Nice to hear from you MA. Do like Bobbie says. I am starting to realize that keeping healthy is a full time job. Homerx has shown me this. It is hard work at first but it gets easier as it becomes a way of life. My beloved husband used to eat junk food before he met me. He did not know how to cook around 2003. Now he makes excellent food. Try cutting out the junk food and learn to eat at home. Look for an exercise that is fun for you to do. Take one small step at a time. Don't get overwhelmed mbae it all. Start with one healthy thing today. Make it a habit and eventually, everything will fall into place.

Soo good to hear from you and read your honest writing. Because you are honest with yourself, you will do very well for yourself.

Here is a song for you and I.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPyzKNLBe_8

Love
Mson

Please check page 16.

I love music like that. Something I can understand and relate to.

Bobbie, I remember talking to a priest about my past. When I left that office, I was lighter. Good for you for being honest about everything. That means you are ready for change. No nonsense.

When I teach in school I ask the children to remember to ask the sexual history of a potential partner but then some people lie with a straight face. And so little is known about HPV to the population. What type of test shows HPV? I honour you Bobbie for coming open with your HPV.

Sometimes the wrong place comes to us. Think about it Bobbie.

And sometimes the good comes to us. I have known BH for almost 9 years. Since 1999 and we were and still are very good friends. It is not until 2003 June that I realized that I loved the guy. He came to me when I was not expecting. It is a match made in heaven. Scorpio and I am Cancer. Good things can come to you.

Bobbie, it has been 2 months today since I started eating breakfast. I can feel the change in me. How I carried on without lunch or breakfast is beyond me. Thanks Bobbie.

With love and light
Mson.

Mson, I am Scorpio and Ricky is Cancer...!!! Really, no lie, I was born on October 30th and Ricky was born on June 6th...me and Rick and you and BH...Scorpios and Cancers...this is getting more and more interesting. What sign are you Bobbie??? and MA??
I went to town today and went to the doctor and the drug store and Wal mart and got gas....50 dollars and my tank still was not full!!! When will this gas problem end? Also spent 200 dollars at store and 75 at drug store...it goes faster than it comes. I actually had to use a credit card because we don't get any money until the first of May...oh well, EZ come and EZ go I suppose...
I have lots to do before ML gets home...(my Love).That is one of the nick names I have for Rick, that and PSBOMH..precious sweet beat of my heart...
have a good night dear hearts. Much love and thank you thank you THANK YOU for your prayers.

Dear Mson and Homer and Ma,

In reply to your question, HPV is the human papilloma virus which many sexually active people develop in their lifetimes. HPV can show up on a woman's pap smear as atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance. That is a flag to check for HPV of the high risk types which they do through DNA assay. HPV with the high risk types can lead to cervical cancer.

There are 100 HPV types. Some are high risk and some are low risk types. The low risk types can cause genital warts. There is no cure for HPV. You get it, you have it for life.

There is no cure for HPV.

There is no test for men for HPV although from the research that I have done, they are working on procuring one.

Men can be carriers of HPV and honestly not know. My former BF when I told him my diagnosis immediately said he didn't have any warts. So, it is obvious he knew what HPV was.

This came as a great surprize to me and to countless others I am sure. The mistake I made was trusting in a sweet, honest looking face and him leading me to believe he was free of disease. Nobody can assume that. If you do, you do it at your own peril. And, wind up with the consequences.

I know people my age who before entering into any relationship go in and be tested. If I could just go back, believe me, that is what I would do. Better to be safe than sorry.

Bobbie

Homer,

You are born on my beloved son Mark's birthday, October 30th! He was born in l965. How precious is that!

I am a double Aquarius, January 31st. Walter was born on December 20th, Sagitarrius. We were a perfect match.

Lee is a Leo, born August 30th. My best friend Lilli was also a Leo. Leo and Aquarius are so compatible. Lee's two children are both Aquarius. Hope he can work it out with them.

I suffered so much last night trying to let go of this troubled relationship and realized today it is not over until it is over. The physical side is long gone but somehow I feel God wants me to help this person. My priest is praying for me. As you and Mson are. I feel not afraid but brave in love. We can love even those who do us harm. Just have to play it out here.

Thanks for praying for me MDSO's.

Bobbie

Bobbie, I hate to say this, I really do, but from what I know and I know a lot threw our personal corespondents, GOD is not wanting you to help this person. That is an impossibility at this point. It isn't GOD wanting you to help Lee, it is you not wanting to let Lee go. It is closer to Satins work than GODS.Unless you worship and pray and have a spiritual connection TOGETHER. Do you pray together or go to church together? Is he involved in your spiritual aspects of your life? If the answer to these questions, even some of them, is no, then you are fooling yourself into seeing something that is not there. PLEASE do not be mad at me for saying this, it is just my humble opinion. Said with love and an open heart. Satin was supposedly a very beautiful man, physically and very charismatic and personable and there for was able to have people look into his deep beautiful caring eyes and see things that were not in his heart. Evil. Lustful. Prideful. Almost all of the 7 deadly sins...greed, envy,pride,anger...be careful, my dear.

