her name is Melba.
Thank you so much.
I am going to get on my treadmill and walk
this off...I am a good person. i don't
need to feel sad for myself. i am a lucky
man...just having a bad day but I will
turn it around...
h
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeSStezjj8s&
amp;feature=related
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and
the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new
low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you
go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it
around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and
you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Oh, you had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it
around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and
you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oooh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on a blink
And the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it
the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is
lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it
around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 830 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 332
Thanked:210
Bobbie my dear! Posted: 05-16-08 12:25pm
Thanks very much for your thoughts. I
have no doubt that you care. You are so
understanding one would think you were
there suffering as well. You empathize
very well.
Thanks for lighting a candle. So
touching.
Your prayers are much appreciated and I do
pray for you and others every day I pray
for family.
Today is house cleaning day. It is
already 10:20am and I better start my
chores.
It like a new person leaving the computer
for housecleaning. If it was before, I
would delay the cleaning to next month.
Geez!
Thanks for your inspiration. I'll skip
rope and light the candle.
When I am on my periods (time of the
month), I don't smudge.
OK, well, I did my exercising and
walking....I don't feel much better A little but for
some reason i am fixated on Melba and how
she could be so cruel..maybe it is because
mothers day was recent... I feel like a
motherless child...
http://www.youtube.co
m/watch?v=QCImJbG-OcI
I am going to get off here because I am
depressing every one with my stupid crap.
Or maybe I'm not...I think I need a
Xanax...
Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue
Ocean Calm Blue Ocean
Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue
Ocean Calm Blue Ocean
Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue
Ocean Calm Blue Ocean
Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue Ocean Calm Blue
Ocean Calm Blue Ocean
Mson, do you think you will hear from your
mother Rosemary? I never hear from Melba
and I think it is because she owes me
money and doesn't want to pay. I don't
care any more about the money. I don't
care any more. She has had a face lift and
a tummy tuck and got new diamond and gold
jewelry and a huge new wardrobe, new
furniture and a new house in
Florida..while I struggle to pay my bills.
Once a couple of years ago she said " I
know i owe you money but I am on Social
security and I need it more." i am on
Social security, she has lots of money
from the will that her dead husband left
her. Now she has married a very old
wealthy man.She is not my mother. I was
born from her but she is no mother to me.
I try not to hate her. I try to pray for
her. I don't feel it in my heart, I just
mouth the words and God knows in my heart
that i am saying bless her but i don't
really care, I don't really mean it. I
want her to hurt like I hurt. And God
knows i feel that way and I cant stop it.
So Lord, please forgive me I beg of you to
erase the hate i have in my heart for
Melba. I pray that you give me the power
to forgive, truly forgive, her. Not just
say i forgive her but to really forgive
her. It eats at me. it is bad for me. Help
me release it.
|
Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 830 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 332
Thanked:210
Homerx. Posted: 05-16-08 13:53pm
I am glad you had your exercises. Please
keep them going. When the going gets
tough, the tough get going.
Here is something I was reading on the
Internet and I hope it helps you as much
as it helped me.
What is the process of grief?
What is the process of grief? Grief is a
normal and natural reaction to any type of
loss. It is an adaptive process that has
several components. Grief has been
defined, "A succession of clinical
pictures which blend into and replace each
other." It is not considered to be a set
of symptoms. This same grief is not only
associated with the loss in death, but
also losses associated with losing
something very crucial to our well-being,
whether it be physically or emotionally.
# The four dimensions of the process of
grief are the following: Shock and
Numbness - Upon feeling this, there are
feelings of being stunned associated with
impaired judgment and functioning and
short periods of concentration. These are
readily visible to the rest of the world,
and are set up as protection which people
use to help themselves cope with a loss at
their own pace. They are able to function,
but unable to hear or to feel.
# Yearning and searching - The person
exhibiting this particular process of
grief may be restless, angry, guilty, and
have ambiguity which means the person is
doubtful or uncertain about what is going
on in his/her life. Usually, people want
to withdraw and be left alone. There are a
lot of questions asked about the "why and
how" of their situation. There may be
anger against God for allowing this to
happen, or against others who may have
been at the scene during the loss.
# Disorientation and disorganization -
Feelings associated with this are
depression, guilt and unfamiliarity. This
is the time when the illness or death
becomes a "reality." At this point,
physical and functional problems become
more pronounced, and people may neglect
their physical and nutritional needs. If
tranquilizers are administered to the
person exhibiting this stage, they will
further distort reality and the grief
process is slowed down.
