Joined: 26 Feb 2008 Posts: 1 Location: Lenexa, KS USA
ready to get help Posted: 02-26-08 20:22pm
Hi, my name is Jill and I am a drug
addict. Until now, I have never used those
words in a sentence together. I don't know
if this a cry for help, or if I just need
to get this off my chest. I have no one to
talk to, and no money to see a
psychiatrist. Here is my story - I'm sure
there are many of you out there just like
me, and I would welcome any help/advice
you have to offer. Here is my story:
At 14, I began drinking heavily and
smoking weed. After that, it seemed like,
"I've already screwed up, so why not try
new things?" I always thought that as long
as I didn't do meth, heroin, or cocaine,
then I wasn't a drug addict. I
experimented with a grocery list of drugs
and research chemicals from the time I was
16 until I was about 20. Now, at 21, there
isn't a drug out there I haven't done and
I know what I like and what I don't want
to waste my money on. I am addicted to
prescription pills and cocaine. In May of
2005, I quit doing cocaine because my
boyfriend said he'd leave me. After 3
years, he left me for my best friend
anyway, and two months ago, I began using
again. Due to my extreme chemical
dependency, I find it difficult to get out
of bed certain days if I have not used for
any extended amount of time. I take pills
to wake up and have energy throughout the
day, I take pills to be happy, pills to
fall asleep, pills to pass time, pills to
make my work day seem shorter...I have
fallen into this hole and I can't see the
light of day anymore. Suicide seems like
the only option for me anymore. I feel
like I need to start over, and I feel like
I've screwed up so much that I can never
be a normal person again. I feel so ate up
- I talk like the guy from Celebrity Rehab
- very broken speech when I'm nervous,
can't think clear thoughts...I need help.
I have no money to get professional help,
but I am ready to admit I have a problem
and I ready to get help. I am scared I
will do something to harm myself and it
may be permanent. I need help.
|
bbfeet9
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 62 Location: ,
Posted: 03-04-08 09:06am
Hi Jill.
After reading your post i sat here and
cried like a baby. My child is in the same
situation as you. Although she kicked
oxycontin, her drugs of choice now are
cocaine and heroin. She started smoking
pot at the age of 13. She is now 27 and
has graduated to the more serious drugs.
She steals to get $$ and has sex with
complete strangers. Read about her in
"Losing my child to drugs" After years of
heartache, she has FINALLY agreed to go
into rehab. She has been in and out of
jail as well. All i do is cry. I have
nightmares of looking down at her in her
coffin with a loaded syringe in her hand.
I have been thru it ALL with her. Please
PM me. I am not a young wipper snapper but
i know whats up.
Your suicide comment really scares me.
There is help. Please don't think like
that.
As far as finances go, there is help for
that too.
You are a beautiful human being who just
happened to stumble along the way. Think
of what you would do to your family if you
killed yourself. My skin creeps at the
thought of putting one of my children in
the ground. Please, please please try to
get some kind of control. Get on the phone
and check into therapy. PM me. I will give
you my phone number. You are not alone
here.
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 03-07-08 07:09am
Dear Jill,
There are many resources out there. You
just have to look for them. You are not
alone in you financial situation for sure.
There is no question in my mind that you
need a in facility rehab. That is the only
thing that will work for you at this time.
You have to get out there and find
somekind of help ASAP. Please think of the
clean life ahead of you instead of ending
it. That is not the answer Jill believe
me. Been there, done that.
