Hi...I have been going through a divorce
since last summer. We were originally
separated in march of 2003, but then my
husband wanted to go for the divorce. I
am not able to move on. He has been
living with another woman and has custody
of our twin girls. In my heart, I can't
accept the fact that it is over. I still
love him and I have a hard time dealing
with the reasoning behind all this
madness. I was diagnosed with bipolar
disorder in 1998 and my episodes have put
a strain on the marriage. He stood by me
in the beginning, but he had a hard time
dealing with the illness and the
disruptions my episodes caused in his and
my children's lives. I always felt
enormous guilt when my episodes took us
away from our home to be with family so I
could have help. My underlying reasons
for the separation was to have some time
to pull myself together after a
devastating depressive episode. I felt
that I couldn't provide stability and a
tranquile life for my husband and
children. It's been eight months since I
started some medications that have
rendered me stable and well for such a
long period of time. But now it's too
late. It wasn't very difficult for my
husband to get on with his life without
me. He met someone who seems to make him
very happy and loves my children. But, I
still fantisize about him finding his way
back to me. I wish I could express my
feelings to him, but I think I would be
hurt even more. It hurts when I see him
every time he picks up the children and
every time I talk to him on the phone. I
guess in the end "in sickness and in
health" didn't have true meaning for him.
Although it is very difficult for him to
accept my illness, it is a part of me.
And in the end...He doesn't accept
me...And that kills me.
|
ajay70
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 4 Location: MN
Bipolar Posted: 11-19-04 06:05am
One things is that you atleast realized
that you needed some sort of help and have
made the attempt to get it. As far as
your husband not excepting you because he
doesn't except the disease, for one thing
I doubt that is true maybe after living
wiht it he thought of what it was doing to
him and more importantly what it was doing
to your children. I hope that things
get better for you but a couple of things
are that you should if not already
consider getting a counselor(even just
some one to be a sounding board can help)
and you should turn you focus to a more
important person(s) than your ex(and
except that is what he is) your twins.
You should want to try to make them your
focus and your own frame of mine your two
top priorities. Always thinking about a
relationship that isn't there will not
help you or your kids at all.
I have a mother who is bipolar and I have
memories of when her and my step dad got
divorced she was devestated and for a
little while her top focus was a non
exsitant relationship, not herself or her
children to a certain extent. She at one
point got herself together for me and my
sibilings and started to count herself as
a prority. And after a few years found a
very loving man, who she has now been in a
11 year relationship with. Has managed
to raise a hell raiser who is now going to
school to become a minister and in about 2
months she will be a grand mother, and has
another kid doing better each day. So I
hope this gives you a little hope for the
future life you have to give to yoruself
and your kids. So even if things seem
bad at the moment try to remember
everything happens for a reason. If my
mother had stayed with a man who didn't
except her with all her problems or
atleast try to help fix/work with them
through the tough times, she would have
never been able to help herself and become
a woman with so much to offer herself and
others nor would she have found the man
who has been with her even when she was at
deaths door(literally). Many prayers are
with you, I hope that things get better
for you. Always remeber when you think
it is at it worse god never gives some one
more than they can handle. And every
trial leads to a victory of some sorts.
If you ever need a sounding board jsut
write @ sgtbab
yguns@yahoo.Com take care of
yourself
