Dear Mson,

These past few days have been really hard Mson. Friday, my water heater in my house had to be replaced. Water in the pan below and rust coming from the attachment at the top. $900.00.

Then, the men came out to remove the four windows in my kitchen that had let in water and caused black mold and termites in my beautiful new home, only six years old. They have the windows back in now.

Also, today when they were here I was out changing the water stations and there was this major water coming out. Called Farm Supply water division and thank God they can fix it.

Went into the garage and there is this water leaking from my freezer. It appeared the freezer had simply died. Called and ordered a new one as painful and hard as it will be to pay for it. But have lots of food in the freezer. Chris and his helper could not get power to the freezer.

So, went down to get the mail and drove my car back into the garage. Now the freezer is on. Called and cancelled the new one.

On top of everything last Friday was working in the roses and saw some black ants on my arm. One must have stung me because it is really red and sore and am running a fever. I have been getting innoculations for bee and ant stings for two years now.

Then last night cooking some oil splashed onto my left arm. The sting and the burn, both on the left side, the emotional side.

I have to look at where all this is coming from. I have always felt Lee's new GF is on the dark side. Please keep praying for me Mson and Homer.

I have already hired the new manager beginning June 1st. Right now, I did pay him for this month and I am waiting for him to complete work on the vineyards which they failed to do. Also expect from him some Tempranillo plants for the nursery. Putting in 3,175 Tempranillo, it is normal to have a nursery of 10% of that. Right now I have two plants and already need three to plant let alone what will happen. He says No I have to pay for them. Lee is the one who will have to pay for his abuse of good customers let alone someone who cared for him. Because, I no longer want him in my sight again let alone to trust him to take care of my property.

I will write a letter of termination. It is best because he puts a lot of pressure on me to not "fire his guys, but really it is firing him and he wants to maintain control of my vineyards."

Thank you for your prayer Sweetheart. You are such a dear person. See, your Mother does love you. She must suffer greatly for all that happened to you and at her own hands.

Love to you Always,

Bobbie

Have you seen Homerx? I wonder what is going on in his sexy mind.

I am sorry to hear that you have been going through so much. You are strong Bobbie because you cannot be tempted to what you cannot bear. Glad you found out you did not need a new freezer after all.

Do you believe in a spirit world where the spirit goes? I believe in that. I hear sometimes they do things like turn the freezer off. Maybe it is Walter. God bless His soul. Keep him in the picture. He is your invisible friend Bobbie.

You told me to say it straight. I thought about that for a few days. Hesitation is my main problem. But now that you have helped me identify the problem, I will press on and soon it will not be a problem saying exactly what I think. I am glad I know you.

What's you horoscope again? I mean please.

Did a full day of work today. Extra $$ to spend tomorrow on the anniversary. It's our third Bobbie. We are in the same boat him and I. Imagine my Mami in Kenya thinking of getting us to Austria where she seems to think there is more money. I am here to recover not to make money. If the money comes, well and good but first I have to take care of my health. My Mami doesn't know that. Or she refuses to know that. And I am not lazy. I am disabled. And yet I work because we cannot live on disability pension alone.

In my heart I know after I go to school, I will get a fine job but I have to wait for my papers before going to school. I need a school loan. My Mami want that case scenario here and now. She doesn't understand that I mourned Jessy for 10 years and she doesn't comprehend that I have been fighting immigration all this time. I still manage to speak in schools and work at the club

She was asking which steps have we taken. I have ehealth forums. I have friends there like you, Homerx (miss him) and Hart47 and others. That to me is a step forward. We have decluttered. Big step forward. What did she want me to tell her?

Gandalf the cat just jumped up on my laps and wants to play. I used to hate her when I was depressed. I thought she was ugly. I hated doing her kitty litter. I used to clean cat poo from under the sofas when I was a child and even older. I hated it.

For a long time the cat never sat on my lap but when I got my temporal resident permit, in 2007, she started jumping on my lap as I realised she is not ugly and that she is here for a reason. I must have had a lot of negative energy that the cat noticed. Then I had to think about my husband and what that energy made him feel. If it were not for Gandalf the cat, I might never have learned the lesson of how we affect others with our attitude and thoughts.

