Well I have been in the mental health thing since I was 6 years old with private counseling I switched to county services cause of costs when I was 12. I have had over 70 diffrent types of medications since I was 12 im now 20 will be 21 in june and I must admit life has been getting harder and harder to cope with as I been getting older. Ive thought of suicide plennty of times and all because its so hard to live like this. Untill 2 years ago just about every medication I took worked (there were alot that didnt work though) the ones that did work worked for a peroid of time differed by each pill and then just quit working. This has been a long goin problem me and my doc have been working through but about 2 years ago I hit the right combonation ive never been this well for this long ever! The combonation of meds I have now are helping but dont help completely never have and probley never will. The pills im taking are 30mgs of zyprexea, 2mgs of respiriadal, 200mgs seraquil, 20mgs of paxil, and 400 sumthing mgs of anafranil(i forget). This combo works great and has been goin strong for me for sum time now. Living with these problems suck and make everything there has to do with life harder to handle then most peeps. I have 3 computer certifications and am really good on computers but I cant hold down a job and thats a real bummer I have been getting ssi since I was 18 the county mental health did a favor for me and signed me up for it me not knowing till it came effect. I dont plan on living on disability my whole life screw that I want to make sumthing of myself but with the problems I have its so hard and damn near impossible to just do a fraction of the things I want to acomblish in life. What makes me feel real bad is im only 20 years old and its so hard to live everyday like this even with my meds and I have my whole life ahead of me and thats what makes me so pissed, 20 years old meens alot of years of life left and thats gonna be hard to keep up. I just had alot of this stuff on my chest and I dont share infos like this with many so I felt like posting this crap that doesnt even have a point of make to much sence but what the hell!
It sounds like life has dealt you a pretty raw hand, but it also sounds as if you have a great dr & good health centre people supporting & helping you. You didn't mention any family or friends so I don't know what the situation is there & family & friends be they a help ornot do affect any comment/suggest.
You are obviously very smart & capable (even if you concentrate that intelligence etc on computer stuff you must still be smart in other ways!!) so as you want more from life why not consider some sort of computer related work/business?? I'm not exactly computer literate so can't suggest much but you are extremely computer literate so you can go foir it - think outside the square & find something you enjoy, are good at & that will allow you to earn some money - & if it also helps you meet people all the better in terms of a well rounded life.
What sucks even more now is friday we just past the 7th of this month I was diagnosised with degeneritive disk deises sorry I cant spell that but im only 20 I guess im really young to have this and my l3 and l4 disk are protruding out according to the mri I had im all messed up for as young as I am I got ultram, bextra, and norcos now for my back witch helps most the time cept wakin up its the worst and my mental health doc changed my meds also to remeron, thorazine, zyprexa, and rispiradal. My family they are very supporttive twards me I live with my 74 year old grandma have been for my whole life my mom was a partyer and what not so couldnt take care of me like she should have so my grandma offered to raise me and all and since I was 1 or so years old I have lived with her I still see my mom once a week or more basicly anytime I want my dad ditched my mom when I was born and never met him he decided with blow his head off in may of 2000 like a stupid ass so I will never have a chance to meet him an that never really has bothered me at all but his mom my biological grandma from dads side has schizophrenia and is really out there according to family and what not but never met her so I dunno dad killed himself so that shows problems with him atleast and him and my mom both used drugs bvefore I she got pregnats never used while conseveing me and has lots of things and people to back it up but dad dont know? I have been a drug addict since I was 12 startinjg with weed and wen to crank at age 13 and did it everyday till 15 or so ever so often use it still atleast 4 times a mont coke I used since I was 15 ever once in a while alot more now often lsd and shrroms lsd at age 12 first time and off and on use since then oxycontin addiction since march 99 and been goin to methadone clinic to get off it suxs with the oprblems I have and I never got anything that completly made me feeling normal weed is what keeps me eating and sleeping and my mind at a ok pace and helps me think so I got medical marjuana when I was 18 about 2 months after bday and been using since my docs and all say weed is bad and cause oproblems I only admited to them when I was 18 I used it and they blamed the problems on it along with other things and they thought I onlky been using for about 2 years or so I never tolod them they just figured I guess but I told them I been usin it since 12 and all that time I was good for long peroids and all just to let them no the weed isnt what causes all problems I have now days but im sure the drugs I used and use now datys still mess with me but drugs keep me in that place where notthin is gonna bring me down or get me to flip off the hook and beat up[ people unintenally like usualy (sad to say but from 10 till 14 I abused my grandmother and I feel so shitty and guilty for that but I got mad and couldnt control my anger and hit her and got phisical and what not knowing when im calm I would never think of doing sumthin like that I love her with all of whats left of my heart and anger took me over and it is almost like a blackout but still being able to hear and see everything thats goin on but not controling what I do I just did things I normaly woulodnt want to do without thinking about it I found myself gettin beatin up alot when younger and cop trouble becuase of my anger problems) they keep me happy and calm and let me to take advantage of life do things I woulod normaly never want to do sober and what not I just love the feelin I get from weed not the high but what it does to me. I started smokin it with friends for the high and all now I can smoke sum and not even get high but feel the effectgs enough to make a diffrence. Over all im looking into dual diagnosis treatment centers near where I live (sacramento valley - 45 mins north of sacramento)
i say this with concern for you, from reading the above post, I suspect you were high on something(s) when you wrote it & that plus the additional information says to me that you have some tough decisions to make.
You said in your first post that you wnated to lead a more normal life & make something of yourself???? Well, as things are you have no hope of doing that.
To change your life you have to make some changes to your behaviour, like get help & kick the drugs (illegal) & reduce the meds (legal) also get some help with your emotional baggage (counselling) - all that anger, hurt, frustration etc that you're carrying around about your parents (how they deserted you, the drugs they used that affected you & the mental health problems they've passed onto you etc).
If you do not get off the drugs(illegal) & reduce the meds(legal) & get counselling you will only get worse, the choice is yours, no-one else's. While your parents have alot to answer for, you are now an adult & have to take responsibility for yourself.
As to reducing the prescibed meds - check out natural alternatives (try a search engine like google or yahoo to start) including naturopathy, homeopathy, herbal, vitamins etc etc. You sure won't be worse off for giving it a try & you might be better off.