Ok so what started off as taking an interest in the gym/ diet and exercise in the fall of 2002 has become, I fear, an eating distorder - mind you I was never overweight, mesomorphic frame 5'8'', 165, a lifetime of sports and vegetarianism left me pretty healthy - fell to around 150 after a few months, then the 140s - people commented on how thin I looked, and this brought a sort of joy - I never binged or fasted or anything like that, it was just eliminating some less healthy options, and spending time lifting/cardio in addition to the usual sports and such. During the summer however I think that things started getting sinister - hours in the gym, in addition to occasional morning jogs, obsession with logging every bit of food on fitday.Com, and as the weight kept dropping (mid to upper 130s by now), I thought I was so healthy. However, food became dominating of all thoughts - id buy things and hoard them, meticulously measuring each portion - then the occasional binging started in the fall, maybe one episode a week. Id then proceed to not eat for several hours and exercise like a demon on an elliptical trainer or some form of machine. Soon the binges started happening with even greater regularity, now its to the point where as soon as I start eating its as if I cant stop; and after sitting around feeling bloated and sorry for myself, I promise not to let it happen again, make sure to exercise like a fiend at the next available opportunity, as the cycle goes on and on - I cant continue like this, as the cycle has gotten even more vicious as ive noticed the inevitable weight gain from massive binges; it keeps me from enjoying life - friends - socialising - family (just graduated uni, now at home and cant accomplish anything because food/exercise dominate my thoughts) - whats the best way to go about stepping in the right direction and off this wheel of pain?
Hey hun! I think its wonderful to actually hear from a guy for once. I know their out there but I think guys are typically more secretive and descrete about it. Anyhow, how old r u? Im 18, ive been bulimic and struggled with anorexia also for a little over 2 yrs now, but as of now its still bulimia I have a problem with. I am actually 32 weeks pregnant too. Anyow, I understand your pain. Its a viscious cycle. Once u get into it. Its sooo hard to stop. Have you considered seeing an eating councler/therapist? Im starting to see one again and it really does seem to help me. It might help you too. We just have to learn that we all deserve to eat and enjoy food and just be healthy without having to obsess. And theres more to you then weight and looks. Im in the process of trying to recover (which ive cut back dramatically. Over the summer I weighed 100 lbs and im 5'8.. Thats when I got put in the hospital) I was down to eating 400 calories a day, then when I would get into my binge/purge cycles it would happen at least 4-5 times a day. After getting out of the hospital, I did better, but not a whole lot. I gained back some weight (i started out at 150lbs) anyhow, I got up to my 'healthy weight' of 125lbs, even tho I wasnt eating healthy still. I just stopped restricting, but was continuing with bingeing and purging. Anyhow, I got pregnant in oct. And ever sence, ive cut way down. For months I didnt purge barely at all for the baby, now im still purging again but stil not frequently like b4 and im trying to quit, mostly for the baby, but im learning to try to quit for myself. Im of course heavier now, im about 150 but ive gained 22 lbs from being pregnant and hopefully will be back to 125 after the baby. Lol sorry thats mostly irrelevant, but I was giving u some background of me. Anyhow, first off maybe making a list of why you want to end your eating disorder. How it makes u unhappy etc. Then basically what u have to try to do , is set up a healthy meal plan. If u want to end bulimia, you cant in any way restrict, which only leads to binge/purging. I set up a healthy meal plan of 1,800 cals a day which I try to follow. But for guys, its typically a little more. You can still make it healthy choices, but u cant cut back. Also.. If u do binge.. Whatever u do , u cant punish urself for it..By purging, excersizing etc. I know, thats the hard part. But it keeps u in the cycle. If u do binge or something...As hard as it may be, just try to keep it in and do something else..Eventually after eating normally for a while, you wont have the urge to binge anymore. Thers really no simple answer. Its a destructive lifestyle and so hard to put a stop to it. But once u can , u will be such a stronger person for it. Your soooo tiny! Especially for a guy, remember of course weights are supposed to be higher for guys. Even if u can see it, your so small! And definitly not in ur healthy weight range. I hope u find the strength that I know you have. You deserve to be happy and free of this hell hole. Do you have aol? My s/n is skeaxryi629* o yes, and also, ive been a vegetarian for 10 yrs* how long have u?