's not a means of birth control and before the first one I couldn't fathom doing such a thing. I just found out i'm pregnant again. My mother (who knows about the first 2) wants me to terminate this one. She thinks it's best for me and my son right now not to mention we're moving in with her till I can get on my feet again.
I have no money right now. No health insurance right now and i'm going to be relying on my mom for the next month until I can get settled in and find a job. And then who's going to hire me being pregnant. I have/had a great career going. I just quit to move back to my moms (in a different county). I make good money and was doing fine until I found out about the drugs and where the money was going.
I know the lord doesn't give us more than we can handle but i'm all alone. I know my mom will be so hard on my for keep this child. Especially living with her and hearing her complain about how hard it's going to be on me and what do I think i'm going to do and how do I think i'm going to support another child. I have no other options except for staying with her right now. One day i'm terminating like it's no problem and the next I want to keep this baby. I can't imagine being able to support 2 children in day care. I want certain things that are important to me for my son, I want things for our life that another baby wouldn't allow me to have/do. Adoption is not an option, I can't go through a pregnancy to give it away. As bad as it sounds i'd rather abort.
I just need advise. I know I shouldn't do it but i'm leaning that way and I hate myself for doing it. I already feel like god is punishing me for the first 2. I can't imagine if I did it again. Help!

Replies(7)

jessechaseme

replied on June 15th, 2004

Experienced User

First of all, god isn't punishing you. If there is a god, he would provide food stamps and housing for free and with some pride on the side. Secondly, it sounds like your mother is great to offer support. Ultimately, it's your choice not your mom's. You have to be absolutely sure of what you want. Have you checked out assisted services? Are you able to get food stamps now that your on your own? Check that out. Get a hold of planned parenthood. They can usually help with abortion options or prenatal care. Plannedparenthood - they do have them in california. I think they have a sliding scale care plan for what ever you decide. None-the-less get some birthcontrol if you are going to continue having sex. It's stupid to be unprotected. Also, sounds like you could use some counsling. If you are assisted living they can help you out with that. Let me take a stab in the dark - you are depressed, no?
Sometimes you need to decide what is best for you at this moment. Can you pay your bills? Can you afford another child knowing that they will not have a positive father figure.. You can say "oh he'll change" all you want - but look at today. He's not changed. Make some goals. First being get a job, secondly decide if you want another child, thirdly how are you going to make your decision happen (abort or have child). What ever you decide know that you are put in a horrible situation. But you need to know how to prevent it next time. Are you going to let this happen again? Are you going to get back with a guy who does drugs? Are you going to let your kid be in this setting? Lord knows what that child has seen. Work on being a good mom for the kid you have. Sounds like you have some major things to contemplate. Best of luck.

2ferano

replied on June 16th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I am with jesse on this one completely.
It is ultimately your decision. But it does sound like you really need to start using some form of birth control. And I am not talking about "pulling out"
let's see we have birth control pills, sponges, diaphrams, foam, inserts, condoms, patches, shots, rings, implants, tying of tubes, have I forgoten anything? Oh yeah, not having sex with someone you do not want to be with.
Do not go back to him. He is not worth it and he is obviously not responsible.
I am sure you will be available for assistance. At least until you get on your feet. But do what is best for you. Not what your mother says to do.
Good luck and god bless, but please start being responsible.

jessechaseme

replied on June 17th, 2004

Experienced User

Go back to the debate forum if you're going to judge what's decent.

oopoopoop

replied on June 18th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

You need to think about what is best for your son, yourself and your future children. But anyway, it sounds like the father is part of the problem, not part of the solution! And what's best for your mother is probably not relevant either.

Is there anyone who can help you, that you can really talk to about what is best, how you would manage? While abortion is an option for you, it doesn't sound like it's the one you really want to choose.

Good luck, and be careful.

oopoopoop

replied on June 18th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

If clicking on the link doesn't work, you would need to copy and paste it, and then change any uppercase letters to lower case! (i wish they would fix that on this site!)

lilseraph

replied on July 4th, 2004

New User

Don't Give Up

Hi tresjolie Smile

doesn't sound like the easiest of situations! Wish you wouldn't feel so alone, cause you're not Smile

. You've done one thing already, reach out on the net! Lots of people would hope to support you. It's not just your decision - it may come down to you in the end.. But people are there to help.

I found a couple good sites on pregnancy help:
www.Pregnancy911.Com
www.Pregnancycenters.Org

i hope i'm not too late but it's worth a shot anyway. One thing.. You don't have to tell anyone who's hiring you that you're pregnant! I was once fretting of what to do for a job too... Really, they don't need to know until you can afford to leave for maternity (or until they realise you're tummy is growing..)

i know how hard things must feel right now. A baby is hard work, as i'm sure you've found out. We all get feelings of weakness and fear sometimes, but abortion doesn't have to be the only way out. I personally hope it's not... Because that's a living child inside you, unique - and even if you feel you won't give him/her the best life, will never blame you. None of us have the best of lives, but we do our best. Sounds like you weren't always keen on abortion.. Perhaps this child can have a chance like your son before him/her did Smile

if you want some more info on the decision I also found this site:
www.Abortionfacts.Com

you seem like a very brave woman. I also hope the best for your man, and whether he makes it through his drug problems or not... Hope you follow your heart on whether you want to stay with him or not. You can still give your children a good life without him if you must. I really wish you find somewhere to turn and that you don't give up! Smile

PattyV

replied on July 18th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I'm truly sorry for the tough decisions you need to make,but the decisions need to be yours.You are the one who must deal long term with your choices.Not your mom,your man or anyone else.You alone can decide what is right for you,you know yourself better than anyone.Don't think you are a bad person,we all make mistakes and there's nothing wrong with that -as long as we learn from them!Figure out what is best for you and your son and then move on.Your son needs a stable life and it does not sound like his father can help with that right now.If your mom does not support your choices,whatever they may be,there are many social service organizations that can help you and your son.Best of luck to you and your son.Pattyv

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