Anyway Bobbie, you should write that termination letter soon and send it to his P O Box or give him mbae hand and send to the P O Box. I don't know. When were you planning on giving it to him? How much notice must he get? All the best Bobbie, very proud of you and we will survive.

Say hey to Homerx if you see him before I do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w

Love and light, Health and Wellness. Peace and more peace.

Mson

I, too, believe that our spirits live on. And, it is only the good we do in this world that will let us leave this place and not have any need to hang around on this plain which honestly can be only a fraction of what we can expect to be in that glorious place when we are in the presence of God and our families who love and wait for us.

Walter so loved his dear mother. I used to say towards the end of his life, Grandma is here waiting for you to join her. He said, yes he knew that was true. It was only when Mark and I were gone to Italy that she did come for him. To me that is beautiful because they loved each other so much. She was there the night Mark was born. She always loved me completely and unconditionally.

You belong to Canada, Mson. They have loved you, sponsored you, supported your health with your medications. You belong to your beloved Canada. Austria can claim others, but not you Mson.

Canada is your home now, my dear. You are in Victoria? Not that impossible that someday I can drive up to visit you and BF. Get those gas prices down and somehow relieve myself from the daily watering schedule.

Lee knows of my inability to do this watering schedule every day. No matter how he does the math, it still comes up to me watering 12 hours a day, six days a week. Where does that change from now? He just wanted the money and now I will survive.

I am not sure your Grandpa gave the message to your Mom, but, as I told you before, she has gotten the message from the Lord. Be it in a dream or through her heart, she hears you.

Take care.

Love,

Your sister in Christ,

Bobbie

Double Aquarius, that is my blessing.

And, I totally love cats. We had this cat born in our garage of a feral mother. Mark had just begun to recover from a broken back and we tore that garage apart until we found the baby kitten. Mark named him Victor and he would never go to anyone but Walter, Mark or me.

Sometimes he would jump up when I was resting and lay upon my heart. It is also called the solar plexis.

Even after Victor died, he came back a few times in my dreams to lay upon my heart. So the connection with love is very, very strong Mson, even with the animals that we love.

Bobbie

good morning ladies! Man o man, I slept like a rock. i was exhausted.
Mson, camping...ug! I know it can be fun and a lot of people enjoy it but not me. I like to have a cabin at least with air condition. I cant take the heat. It makes me ill. I take blood thinners and cant stand the heat. I am glad you had fun though..
Bobbie, did you dump the chump? One more week? Is that right?
I had to take my car back to the shop...it cost 1400 bucks last week to get the air fixed and now the right front wheel is making noise!! damn it! this is getting out of hand. How come when you take a car to the shop it always comes back with a new and different problem shady macanicks.. ( i cant spell macanicks )
Anyway, Mson, I am glad you made it home safe and sound. Your mother... who knows with her but at least you are talking so thats good I suppose. If my mother were to call I would not answer. But thats a whole other issue. Im just glad to be alive and well today, thats all I ask. My dogs are happy and Rick is OK and you guys are doing fine so I am happy.
I guess I better go have something for breakfast or some coffee or something...glad to be here!! and glad you are there and glad we all have each other to lean on
Love,Homer

so true...

Nothing gets past the two of you.

Unfortunately, for me, I can be pretty naive. I went into my storage shed today and found a $980.00 piece of eqipment missing. My weedwacker. Lee doesn't pick up his phone. But, my friends from church have a son who is coming out to do the mildue spraying which should have been done three months ago. Thank God I have people to help me.

Homer and Mson, love to you my dear sweetest ones.

