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Reaching Out And Reaching Inward

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twistedmuze

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2004
Posts: 1
Location: ca
Reaching Out And Reaching Inward
Posted: 06-15-04 15:21pm

As a bipolar suffer I have experienced all the ups and downs and made mistake after mistake that I could not explain to anyone let alone myself. I was told I was irresponsible and needed to grow up. I am 35 yrs old female, and I am a grown up, but I have a disease. The best and most insightful I have ever felt was after reading "touched by fire", a book written by kay redfield jamison. She is a phd. In psychiatry and is also bipolar. She understands the disease from both sides of the fence and anyone looking to come to terms with their own disease or that of a loved one should read this book. Every day is a struggle, panic attacks over whether or not people can tell something is wrong with me, or afraid of doing something stupid that will hurt those I love. And love is tough. How do you ask someone to take on such a debilatating disease that is hard enough for the person who has it to understand let alone someone else. We often leave relationships on a whim, during manic times because we are so afraid of screwing up someones life. Or we are afraid they will leave us so we leave first. We have to live dulled by the medication we must take for the rest of our lives. And most sufferers are highly intelligent people, making matters worse. We seem irresponsible because we are too smart to do such dumb, impulsive things. Many of us end up alone, many commit suicide or end up so debilated we are hospitalized. And that fear makes up lie to the drs and thus we get inadequate treatment of the disease. It is like a merry go round or a rollercoaster. All in constant fear what will I do next to mess up my life? Or someone elses. But we crave the same things every other human being does- love and understanding. I would not wish this disease on even my worst enemies. I have become a hermit. The internet my only forum of human contact. I can't hold a job, I have lost all those I have ever been close to, including my family. No one gets it. No one is willing to get it. And we suffer everyday in our own form of purgatory. Alive, but not really living. Just struggling to keep it together.
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Ruby of the Water

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jul 2004
Posts: 43
Location: Michigan
Response to Your Writing
Posted: 07-28-04 06:56am

Wow!

That is the color of despare! Wow!

Ruby
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purple333

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney
Choices.............
Posted: 07-29-04 09:15am

Regardless of our mental health (or physical) we all have choices - the thing is to decide what our choices & options are & what we are going to do about them. Wink

i agree with the last post you sound as if you are in despair Crying
or Very sad - the question is - do you wnat your life to continue like this or do you want to at least try or look for a way to change your life for the better?? Question Idea

if you are seeking help & want to try to change your life for the better - let us know what sort of ways you have tried in the past, what you would like to do or even just that you want advice/help because you're lost.
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HLFOLKNER

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 29
Location: arkansas

Posted: 08-24-04 17:56pm

You absolutely need to reach out and get help. I did and it is the best thing I ever did. You can not continue as you are!
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