# Reorganization and resolution - There is
increased energy, as well as heightened
decision-making abilities along with an
increased sense of self-confidence. This
is the time of acknowledgement and
bringing reality into focus. Although no
one ever gets over the loss, a person gets
through the process.
The intensity of these stages of grief
change over time. The intensity within
each stage rises and falls throughout the
first two years following the loss, and it
is also clear that the stages overlap.
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 830 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 332
Thanked:210
Homerx. Posted: 05-16-08 14:09pm
I am sorry to hear that Melba owes you
money. They say if you lend money to a
friend, consider it gone. Family too I
find.
Really I don't know if Rosemary my mother
will get back to me but I am moving
forward. I am not sitting here and
waiting.
This is a very tough subject.
Lord Jesus,
I pray for Homerx who you knew before he
was knit in Melba's womb. If that was the
only connection let it be. If that was
the only connection between my mother and
I, this time I cut the cord myself.
Please help Homerx to get his money back
in Jesus name. He lent the money in good
faith and now he needs the cash Lord.
Either he gets his money back or Lord you
bless him so hard that he won't miss what
Melba took.
Give him sincerity as he prays Lord. Lord
you remember how many times I curse as I
prayed for my abusers especially the
rapists. I prayed for each for two weeks
and in the beginning days I was just
furious. I told it to you Lord as it was
and that reduced my anger enough that I
could pray for those hooligans to say the
least. Please help Homerx to come to you
with matters as they are.
In Jesus name - Amen!
Homerx, I have cleaned the bath tub, the
toilet, sink, did a few dishes, washed the
counters and stove top, did the kitchen
floor and the bathroom floor. I am just
clearing the clutter on the tables and
desks. Won't bother with my husband's
desk he has to remove what he doesn't
need.
Soon after I will vacuum and get ready for
my afternoon shift at the club I will walk
to the labyrinth before work. Must have
lunch in between.
AMEN! Thank you, my dear...thank you thank
you...I shall be released I know...I did
my work out. Now on to folding laundry. I
had some oat mill but I have no appetite
at all, i forced it down so i could take
my meds. I am
feeling better, between the prayer and the
shower and the work out and the xanex and
all i will make it. No one and nothing
will stop me from being who i am and no
one and nothing will stop me from caring
about others. Bless you and thank
you,Homer
|
Muthoni
Supporter
Joined: 05 Feb 2008 Posts: 830 Location: From Kenya, Now in Canada
Thanks: 332
Thanked:210
Homerx. Posted: 05-16-08 16:21pm
You are very mature and smart. You say
that "I had some oat mill but I have no
appetite at all, i forced it down so i
could take my meds."
You know what is good for you and you
achieve no matter what. For years Homerx,
many years since I started medication,
(1998), I took them with a sip - one sip
of water. I get sick thinking about it.
It is not until February 25, 08 that I
started breakfast. With my sip of water,
I would skip lunch and only eat dinner. I
was killing myself without knowing.
I was hungry but I din't know it. I was
angry and had no clue.
I am very proud of you and you are an
example to me. I did the breakfast thing
away from ehealth forums but I must add
that the forums help me stick to my
morning routine.
You helped me too Homerx.
Gotta get to work.
Love
Mson.
Still having trouble with the rest of the
routine but I am making effort.
You humble me.
Thank you, my dearest and most precious
Mson. I wish I could heal you. I would
gladly take all your pain and all your
illness and put it in me. To carry your
load would be an honor. You have no
idea...
Now get out there and
LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From a distance the world looks blue
and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the
stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice
of peace,
it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough,
and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and
no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs
of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us. God is watching
us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my
friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot
comprehend
what all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the
love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love
of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is
watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is
watching.
God is watching us from a distance.
Today it came about that I had two white
candles. It came upon my heart to light
them for you and Jessy. I can see why you
light candles. It is really a holy thing
to see the light and to pray for the
people in your heart.
I believe that you have progressed beyond
belief with what you are opening yourself
up to express about your childhood, the
abuse, and then the adult abuse of taking
from you when really there was no more
need to take. You gave your love, your
help and now you are expressing what
anyone would be feeling.
You are feeling drained because you have
probably gone through all of these
emotions, feelings and expressing them
that probably take people 10 years of work
to get out. Good for you.
Remember, to give up the secret makes the
secret lose it's hold on you. Only then
can you let go of it and be healed of the
misery it caused you.
Love you MDSO,
Bobbie
|
homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3246 Location: , USA
Thanks: 375
Thanked:1128
I wrote this before I knew you but I dedicate it to you both Posted: 05-16-08 22:35pm
LIFE
RAFT......................................