Bobbie

Lee has probably stolen things from you that you don't even realize are missing yet...beware,Bobbie...be very careful and remember that you are dealing with a lyre and a snake...I will stop talking about him now because I don't know if I am hurting or helping..
You didn't get that mildew problem taken care of yet? I thought you had that done already. I hate to think of you maybe breathing in that bad stuff...Lord! Take care of that. We had some mildew in our bathroom on the sealing and Ricky injected it with bleach! I think it worked!
Mson, how R U 2 day??? It is very hot here...in the 90s and we are out of milk, my caR IS IN THE SHOP AND i GUESS i HAVE TO WALK TO THE STORE. i MAY JUST DO WITHOUT BECAUSE HEAT MAKES ME VERY ILL FEELING...
Oppps...sorry, I hit the cap lock button...sorry...

No, I have searched high and low, the weedwacker is gone. Called and left a number of messages on Lee's cell and finally got hold of him today.

Only thing is the weedwacker is gone, the jacket that holds it is gone and the ear muff's Mark gave me to protect my hearing while using loud equipment is also gone. Those ear muff's were last worn by Hector and he left them on the water hydrant by the vineyard. They are gone, too.

Lee said Hector will come out to find them. Good luck. They are gone. So is Lee. Come June 1st, a letter of termination will be delivered to him. May have to get out a restraining order against him, just like his former wife and his mother-in-law and his vineyard manager of 10 years. Must be a reason for that.

I have set up a meeting with the new vineyard manager and my original vineyard manager of 8 years ago who knows this place and can help the new man understand it.

Lee is out of here.

I am going to call the Sheriff to report the theift of my equipment. Nobody else goes back there but Lee's guys. And, I don't have the $980.00 to buy a new one.

The man who used to work for Lee is coming out to spray for mildue which should have been done months ago. Right there is a deal breaker Homer. The vineyards need to be sprayed for mildue when the plants are 2 inches high, then 1 foot high, and then 3 feet high. Right now they are five feet high. I could potentially lose my crop. Joe is coming out today to help determine the equipment he needs to get in there.

Mildue in my house is what you mean. The new windows are installed and I can tell you that was quite an ordeal. This house is built like a ship and to stand 200 years. The men had to work so hard to get them out and reinstalled.

Yes, Homer, Lee has stolen things from me that are missing. My heart, my trust, my health, and possibly and potentially my very home with that loan I took out. All I have to do is miss a few payments and I could be forced into foreclosure. And, he can't even comprehend the consequences to me and my family. Let alone the health issue which he says is not an issue because he doesn't believe that I even have HPV. Was your X that stupid?

Bobbie

My X was a lot like Lee..he only cared about his feelings and his needs... He was good in bed but not good enough to die for, that is for sure... he also took things from me when I ended the relationship...I think he will pay 100 times what he took..karma is a bit*h..

So Lee sends Hector out to look for the weedwacker. Not here. I go out and see him by my Jeep. He opens up the back and there is the harness and the ear phones. Funny thing is, I am in and out of that truck every single day including an hour before he showed up. I had to open the truck to get out a shovel to dig up some mustard plants in the vineyard. They were not there then.

Sorry, but it seems to me that guy planted them there for some reason. He was the last person I saw with my weedwacker. I told Lee he is going to have to buy me a new one, but you know that will never happen.

Glad he is out of here. He has 9 more days of this month which I paid for and hopefully, he will get the replacement Tempranillo plants to me. If not, he is still out of here.

I hear you about being good in bed but not worth dying for. That is what happens to us when we fall in love with these bad apples. My immune system is so jeaprodized that the other day I was stung by an ant and didn't even feel it at the time, just saw some black ants on my arm. It was red and swollen and very painful. Probably should have taken an EpiPen shot but then it is very hard on your heart and you have to get to the emergency room and I am alone with nobody to drive me. Today it is a little better. I didn't even know I am allergic to black ants. Red fire ants and hornets yes.

Pray for me Homer and Mson.

Love MDSO's.

Bobbie

It has been a weired time for me.

I told my eldest brother via email how my uncle molested me. He responded that people have soo many secrets which caused it to be a rough place to be. I was four years old when we moved to the particular house and I was eight before we moved out. In between, I was molested.

Also weighing in my heart was the fact that my sister in law, wife to my eldest brother, she too had been raped as a child mbae her uncle. Maybe it was not in my place to tell my brother but I knew she would get help from him more than she could from me. Plus it was weighing me down and I knew that she was not making any progress. She is in China my brother is in Kenya.

