Hi ross123,
i understand the nightmare you are going through and it's a bad one. I've had tmj for 25 years and at times the pain was so bad, that I wanted to die. I have done everything possible that the medical field and researching has recommended, short of surgery, and thank god for that as tmj surgery does not have a very good success history.
I hope you won't mind if I make a few suggestions regarding your daughter's case. After all these years and all the researching I have done, I have finally come to the conclusion that the underlying basic reason for tmj is grinding or clenching teeth. A child grinds their teeth automatically because their teeth are growing in and that helps somehow. Once we become adults, we should no longer be grinding but many of us do. If everything is working well together within the very complicated temporomandibular joint, all should be okay. But why a problem arises is the biggest mystery many tmj sufferers go through. For some, it could be that their bite is off; for others, they are using their mouth wrong when eating; or a simple injury can start the nightmare. The reasons are quite long and extensive and sometimes very complicated. Also, and this is the biggest surprise for me, sometimes tmj is a symptom of another medical problem (cfs, tn, etc.)
your daughter is at an age where doctors/dentists should be able to fix the problem. Pain is the first problem that must be addressed. If the bite splint she is wearing now isn't working, try a different kind (nti, etc.); an anti-depressant that regulates seratonin levels in the body might be considered (but I do know that children must be carefully monitored if you decide to go that route); a very small dose of valium at night only and again, very monitored; physical therapy or therapeutic massage; eat only soft foods (no cheating) and no gum chewing or anything chewy, etc. And laugh about everything possible. Perhaps she should even go to a neuropsychologist who can teach her how to cope with pain and whatever else it is that they do.
Once the pain is at a manageble level (hopefully none), talk to your doctors/dentists about fixing her mouth through braces, expanders, etc., but no surgery.
I so wish that they had had the capability to make the inside of my mouth larger and could have extended the bottom jaw longer like they can now. My mouth is so small, that 8 teeth were pulled, I had braces twice, and there is still an overbite. I don't have much of a chin or a good strong mandible, which is important in healthy jaw and dental care.
Oh my, this has gotten so long and i'm so sorry. It might seem silly, but I don't want your daughter to go through this nightmare you and I have gone through, just as I know you don't.
Be aggressive in your search for a "cure" but be careful. Don't allow anyone do anything to her (or yourself) that is not irreversible until you have researched inside and out and feel completely comfortable.
I would like to reiterate something before closing -- physical and/or massage therapy is great for helping the body cope and even heal itself from pain (pt more so than mt), and sleeping with ice on one side of the head and heat on the other side has been a godsend to me (just have a timer on or someone watching the time).
I do hope and pray that all is going well. Let me know.
God bless...
Carol