Sounds like you're doing the right things otherwise your two younger ones wouldn't be so good.

I would get your eldest checked out (just in case he has lazy muscles or an immature development of the bowel - it would be awful to find this out later after he'd been hassled etc by you &/or others!).

All that said though, he'll be at school/kindy very soon & the emotional trauma of what other kids would say if he was in nappies or soiling his pants would be horrendous & the effects would be long term as well.

You know your child & so are best placed to figure what would work & to take into account the other two, but I still find bribery to be extremely useful (less so with my son but still worth trying). If there are things he wants(toys/clothes etc), or places he wants to go(movies/park/friends etc), or things he wants to do(play sport/watch certain tv shows) you could use these as bribes/bargaining tools.

Sit him down & explain that he's too old to poo in his pants or in a nappy & therefore from now on he will not be put in a nappy at any time no matter what (but make sure you stick to your decision) & that if he wants to ....... (whatever bribe/bargaining tool you choose).......... Then he has to poo in the toilet. If he poos in his pants, on the floor, in his bed, outside anywhere other than in a toilet then he can't get/do/go.

But this will only work if you explain this all to him & if you are 100% consistent no matter what. It is also important to let him know how good he is about other things & how proud you are of him 7 that you are doing this not to be cruel or nasty but because you don't want him to suffer from teasing etc.

We've tried this. Told him no more karate, throwing out his wrestling men, and the corner. Neither have shown success, and i'm going about nuts. I definetly will ask a doc about the possiblity of the conditions you mentioned. I don't want to see my baby get hurt.

Thanks,

~jennifer~

I am not meaning to be rude but as kids that age can be way more determined than we often give them credit for & as we as parents can often be less than consistent - how long did you persevere with refusing him things? Also did you try increasing the number of things he was refused?

Like say girst threatening to stop karate then actually stopping it then taking something else away (also I assume he doesn't do karate every day & it has just occurred to me that at that age something more immediate might work better - say if there's a tv show he watches daily refuse that unless & actually refuse it until he starts pooing in the toilet & remember a) no nappies no matter what & b) have a long serious talk one on one with him about why youy are doing this & why it is so important for him etc) also still on the point of immediate things you could try saying that if the ones (so include the other 2) who do what you ask will get say ice cream or whatever & then he sees his brother & sister having ice cream or lollies & he misses out.

You can also increase the "punishment" by 1) stopping karate then add to it with 2) stop the tv show & then add 3) no treats - which his brother & sister do get because they do the right thing & so on.

The thing is you may have to really be strong & consistent for several weeks if you want to outlast him & remember he has way more energy than you!! They drain it out of us while we're asleep!! Then use our own energy against us!!

Cheri

Good points, and suggestions! Thanks, cheri!

~jennifer~

I dont think that taking items away from him is actually going to help the problem, what if he is scared of the toilet ? Maybe he thinks something is going to come up out of the whole and bite him sometime when he is sitting there. Lol.. I know it sounds weird, but I sometimes think that a snake will come up, I have seen that somewhere before..Lol. Maybe you could try playing a game with him, or when he poops, take him and the diaper to the bathroom, and shake the poop off in the toilet, and tell him that is where his poop should go. Just a couple of suggestions, I would hate for him to be getting in trouble for not going if he is just scared about doing so. Anyway, im rambling,, good luck!

Thanks! I yelled at him again, and he looked at me with such fear. Not that of me hurting him, but of the toilet. I took him in, he had passed gas, and sat him on the toilet, and I told him to "stay there!" and he just trembled. I think we are going to have to come up with something to make him not afraid of the toilet. I need something, he goes to school in 4 mo!

~jennifer~

It can take boys a lot longer to learn to potty in the toilet. My son was not fully potty trained until he was almost five. Another thing to keep in mind is that at that age children have little control of what goes on in their lives. Pooping is one thing they do have control over so he might be holding it in. What finally worked for me was letting my boy run around butt naked. He had no place he could go so he went to the toilet. Different children develop at different rates.

I definitely agree with the above about consequences. A 4 almost 5 year old child should be potty trained. I don't understand how for years and years mothers trained every child before they were two and now everyone says "kids aren't ready". They were ready then...is it possible the mothers aren't ready? I think that if he was realy really afraid of the toilet he wouldn't go pee on it either. It is possible that he is using the pooing and the diapers as a form of control. Was he jealous when his siblings were born? DId you ever notice any declines in his development at that point? All things you should be asking. But if the kid holds his poop in like that, he's going to have a big problem and could start getting constipated. You definitely don't want that. I would agree with Cheri and be REALY consistent and hardcore. No excuses and no letting up. If your kid believes that if you say you are not going to do this and you really follow through, it might change his thinking.