Pls Dont Judge Me Too Bad.

Take it easy on your self. You know that most of us here who really know you by now know that you not a bad person. My sister use to make herself purge as a teenager until I found out and threaten her. I'm always concern about too. It's a hard thing to stop doing. Some peole get over it and other don't. But you really have to try, your in the ending now and this is when the baby picks up your nutrition the most. He's going to need you when he's born. What good are you to him if your sick. Take care of yourself is all I could say. Try your your best to stop if not for you then for the baby. Good luck.

Brenda

I've been told that I am not a very compassionate person when it comes to the subject of pregnancy with an e/d. But, I know you are a good person and would never do it to hurt your baby, however kari, you have got to stop. Not for you. Not for kari. But for the lil baby in you. You need to stop it. And I know it's hard, I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you gotta think about the baby.....
I'm here for you.
Love,
chanda

I know, im trying so so hard u have no idea. I never throw up anything of nutritional value. I always have far enough calories (too many calories on alot of days) and it only happens at nite. Right b4 bed, after eating all the cals and nutrients I need.. Then I eat something 'bad' or have a lot of junk and physically feel sick and in pain. Then I purge. Not even all of it, just some to where I can breath. Cuz I mean, ive already eatin enough for the day, then I add on junk food ya know.. Im trying really hard. I mean I still find myself wanting to restrict too ,but I would never do that. I never eat below 1,800 cals a day. Im going to keep trying. Iwont give up, I think one day I will accomplish it. Hey, I did do it for 4-5 months and only purged 2 times in that amount of time. So I know its possible. I just gotta get my head straight. Its just im so much more stressed and have so much more anxiety as I get closer to having my son in my arms, and that makes me e/d worse. Thanks tho girls for not making me feel terrible. My best friend.. I tried to talk to her about it. . I brought up havin an e/d and bein preg and she was liek "im so proud of u for quitting for your baby. . I cant ever imagine how anyone could throw up knowing they have a baby inside of them , thats horrible!" I know it sounds horrible. .But its so much more complicated then I ever thought. But.. She is also the person who said the same thing about having sex while pregnant.. She thought that was bad too and 'too weird' for anyone to do that, even with the father..And I dont. (dont get me wrong tho, I do think purging is bad)

Kari, what I first want to say is i'm so incredibly proud of you. We don't talk much at all, however the vast amount you have accomplished throughout your pregnancy regarding your e/d is simply fabulous. Yes you slipped up but we a.L.L do and I don't think you should feel bad. Don't get me wrong I am by no means encouraging your behaviour but rather then make you feel bad for what you already feel bad about I want to congratulate you on what you have been able to do. Don't focus on these slipups because they are bound to occur. I know you have it in you to beat this thing for good but it's going to take time and having a baby (not matter how motivational) doesn't make it any easier for you to give up the purging. If you ever want to talk i'm here
love
tanya

Well you need to get it under control, however I lost about 20 pounds in the beginning of this pregnancy and my baby is fine, so I am sure your child will be too. I know how hard it is dealing with an eating disorder, my sister has been battling with her's for about 12 years now and has gone through 3 pregnancies- her most successful was to 27 weeks when she lost her daughter. She purged almost daily up until that point and a 3 day restriction diet which led to preterm labor and her daughter born sickly and survived on support for 5 days. It wasn't her fault, she couldn't help it, but you clearly have done well before before, you just need to do it again.

Karlee

Thanks so much girls!!! Thats so sweet of u tayna!
And karlee, im so sorry about your sister.. Im definitly not at that point, and never will be during my pregnancy. I dont purge everyday, nor restrict and I never eat below 1,800 cals as prescribed by my doctor.. Losing 3 babies???. .. Was she trying to get preg? If I were her I would try and hopefully get better, before trying to get pregnant.. But that is so sad... I used to be like her it sounds like, but ive worked alot to coem this far, the last thing I want to do is take a step backward so all I can do is try harder and keep reminding myself what a horrible thing my e/d is. It made me miss my graduation from highschool because I was in the hospital, I lost lots of friends because I didnt want to go out anymore or do anything besides thrive on my food intake, working out and weight, I was majorly suicidal because I could never get 'low enough'.. I faught with my family daily.. Gosh, it even got to the point that when babysitting, I had to call my sister over to finish because I would think I would faint, or I would spend my time in the bathroom purging when I shouldve been out with the kids. ( I know. Thats bad) its done nothing but bring greif to my life. And lets see, physically, blood shot eyes, couldnt even keep my food down if I tried, believe it or not, but I found out my eating disorder caused me to bleed.. Alot during sex.. Because of my low weight and what I was doing to my body.. It actually has done alot of bad.. And no good. Even reaching a lower weight then I wanted to was never good enough. I would sit in the mirror, count how many bones I could see, and pinch every ounce of anything, even just skin for at least an hour a day! Ok now im babbling, but it helps typing all the bad stuff out. Makes me want to get away from this ridiculous circle even more. Anyhow thank you so much!!!

I'm sorry to be mean but quit justifying it!!!! So you eat the right foods and only purge after fattening foods... You are still hurting yourself and the baby. What are you going to do after you have it? You'll screw your kid up. Do you want your kid to have an eating disorder? It's really sad that you can't just quit purging for the sake of your baby. Boohoo it's hard. I smoked a pack a day for 5 years and the day I found out I was pregnant I quit cold turkey.