I told her to pray for him for two weeks but she couldn't do it. I want her to heal. I have known her since we were going to Sunday school.

So I have been feeling like I did something wrong. I followed my heart though. And I do feel lighter. Bobbie you said to say it as it is and not twist it. That is why I like this topic to Homerx s. I have grown since joining here.

After class yesterday one student asked me how I manage to tell everything. I gave him a hug and I explained to him that he was seeing the polished me. I told him in my first presentation in Canada I cried throughout the eight minute speech. Almost 10 years ago. I told him how I used to skip the part about being a prostitute in the past. I asked him for his email address and wrote him. He is only 15 years old. Then he wrote me his story and now I have too much information. I will ask the student if he needs any help and then I can tell his teacher if the student allows me. He has felt suicidal but believes in God. Poor kid.

Yesterday for the first time I was able to talk about something. This is what I said to the kids roughly:-

"The day I knew that there are tiny cuts and tears during sex, that day I was knowledgeable. I was not ignorant anymore and I started using condoms and not infecting people out of ignorance." I told them that I thought being told not to have unprotected sex was like don't have sex before marriage kind of a thing. I was skeptical.

For many years I had fought with myself the best way to tell people about my ignorance in the beginning years of my illness. The mistakes I made. I have learned to accept my whole past and it is not easy. Soo much past in so little time.

Otherwise I am doing well. Great posts Homerx and Bobbie. I read each word hungrily. Keep it up Bobbie, you are almost out of the tunnel with Lee. I'll keep praying for Jesus to be right there with you and that was a show about the things in the trunk of your jeep. He planted them. You are not a fool and he is making you to look like one. That is not love. That is deceit and he better return the other things. Cleaning up house Bobbie.

Wi chat later
Good night, sleep tight.
Mson

Mson, you are SO wise!!!! You said "For many years I had fought with myself the best way to tell people about my ignorance in the beginning years of my illness. The mistakes I made. I have learned to accept my whole past and it is not easy. Soo much past in so little time. "
Thats deep...very profound. I love you so much.
Mmm mmm mmm
I get wings to fly
Ooohhh im alive

When you call on me
When i hear you breathe
I get wings to fly
I feel that im alive

When you look at me
I can touch the sky
I know that im alive

When you bless the day
I just drift away
All my worries die
Im glad that im alive

You set my heart on fire
Fill me with love
Made me women
The clouds above

I couldnt get much higher
My spirit takes flight
Cause im alive

When you call on me (when you call on me)
When i hear you breathe (when i hear you breathe)
I get wings to fly (fly)
I feel that im alive (i am alive)
When you reach for me (when you reach for me)
Raising spirits high
God knows that

That ill be the one
Standing by
Through good and through trying times
And its only begun
I cant wait for the rest of my life

When you all on me (when you call on me)
When you reach for (when you reach for me)
I get wings to fly
I feel that
When you bless the day (when you bless you bless the day)
I just drift away (i just drift away)
All my worries die
God knows that im alive
I get wings to fly
God knows that we're alive


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Pw4Nn99vlU

That is a wonderful song. I will add it to my collection. Deep song. I have heard it before but you reminded me of it. Thanks alot. I love you too. Lots. Thanks for all your kind words Homerx. It means a lot to me because I had agony for a long time wondering how to say that I made mistakes earlier on in my journey with AIDS. I have been set free.

Today I went to teach at the school and the student that I was speaking about in my above post came and talked to me. He said he is not doing well in school because he is always thinking about the problems at home. This is a private school and the boy's mother used to work there but she got fired. Anyway, the boy was saying to me that there are a couple of people who do not want him in the school. What a burden for a 15 year old to go through!

We talked today and I asked him if he needs help but he was scared that his mom would know. So I told him that I will tell the teacher not to tell his mom. I was so glad when he agreed that we should tell the teacher. Phew!

We chose a teacher we both knew and trusted.

