Hi everyone,

it's my first time on here and i'm a bit nervous. I really need some help and support at the moment, as I am in a really tough situation that I am finding it very difficult to cope with. So I hope someone out there can offer some good advice or just a little comfort.

I am an english woman living in japan with my boyfriend (he's also english). We moved here just over a year ago, but I have never really settled in. I can't speak japanese and have made very few friends here. The friends I do have I don't feel I am able to confide in as I don't really know them very well.

About 7 years ago I suffered from depression for about 3 years. I was treated for it and eventually got better, but I have never really got back to being the way that I was before. In the past year I have been feeling a lot worse and just lately things have been really bad. I think that I may be suffering with generalised anxiety as I feel nervous all the time. I feel like I have a job interview or an exam every day of my life. I am constantly clenching my teeth and my shoulders and neck are always aching. I sometimes get a weird dizzy feeling in my head that feels like my brain is swollen and I can't concentrate or remember anything. Also I am constantly fidgeting, picking at my face or my fingers. Sometimes I find myself walking backwards and forwards around my apartment without any idea of what I am doing because I can't concentrate on one thing long enough to decide what I need to do.

Although I manage to carry out the daily tasks I really have to do, like going to work or paying the bills it is a constant battle with myself to get them done. I procrastinate and put things off until the last minute because I am scared of doing them and anything that doesn't have to be done doesn't get done. Sometimes I feel like I am sabotaging my own life. The other day I sat at home for 5 hours stressing out because I had to take some library books back. I achieved absolutely nothing that day (except eating a lot of chocolate) and even though I knew I was being ridiculous I just couldn't get it together to just go to the library. I worry that other people must think i'm really lazy or that I just don't care about these things, but I how can I tell them the real reason that I don't get things done?

Believe it or not I am a teacher and every day I have to stand up in front of a class and act like I am a confident professional. Although it's usually fine when I get there I dread going to work. I work in the evenings so I usually waste the whole day getting more and more wound up about work. Sometimes I don't even manage to get dressed until just before I have to leave the house. Even though there have never been any complaints about my classes, I always feel like my students must think i'm an fool. I am convinced that one of these days everyone is suddenly going to realise how completely useless I am.

My boyfriend is wonderful, but unfortunately is also ill. He has postviral fatigue syndrome and uses up all his energy getting through his day at work and so doesn't really need the extra pressure of trying to deal with my problems.

I am going to be going home in a few months, so I don't think it would be worth trying to seek out treatment here in japan, but I would really love some advice on some self help techniques that I can use to try and get me through.

Sorry if i've bored you all to death. I have been bottling all this up for a long time and really needed to get it out of my system. I would be really grateful for any help you can give me.