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Q: Confused
asked by: kcmccrae on May 20th, 2004
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Okay here is what happened two sundays ago my bofriend and I realized are relationship was having problems (like we had lost the rest of our lives and had put each other first instead of god) and that we were smothering each other but would fix things. Then the next day he left for fl. For a christian activity for the whole week. When he arrived home saturday he came home and I could tell what something was bothering him so I asked him several times until he told me he felt like our relationship is what god would want and that his feelings for me are gone. We have talked more since then and he said before he left he had ignored god when he was telling him that it was wrong because he didn't not want to date me, then when he was in fl. God spoked to him again and he decided to listen. He says he knows he did the right thing because he hasn't been so at peace for awhile. I feel like he is at peace because he if finally putting god first in his life like he should have always done. However, I feel that maybe the relationship wasn't given time to be fixed like we said it was. I guess my question is that do feelings like that really just go away after 6 months? We had a great relationship besides those problems and could talk about anything. We have also shared alot together and I feel like it was all thrown away quickly. We are continuing to be good friends because we both agree that it would make us sad if the other wasn't in our life but that the romantic feelings are gone. Should I believe him when he says they are 100% gone he agrees that he used to love me and that personality wise there is nothing wrong with me. So what is up with all of this?
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gram1228
replied on May 20th, 2004
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I,m very glad to see you kids are christians, but hard as it may be for you, feelings of love can disapear and what someone once thought was love is no longer that. No one can explain the heart, the feelings are there or they aren,t. I would say you must move on and do keep him as a friend, you two actually may be meant to only be friends.
Sharon
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kcmccrae
replied on May 20th, 2004
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However, I feel like both our unhappiness in the relationship stemmed because we strayed from god's path and weren't putting him first. I feel like if we had remained a couple and fixed our relationship and both put god first and had fixed a few things in our relationship that things would have been ok. I feel though because things weren't addressed immediatly what he learned in fl. He compared to our old relationship. I agree with him that yes our old relationship isn't how god would want us to live and I would have even broken up with him if things hadn't changed within days after he returned home. I wonder though if he has convinced himself that in his head we can't have a good relationship and that he is deciding to make his feelings go away. He has expressed the concern that I cannot be ok without him and that i'm dependent on him when i'm not. Him saying that gives me even more reason to feel that he thinks we can't have a good romantic relationship while maintaining god as our number one focus. Should I believe him when he says his feelings are completely gone?
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gram1228
replied on May 20th, 2004
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I,m not sure I understand all that you are saying, however, god cannot make him love you again. I am a christian but god is there to support us, we all have free will and can choose our own paths. Your friend has decided he no longer wants a romantic relationship, that,s his free will and putting god first in all things will not change that. All you can do at this point is to be his friend, perhaps his feelings will change, if they don,t then move on, you cannot force him to love you again romanticaly. Sharon
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kcmccrae
replied on May 21st, 2004
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I have moved on i'm just confused about what really happened. He continues to act awkward around me which makes me feel he isn't totally over it. I just wanted ya'lls opinion about whether or not I should believe him when he says his feelings are 100% gone.
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gram1228
replied on May 21st, 2004
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I would guess you are the only one who can say whether his feelings are 100% gone. Keep him as a friend and you will get endless clues as to his feelings. Right now all you can do is bide your time and see what happens.
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loveofGod
replied on May 22nd, 2004
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How Old Are You?
Not to sound calous, but I think this boyfriend is definitly ready to move on and so should you. Stop dewelling on this, and limit all contact-in fact all contact would be best.
If youre in hs, the summer is here enjoy it. Life is too short.
Get out, have some fun and if the bf comes crawling back tell him god told you that a relationship with him was wrong and unhealthy!
Beeeee strong!
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kcmccrae
replied on May 22nd, 2004
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Hey, i'm 17. I have moved on from this but I have doubts whether he has. 4 of us hung out in a group last night and he barely said 2 words the whole time and couldn't look me in the eyes. He says it feels awkward going from the relationship to the friendship and I don't understand that seeing how this is what he wanted. He says when we hang out it still feels like we are dating which I don't understand because he claims his feelings are 100% gone, that he know he did the right thing, and that his feelings will never come back. However, because of his recent behavior I feel like something may still be there although he denies it. Does it sound like he may still have something for me because i'm just trying to be his friend. Thanks for everything so far.
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loveofGod
replied on May 22nd, 2004
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Dear Kc
After reading my response to you, I think I was harsh but I do know what your going through because I experienced the same thing recently. The break up was so quick I didnt know what happened. I have given so much of myself to this relationship and now its gone Crying or Very sad but I woke up thismorning and said to myself to get on with it , get back with my friends I abandonded -not "our" friends, really "his" friends- truely my friends I forgotten how much fun we used to have. I dropped out of everything to be with him-i used to cheerlead and he didnt like that, I used to be on the track team-he didn't like that, I used to have great friends-he didnt like that either.Oh he didnt say anything so I guess I shouldnp put I that way, but I wanted to have him exculively to myself too.How unhealthy!
Justa thought may your bf meet someone fl or he is very conflicted over your situatuation-mime said god didnt not approve of how far we had taken our relationship phsically and that I lead him into sin. This came out of constant pleading with him for a reason, I felt likd trash Crying or Very sad it was his excuse may be . But I never give tha t much again gtg. Peace in the lord kc.
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kcmccrae
replied on May 23rd, 2004
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I know he definately didn't meet anyone in fl he went with a group of friends that I know and he didn't. So not sure exactly what has happened.
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RubyFerrera
replied on May 28th, 2004
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Don't Let Him Fool You...
God spoke to your boyfriend? Oh boy, I think he's using the ol' holy one as an excuse. Boys don't break up with girls they like, and that's just a fact of life, whether god tells them to or not. I would be weary of anyone who claimed god told them to break up with me. Toss this one back to the sea and catch yourself another cutie in your congregation. Ruby
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