Is Orgasm a Psychological Thing? Posted: 05-28-04 20:13pm
Hi, i'm 26 yo. I’ve been married for over
a year now. I’ve been sexually active for
over 7 years with more than one partner
(not at the same time ). I’ve always
enjoyed sex, but I have never had orgasm
during the intercourse, only while playing
with my clitoris. It hadn’t really
bothered before, because I always had fun
and I still enjoyed the whole experience.
My partners never knew that I didn’t come
during the intercourse, because I faked
it… I used to do the same with my husband,
till he figured me out and I admitted to
him that i’d been faking and that I had
never had orgasm during intercourse with
anybody. I tried to explain that I was
fine about it and I got used to the fact
that i’m one of those women that don’t
experience it. But that didn’t really
convinced him. Our sex life has gotten
poor and rare… he said that it feels empty
to him to be inside of me and have all the
pleasure, when he knows that I don’t. I
don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s
something wrong with me in a "mental" way
and I just don't belive that I can have
orgasms? Is that true that orgasm in
women it’s a very psychological thing?
How can I solve my problem?
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logansmom7402
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Louisiana
My Expreience With & Without Orgasm Posted: 05-29-04 01:40am
I've always been able to achieve orgasm
mannually, either alone, or with
assistance from my husband. However, I
experience orgasm during sex maybe 50%
but, if i'm not relaxed, and haven't had
good forplay, it won't happen. For me, if
my mind is somewhere else, the orgasm will
be too, perhaps with those other thoughts
where it's not supposed to be, lol. Have
you ever tried using toys while with your
hubby? Just the fact of having a little
tool might cause arousal! Most
importantly, relaxation and forplay are
very neccessary, mental excitememt is much
more needed for us, whereas men can get
off by just the physical act! Hope this
helps some, please feel free to ask me
anything, i'll share as much as I can!
|
Darling
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 875
Posted: 05-29-04 02:57am
87% of women cannot achieve orgasm through
intercourse alone....Most girls don't have
orgams while having sex, most require some
kind of clitoral stimulation. Why not
manually stimulate yourself while having
sex? It works well that way
|
ania
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2004 Posts: 4
Posted: 05-29-04 06:03am
Thanks guys for your advices. I will have
to talk about it again with my hubby.
We've never tried any toys, so that would
be a new experience for me. Do you have
any suggestions which toys work better
than other?
One more question. He makes me come
during the oral sex , does that may
decrease the chance of reaching orgasm
during the intercourse ?
Thanks again,
ania
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Teenytoona
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2004 Posts: 101
Not to Worry Posted: 05-31-04 03:45am
Ania, you're pretty normal. And how you
have an orgasm (whether via oral sex or
toys) doesn't reduce your chances of
having an orgasm another way. Fact of
the matter is, the majority of the
female's sexual pleasure comes from the
clitoris. It is the only organ
on the human body, male or female,
designed for pleasure only. even
g-spot orgasms are due to the clitoris
being stimulated (as the nerve endings
from the clitoris extend to roughly that
area). Imo trying to have an orgasm
without clitoral stimulation is like
telling a man to have an orgasm without
involving the penis. The clitoris has 2x
the nerve endings of a penis, why neglect
it?? Truth be told, the idea the sex
should be all penis-in-vagina and be
enough to give a woman an orgasm alone is
very freudian in nature and very ignorant
of women's physical structure. Not to
say that intercourse isn't pleasureable,
but it's not the sole orgasm-producer for
women.
Give yourself some clitoral stimulation,
don't be embarassed about it, you'd expect
him to use his penis wouldn't you?? :p
as far as sex toys are concerned, there
are many very good ones, some very
"realisitic" and some more "disgused"
check out
the honey
bear and my personal favorite: the rabbit
pearl.
Experiment alot and try different things
and most importantly, have fun!!
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ania
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2004 Posts: 4
Posted: 06-08-04 13:38pm
Thanks everyone for advices.
I've talked to my hubby about it all I
read in here. He agreed that we need to
work on the foreplay. I also bought a
vibrator, that was just delivered today!
It's the pearl dolphine. It looks kinda
big...
You say about an orgasm being a
psychological thing, ive posted this in
the mens section aswell but when I
ejaculate I dont feel nuffin no pleasure
no nuffin its like goin for a pee and ive
had this from as long as I can remember im
healthy so could it be psychological and
how do I know for sure and cure it ?
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Confuzed and Concerned
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2004 Posts: 6 Location: Michigan
Posted: 06-15-04 15:32pm
I've reached orgasm during sex without any
foreplay before, every time in the
missionary position. I've noticed that on
the days that it happens I haven't had sex
for a few days and I usually have been
thinking about it a lot. Also, i've only
had it happen with two guys. The one i'm
dating now has done it to me a few times,
much to his delight. A lot of it is
mental. I like to be able to see what's
going on. But I also concentrate on
feeling it. I've also learned that if you
rock your hips up some and position your
legs right, it can hit the g spot or
something and I can orgasm. I have to
really be in the mood.
Hope this isn't too graphic but I wanna
help you out so....
Try this next time. Try missionary and
pull your legs up farther and spread your
legs as far as you can for him. It will
give him better penetration and also
sometimes he hits right on your clitoris
and it can make you orgasm without a
finger being laid on you. Try being
playful and experiement with different
things too.
Hope that helps a little.
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Confuzed and Concerned
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2004 Posts: 6 Location: Michigan
Posted: 06-15-04 15:38pm
Oh one more thing. I have noticed that if
I orgasm during foreplay, I won't orgasm
during sex. The second orgasm is a lot
harder for me to get then the first.
You may want to talk to your hubby about
technique. Slow, then fast, hard, then
gentle... Technique does matter.
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ania
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2004 Posts: 4
Posted: 06-15-04 15:40pm
Thanks a lot.
I think my problem is in not being albo to
cencentrate all the way. When I have sex
I do think of other things too, just
ramdom ones that got to my head.
I will try to focus more.
). I’ve always
enjoyed sex, but I have never had orgasm
during the intercourse, only while playing
with my clitoris. It hadn’t really
bothered before, because I always had fun
and I still enjoyed the whole experience.
My partners never knew that I didn’t come
during the intercourse, because I faked
it… I used to do the same with my husband,
till he figured me out and I admitted to
him that i’d been faking and that I had
never had orgasm during intercourse with
anybody. I tried to explain that I was
fine about it and I got used to the fact
that i’m one of those women that don’t
experience it. But that didn’t really
convinced him. Our sex life has gotten
poor and rare… he said that it feels empty
to him to be inside of me and have all the
pleasure, when he knows that I don’t. I
don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s
something wrong with me in a "mental" way
and I just don't belive that I can have
orgasms? Is that true that orgasm in
women it’s a very psychological thing?
