Thank you,
I pray that I can be freed from myself, my own doubts, and my disbelief.

Asthma was where all my health problems began. Next to come was diabetes. Then I was diagnosed with mental illness from being gang raped when I was thirteen.

My asthma has gone away. It can happen for anyone on here. Just take your medicine as prescribed and stop smoking.

My diabetes is the kind where I inject insulin via syringe. I have to exercise every day for hours upon hours to keep my blood sugar regulated. I still struggle.

Then the trauma is the worst. It affected me so deeply that I really get extremely depressed feel lost and hopeless.

But I think prayer works. I've got a man in my life and it's hard for me to start with him from scratch and build a partnership.

In romance because of the rape I have huge abandonment and rejection issues.

I write love letters to him for hours and a lot of the time he does not have time for me so my feelings get hurt. He says,"Sorry hun, I'm not mad, just busy"

So I'm confused. But there's a part of me that wont accept that he is too busy. Because I've never tried the long term thing, so I don't know what it is like to go slow. But surely if he's not talking to me I am left completely lost and confused. It feels like my power is taken away. I get confused and start writing long letters about how insecure I am and that doesn't work. I just wish my mind was fixed and that I stayed on track when I was young because so much power was taken away. Now it affects my relationships so deeply.

I want to be strong but its the only part of my life I do not have together. I want to have faith and make the best. But trauma clouds my vision and taints my words.

I don't know I can't explain what is going on. We have each other but we just don't talk I need insight.

Thanks for listening.