Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Can I Save My Marrige

I have been married to my wife for almost 4 years now and our son is 2 years old. My wife has recently told me I am abusive and controling and I needed to get help. Two days after she told me this, I asked her if we could go to marriage counseling together because the past couple of months we have been experiencing to issues. She refused and said this was my problem and I was the one who needed help. I only wanted her to go to counseling with me for our marriage not my own issues. Four weeks went by and I stupidly tried to work on the problems and issues she had with me on my own.(big mistake) last sunday, she told me I had to leave, and she wanted to end the marriage. I was able to convince her to give ma another chance if I went to see someone. I went and visited a psychologist on wednesday, found it real helpful. She suggested we both work together on this and seek counseling together. I suggested this to my wife and she once again refused. That night we got into an argument and I tried to get her to talk to me by pulling her towards me since she kept turning the other way. She then got extremely physicaly viiolent and pushed me away and with a closed fist hit me in the chest and face at least 15 times. The next day, she went to a battered wife's crisis center and came home and told me she was going to divorce me. My wife and I have in the 4 years of marriage have had 3 altercations where it has escalated into physical activity. I have never struck her in any way, I have never left any bruises. She on the other hand has. I am asking her if we can be seperated but work together through counseling to save our marriage. She still is refusing. I need to know what I can do to save my marriage. Is there any hope?
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replied May 9th, 2004
Experienced User
Re: Can I Save My Marrige
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You two obviously do not need to be together. It does sound however, that she has found someone else, and that she doesn't care for you anymore (sorry if im wrong, but by reading your post, this is what I got from it) when she refuses to go to counseling with you, she is refusing to make the marriage work.. It takes both partners in a relationship to make it work !! You and she would be much happier apart, and probably your child too. Im sure he can't be happy if you two aren't happy around each other... Good luck to you !
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replied May 17th, 2004
What memories readingyour post brought back!!! I remember asking my now ex husband (at the tme we had been together, let see....Doing math here, 12 or 13 yrs.....I knew our marriage was failing....My vows were incredibly important to me, so asked if we could seek counseling...I didn't care if it was a doctor, pastor, whatever.....Just someone to help save the marriage. He told me any problem was mine, (i had severe post partum depression that went undiagnosed....) anyway....Needless to say, the marriage ended, and I agree with the posted message that said without both people willing to work together, there is little hope....Sorry for the painful truth, but I can't lie about it. Perhaps there are exceptions, but at what cost???
Good luck,
cor
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replied November 22nd, 2009
i understand what your going through
Your story is similar to mine! I too have been married for 4 years and have a 2 year old son. The physical and mental abuse is there as well. But I am a larger man and she doesnt hurt me physically. I dont touch her physically but i have dumped water on her head. My problems stem from my wife having a childhood where she had an abusive mother to her father and the mother preached over and over how the father was so terrible and his family is terrible to the point where she made the father choose between her and his family. he chose her and hasnt talked to his family for 11 years. So when i married my wife she didnt waste time. she overreacted to petty comments thrown at our wedding and insisted that my family is the devil and never interacted with them again. Then to top it all off, we had a son and she didnt allow my mother to see her grandson. its 2 years later, and my mother has yet to see my son. I live with disgust over this. Plus i have lost my family. I notice its a pattern that has passed on. I dont know if its jelousy, or fear to open up to thers, i really dont know. but over time it turns into a case of she gets what she wants and i get nothing accept insults. i get home from work and its, your fat, your stupid, your a loser, can you get a better job. She sits at home and refuses to work, yet can say all this when i need her help financially. Im an idiot because i believe she will change, and because i dont want to be a bi-weekly parent to my son while she gets him and will brain wash him to think the same way. So im stuck with a miserable, negative person. how do i get stuck losing my son and everything because she is a bad person. what kind of fairness is that. I personally think she also has bi-polar disorder. That being said. I believe there is no stopping a woman like yours...she has alterior motives. shes planning her divorce with you and provoking you, so she will get more leeway with the court system...like abuse and battered women syndrom. please we both know what we are dealing with. the key is to distance ourselves...but we are idiots and we stay because we feel we can fix things when ultimately they are unfixable. And like the other readers say she has found someone else, use that as amo in court to weaken her case and strengthen yours for the child. good luck with your battle!11
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replied November 25th, 2009
Ditto on Sammisa's reply to you. Sounds like she may be more of the problem and need the counseling the most. Just keep going to counseling, for yourself and child thru this transition in your life. It'll work out better for you in the long run.
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replied November 27th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
i agree with shelby0709 just keep at it hun at least then you can say you kept at it and are doing well because of it...Jenny
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