Whenever you get that suicidal thoughts can you, please, force yourself to think about one thing that you just have an illness that makes you seriously consider suicide, and that you'll change your mind when you recover.

How often you are attacked with suicidal thoughts?
For how long you are diagnosed like bipolar?
What kind of therapy you have?

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar for almost a year. I have been seeing a physcologist MD for over a year. I've also tried various treatments. Lamictal, Ambilify, Zyprexa, Zolft. cymbalta, and am only on Klonipin right now for anxiety, bacause non of the other drugs worked. My crashed used to be maybe 1 time a month or ever 2 months. Now they are turning into every 2 weeks, and worsening. The last 2 crashes were the only ones that I had serious suicidal thoughts.
I'm seeing a new Dr. tomorrow, and I am going to tell her everything, and see what she says. I don't know why none of these meds are working for me, but its killing me and the ones who love me.

IMHO you may need another Bipolar medication. I am on Lemictal and seems to be working well along with my Lexepro and Klonopin. But, everyone is different and medication componients work different for others. It's not easy getting on the right or perfect routine meds. I willl say that I feel much better now on the Lemictal then I did. Yes, I would be honest and tell that you are having these thoughts. For those of us with this disorder, it is not abnormal to have them. But, it is possible through the right medications to lessen these thoughts.

I wish you the best and life is still worth living even when things get bad. I should know with all that I have been through in the last 5 years. I have been Bipolar since mid 80s and just now can out of the closet.


Hugs!
Carrie

As MsCarrie said is hard to get on the right meds treatment.
Probably, the treatment is not effective for you or the drugs are making you feel suicidal (frequently prescribed antidepressants are linked with an increased risk of suicide).
Bipolar people have most of the suicide attempts occuring during a depressed or mixed episode, during an episode of mania, or when a person is going into or coming out of depression or mania.
People with bipolar disorder can lead healthy and productive lives when the illness is effectively treated, without treatment, however, the natural course of bipolar disorder tends to worsen.

Thinking of you!
Marija

I can truely relate to your frustration. The thing of being committed...is that it is just a short "reprieve". It allows you to get away from the stresses and strains so your mind can recover. However, without sorting the root of the problem, things will quickly spiral back down to the "normal" state of affairs.

It is true...how ever hard it is for me to admit this...what MandMS says. It is a passing feeling and...this might sound strange...if you were to commit suicide you would be very annoyed with your self when your mood lifts and you realise you didn't have to commit suicide .

MandMs has another good point in terms of the medication...

I have been on one medication for over two years and I'm starting to realise that it is time to get it changed. The effectiveness of the medication has slowly been dwindling without me noticing it, up to a point where, now, they don't do anything any more. I am starting to realize I need to go for a re-eval as it seems the medication only worked up to 80% which means it's effectiveness dilutes by 30% each time...

I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like when I got my eyes re-tested. I only did it cus my current glasses is starting to give in with age. To my surprise, my left eye has degraded by 1 and my right eye by 1.5. I never realised it degrading. (btw, 1 might not seem like a lot but if you compare that with the maximum of 20/20, it's a drastic change).

Hang in there! And feel free to use my shoulder to cry on if you need it. I know how it feels and I know how difficult it is to get...or even accept for that matter...support.

Thinking of you!

Thank you all for the advice and support. I was really in the dumps this past weekend. I am getting a support group going with my family and am going to see my PHD on a weekly basis until things get evened out. Yesterday I saw a new Dr. and she gave me a new med called Depakote. I have tried several others without any luck I took my first dose lastnight before bed, and so far so good. You may think its too early to tell but for me, I after 1 pill of Zyprexa, Ambilify, Cymbalta, I was crying in the closet in the dark! Today I am at work, and having a reasonably good day. I even have to fire someone tomorrow and I am not depressed and having anxiety about it (which I typically do) So I am sooooooo hoping that this med is the right one for me.

The Dr. said that if it does work, she would more than likely put me on a low dose of welbutrin, and I would stay on the klonipin for anxiety. So thats my story, I am here...alive and not writing suicidal poetry, thats 1 step in the right direction, small to some but better than it was.

Wish me luck friends...

You're not automatically comitted if you admit to suicidal thoughts. I turned down hospitalization 3 times before I went in. That time I walked into the ER and asked to go to the hospital. Comittment is the legal process that tends to involve people who are almost too far gone. Docs do it, but very rarely. If you choose to go to a hospital, you have the right to walk out AMA. Though if you've checked into a hospital it's probably not in your best interest to walk out without finishing the course of treatment. The hospital nurses told me that the main point behind hospitalization these days is to regulate / start meds. Stays are usually very short thanks to insurance. You shouldn't feel like you can't confide in your caregivers when you need them most. That's when they need you to be the most honest so they can be more accurate with treatment plans and meds.

If you're concerned about the facilities, your caregivers can refer you to the best ones in the area or you can call them yourself. They're usually more than willing to tell you about what they offer.

My husband has stayed with me through thick and thicker for 15 years. At times it's been rough and ugly but we've managed to get through. He was pissed when I admitted myself to the hospital because I was fine when he went to work and suicidal by noon. He didn't quite get that. It was the wake up call he needed to really get what the illness is like. I try to communicate better with him. That's my biggest downfall, especially if I'm becoming deressed and I want to close myself off from everyone. He makes it a point to (kindly) ask how I'm doing, what's going on, do I need to call the counselor/doctor? This is a delicate balance itself because I want him to show me he cares, but I want to be his wife, not his patient. I think it's a balance all couples in this position have to deal with as an ongoing issue.

PS Hope the new doc and the depakote work out for you. Wellbutrin is one of my trusted meds and I love it.
Good luck

Well I am going to disclose my recent crashes and suicidal thoughts today at my session. He really needs to know the good, bad and how ugly its gotten. I know that he can't take me away in a straight jacket so thats good. I am still hoping that this Depakote works.... it will be almost a year to date of trying different meds... come on let this be "the one"!

Good luck too, I hope that you don't have to go to the hospital and stay as stable as possible as well... Its not easy, I was feeling down slightly about 1/2 hr ago, got scared I was slipping down, so I am eating Whoppers and YooHoo, and feel better. I never believed in that whole chocolate cure, but its worked for me today so I'll take it hour by hour if I must!

That's great that you're going to make those disclosures. You're only hurting yourself when you don't. Your counselor/doc should give you some strong advice for anxiety, too. It seems that when these thoughts start it increases your anxiety. Mine, too. It's that "Oh, no, not again!" fear.
This comes from a few years in the MH system so let me know if I can help.
Good luck at the counselor's.