Where you are going with this. Missing a dose happens even to the best of us. Have you checked out surgery? Where you have a clearly noted area of your brain... I'd jump at removal!

Being stressed does not help the situation(i know easier said than done) you might talk with the Dr. About this and the anxiety!
What kind of surgery do they have for epilepsy?
Sincerely,
sandy

Erica,
you said you have abnormal brain matter..... What do you mean????
I do to. I have excessive amounts of gray matter on the right hemisphere that equals 2/3 of the right side of my brain, and a smaller spot on the left side about the size of a quarter.
How did your doc describe yours????
How were you feeling before you had your 1st grandmal?????
I just didn't feel right and noone could figure it out until I had my 1st grandmal. The doc now tells me that all the weird feelings and vision problems I was having in the begining were smaller seizures.
I haven't had much success with meds either. I have been on just about all of them and many combos of them too.
I agree with you about the quality of life stinking from the side effects..... But you need to find a doc that will listen and adjust your meds so things aren't so bad.
If you have and questions just ask....
Jill

Hi again;
thank you all for responding.

Sorry if I was a little vague, I guess some frustration is getting to me.

What I found out was there was a small spot of brain matter where the grey fully didn't develop from the white. (found from my mri) it could have never affected me my entire life but suddenly I got lucky. (sarcasm, sorry)

the only time before my grand mal that I felt strange was when I woke up the one night very confused. My head pounded and I wasn't sure what day it was and I bit the side of my tongue very hard. After I walked around my apartment a few times, I realized where I was, what day it was and went back to bed. I didn't think anything of it. I sort of just wrote it off to be a bad dream and figured I was clenching my teeth which resulted in my bitten tongue (i have tmj, too).

I think what is really frustrating (which i'm sure is the case for all of us), its that I went 24 years with no problems then bam! I feel so dependant on the meds. Why this is all sinking in now is beyond me? Maybe I was numb to the fact of what has happened? I really don't remember much of the actually seizures, just the waking up in the hospital part.

Well, before I start writing a novel, i'll stop for now.

Best wishes everyone!

Hi erica!
I can completely relate to what you are saying. I was diagnosed with petit mal when I was 7 and no one ever thought anything of it. Then when I was 19 I had my first tonic (early stage of grand mal) seizure. I had been out the night before with friends and had some drinks. To this day I swear a guy put something in my drink that he prepared because the night took a very interesting twist and it was the following day that this first seizure happened! Since then (9 years later) seizures have been popping in and out of my life. For me, stress, lack of sleep or food and alcohol bring them on. I used to be able to have a little to drink with no problems but one new year's I had too much a paid big time! I haven't had anything to drink since. (geee...I make it sound like i'm a drinker but i'm not) anyhow....I was on lamictal for 7 years. For the first 3 or so it worked great! For a while I almost believed I was cured!!!! But then, when put under any amount of stress the seizures came back and it was very clear that the drug was not working for me. Right now i'm being switched over to keppra (a really new one). At first I was really scared of the listed side effects, however, I am pleased to say that i'm doing great. In a few weeks i'm going to start going off the lamictal so we'll see what happens then. But so far, i'm really liking keppra!
As far as being dependant goes....I know exactly what you mean!! My last seizure was march 15th. Prior to that it had been oct. 6 2002! So all of a sudden my life was turned upside down and I could no longer drive...Which now means my husband, dad or friends are carting me and my daughter (2) everywhere! I can't stand it and always feel like such a pain to others. No one has ever made me feel this way, just the situation. So, while I can totally relate, I don't have any advise, other than to try to keep your chin up and share your feelings with others as much as you can. If ever you need an ear, please contact me. It always helps knowing that we're not alone when facing challenges!
Good wishes,
kathy

Don't worry about becoming dependent on something, their is a difference between a want and a need, i'm sure your Dr. Knows what he is doing, just talk to him and be thankful they do have the meds that they do for epilepsy and other medical problems.
Sincerely,
sandy

Erica,
thats the same thing I have, but the grey matter that didn't develope right is very large in my case.
I have been to several doctors through out the years, (i've had the same one now for 8 years) and I have been told that I was born this way and they believe that as I was growing up that I was have slight seizures that noone noticed. When I was 20 months old they thought I had gotten encephalitis (?) and wouldn't wake up for a few days. But after searching for the medical records for the doc I have now he said that the blood counts and things that they did way back in 1967 didn't point to being sick, he believes that I had a massive seizure while sleeping.
I was okay until about the age of 19 when I had my 1st daughter, then I started to feel weird as I called it. All sorts of strange sensations and my vision was getting really screwy, and I was dropping everything. (we went through many dishes)
then one day after I had my 2nd daughter on the way home from visiting my mom, I just felt out of it, twice I had to pull over.
That night my husband was woke up by me having a grandmal, the emergency room doctors said that is was the worst that they ever heard about and I had bitten through my tongue and the sides of my mouth to the point that they had to put stitches in.
After that the docs finally decided that I was epileptic.
I have often wondered why did this start when I was 19 and has only gotten worst over the years. I'm 39 now.
But you learn to deal with it, and adjust to things.
Just like kathy said I have to watch my sleep, eating, stress and other things that I know that trigger them.
But I still seize just about every day usually a couple times ( there are days its just one after another).
Everyone with epilepsy has a different seizure pattern, and frequency.
And having this site and my support group helps me alot.
Feel free to contact me anytime.....
Jill

Thanks everyone! It's so good to have people with similar experiences.

I guess I do have a tendency to feel strange after I stess out. I know that I should take a few deep breaths and try not to but that's like saying don't picture a purple cow.

Hopefully, my doctor and I will be able to come up with a solution.

Thanks again!

epilepsy and "seizure disorder" are used interchangably. They are one in the same.