Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - Got no one else to talk to

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Q: Got no one else to talk to

asked by: pixma on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I think i've stuffed up big time!!!

i've had (still having) a bad day with grace. I needed time out, time away from the house, time away from grace. I asked stephen if he could take care of her for a couple of hours so i could destress and he said no. Thankfully my friend that i went to visit took her for a while.

Of course i've stewed on it while i was gone and a month of bottling up my feelings exploded when i got home.

It was about a month ago that he started feeling depressed and admitted that he was afraid to hold her. since then he has hardly spent any time with her. He gets very dis heartened because most of the time now she cries when he does actualy hold her which isnt very often. i've tried to do it all on my own since and only asked for his help when i am at my wits end even then i'm stressing because i know that he cant handle her crying at the moment.

He doesnt give her her bath like he used to, he hasnt changed a nappy for over a month and most certainly doesnt get up to her when she cries and the last time i asked him to feed her he rolled his eyes and said "i surpose"

When i let my feelings out he just said "f*#k you" and walked off. Now i feel guilty for expressing my feelings because he has been depressed and not himself.

Its just got to the point where i cant pussyfoot around him all the time so i dont upset him. He needs to spend more with grace because at the moment, she doesnt really know him. I am doing the best that i can but at the end of the day its grace who is suffering not me!!

I'm sorry for having a boo hoo but i just needed to tell someone.

Replies(9)

Idony

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

trevor was the same way after he got back for a while, she would cry every time he held her and leap to me, he was afriad to feed her, and the worst thing is he was afraid he would repeat the past (he was abused as a child), and he would get really upset if i tried to talk to him about it or if i asked him to take her so i could relax for a couple minutes

but hes gotten better, i kept pushing the subject and he finally told me what was wrong, and then we worked it out, where he wakes up with her one morning on the weekend (she is more accepting of new people in teh morning) and he would feed her dinner every night and eventually play with her for about an hour every night when he got home

now she LOVES her daddy, she gets super excited when he walks in the house after work, she loves her mornings with him and her nights (daddy lets her do things mommy doesnt) sometimes she will still cry (when she is really sleepy or when she isnt feeling well mainly) but she still loves him, last night she actualy fell asleep with him for the first time....he was so in shock and in awe it was beautiful, he FINALLY understood why i dont like putting her in her crib right away, it feels so good to just sit there with your beautiful baby sleeping in your arm, it makes the nastiness of the world just disappear Smile

pixma

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

i really hope your right and he does come around.

He is pretty much being what i expected him to be like. At first he didnt want me to have her and during my pregnancy would never feel her kick. But when she was born he totally took me by suprise, he was so wonderful with her, you couldnt fault him. She would also settle better with him than with me at the start. I just wish he didnt prove me right, i wish i didnt feel like that in the first place, i was so proud of him!

Well he's either gonna take it in and do something about it or never forgive me for bringing it up!!*sigh*

Verizon-y

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Got no one else to talk to

pixma wrote:

Its just got to the point where i cant pussyfoot around him all the time so i dont upset him. He needs to spend more with grace because at the moment, she doesnt really know him. I am doing the best that i can but at the end of the day its grace who is suffering not me!!

I'm sorry for having a boo hoo but i just needed to tell someone.

You have every right to be stressed out. He needs to get help to get over his depression so he can be a parent to his child. You shouldn't have to do it alone.

mc4ever02

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Has he spoken to a doctor about his depression? Maybe some anti-depressants would help.

Babies are a big adjustment to dads as well as moms. Sometimes they don't realize the changes that really do take place. Sometimes they need to know that haven't lost you. So, maybe if you could get a friend to watch her for an hour or two and you guys could go get icecream, or take a bath together. Something to reconnect and let him know that you still love him too. He might be more open to helping more. Just an idea.

ebarnhard33

replied on February 25th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

I'm sorry you're going through this. In a sense, I know how you feel. My husband was the same way when Kaylee was a newborn. He wouldn't change her diaper, feed her, bathe her, etc. When I went back to work, he would take her to his mom's house instead of watching her by himself. He finally told me he was afraid to be alone with her. I basically told him to suck it up - this was his child too, and sooner or later he'd have to get used to it. Since then, he's really come around. He is very hands-on with Kaylee and doesn't mind being alone with her. Maybe you just need to flat-out tell him to deal with it. I know that sounds harsh, but that's what worked for me. Or, like others have said, maybe he needs to get on some anti-depressants. Either way, I hope it works out for you!

pixma

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

he refuses to use anti-depressants unfortunatley!! but has gone to g a councelar which was useless!!!

thanks for your replies everyone!!!

Verizon-y

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

How long has be been depressed? Sometimes depression is a physical ailment, so no counseling session will help, just like you wouldn't try to treat cancer with counseling, either.

Does depression run in his family? Has he ever been successfully treated for it, or has he had it under control in the past?

Mommy35

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Oh I'm really sorry you are going through this. I would hand him the baby and say "I'm going out....kthanks".
A lot of times depression is a chemical imbalance and people need meds to help. It's not anything to mess around with.

I hope things get better for you

pixma

replied on February 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

The first time he had it was about this time last year. He started playing golf and that seemed to get out all his frustrations. But he doesnt even want to do that. I just wish he would open up and talk to me or someone else and not bottle it up inside.

His new job is also long hours but i still feel he needs to play with grace even if its just for hour a day instead of spending the rest of the night on the couch. I know hes tired but geeze so am i!!!!

i think his dad got depressed a couple of years back because of the draught and its effect on the farm.

i myself get it from time to time but nip it in the bud as soon as i feel different, i'm just afraid that now if it happens i wont be able to because of my responsibilies with grace. Hopefully it wont happen though.

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