Reaching Out And Reaching Inward Posted: 06-15-04 15:21pm
As a bipolar suffer I have experienced all
the ups and downs and made mistake after
mistake that I could not explain to anyone
let alone myself. I was told I was
irresponsible and needed to grow up. I
am 35 yrs old female, and I am a grown up,
but I have a disease. The best and most
insightful I have ever felt was after
reading "touched by fire", a book written
by kay redfield jamison. She is a phd.
In psychiatry and is also bipolar. She
understands the disease from both sides of
the fence and anyone looking to come to
terms with their own disease or that of a
loved one should read this book. Every
day is a struggle, panic attacks over
whether or not people can tell something
is wrong with me, or afraid of doing
something stupid that will hurt those I
love. And love is tough. How do you
ask someone to take on such a debilatating
disease that is hard enough for the person
who has it to understand let alone someone
else. We often leave relationships on a
whim, during manic times because we are so
afraid of screwing up someones life. Or
we are afraid they will leave us so we
leave first. We have to live dulled by
the medication we must take for the rest
of our lives. And most sufferers are
highly intelligent people, making matters
worse. We seem irresponsible because we
are too smart to do such dumb, impulsive
things. Many of us end up alone, many
commit suicide or end up so debilated we
are hospitalized. And that fear makes up
lie to the drs and thus we get inadequate
treatment of the disease. It is like a
merry go round or a rollercoaster. All
in constant fear what will I do next to
mess up my life? Or someone elses. But
we crave the same things every other human
being does- love and understanding. I
would not wish this disease on even my
worst enemies. I have become a hermit.
The internet my only forum of human
contact. I can't hold a job, I have lost
all those I have ever been close to,
including my family. No one gets it.
No one is willing to get it. And we
suffer everyday in our own form of
purgatory. Alive, but not really living.
Just struggling to keep it together.
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Ruby of the Water
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Posts: 43 Location: Michigan
Response to Your Writing Posted: 07-28-04 06:56am
Wow!
That is the color of despare! Wow!
Ruby
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Choices............. Posted: 07-29-04 09:15am
Regardless of our mental health (or
physical) we all have choices - the thing
is to decide what our choices &
options are & what we are going to do
about them.
i agree with the last post you sound as if
you are in despair - the
question is - do you wnat your life to
continue like this or do you want to at
least try or look for a way to change your
life for the better??
if you are seeking help & want to try
to change your life for the better - let
us know what sort of ways you have tried
in the past, what you would like to do or
even just that you want advice/help
because you're lost.
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HLFOLKNER
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2004 Posts: 29 Location: arkansas
Posted: 08-24-04 17:56pm
You absolutely need to reach out and get
help. I did and it is the best thing I
ever did. You can not continue as you
are!
- the
question is - do you wnat your life to
continue like this or do you want to at
least try or look for a way to change your
life for the better?? 
