Teen Pregnancy Forum - I Thought Things Yesterday That I Am Very Upset About!

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Q: I Thought Things Yesterday That I Am Very Upset About!

asked by: Julymommy72504 on June 11th, 2004

Experienced User

*kinda long*
yesterday I had alot put on me toward the end of the night. My grandmother's boyfriend has given our house away!! Its her house that she is letting us live in. We pay her rent and the house is owned there are not payments needed. My dad just hands it to grandma, he pays all the bills here and then fixes it up! He paints, remodels, etc. The house went off the market today and willie (her boyfriend) went home and called becky and dan and said well the house is off the market you can have it now! Omg, what the health question are we gonna do? I have my baby coming next month we cant afford to move right now! We cant afford to pay 900.00 rent plus the bills. We just cant. If I had a job maybe, but I am high risk and on modified bed rest. I cant do anything!
So last night I was talking to my aunt steph on-line and I started saying I screwed up I screwed up. It would all be diffrent if I was not pregnant we could afforrd to live.
I feel terrible for saying those things. I love hayley more than life itself. She is my miracle baby, saving me from myself. Before I was becoming a major alcoholic. When I got pregnant it all changed and its something I am not going to be returning too. I don't want that kind of life for hayley and dont want her around it. I even cut off ties with my only friends. I mean I dont want them or need them around. I dont wish hayley away, I do wish I would have never said that! Am I a bad person? On top of everything I have been doing today I have been crying my eyes out. I cried cause my dad would not eat this grilled egg and cheese sandwhich I made for him. He grabbed it real quick and took like 3 bites. My mom and dad were like heather are you okay hunny? I dont want to tell them I said that and I dont want to tell them I am worrying about what we are gonna do. How can I think about happy thoughts again?
Please help.

Lots of love,
heather and hayley

Replies(8)

2ferano

replied on June 11th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I don't think you are bad for saying those things. You are upset and stressed out. Just because you said you messed up does not mean that you will not love that baby more then anything in the world! It is just harder now financially.
It will be o.K. Talk to your parents. They sound like good people and I think if you talk to them you will feel better.

Cheer up...Everything will work out believe it or not.

Julymommy72504

replied on June 11th, 2004

Experienced User

Thanks a bunch for the reassurance I hope you are right about talking to my parents they are already so stressed right now, I dont want them to stress more cause they no I am stressing and we all know how my blood pressure gets!!

Lots of love,
heather and hayley

insurancegirl

replied on June 12th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

KariM1804

replied on June 12th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

Hun dont feel bad. We all say things like that at some point probably. I remember that I have to and I felt awful (ive said more then once that it would be so much easier not pregnant and how I regretted sleeping with ryan) but its just part of ourselves thats still wishing to be able to be young ya know? We know we love our babies so much and im sure our babies know too*

Julymommy72504

replied on June 12th, 2004

Experienced User

I am still upset with myself that I could even think that way, but I do feel much better knowing that we all go through this. I am very sorry that I could think that about my little one knowing that she did nothing. Your girls are right though we are not perfect and our little ones know that we love them!
Aabout the house, my grandmother says she is not doing land contract with anyone but my father, but then she said she thinks she might put it back on the market. So I give up. I am just sad about moving cause I did the baby's room. I painted it yellow and then did my own little design around the middle section of the wall. Its so pretty and I don't want to give it to someone else. Is that selfish of me?
Lots of love,
heather and hayley

2ferano

replied on June 14th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I don't think that is selfish at all! Whether or not you actually owned the house does not mean anything. It was still your home, and you want to stay! Perfectly understandable!

Julymommy72504

replied on June 14th, 2004

Experienced User

Thanks girls!! I dont feel so selfish now, lol. I mean your right, besides I painted it and decorated it for .M.Y. Baby, not anybody elses, lol.

Thanks again girls!!!
Lots of love,
heather and hayley

chrystinmarie

replied on June 15th, 2004

Experienced User

Don't feel bad, at night sometimes I will be trying to sleep but I am in excruciating pain because the baby is laying funny and I will lay there and cry my eyes out and tell myself that "this is my fault". Then I feel 10 times worse that I called my daughter a "fault" and I will cry some more! Its just our hormones and swelling bellies that are causing us to be like this!

Chrystin

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