When I got home, I forwarded my email to the student and the student's email to the teacher and wrote a note to the teacher as well.

I have always known I am a powerful speaker but it surprises me sometimes. At least two girls have come to me and said they were raped. I have had to deal with that and let the teachers know. One of those girls was in a boarding school and she was transfered to back home where she could better be helped. That is the power of words. It is a very serious job I do because it evokes emotions. I love teaching about my life and HIV/AIDS and I feel responsible when the kids come and use me as a confidant.

Always feel like I am betraying the kids when I tell their teachers but it is the mature thing to do. Don't you think Hoerx?

Other than that, everything is going well. I feel raw inside though. Like I have gone through a beating. Getting better is not easy I am realising but I will march on. Thanks for your support my dear.

I am a soldier in the army of the Lord.

Lovingly
Mson

Today was a red letter day. I have been trying to call Lee for two days to see the outcome of my property being invaded and my property stolen. Just like the little worm that he is, he said why should he pay for it. He said he is going to dump it on the man who works here. I said, he is a good worker and I wouldn't want to see him lose his job. As you have way overcharged me thousands of dollars, it is your turn to step up to the plate as the man who recommended these people to come onto my property. You replace it. Of course, Homer and I know that he is like Doug and will never do it.

I finally told him today that I am hiring a new vineyard manager beginning June 1st. I am glad I could do it at least over the phone. Front to front, he would have dug his claws into my heart and soul. I told him it is better for us to never see each other ever again. This is something that was over a year ago when he dumped me for that other GF but still wanted his hands on my property.

My heart has really been hurting but this is a good decision. I know the new man has insurance, his license, is a labor contractor and will verify his people are legal which only protects me. I asked Lee today, are you licensed? I called the county and they said that your license is inactive. That doesn't protect me Lee. He said no not right now but he is working on it. Doesn't this man know that I will protect my property and like Mson said, my children's inheritence? There were times he would say things about being in my will and asking me to buy him expensive cars, even give him my Jeep which I need to get down into the vineyard to turn on the water stations.

Then he starts attacking me about how I lose things, must be the worst client he has, call up and use 300 minutes a month on his cell phone which is really a joke as I call, and sometimes leave a message which all of us pretty much know the time frame on that is what 90 seconds? 300 minutes equal 5 hours. Ummm! Says he isn't even making any money off me. Well guess you already did Lee. Hope it was worth it for you because you have now put my health, my home and my wellbeing in jeaprody. You deserve what you get and like Homer said Karma is a b**ch. He said, fine he would come back to tell me when and if that ever happened to him.

I told him never to come onto my property again. He said, he can't stand one day everything is cool and the next day I am getting rid of him. I have been trying to get rid of him for a year now ever since that HPV diagnosis and having him bring that GF actually into my very own home. He is on his own. Good luck or maybe not even that.

Bobbie

Good for you. Throw out the bad tomato or it will rot everything.

Awesome job.

I don't recall saying anything about your children's inheritance. A copy and paste would help me for I don't recall. That is a sensitive topic which I would never bring up. Gosh! Bobbie I respect you and would never do that. Show me where I said that please.

You have fought the good fight. I am learning a lot from you.

So he is not supposed to come back? Completely fired. Kaput. Finito.

Thanks Jesus.

xoxo
Mson.

I really love it when Homer posts that about you. You are that in my mind too. You have a regal presence, you have lived through tremedous things which you have endured and yet, you are standing tall.

One time, you mentioned that I should never let this small person influence me and that my children deserved their rightful inheritance. You are right. Thank God for you Mson and dearest Homer.

I will also send a letter of termination although at this point he is bailing out even though he has not fulfilled his contract for payment in full for this month. That is a pretty good showing of his character. Many, many people have fired him. He still believes he is the golden boy. Sady, he is not. Got to put in the effort. A reputation is something only you can maintain and put in front of you.

