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Q: So Confused!

asked by: bluejeanlady on June 1st, 2004

New User

I'm 29 and i've been married to my husband for almost 4 years. We've been together since we were 18 and met during our freshman year in college. We had one little break up and I dated one other guy during that time. Otherwise, we've really been in a serious relationship for over 10 years.

Lately i've been really starting to doubt things. It's not my husband- he's wonderful. He's hardworking and supportive, very affectionate and I know he really truly loves me. We've moved around a lot over the last few years, travelled, and had had a lot of fun with our friends. Now we're talking about moving (next month!) back to my hometown, buying a house and starting a family. The closer we get to this huge step, the more I start to feel like I want out!

Am I just scared of all these changes and settling down? I meet other guys when i'm out with my friends and I start to wonder- is my husband really 'the one'? Am I missing out on something better? Did I waste my 20's away with the wrong man??? Ugh! I'm driving myself insane. Just this past weekend I met another guy and there was a ton of chemistry and mutual attraction and we really hit it off. Of course, nothing happened, but now I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if I made a huge mistake.

Is it normal to start doubting things like this? I really hope it's just a phase. I just wonder if I got married too young, without really going out there and experiencing single life first! I don't want to settle down and have kids only to find in the future that I just don't love him anymore. If i'm going to end it, it has to be now before the consequences get too big.

Anyone have similar experiences? What should I do???? I can't talk about this with anyone Sad

Replies(5)

linuxChique

replied on June 1st, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

It's pretty normal. It's a shame, but people now thing marriage is gonna be a flowery fairy tale with charming prince on a white horse, but it isn't! It's hard! You have to work to stay in a marriage. You committed to this person, so unless they are doing something that harms you, stay committed!

cabbage

replied on June 5th, 2004

New User

The grass is always greener on the other side. People will always want something better than what they have. But you have to start appreciating what you already have. If you (heaven forbid) ever lose your husband, you'll probably want him back because you'll realise what youve just lost. Try and love your husband as much as he loves you (or more!) enjoy being with him and pray for the longevity of your marriage.

ginginhi

replied on June 11th, 2004

New User

Please Don't Think I'm Preaching

I'm a newly-wed so have yet to feel the way you describe. All I can say is emotions are fickle and the men you may stumble across may really be creeps so think twice before you make a decision on what you want. Also, I can tell you this. I'm the youngest of 6 children, and my parents split when I was 16 (the rest of my siblings were all grown) because my mom "married too young" and wanted to wait until her kids didn't need her anymore before she got out of her marriage (although she had extra-martial relationships for over 20 yrs while still married). I just wish that she'd have left when I was really young and innocent enough to forgive and forget. So, if you don't want to be in your marriage, don't wait and get out whenever you've done spent your whole life there. Religiously, I don't believe in divorce, but all I can say is if you want to leave your husband okay. Just don't have extra-marital relationshsips becuase that will be more unsettled feelings and more questions on what you are already feeling. Also, maybe, if you feel comfortable enough, talk to your husband and tell him you are feeling uneasy. It could just be a four-year itch that a little alone time together may clear up.

sweetma

replied on June 18th, 2004

New User

I can relate to how you feel. I met my husband straight out of high school when I was 17 and a few months later when I turned 18 I moved in with him. By 19 I was pregnant with our first child. Six months after I had her I was pregnant again. I spent my 21st birthday pregnant so I coulndt even celebrate. We got married when I was pregnant with our second daughter. I feel like I never got to live my life the way normal 18-21 year olds do. I was already tied down and I felt like he was it for me and now I do have my doubts. He's a great husband and father. He has never hit me, he doesnt drink, doesnt even really go out 'with the guys' unless its to a car show, but for the most part he always wants us along. I just feel like I missed out on so much and I rushed into everything with him and here it is 9 years later. I feel guilty for these thoughts because as I said he's great I just think everything was so rushed. So dont feel like your the only one with these thoughts. I'm actually relieved to hear i'm not the only one who feels this way at times. Feel free to pm me anytime you need to talk.

Bama

replied on August 26th, 2005

New User

I met my husband at 19. I married him at 24. We started our family at 29. I love my husband more today than the day I married him. Sometimes I wonder if I miss out on something. I too spent my entire 20s with this man. Sometimes I meet men and the chemistry is there and we hit it off perfect. I think he could have been the one. I think this is normal. When it comes down to it, my husband is my security and I wouldn't trade him for anyone ( except maybe orlando bloom ha ha ). After 15 years and 2 kids we still love each other, we still find each other attractive, we still like to touch on each other, we still have a healthy sex life. I wouldn't want to do anything to change that. I still wonder what if from time to time thought.

Hope this helps

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