*kinda long*
yesterday I had alot put on me toward the end of the night. My grandmother's boyfriend has given our house away!! Its her house that she is letting us live in. We pay her rent and the house is owned there are not payments needed. My dad just hands it to grandma, he pays all the bills here and then fixes it up! He paints, remodels, etc. The house went off the market today and willie (her boyfriend) went home and called becky and dan and said well the house is off the market you can have it now! Omg, what the health question are we gonna do? I have my baby coming next month we cant afford to move right now! We cant afford to pay 900.00 rent plus the bills. We just cant. If I had a job maybe, but I am high risk and on modified bed rest. I cant do anything!
So last night I was talking to my aunt steph on-line and I started saying I screwed up I screwed up. It would all be diffrent if I was not pregnant we could afforrd to live.
I feel terrible for saying those things. I love hayley more than life itself. She is my miracle baby, saving me from myself. Before I was becoming a major alcoholic. When I got pregnant it all changed and its something I am not going to be returning too. I don't want that kind of life for hayley and dont want her around it. I even cut off ties with my only friends. I mean I dont want them or need them around. I dont wish hayley away, I do wish I would have never said that! Am I a bad person? On top of everything I have been doing today I have been crying my eyes out. I cried cause my dad would not eat this grilled egg and cheese sandwhich I made for him. He grabbed it real quick and took like 3 bites. My mom and dad were like heather are you okay hunny? I dont want to tell them I said that and I dont want to tell them I am worrying about what we are gonna do. How can I think about happy thoughts again?
Please help.
Lots of love,
heather and hayley