And, I want to commend you on your excellent and loving work to educate people about think and be safe when it comes to sex. Gracious Lord. When I was with that Lee, it didn't even occur to me to think about the consequences that now I am living with. He said he knew he didn't have to worry. Guess guys are #1. lazy and can't bother using a condom, or #2, can't care less. #3, he said he didn't have to worry because I had already had a hysterectomy. Tell me what that has to do with anything connected to STD's? This was one stupid boy child who couldn't care less and to this day doesn't take any responsibility for what I will live with for the rest of my life.

Just wiped his hands off and walked away. And, many times dropped the towels on the floor for me to pick up.

People, be smarter than me. Listen to Homer and Mson and the rest of you people out there, this is a new world and don't wind up like me with HPV. I can live with it but that also presents to me the probability of not being able to live with anybody else.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Bobbie



Love You, MDSO.

Bobbie

I am soo glad that you are sending a letter of termination.

Thanks for your kind words.

Bobbie, you will be able to be with someone else. Don't limit yourself because of HPV. You always say it is a virus just like HIV. If I got somebody and even got married with AIDS and Bipolar, you should be able to get a person no sweat.

You are a loving, wonderful human being. The right person will come around for you. You feel like it will never happen but it will. Have a little more faith. You and that person can always use condoms like we do and still have a fantastic sex life.

Yes Lee had the responsibility of putting on a condom but he didn't. It takes two to tangle Bobbie and you should have insisted on a condom but you didn't. The result is HPV. I am sorry about that and I hope you can heal the pain and anger you have towards the person who infected you. It does take the grace of God to forgive. Learn to forgive yourself as well Bobbie.

I love you.
Mson.

but in the heat of the moment, it didn't even occur to me about using a condom. I certainly had never used one and I thought he was clean. He wasn't. Looks can be deceiving. The next day he was over here and my head had cleared up and I asked him point blank if he had a lot of girlfriends because that would put me at great risk. He looked back without batting an eye and said, noone, not since his wife. He was a liar.

God only knows how many women he has been with. He certainly had all the moves when it came to sex. Things I couldn't have imagined.

My daughter said that the highest percentage of new cases of HIV are in adults over 50. Is that true Mson? We just go into the sex game after being abstinate for many years not knowing the rules of the game and how to protect ourselves. I learned too little too late what a mistake that was.

I love you dear Mson and thank you for praying for me. You are an angel. I can see why BH grabbed you and took you off the market for himself to be his BW.

Bobbie

The last paragraph made me smile. Thanks.

The fastest growing rate of HIV/AIDS is young women between the ages of 15 and 24 but we are seeing more and more older people getting HIV. I know a 75 woman who is living with HIV here in Canada. Anybody can get it as long as they are having unprotected sex.

But I can see what you mean about the sex game changing while you are abstaining and then when you get back on the game, you need new rules and precaution. The world has really changed.

I led a fast life and only God saved me. And you are right about my husband getting me out of the market. I needed out. Before him, I had abstained for about a year and then I had started having sex again and had already made two ex sexual partners mbae the time my beloved got to me. When my husband and I did it after being friends for 4 years, I knew he was the one. It was June 29, 03 and we confirmed to each other this year that we have remained faithful to each other. I am glad I am out of the market. The market is very dangerous nowadays.

You will meet someone who will love you unconditionally Bobbie. Someone who loves you for who you are. Aim high, my dear because you deserve it.

I have had cereal, skipped rope and now I am waiting for my tea to steep. It is Goji Berry tea. Good for the immune system. It has been two weeks since I started taking Goji berries and hemp hearts and I am feeling stronger and more confident in my walk. I go to the lab on Wednesday and in two weeks I will have the results. Hope there is an improvement in my fighter cells.

After tea I am going to clean our home. Yesterday evening there was not a single clean dish and so we ordered out. Shame. But I have been busy with teaching. Today I will make everything clean. First though, I will smudge and light a candle. I always remember Walter, the Puppy, Jessy and Carl and other people.

I will continue to pray for you Bobbie. Keep well and healthy. I care about you.

When would you like to come and visit our humble dwelling place? The door is open anytime. There is lots to see.

After the household chores I will go out for my labyrinth walk.

Tomorrow I rest.

Lovingly
Mson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_zLBsRYD8w