I have been at work for about two hours and fifteen minutes. This member came in and I asked him how he was doing and he said he wanted to kill himself. I asked why and he counted pain, and that he cannot see his children, he cannot work. I said but God is there for us. He said if God so loves us, He should take the member to where God is. He asked me what I thought about and that is when I told that I have lost a child.

His chin dropped.

He told me I was a stronger woman that him and he added that he is not even a woman. He told me if his children were not here he would not be here. I told him I want to see Jessy but he doesn't hear me say I want to kill myself. I told him that at least his knows his children are somewhere growing up. Mine is gone from the physical.

He said it is the children that keep us. I gave him a big hug and on his way out he thanked me. I could see that my sentences had an impact on him. Thankyou Jesus.

He thought he could just lay that on me. God was with me and I tackled it the best I could. I talked about my experience. That never fails. I always pray to God on my way to work that He may help me so that He may shine.

Those are the joys of working here.

In another hour and a half I will be walking the labyrinth, going shopping for lunch meats and buns. I have to pick up materna vitamins, zip lock bags and Mr Clean. I better make a list...

Always with love,
Mson.

The miracles are all around us,Mson.... You saved a life today...wow....God works in mysterious ways...

My heart was pounding as I thought of what else to say to this member. I knew it was very important that I say the right thing. I was thinking hard and I was in panic and did not want the guy to see my situation.

Hoi

Love
Mson

you did it though...my heroin!!!! My queen

Thanks and praise be to God.

He was kind of asking if God loves us soo much then why does he allow us to suffer. Saying that if God loved us so, then He should take us to where He is. He saw God as a different person than Him. And God was elsewhere. This was the real challenge as he asked me what I thought about that. With sweaty hands I told about Jessy.

It is like a dream. Thanks Homerx for difussing the situation with me. You really are a servant of God. Always standing mbae. Now I can see when you are on line. I think it is a great feature.

16 minutes to go...

Jessy taught me to speak quietly, clearly and precisely. Today was one day to use what she taught me. It all started when she was three and she wanted to pay and I shouted, "Go play somewhere else!" She asked me in the best manner, "Mami, why are you shouting at me..." That got me on my knees and I told her I was sick and I would possibly die and that I was worried about her. My first thought though was to beat her and throw her off the balcony. But her words dropped me on my knees. That is Jessy's style.

Always with love
Mson

LOVE is awesome,huh???

You are an instrument of God, giving hope to people. Just ask for protection from the Holy Spirit, Jesus and the Lord will protect you.

I, too, sometimes have been asked to give a message to a person in real spiritual distress. The message is for them. Just trust what God gives into your heart to say to the person. The message must be given without hesitation. No filtering it out Mson. Just give what is given to you for them.

Homer is right. We love you my dear.

Bobbie

Hey,

I am doing well. My husband has gone with his sister to see mother in law. I could have gone if I wanted to but I said I was working. I am not going to be put down. I am anointed and loved mbae my Creator. I will not put myself in a situation.

Like just now, the girl who is visiting buzzed and I told her to come back when my husband was home. I had discussed this with my husband earlier on before he left and he said it is my house. Before that I had made him know that she is here because of him and not me.

We have had discussions about this girl even in 2006. I told him she is a thief and he said that next I will be suspicious about the next guest. He apologized about that the other day.

All day I had decided I will tell her to go away... until it was the moment and I had to gather more courage. And I did.

I was listening to both of you when you were saying that she should look for a job. I heard you. Her abscess is all gone.

I miss my husband but I am really glad to have the house to myself. I wasn't about to ruin that and let the girl in. No...

Tomorrow I will put on loud music and clean.

When I told the girl to go away, she said that her uncle wasn't home. I told her I am sure she can find somewhere. She was trying to say that she saw my husband before he left. Baloney. I am the one who had a talk with my husband and I too saw him before he left. So what if she saw him?

Thanks to both of you for being real. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are true friends.

When I put the phone down, my computer was playing - I will survive - Gloria Gaynor. I went down on all fours, head down and thanked the forces that be for helping me to have the courage to say what I wanted to say. Then I danced to the song. It was liberating.

I know you both love me.

Had to hide my shampoo the other day. My type of hair takes only specific shampoo which I use very little. I was cleaning the tub on Friday and I touched the bottle and it was almost half empty. It is expensive stuff and so I hid it. What else am I going to hide. Homerx you are right, I should not have to hide things in my own home. My cereal is lasting longer but it is in the bedroom. Good Lord have mercy.

Love and light, health and wellness.

Mson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w

One of my baby puppies, the smallest girl, got very ill. I took her to vet. She was on IV...today she died. My heart is broken. I am crying and so heartbroken...why,God? She was a baby and never hurt any one. She didn't have a chanse to run in the sun and play with toys... I am sorry. I cant stop crying....so sad.

ok.........i am better now....sorry

Soo sorry to here about the departure of your well loved puppy. Crying at such a time is healthy.

Here are some poems written mbae people who have lost a pet. Today I will light a candle for the baby girl.

Lord in heaven have mercy.

I'll be praying for you Homerx for I know how close you are to those puppies. You were helping with the birthing. Each one is so special.

http://www.forpetloversonly.com/poems.html

Love you lot's and hope you are stronger soon. Take your time.