Did you mean Rick was born on July 6? June 6 would be a Gemini.

I had fallen in love with a Gemini since I was 17 years old and did not let go until last year. He was my sweetheart and I compared every partner to him. Loving my beloved husband (bh), helped me to get out of the snare. This man the Gemini wrote to me each day for a year finally telling me to overcome my loneliness and attain my full potential. I had never had somebody so honest in my life.

The Gemini was always in my heart and I had to go for counseling before our wedding. Mark you, the Gemini had been married for a long time and still I hang in there. When he started writing to me, it is because I found him on the Internet. I wrote to him in 2002 and I told him I had AIDS and he just encouraged me. He is a writer with his own business. I am glad that I finally healed my spirit and let go of the Gemini and was able to embrace bh as my lover and friend. I write the Gemini a couple of times a year especially on his birthday May 25.

I think I was attached to the riches of the man. The reason I never married the guy was because he was from a different tribe from me. I was young and did not know how to stand up for myself. I don't regret anything because BH is the best thing that happened to me. Jessy was the best thing and I still cherish her. Not that I have replaced BH with Jessy. No, no. Jessy has her own special place in my heart

My life was strangled mbae the abuse from my mother and her brother and sister and others, the death of my daughter Jessy and the love I had for the Gemini which I would not let go. One day I picked out three rocks and called one abuse, the other Jessy and the other the Gemini. BH helped me get the Gemini rock as it escaped my hands. I was able to see problems I carried with me as something external. From the inside to the outside. It was last year.

Now I am healed and I can love my husband better. My BH loved me while I had garbage and because of his love and comfort, I have been able to let go off the garbage.

Prayers have really helped me get rid of the garbage as well. My husband is an Alchemist in nature and he really has made gold from lead as far as I am concerned. He is the man for me and I thank God for him.

I had read books and books on astrology and I knew my best match would be a Scorpio. BH hates to hear that because he says if he was another horoscope, I would not have been with him which is true. I married later in life and so I had to be specific of what I wanted. I was given my soul mate.

That is all I have to say about that.

Always in love
Mson

Thank you for that message. Now, that one comes from God. And, you are right, I was so afraid of letting go.

Evil, lust, pride, greed, envy, pride, anger. Lee has all those things. He honestly seems to resent others for what they have. Lust is at the top of his list I am sorry to say.

But, in fact, now that I have learned this man is in fact operating a business without a license, it is good that I found out. If there would have been an accident on my property with some of his people working out here, it would have fallen upon me to be responsible. Certainly not him as he doesn't have a license.

Already, a girl is dead who worked for him. I wonder how in the world he got out of that one. Her ATV rolled over onto her and killed her. He found her. The Ag Commissioner got involved. Don't understand how they didn't connect all this as far as him not being legal.

One of the most treasured things about you Homer is you are honest and that is why your opinion is so valued by me and so many others.

And, you are right on the dark side. I too believe Lee allowed the darker side to come into him. Some times I could actually see him change. Not a good thing for me being with something like that.

I am going to change my gate code. The new vineyard manager is coming on Monday. He will give me copies of his license, his insurance, all of it. I by law am entitled to have and should have that information for the protection of my property and the liability of having workers here.

Thanks Homer.

Your friend,

Bobbie

Thanks Bobbie for your answer.

I am afraid that I could have HPV and nobody knows. I go for pap smears every year but last year. I was very promiscuous in my life. Do they check for HPV every time they check the cervix? Do they check every time they do a pap smear? I had abnormal cells and they had to do what is called the loop (read leep) biopsy. I will ask my doctor about that. You say there is no treatment? No cure? Lord have mercy. But if you take care of your body it is a different matter...right?

About the Lee issue, listen to Homerx. Remember the way you were telling me to let go of the past? It is your turn to do the same. I can't say much because I don't know much but from how Homerx is talking, I can he is very serious.

My best friend who stood for me while Jessy was being buried in Kenya was born on 31 January. And her husband was born the same day, same year as me. I love love connections.

Love always
Mson.

Rick is June 26th...sorry....Anyway, i am trying to get things done around here today. ML is out mowing the lawn while I am cleaning the kitchen and feeding all the dogs... I need to get with the program and quit being so lazy...
I just had to check in with you guys and say I love you and hope your day is going well...I am off to finish cleaning....
P.S. thank you both for the uplifting words, I needed that today.
xoxoxoxo

I know going through that biopsy was no day at the beach. My doctor tried to prepare me and said it was going to really hurt. Then he counts down 3, 2, 1. I almost came off that table. I told him, you are really good at ducking to keep from being kicked!

HPV is something that many people can fight off and never show any symptoms. Like look at that Lee. He swears up and down he doesn't have it, his X-wife doesn't have it, his GF doesn't have it just has to be me and my problem. Dr. Nikola said that maybe they were able to battle the HPV. I wasn't.

