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Q: Wishful Thinking...
asked by: cynbad36 on May 27th, 2004
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Hi...I have been going through a divorce since last summer. We were originally separated in march of 2003, but then my husband wanted to go for the divorce. I am not able to move on. He has been living with another woman and has custody of our twin girls. In my heart, I can't accept the fact that it is over. I still love him and I have a hard time dealing with the reasoning behind all this madness. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1998 and my episodes have put a strain on the marriage. He stood by me in the beginning, but he had a hard time dealing with the illness and the disruptions my episodes caused in his and my children's lives. I always felt enormous guilt when my episodes took us away from our home to be with family so I could have help. My underlying reasons for the separation was to have some time to pull myself together after a devastating depressive episode. I felt that I couldn't provide stability and a tranquile life for my husband and children. It's been eight months since I started some medications that have rendered me stable and well for such a long period of time. But now it's too late. It wasn't very difficult for my husband to get on with his life without me. He met someone who seems to make him very happy and loves my children. But, I still fantisize about him finding his way back to me. I wish I could express my feelings to him, but I think I would be hurt even more. It hurts when I see him every time he picks up the children and every time I talk to him on the phone. I guess in the end "in sickness and in health" didn't have true meaning for him. Although it is very difficult for him to accept my illness, it is a part of me. And in the end...He doesn't accept me...And that kills me.
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ajay70
replied on November 19th, 2004
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Bipolar
One things is that you atleast realized that you needed some sort of help and have made the attempt to get it. As far as your husband not excepting you because he doesn't except the disease, for one thing I doubt that is true maybe after living wiht it he thought of what it was doing to him and more importantly what it was doing to your children. I hope that things get better for you but a couple of things are that you should if not already consider getting a counselor(even just some one to be a sounding board can help) and you should turn you focus to a more important person(s) than your ex(and except that is what he is) your twins. You should want to try to make them your focus and your own frame of mine your two top priorities. Always thinking about a relationship that isn't there will not help you or your kids at all.
I have a mother who is bipolar and I have memories of when her and my step dad got divorced she was devestated and for a little while her top focus was a non exsitant relationship, not herself or her children to a certain extent. She at one point got herself together for me and my sibilings and started to count herself as a prority. And after a few years found a very loving man, who she has now been in a 11 year relationship with. Has managed to raise a hell raiser who is now going to school to become a minister and in about 2 months she will be a grand mother, and has another kid doing better each day. So I hope this gives you a little hope for the future life you have to give to yoruself and your kids. So even if things seem bad at the moment try to remember everything happens for a reason. If my mother had stayed with a man who didn't except her with all her problems or atleast try to help fix/work with them through the tough times, she would have never been able to help herself and become a woman with so much to offer herself and others nor would she have found the man who has been with her even when she was at deaths door(literally). Many prayers are with you, I hope that things get better for you. Always remeber when you think it is at it worse god never gives some one more than they can handle. And every trial leads to a victory of some sorts. If you ever need a sounding board jsut write .take care of yourself
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