Always, light and love
Mson

Oh Mson....I thought I had cried all my tears and you touch me so deep that a flood comes threw me again...but its healing, as you say...the poems were beautiful and deep. You know, I always say DOG is GOD spelled backwards...I say that every day...and you lead me to this poem..
__________________________________________ ________
Creation
When God had made the earth and sky,
the flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals
the fish, the birds, and bees
and when at last He'd finished
not one was quite the same.
He said I'll walk this world of mine
and give each one a name.
And so He traveled far and wide
and everywhere He went,
a little creature followed Him
until it's strength was spent.
When all were named upon the Earth
and in the Sky and Sea,
the little creature said, "Dear Lord,
there's no name left for me."
Kindly the Father said to him
"I've left you to the end.
I've turned my own name back to front
and called you DOG, my friend".
Author Unknown

Thank you..that helps heal my broken heart more than you will ever know...I love you so much,Steve/Homer

Homer, my heart is broken just knowing your little girl has gone from you and her mommy and Ricky. Did her little heart give out, or what? You are never really ever prepared for a sudden death. It makes me cry to think about it Homer. It can certainly knock the wind out of your sails. Just rest and know there was nothing you could do to stop her from leaving.

They say only the good die young. Maybe it is true. How is Cashae doing? She has to be feeling her baby is missing. And the other puppies too. Animals are smart. They have a heightened sense of knowing.

Mson, I am so proud of you standing up for your life, your home, your marriage, you. Homer is right. You should not have to be hiding things in your own home. That girl probably gets through life worming her way into people's lives and their homes. You were more than good to her. You took her in, gave her shelter and safety in your home. You fed her. She is fine now. She has to get off her backside and look for a job. All the rest of us have to work. What makes her so special that she doesn't have to?

You did the right thing. I am glad BH was gone or she might have tried to lay the pity trip on him and it sounds like he has a soft heart. People pick up on that and use it to their own advantage.

What extra you have, use it for you and BH. You are a hard worker and I can tell you like order in your life. You are meticulous in your home and work place. I congratulate you on that.

I have to get some ironing done today. Three sets of Italian sheets which I use in the B&B and iron so they are fresh and nice for the people. Then I put them out in the sun so they smell wonderful.

Take care of yourselves, both of you. And, again Homer, so very sorry to hear about your baby girl.

Bobbie

My dear,

You will feel better. I think it is harder when they are young. All the dreams gone. I hope the other puppies are healthy. Woi...I aways here the last one is the weakest. Lord have mercy.

When I was going crazy I was writing things down and one of the things I wrote was DOG=GOD.

One day I was dying. I could start to see light in the darkness, I did not know what to do and I touched a dog that had jumped into bed with us. We were visiting parents in law mbae then they were together.

The dog knew I was going through something and slept close to me. The next day I asked parents in law how I could be dying and nobody notices but the dog? I was an angry girl. I was weighing around 121 pounds. I was sick with Bi polar and the weight I thought was the AIDS. But what I am saying is after I touched the dog, the madness reduced and I was able to sleep which I had not done for days. A dog helped me calm down. I still got admitted to the mental hospital bit I didn't die. Maggie is the name of the dog that saved my life.

Dogs are precious. Baby girl is in heaven with Jessy. I believe they have already met. Toto in Kiswahili means baby. Like the wizard of oz Toto. I had my first panic attack watching that movie. I had never seen a witch leave alone a green one and I had never seen talking trees. The wind. Jessy was known as a toto when she was a baby. I connected to this movie. I was Dorothy and Toto was Jessy. The movie brew my mind away. I didn't even finishing watching before I was yelling and screaming for Jesus. The movie impacted me. I had seen the witch get out of the TV (I was sick), and start pressing on my chest. I was screaming and the then boyfriend was worried about the neighbours and I told him to call 911. I could have died. Just memories.

My husband should be home tomorrow. I am putting on loud music and cleaning the house. It is 11:10am. I have a lunch with a girlfriend at 1:30pm. I have had breakfast. I will skip rope, smudge and light a candle then I will start cleaning eating from the care package that you sent. I will sparkle one up later for you and you departed puppy. Soo sad

Thanks my dear. I'll be thinking about you.

I love you
Mson.

Myson, your Wizard of Oz story had me laughing like a maniac....thank you! I needed that!!!!!

and my dearest Bobbie, what can i say...your a treasure...

I would like to be a guest at your bed and breakfast one day because for sure you take good care preparing for them. That's so nice what you do. So loving.

Yes I had to stand on my own two feet last night. I almost didn't do it Bobbie but doing it gave me the confidence that I can do this again. I was standing on you and Homer's shoulders and also Pascale's and my husband who told me I was the boss.

Really never thought of myself as the boss around here. I can step into those shoes no problem. Because I have been an illegal alien for so long, I don't feel like I own anything in this country. I do have family and extended family but I don't own them. If I am boss around here, my husband should be too. Equal opportunity.

Thanks for all the kind words Bobbie. You always have the right thing to say.

I'll skip rope, smudge, light candle, put loud music and get lost in the cleaning. I love it.

Take care my love. Are you better physically? Spiritually you sound great.

Always
Mson