I'm not really sure where to begin so I
might jump all over, sorry if it's hard to
follow.
Well, i'm 21 years old weigh alittle over
100 pounds and I live in wisconsin. When
I was in high school I had what I would
call a mild case of anorexia. I would say
I was doing it more for attention than
anything, but I thought I had beaten it.
Then it started all over more than six
months ago, but this time not with
anorexia but with bulimia.
I do not binge or purge or do any exessive
exercise, but I do use laxatives a lot
usually enough to get sick from them or
have huge stomach aches at night usually
lasting an hour or more and it usually
feels like my stomach is burning.
For one thing living in wisconsin is hard
enough. Living in a state where half the
population is overweight or obese does not
help. In some sick way I feel that it's
my duty to all the fat people who don't
care enough about themselves to loose
weight. I know inside that I am very
sinical toward them, I am sure they are
great people, but I do not understand how
anyone can be that heavy. I know this is
very unrealistic but I don't know how to
stop it.
My biggest problem with my body is my
thighs. I do not like them at all,
especially the way they jiggle it really
disgustes me. I do find myself comparing
my thighs to everyone, especially people
that I perceive as skinnier than me.
I also feel very disgusting after I eat,
it doesn't matter how much or how health
it is and on top of that i'd say I weigh
myself 5 to7 times a day, usually after
ridding myself of food.
I also happen to have a boyfriend and I do
know that he's worried about me, but I
can't seem to tell him what's going on. I
do not feel that he will understand why I
do what I do, and will think that it's an
easy thing to fix. We are in a long
distance relationship and most recently
(within my last 2 visits) he has told me
how skinny I am (getting to the point
where you can see my pelvic bones) I do
like this attention but at the same time I
hate it because I hate the thoughts that
go through my head.
I do feel very ashamed of this behavior,
but i'm not sure if I want help because I
do like how it feels to be skinny, but
most of all I want someone to talk to who
doesn't really know me and will not judge
me because of this action.
Sorry about the length but I had to let
most of it out.
Kaitlin
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lilgothchick
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Posts: 33 Location: Ontario Canada
You Should Tell Your Bf Posted: 05-17-04 23:27pm
My suggestion to you is to tell your
boyfriend... I'm sure he cares about you
very much and wants to see you happy and
would love to help.
From personal experience (not with an
eating disorder, but with depression), I
finally told my boyfriend what was going
on. He was very concerned about me and I
wouldnt talk to him about it. Now that I
have I feel 100 times better. And i'm
now getting help, which I couldnt bring
myself to do on my own.
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KariM18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jan 2004 Posts: 1436 Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan
Posted: 06-01-04 01:22am
Hey hun im 18, dealing with the same thing
for a few years now. My first tip would
be to dump the scale. The scale only
makes things worse. Makes u obsess even
more and keeps u in the cycle. And
telling your boyfriend might help too.
Having his support and understanding can
make u feel like u have something to get
better for other then yourself. U have to
find the strength to quit. The sooner the
better. None of us want to live liek this
forever~ goodluck!
