Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 99 Location: Toronto, Ontario,
helping friend with depression Posted: 02-22-08 18:37pm
So there is this girl that I used to go to
school with. A long long time ago. I don't
really remember her. My mom and her
grandma are old co-workers.
My mom sees her grandma regulary, since
her grandma now works the police (popo)
and the station she works for is near the
college that my mom goes to. They happen
to have the same break times so get a
coffe together and catch up.
Now this ladies grand daughter is
literally depression. She has a whole lot
of problems. Problems with her parents and
family and really her grandma is the only
who care about her. She feels that no one
wants her, and she has no freinds. She is
currently seeing a shrink; however its not
really working out.
Her grandma asked my mom if I could kinda
be a friend to her. She almost a year
younger then me. She recently turned 18, I
turned 18 at the end of 2007. Since I'm
more her age that I could sit down and
chill and talk with her and help her.
Maybe I could cheer her up and make her
feel loved and that she is wanted in
society. Basically help her get her life
going again.
So my question is should I?
What I'm afraid is that I could end up
making things worse.
I've also predicted a few differnt
outcomes of what could happen.
1) I could go spend some time with her,
help her out during this time of need.
Make her feel special and that she is
wanted. And make things right for her.
2) I could go spend some time with her,
and make things worse. Not really be able
to help her out.
3) I could go spend some time with her,
help her out during this time of need.
Make her feel special and that she is
wanted. And make things right for her. At
the same time kinda end up leading her on
making things worse. [This has happend in
grade 11. English teacher put this loaner
girl in my group and somehow she kinda
fell in love with me and it was like I was
leading her on which I wasn't]
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1426 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:76
Hi Posted: 02-22-08 20:16pm
I take it you are a male and asking if you
should get involved wiht the person who
needsa friend. That is totally up to you,
depending on the type of person you are. I
could not live with myself knowing there
was someone out there who needed a friend,
yet, I was afraid they'd get attached to
me. A simple phone call could start. You
might tell her your folks were talking and
you heard she felt she needed someone to
talk too. You might also in that
conversation let her know you are not
looking for a relationship, just trying to
make new friends. Maybe she'd like to hang
out or just talk. Its not like you are
asking her to the prom...............You
do need to reassure her, that you are not
looking for a girlfriend......that way she
will understand form the get go....If yo
ufeel she needs medical help, suggest the
mental helath facility, there are
counselors there who can talk to her
andhelp as well. Its up to
you............the ball is in your court.
You cna either play ball and be a
sport....or sit in the bleachers and
wonder if you really could have made a
difference and she might have turned out
ot be a great friend. Just cause there are
those of us with problems....depression
etc, we still make wonderful
friends......and stay
unattached!!!!!!!!!!!
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greekjohn
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 99 Location: Toronto, Ontario,
Posted: 02-22-08 20:33pm
Yes I am a male and she does go to a metal
health facility, I assume that its either
not working out for her or the shrink has
recommended her finding a friend.
She currently lives with her grandma. She
does not have any friends and feels left
out as well as that no one wants her.
You seeI don't want any repeats with what
happend with the girl in grade 11. It was
a very bad experience that I wish didn't
happen or if it still did to have happend
differnt.
Right now they want me to make her feel
wanted and special. To make her stop
thinking that she is a no body and that no
one will ever want her. However, we are
now dealing with someone who has real
problems, mental problems, not these fake
teen drama's. I don't know how she or
anyone in general would take it, right?
It would be nice to have another friend,
especially one that I used to go to school
with many many years ago. I don't remember
many friends from more then 7 years ago.
The one thing that really really worries
me is that she is going to end up in the
end being some sort of psyco path. As well
as saying something to her that could
potentially get her in trouble from her
astranged mother.
Now I'm not saying shes going to turn into
a psycopath, I dunno what could happen. I
don't know if she isnt one yet.
I have not seen this girl in years, I
barely remember what she looks like.
Honestly, I'd like to help out this girl
if I can. I just don't exactly what I will
be involved with. I don't know what could
happen. I don't know if I could make
things better either because I can't or
because she does fall for me and she ends
up getting hurt in the end.
Like right now its not games or anything.
Were talking about the human mind and
being there for this person to realte to
and be buds and help her get onto the road
of recovery.
If we get reacquainted then I could try to
help her out.
Now I could end up helping her out by
being a friend to her. Now she see's a
shrink, and the shrink is not really doing
much for her. So by me being a friend I
could probably help her out of that
depressed mental state of mind. She feels
that she's not wanted by anyone, only
thatr her grandma cares about her. So
maybe by being a friend to her I could
make her feel accepted.
However, I could just end up getting
involved in something that I wish I hadn't
in the end. I don't know what she could
tell me. She ran away for a while not too
long ago. She could of been involved in
prostitution and heavy drug abuse. Or she
could have been involved in some sort of
crime scene. I could also be telling her
things, thinking I am helping her out, and
in the end making things worse. All I
could know in the end she could commit
suicide, which he has said she might do.
Like I don't want to let someone else's
coffin rest on my conscience. Thats the
last thing I want.
However, I have been through 2 situation
with these 2 girls wating to hook up with.
The 1st time it happend is what is some
what realted. The chick had no friends
what so ever. My teacher put her in my
group and I was nice to her, she also
helped me out in english class since I was
having some hard time with that teacher,
so me being a nice person I was to her.
She got some sort of facination over me
and was like stalking me. Everyone thought
it was cute. She was a nice girl, easy to
talk to and helped me out in english class
which I appreciated. My group and I gave
her our friendship; however, from me she
wanted more.
