okay, hi.. my names coco im 19.. just
turned.
ive been through heavy depression about 2
years ago i couldnt even speak id get so
screwed up. no one noticed and when they
did theyde just ask "whats wrong" and id
lie and say "nothing". i knew i had a big
problem but i think i was just to ashamed
to admit it to anyone other than myself.
ive always had a close relationship with
my mum and for her not to notice that i
was falling apart just made me more
depressed. the whole 2 year ago thing
lasted for about a year and it still hurts
to know i went through it alone, restless
nights, not eating, over eating, cutting,
overdosing, trying to hang myself,
burning. well it all went away it was
great my life was back on track. i mean i
was fine of course when i got mad id still
self torment and all that but on the whole
it was good. until about 2 weeks ago.. its
all back.. i feel like caca all over
again. i have panic attacks. im closing
out the people i love im irritable, wanna
die and have done the whole self
mutilation thing all over again.. only
this time, mums not on my side. i mean i
didnt talk to her last time but i soo
wanted to i just couldnt bring myself to
it knowing that what if she went crazy
over it.. knowing that her only child is a
f***ing phycho. she saw the cuts.. i told
her the cat scatched me. my god what a
f***ing fool, it p*sses me off to know
that no one even noticed, i mean do i mean
that little to anyone. anyways i dont have
anyone this time. just me... i dont know
why i put myself through this pain and
agony, but i cant help myself. im scared
of being helped, im scared of failing, im
scared ill take my life and regret it, im
scared of the effect it would have on
anyone... okay yeh im f***ed up. anyways i
just had to say it out aloud. i dont
expect anyone to read this or whatever it
was just for peace of mind to know i dont
have it just in my head.
thanks.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 02-19-08 14:49pm
Oh hon you need a big hug.
That sounds really hard. You really need
to get help for yourself! You say you're
close to your mom, tell her. She wants to
help.
From the perspective of someone who has
had loved ones who struggled like you do,
maybe they do notice and don't know what
to do, or maybe they don't want to admit
that something so serious could be wrong.
All you have to say is "I need help" and
I'm sure that your mom would be more than
willing to jump in and get you the help
you need.
And you do need help. Depression this deep
isn't something you can just will away. I
hope for your sake that your mom can't be
blind any longer and realizes that you
need more.
Best wishes hon
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2393 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 02-20-08 12:18pm
You have come to the right place, that is
for sure. First of all you have to ask
yourself what is it that is depressing you
so much. Then you can start to get
yourself back together. Is there anyone
else you can live with for a little while?
Like giving yourself some space away from
some possible triggers in your life?
Life is woth living, even if you doubt it
sometimes. You have a big future ahead of
you and you are still so young. Get out
and try to do things that make you happy
and feel better instead of thinking about
the bad things. It just might help.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1422 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 61
Thanked:76
Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother Posted: 02-20-08 13:07pm
Coming from a Mom.......please talk to
your Mother. She will understand and will
know what to do. She will be there for
you. I have a daughter who turns 25 this
year.....I would not know a damned thing
unless she told me.........you need to
talk to your Mom so she will know whats
going on........otherwise, we feel like we
are being overbearing.......PLease talk to
her.............See, there are a lot of us
htat read your post and a lot of us who
care...............
