GLBT Relationships Forum - Bisexual guy vs stright guy friendship

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Q: Bisexual guy vs stright guy friendship

asked by: tempp on February 22nd, 2008

New User

I donno whether this is correct location to post because my doubt because it relates to both sex and mental health. I am(22) Male from India(where homo n bisexual are seems to be sin) bisexual person. My friend(20), Male seems to be straight guy. I like him n sometime love my friend. By his characters n behaviors(always talking n teasing girls and seeing sex movies...) , I guess he might be a straight guy. I always want to see him/touch him n sometimes want to have sex with him. I never exposed that I am bisexual. I am very much afraid to say that I'm bi-sexual because he may completely hate after knowing my sexual orientation. I want to know whether he is ready to have sexual relationship with me or not, but in a very polite manner. How can I express my thoughts to him, without affecting our 'normal' friendship? Or I can just use my 'normal' friendship to execute my 'sexual feeling' by embracing n other activities, even though it seems to be sin for me

Replies(9)

mominashoe

replied on February 24th, 2008

Supporter

You are right in feeling cautious about making your feelings known to your friend. I don't think this is really a mental health situation, and I don't know a whole lot about different sexual orientations, but I do know that sexual attractions for others already close to you can completely ruin a friendship.

If you really do consider him your best friend you should keep it that way, and even if he was bisexual or gay I don't think it would be wise to communicate your sexual feelings. I have seen a lot of straight girls sleep with their best friends and ruin their friendships with them. You should treat him as you normally would and continue enjoying his friendly company.

The fact that you are wondering means that you probably shouldn't tell him.

Georgia59

replied on February 25th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

I copied this to the GLBT relationships forum. Maybe you'll get some good advice there! (Not that mominashoe's advice wasn't good:)

homerx

replied on February 25th, 2008

Moderator

Thanks Georgia59...and mominashoe, I agree with your good advise. Do not tell him. You sound very young so here is my advise, speaking as a gay man.Do not approach him in a sexual way. I think from what you have written that he is straight. If you feel the need to tell him then be prepared for him to not want to be your friend anymore. ( which would be fine with me. I personally don't want to be friends with someone who discriminates against others for whatever reason) I think you just have a crush on him which is normal. People get crushes on friends all the time. But don't act on it. Tell him you are bi if you feel the need but don't be shocked when he fades away or gets defensive and weird. Straight men in particular can be easily intimidated by another mans sexuality...silly but true. Good Luck and let us know what happens. respect

tempp

replied on February 26th, 2008

New User

Thx for all your guys... I'll never going to expose my sexual orientation or my affection over him, I want his true friendship. I try to visualize him as ugliest as possible whenever i feel horny to avoid sexual feeling on him.

homerx

replied on February 26th, 2008

Moderator

good idea...and maybe in time you guys can lay it all on the line. If so great, if not thats OK 2. Good Luck to you.

marvel

replied on February 27th, 2008

Supporter

tempp.
Hi! I'm Zak.
I was in India for a few months last summer, and I can remember the huge taboo that is associated with homosexuality and bisexuality there. It must be very hard for you, because, as I also remember, men are VERY affectionate. They'll hold hands, kiss each other... the occasional hand-on-thigh action.

I think I would advice, given your environment and your situation, to try to stay away from him for a little while. I don't think it would be right for you to open up to him. It could affect your life negatively not just as a result of a lost or damaged friendship, but because of the attitude of the people in your surroundings. You don't want them to find out just yet. Wait until you're more independent at the very least.

I hope this helps!

tempp

replied on February 28th, 2008

New User

wow! the marvel is excellent! Now a days I avoid him, and avoiding his engagement in alone to prevent 'accidents'. But my monkey mind always thinking about him. Is there any way to control my mind, by forcing it to think what I think, instead taking decision on it's(mind) own. How to control my mind effectively? How to reduce sexual feelings?

marvel

replied on February 28th, 2008

Supporter

You're in a tough position, because it's not like you can go out and find another man who will probably be better for you. Do you ever have feelings for women? The best thing is to separate for awhile and, even though it will be tough, you will slowly realise that you can fully function without this guy and life does go on. It's true!

JYoungBear

replied on March 3rd, 2008

Experienced User

marvel wrote:

He speaks the truth. A man I dated for a few weeks before my current boyfriend, I fell in love with... but unfortunately he dropped off the face of the planet, which left me absolutely crushed. I guess you can say my current boyfrend can be considered a "rebound", but then, this is the first real relationship I have had in months, so it is not as big of a deal as one could possibly make it.

But I learned to move on. I am at a point that if I were to bump into this guy somewhere, I can be civil, say hi, and not really think too much about it - quite honestly (and this may sound harsh, but it is the truth), to be crushing over someone that you know has no compatiblity (sexual orientation, chemistry, etc.), it is a waste of your own energy. Like Zak said, it does take time, but you will get used to the fact that the reality is that things would not work out, contrary to popular belief. Just keep on, and keep searching. You will find someone that you know is right for you when that time comes.

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