firstly, I have not yet been to see my
doctor about my illness as I am terrified
of being commited to a hospital like my
mother was 25 years ago.
I have always known my mood swings made me
different, but now they are out of
control.
I will nto answer the telephone incase
someone is going to confront me about
anything, or ask me a question I do not
wish to answer. I will not go out alone
incase someone confrotns me or puts me in
a difficult situation.
My 19 year old daughter and I had a row a
few eveings ago where I said such terrible
things.
I do not want to die because I cannot
leave my children, but oh to just sleep
for a little while without fear of what
the next day will bring.
The highs for me are worse than the lows.
The high I paint pictures until 7am in the
morning before then hitting a low and
crying fro 2 hours because the art I have
produced is dreadful.
I quit my job 12 months ago during an
episode. I have had 4 jobs since,
quittting all of them after a few weeks
during an episode. I started a new job on
tuesday this week and only lasted one day
because people where asking questions I
did nto want to answer.
I cannot think, I cannot smile, I cannot
function anymore.
My husband has begged me to go to the
doctors and has sworn on his life he will
not have me commited, and I beleive him,
but 'they' may talk him into it.
I feel terribly lonely, yet I know I am
loved so very much.
The other thing that is now pushing me to
the edge is the pains in my head. These
feel like an electric current scanning
across my brain. Not painful, but
disturbing. I do not get them every
night, but they are worrysome. Does any
one else get these?
Can they forceably put me away?
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zilbucks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Apr 2004 Posts: 210 Location: NY
Posted: 06-05-04 20:01pm
Now a days...Being commited to an
institution is a very last resort.
Speaking from someone who does have
bipolar- you do need to talk to a doctor.
He will start you on meds...What your
experiencing is true of bipolar 1- your
highs are more frequent than your lows-
not to mention the moods- it also seems
that you may be rapid cycling- between the
mania and depression. If you are a
harm to yourself or others- trying to
commit suicide / abusing your family
members -physically- they may want to
suggest a placement for a few weeks.
Back then...They didn't understand these
particular illnesses as much as they do
today. You'd be surprised how may
people are walking around..Working as
doctors, teachers and do have bipolar 1/2
and even schizophrenia..They can do this
and be under control because of meds.
Don't be scared..The first steps the
hardest, I remember..I have bipolar 2...I
get occasional extreme lows.... With
plenty of hypomania..I was a little
worried about what the drs would say..Or
think, but it was the best thing in the
world for me to take that step and get my
butt on meds- now i"m functioning.....So
please take the step...You won't regret it
one more thing... The paranoia is no
doubt a symptom of this illness- I had it
to, and was sure everyone was "out to get
me" or knew something was wrong...Not to
mention the anxiety. Your not alone,
but you can't do this alone.
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kellie0330
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jul 2004 Posts: 17 Location: ruston, la
Posted: 07-04-04 10:03am
I agree with zilbucks, you cant do this
alone. They are understand bi-polar so
much more today. I
i use to get so scared of being committed
that I would even take my kids to my
therapist, it eased me thinking surely
they wouldnt take me away whith my kids
watching. I have never wanted to die
either, but my family fears that with my
hurting myself episodes, I will do it
without meaning to. This disease rankes
right up there with cancer, it is horrible
and doesnt care about your race, color,
gender or age. It throws your life upside
down.
You can beat this, hang in there.
Medicine is the best way to go, without it
things cant get better- but god how we
wish it could. See a doctor, do be
ashamed. Bi-polar affects everything and
everyone in yourlife. You owe it to
yourself to live without the feelings and
fears you have. Life is to short to not
be able to enjoy it...
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Ruby of the Water
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Posts: 43 Location: Michigan
Night Pain In Your Head Posted: 08-04-04 01:06am
Pudy
i find that if I drink water the headaches
do not bother me.
Sip water all day long.
One of the things I do to myself is not
eat or drink when I am depressed. That
results in head aches. I have put
pennies on the kitchen sink and count how
many glasses of water I drink. Drinking
more water got rid of my head aches.
If my liver is full of junk it can cause
severe headaches, for me and eating food I
am allergic to gives me whopper headaches.
I hope you can get rid to the fear of all
of your symptoms. Go get help it is not
the same today as it was for your mum 25
years ago.
How are you doing today sweet?
Ruby of the water
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 08-04-04 02:13am
You need to get help & what others
here say is true - today more is known
& treatment is more humane then when
your mum was committed. Yes, you might
have to go to hospital for a short (repeat
short) time in order for drs to see whcih
meds are right & to get the dosage
right - but that will also give you a
chance to ask questions & learn about
your condition & how people today are
living & copig with it. At the same
time your family needs to learn as well.
Have them(your family) check out support
groups & you & they should go
on-line to learn more about how bo-polar
is viewed & treated today.
