Broken Hearted Forum - Lost And Confused...how Do I Get Over My Fear..?

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Lost And Confused...how Do I Get Over My Fear..?

Q: Lost And Confused...how Do I Get Over My Fear..?

asked by: Princess21 on June 3rd, 2004

New User

The last two boyfriends I had both cheated on me..I was extremely close with them and I had very good relationships with them until that happened. The first one that cheated on me..I'll call him jake...He cheated on me with my bestfriend and towards the end of our relationship he brought me down so bad...He fought with me all the time and I had to put up with hours and hours of verbal abuse..My life fell apart...And I was so afraid to ever trust a guy again b/c I had been hurt so bad with jake Crying or Very sad

...Then a while later I met josh and he was the best thing that ever happened to me in the beginning of our relationship..He showed me not to be afraid anymore and that everything was going to be okay from now on...Then he cheated on me too but I didn't have tp put up with as much crap as I did with jake..Anyways now I decided I was ready again so I currently have a new boyfriend and now that i'm in the relationship i'm haunted by old memories and absolutely terrified of being with him because of all that I went thru in the past...We were best friends before we started dating so we're really close and everything...He really loves me and I don't know what to do. I can't get over my fear but yet I don't want to hurt him..He's absolutely amazing but yet still there's sumthing that won't allow me to love him back. How do I get over this? Now I want to say that if I stay with him it's not cuz I want to get over my fear..I really do like him a lot but i'm just so fragile and scared still. I really thought I was ready to date again but now I know I wasn't..I've tried to talk to him about it but he just keeps saying we'll take things slower..Does anyone have any ideas or is anyone going thru sumthing similar?? Plz tag me back if you have.

Replies(3)

2ferano

replied on June 3rd, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I quit dating all together. Someday I will again, but the majority of "relationships" if that is what you can even call them just stink. We have a shortage of honest, caring, loving and responsible people out there. Not just men, but women too. It breaks out spirits and makes it hard for the good people to trust anyone.
Since you are already with this guy and as long as you do like him and are attracted to him then go ahead and take it slow. He seems very understanding, so I would stay with him as long as you can. It may take you years to trust again. I know that probably doesn't make you feel better but it is true.
But, if it doesn't work out with this guy then after him I highly recommend waiting a while. Or until you find someone that you do fully trust.
Don't take this as a weakness, take it as a strength. That is what it is. Most people would just put up with the lying and cheating, you are one of the few left that wont. Once a cheater always a cheater and that is not a lie. If you let them get away with it once, they know they can get away with it in the future.
Just continue respecting yourself, take things slow and try to trust, but not blindly. You still need to pay attention. Take care of yourself.

Princess21

replied on June 3rd, 2004

New User

Wow thank you so much! I have another question tho..You were saying indirectly that I don't completely trust my boyfriend which is true because i'm scared but if there's a no trust relationship isn't that a bad thing and shouldn't I take that into consideration? It's not his fault tho that I can't trust him..I'm so confused..And you are totally right about the once a cheater always a cheater thing. I learned that very fast and I would recommend that to anyone going thru a cheating relationship.

gymbunny

replied on June 9th, 2004

New User

Don't Live Your Life In Fear!

My parents divorced and we found out that my father had been unfaithfull to my mother off and on for 30 years..That was ten years ago and unfortunately it taught me then that if I can't trust my own father then I can't trust any man(which isn't true) every boyfriend I ever had, cheated on me, the man i'm with now cheated on me when we first met and were dating..I then kicked him to the curb..He came back and we've been together ever since, that was five years ago...So the 'once a cheater always a cheater' saying is an a load of crap!!... (not every guy is like my dad) my guy treats me like gold now...People can change. After he cheated I went for counselling, which is what you should do. What I learnt from counselling is that you can't live your life in fear because that means you're not living your life. Don't waste your energy worrying about if he's cheating or not...Don't get me wrong, I still have my days where the paranoia takes over. You need to focus on yourself and enjoy life! You should talk to your guy and tell him you have issues you're dealing with.

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