..........October 15, 2007
When your little heart is broken and
you're crying in your sleep,
And the world is full of strangers and
the waters getting deep,
Just remember I'll be watching and I'll
throw you a line,
And I'll pull you in slowly, and my
sweet love, you'll be fine.
Because I love you,
And I know you better than you do.
Because I love you,
And I'll always take care of you.
The boat you're on is sinking and your
life raft has gone flat.
And there's nothing around but ocean
and nowhere to lay your hat.
Just remember I'll be watching and I'll
throw you a line.
Just remember that I'll be watching and
know that I love you,
And I'll pull you in slowly and my
sweet love, you'll be fine.
__________________________________________
_________________
I wrote this about Ricky but I dedicate it
and mean it for you as well.
Last edited by homerx on 05-16-08 22:53pm; edited 2 times in total
You are very mature and
smart. You say that "I had some oat mill
but I have no appetite at all, i forced it
down so i could take my meds."
You know what is good for you and you
achieve no matter what. For years Homerx,
many years since I started medication,
(1998), I took them with a sip - one sip
of water. I get sick thinking about it.
It is not until February 25, 08 that I
started breakfast. With my sip of water,
I would skip lunch and only eat dinner. I
was killing myself without knowing.
I was hungry but I din't know it. I was
angry and had no clue.
I am very proud of you and you are an
example to me. I did the breakfast thing
away from ehealth forums but I must add
that the forums help me stick to my
morning routine.
You helped me too Homerx.
Gotta get to work.
Love
Mson.
Still having trouble with the rest of the
routine but I am making
effort.
This is poetry to my
ears...bravo, my love! take a bow. I applaud you.
I believe that you have
progressed beyond belief with what you are
opening yourself up to express about your
childhood, the abuse, and then the adult
abuse of taking from you when really there
was no more need to take. You gave your
love, your help and now you are expressing
what anyone would be feeling.
You are feeling drained because you have
probably gone through all of these
emotions, feelings and expressing them
that probably take people 10 years of work
to get out. Good for you.
Remember, to give up the secret makes the
secret lose it's hold on you. Only then
can you let go of it and be healed of the
misery it caused you.
Love you MDSO,
Bobbie
WOW! You really made me
C this entire day in a whole new light!
I think you are
right...I had a kind of therapy session
here and by sharing it all with you on
line I was able to feel heard.
WOW! You said
"You are feeling drained because you have
probably gone through all of these
emotions, feelings and expressing them
that probably take people 10 years of work
to get out. Good for you. " I never once
thought of it from that prospective.
Thank You. You said Good Job and my face
lit up...a light came on in my head,heart
and soul! WOW! It was amazing. Thank you
thank you thank you...xoxo
Is What I am talking about, how we love
you Homer.
Beautiful.
Thank you.
Today, I saw this wonderful movie made in
2006 from Mexico about a 14 year old girl
whose family celebrated her coming out
with the traditional big party.
She had a BF who said he loved her and got
close enough to her to ejaculate onto her
leg. Believe it or not, she got pregnant.
Her parents wouldn't believe her that she
had never been with a boy before. She
left and moved in with her gay cousin and
her uncle. It is a beautiful and loving
story.
Then the BF and his mother tell her to get
lost as it really wasn't him and he has to
get his education and become a medical
doctor.
Whatever the word is for coming out for a
Mexican girl from a good family, that is
the name of the movie. You will love it.
I did.
A little but for
some reason i am fixated on Melba and how
she could be so cruel..maybe it is because
mothers day was recent... I feel like a
motherless child...
I beg of you to
erase the hate i have in my heart for
Melba. I pray that you give me the power
to forgive, truly forgive, her. Not just
say i forgive her but to really forgive
her. It eats at me. it is bad for me. Help
me release it.
Soon after I will vacuum and get ready for
my afternoon shift at the club 
I will walk
to the labyrinth before work. Must have
lunch in between.
I am
feeling better, between the prayer and the
shower and the work out and the xanex and
all i will make it. 
No one and nothing
will stop me from being who i am and no
one and nothing will stop me from caring
about others. Bless you and thank
you,Homer 
You really made me
C this entire day in a whole new light!
I think you are
right...I had a kind of therapy session
here and by sharing it all with you on
line I was able to feel heard.
You said
"You are feeling drained because you have
probably gone through all of these
emotions, feelings and expressing them
that probably take people 10 years of work
to get out. Good for you. " 
