okay, hi.. my names coco im 19.. just turned.
ive been through heavy depression about 2 years ago i couldnt even speak id get so screwed up. no one noticed and when they did theyde just ask "whats wrong" and id lie and say "nothing". i knew i had a big problem but i think i was just to ashamed to admit it to anyone other than myself. ive always had a close relationship with my mum and for her not to notice that i was falling apart just made me more depressed. the whole 2 year ago thing lasted for about a year and it still hurts to know i went through it alone, restless nights, not eating, over eating, cutting, overdosing, trying to hang myself, burning. well it all went away it was great my life was back on track. i mean i was fine of course when i got mad id still self torment and all that but on the whole it was good. until about 2 weeks ago.. its all back.. i feel like caca all over again. i have panic attacks. im closing out the people i love im irritable, wanna die and have done the whole self mutilation thing all over again.. only this time, mums not on my side. i mean i didnt talk to her last time but i soo wanted to i just couldnt bring myself to it knowing that what if she went crazy over it.. knowing that her only child is a f***ing phycho. she saw the cuts.. i told her the cat scatched me. my god what a f***ing fool, it p*sses me off to know that no one even noticed, i mean do i mean that little to anyone. anyways i dont have anyone this time. just me... i dont know why i put myself through this pain and agony, but i cant help myself. im scared of being helped, im scared of failing, im scared ill take my life and regret it, im scared of the effect it would have on anyone... okay yeh im f***ed up. anyways i just had to say it out aloud. i dont expect anyone to read this or whatever it was just for peace of mind to know i dont have it just in my head.
thanks.