Kari,

do you want to quit? Do you care? Convince yourself that if you keep doing it you are going to seriously harm your baby. That will make it important to you. You obviously have a lot of self control if you quit for so long after finding out you were pregnant. So don't justify it by saying "if I can still eat 1800 cals a day, its ok." scare yourself into quitting. Tell yourself that everytime you do it hurts your baby a little bit more. Make success inevitable!

Exactly darling!! !**@! u caracook whoever u are! Smoking is in no way like an eating disorder! My god, someones a person......I dont wanna hear you talk about something you know nothing about so dont give me anymore 'advice' if thats the kind you give. Im not justifying it, im just trying to explain it is hard, it is complicated, and if I could 'just quit' well then there would be no such thing as an eating disorder!! But I am simply saying, I do get nutrition, I dont deprive my son of that for sure. No matter what I get 1,800 cals a day in, of healthy value. Im not purging daily or anything at all. Ive cut wayyyyyyy down from 4-5 times a day!! And my doctor knows a little more then you. .And he even tells me im ok, he wishes I didnt do it at all of course but hes had plenty of people going through this and im still in control and my baby will be ok as long as I dont start doing it all the time and cut my calories. Ive talked to 3 doctors about it. I know its in no way good of course, and thats why im trying to stop! I did stop for 4-5 months! But its not that easy. All people with an eating disorder go through good times and bad. Its part of going through it, and part of trying to recover. If people could 'just quit' there wouldnt be a problem with an eating disorder now would there?!?!

Actually I have had an eating disorder before so I do know what it's like. And I think it's really stupid that you private messaged me just so i'd read your comment. I don't give a !**@! about you. I'm sorry if you can't handle some people not thinking it's ok.

Haahha ok if u dont give a s*it then dont reply to any of my posts!!! And u have not had an eating disorder... Please .. Thats what you would say now! Like u wouldnt of said that b4! Wow.. Such a liar.. And very ignorant. But I am done with you.. If u dont care, dont reply or write to my posts then. and I can handle people not thinking its ok of course! I dont think its 'ok' myself! Maybe u need to think b4 u speak.

Kari, on some level, I do have to agree with caracook. You cannot justify what you are doing by only throwing up the *junk food* I know it must be hard hun.....But you have to do it. And no offense, but I think your doctor is an idiot. It is alright to throw up due to morning sickness, it is not ok to make yourself throw up. And besides, you are way past the morning sickness stage. Kari hun, you have to stop doing this. I never had an eating disorder, but I had to give up my most addictive behavior. Dropping whatever I was doing and just taking off anywhere was very addictive to me. It was like, if I was home, my parents were controlling me, and in my mind that was driving me crazy. Complete freedom is addictive like you wouldn't believe. I used to get a huge rush when I would sneak out and just run anywhere for the hell of it. It was like a high for me. But I had to quit when I ghot pregnant with josh. I never did it again. I still have the strongest urges to just up and leave, but I don't. Like I could have been back in kentucky weeks ago if it weren't for josh, but I know that everything I do affects him. And if I do stupid things, if it doesn't get him taken away from me, them he will most likely follow my example and do stupid things. Hun trust me, you have to stop. No matter how little you do it, it can still be harmful.

Well I know what u mean. But ive talked to 3 doctors not 1. Of course they say its bad and all. .But I mean its not just an addiction. Its a disease and I truthfully believe that and so do they. Thats why they tell me they understand and stuff. They know ive cut down more then ever and im doing the best I can right now. They deal with people going through eating disorders frequently. Alot of people my doc has dealt with have had to be hospitalized for pregnancy because they couldnt quit doing it all the time. It doesnt make me 'better' but im just saying. I am not doing 'bad'. I keep everything down throughout the day, all my meals and everything. Then sometimes at night thats when it happens. I know its not good..But I am trying and still am trying. And im not justifying it by saying I only throw up the junk food. .Not everytime I eat junk food do I throw it up...But what I was trying to explain is that I do keep everything healthy down which is still better in a way. Plus..When I do binge..It will come up automatically. Theres no space. It gets to the point where it is painful and I cant help it. U may agree with cara or whatever, but how she put it was very ignorant when she has no idea what its like and she was acting like im trying to hurt my baby. I am soooo picky and careful. I wont even take one tylenol while im preg even if im dying of a headache. Im trying to control this.. But if u havent had an eating disorder,i dont really think u can understand. I dont think anyone can unless they go through it because its differnet then you can imagine. Either way tho, im trying my hardest. I havent done it in a few days. And I did binge the other night and kept it even tho it hurt. I went 4-5 months and only did it 2 times so that was a big accomplishment, now I just have to try and strive to do that well again.



O yeah and by the way cara.. Just because I have an eating disorder doesnt mean my son will!?! person.. Ive read on this tons.. And been hospitalized for this and learned all about it. U cant just 'catch' the disease of an eating disorder. Unless I pressured my son about his weight and food and pressured him to develope one which I would never do! So dont tell me i'll screw up my kid. Ignorance.