Hi honey

I don't think anyone judges you on this forum. One thing at a time sweetheart. Why where you sick and why can't you tell anyone about it?

xx

apparently i had some some of arthritis and i was in pain for months so i could not finish my final year project , i tried to keep it to my self but i guess it got out of hand . then it was to late to give it in although my supervisors were so nice but they could only give me limited time. i could not tell my parent i could not finish cause their expectation of me was very high, i was always the grade A student now everyone seem to be doing well except me. i know this is wrong but i have even contemplated on running away or even just dying off, then at least i will have nothing to worry about any more. im fed up i dont know who i can talk to about everything i feel like i will explode.

... arthritis is awful.

Secondly, there is no-one else in this world you need to please except yourself. You are entitled to live your life as you feel is right for you.

Expectation is a dirty word in my book. If you are 'right' with yourself, the rest will fall into place - or go away. But that is other people's choice - you are not responsible. You are only responsible for getting better, getting your life back on track IN THE WAY THAT YOU WANT TO LIVE IT.

May i suggest, if you haven't already, that you seek counselling (arthritis like problems can be related to emotional trauma - don't know if this applies) and even a homoeopath/acupuncturist or similar. Shiatsu massage is also very good.

Why not make a list of just three things you'd like to change. Don't be frightened of this list. it is for you - so be bold (sensing you've lost some confidence due to perceived outside pressures) and write down what YOU want.

Could be:

Apply to retake final year
Stop being with both guys and take some time out for just yourself
Go out with some real friends for a good belly laugh
Tell your parents that you are not well and need their help
Read up on foods that make you feel great and help arthritis
Clear out your wardrobe even !! Reinvent yourself if you like.
Get a new haircut - feel glamorous and in control again

Hope things start getting better real soon.