So I don't want to end up in the same
predicament. I don't want to try to help
someone out, thinking I am helping them by
being a friend and there for them. And
then in the end resulting in her having
some sort of facination on me, just like
the other girl did, and then not being
able to say be with me have her go do
something stupid like OD on something or
try to kill herself because I don't want
to date her.
You see what really worries me is the
state of mind that she's in. I also don't
know how she is going to take it.
Really the best thing I've found helps is
listening to some music. Usually music by
Eminem, D12, older 50 Cent, Obie Trice,
some G-Unit, some Lloyd Banks, some Tony
Yayo, Boddies by Drowning Pools, some
Nickleback.
I'm comfortable to a certain extent.
Knowing what I know right I'm comfortable.
Its what I might find out that kinda
scares me.
I would really like to help her out, her
grandma is always trying to get my mom a
job inside the police station where she
works. So I would like to help her
granddaughter out not only as a token of
appreciation for trying but also because I
did go through my own depression type
phase. And if I really had someone there
for me I could have been out of it way
sooner. I had to finish high school get
into college, pass my last portion of my
drivers test (here in ontario, canada we
do in 3 stages and I had difficulties
passing the second stage but passing the
last stage had a toll on me), finding a
new stable part time job as well as having
to worry about graduating or not.
So looking back at my experience, I would
like to help someone else going through
similar things out.
But I can't really be a shrink for her. I
can only be a friend, and offer some
advice and just talk about her problems.
She lives with her grandma. I believe she
does go to school, and your rihgt it's
possible that she does have friends and
the grandma just doesn't really know much
about her life outside of the home and the
problems. However, the way there are
talking about it, it seems that she
doesn't have any friends at all from
school. But no ones to say she doesn't
have some friends that are like drug
dealers or people of that nature.
I remember one of my friends turned to
drugs alot when his parents were going
threw a miserable divorce. He was hanging
out with the wrong crowd and got himself
mixed up with different kinds of drugs and
alcohol. Now I'm not saying this girl is
doing the same but tts possible that she
could be doing the same
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1426 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:76
Hi Posted: 02-23-08 17:48pm
LIke I said before...............lay
everything out on hte line when you first
meet this girl.....tell her you ARE NOT
LOOKING FOR A REALTIONSHIP...you only need
a good friend. Its not gaonn hurt for you
to talk to her. Just don't try to play
shrink. Listen to waht she has to say. The
past is what it is.....the past. What
someone does in their past has nothing to
do with how we are treated or how we will
treat them.....at least not in my book.
There is nothing wrong wiht people being
friends. If you feel uncomfortable from
the beginning, then you have legit excuses
to shy away............your education
being most important. I am very proud of
you for continuing your education!
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georgina23
Supporter
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 Posts: 24
Thinking Posted: 02-26-08 12:33pm
I love the fact you have thought this
through so much and asked for other
opinions (here). You are outstandingly
considerate and caring. I really admire
that.
Sometimes we can 'think' too much ;0)
I agree with fairy*godmother. Just say
(early on) you're not looking for a
relationship but looking to meet some new
friends. Why not suggest the two of you go
to a sociable place together - so that you
can BOTH meet new and uplifting people.
That takes the onus away from you. Invite
a couple of your mates along as well.
Show her a way to being a little more
light hearted. Ban her from speaking in a
negative way. do something funny every
time she does it so that she laughs
(cancelling out the negativity of whatever
she's just said)...
And yes, by all means, keep a watching eye
on how things progress. Read any early
warnign signs and gently steer another way
if that happens. Am sure you can do this
without 'abandoning' her.
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greekjohn
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 99 Location: Toronto, Ontario,
Re: Thinking Posted: 02-27-08 00:32am
georgina23
wrote:
I love the fact you have
thought this through so much and asked for
other opinions (here). You are
outstandingly considerate and caring. I
really admire that.
I really like that you see that. Thats
why I posted here for other people
opinions. You see there was a time where
I wanted to say something to my cousin
about her husband and everyone told me not
to get involved. Thats why I posted. As
well as thought it through because of past
experiences.
georgina23
wrote:
Sometimes we can 'think' too much ;0)
I agree with fairy*godmother. Just say
(early on) you're not looking for a
relationship but looking to meet some new
friends. Why not suggest the two of you go
to a sociable place together - so that you
can BOTH meet new and uplifting people.
That takes the onus away from you. Invite
a couple of your mates along as
well.
I agree with you that we could overthink
things at times. But sometimes in the
long run its better cause it could prepare
you for the worst. Am I not correct?
Honestly, I'm not sure how to tell her
that. Honestly, I can't tell "Listen I'm
here to be a friend for you not a
boyfriend"
georgina23
wrote:
Show her a way to being a little more
light hearted. Ban her from speaking in a
negative way. do something funny every
time she does it so that she laughs
(cancelling out the negativity of whatever
she's just said)...
I can do that. And thats what they want
me to do, to show her how to start
thinking positive and to get her head on
straigh and that she doesn't have all
these negative thoughts in her mind as
well as having a friend and not having to
see a shrink all the time.
georgina23
wrote:
And yes, by all means, keep a watching eye
on how things progress. Read any early
warnign signs and gently steer another way
if that happens. Am sure you can do this
without 'abandoning'
her.
I'm actually good looking out for signs
from my previous experiences.
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georgina23
Supporter
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 Posts: 24
good for you Posted: 03-02-08 13:41pm
The whole Girlfriend Boyfriend thing may
never even come up!