You know Mson, I get out there and work with my babies, even doing hard manual labor and I am happy. I know that I can survive here and with the new vineyard manager coming on Monday that is only a good and positive thing. And, going to change the gate code. Everytime that I have tried to talk to Lee that it just isn't going to be possible for us to work together considering the history we have together, he tries to convince me to keep him on. Homer is right. Stop this and stop it now and forever.

Homer is right. I have just been petrified with fear of finally letting Lee go no matter what he has cost me. To my home, the bank now is signed on the deed of trust for the loan to put in that vineyard, my health, which with the high risk types of HPV is something that I will have to live with.

The straw that broke the camel's back was finding out that Lee is using somebody else's contractor's license. He certainly doesn't lack gall. And, he has gotten away with it. It is a scary proposition to think if I hadn't found out the truth, if there would have been an accident, he would not have been liabile, it would have been upon me and my property.

Your prayers and protection for me have not gone unnoticed by the Lord. I thank God for you and Homer. My priest is also holding me up in prayer.

I was in such despair when I talked to my priest. I just told him everything. It wasn't an issue that he would think me a bad person. That was the furtherist from my mind. My soul was hurting and I know that I really needed to speak to him about these things. He thinks a lot of me, treasures me. And, I am sure he has heard it all before.

Now Lee is feeding me that I must be crazy. Now I am talking to the priest? Now I am talking to the nursery on the shortage of the plants? Yes. I am and glad that I am. Also called the County Tax Assessor as I had to fill out a paper on the new vineyard development for their assessment. Already that is wrong. Lee overcharged me. Now I am out there counting the plants.

I loved your sharing of the man you loved. It made me cry Mson because I could feel your pain in letting go of that. I love you for helping me through this journey. You are so dear and special to me and to so many others.

I agree that the best is to never see that man again. Can't let him come onto my property, walk into my house, sit down and tell me his problems. We can just let ourselves be used and abused, but one day the worm will turn. Or, at least we wake up to reality and stop letting someone hurt us. I believe there is always a day when that finally comes.

Keep up your good work.

Bobbie

When you had that biopsy, it was done with a coloscopy where the doctor can carefully examine your cervix. If he suspects any suspicious signs on your cervix, he will remove them. As you described.

If you are going in once a year, he must feel comfortable with that. I have to go in every six months.

My last pap smear came back normal. If I can have the next three pap smears come back normal, once every six months, the HPV will have gone into a dormant phase. I will still carry the virus for the rest of my life.

You are right taking care of your body, eating right and keeping stress at bay will help us be well.

Love you Mson.

Bobbie

God is really hearing our prayers. The is how come you came to find out about the no license.

Today I went to pour myself a bowl of cereal and there was only a handful. The girl who is visiting was here and I commented that the cereal box was empty I guess it does not hold much. Then it was lunch time and I went to get my bun for lunch and it was gone...I have told BH to talk to her as he knows her more than I do. I told him she is here because of him not me. Now I put my cereal in the bedroom. What a shame.

I told God to protect us from her.

Earlier on she was asking my husband how much the buns cost. That is when I had a sinking feeling my bun was gone. I am not being a nerd but we don't have enough to feed her breakfast, lunch and dinner. We usually feed her dinner and I think that should be enough. We have agreed that she is an adult and she can take care of herself. We have agreed that we are not her parents.

She brought some oatmeal the other day. I had only taken a bowl from the last cereal box. My husband said he did not have any cereal. The milk has been going down and down. She is eating my hard earned cereal. If we were rich, we would not mind. I hate to throw her out on the streets while she has an abscess.

Today I heard my husband telling her that we are leaving at 4:00pm and won't be back until 11:00pm. I am happy that he did that as she cannot be left alone in the apartment.

My husband said that he will tell her not to take any food unless we give it to her. He says we need communication but I am not talking to her about food. My husband can.

My husband is whistling to me to go give him last night's massage. And then after that, I will get laid. PROTECTION ALL THE TIME.

From there we are going to a party and we will have a spring on our steps. I have my medication packed.

Gotta go.
Love
Mson.

Mson, one of my best friends had a health problem and came to stay for a week...it turned in to 6 weeks! he never bought groceries yet ate like a king on our $$$. He would order pizza to be delivered when we were at work and would order what he wanted knowing that ML and I can not tolerate hot hot peppers...he would make sure the pizza was hot with jalapeños peppers and just things that he knew we would not eat. He would never wash a dish or clean up after himself. i finally bought him a plane ticket to his sisters because I was starting to dislike him and I didn't want to. So put your foot down, or have BH do it and tell her, you are here as a guest and you must pay for your own food, etc as we are not rich and it is a burdin. I also put lots of food in my bedroom closet to keep him from eating us out of house and home. Its sad. I wold never be able to take advantage of a friend or family member like that. I also have a friend who I have sent MJ too and pain pills for her neck and head ach and she also has turned on me and decided that what I give is never enough, even though I have never asked her to reciprocate or pay me for what I have done for her. Some people are just ungrateful. Its a sin and a shame...live and learn.
Glad you and BH had a ball I know that you will have a lot of fun at the party...

I went to the doctor today....I really didn't want to go (so tired) but I needed to. The doctor diagnosed me with a upper respiratory infection (I have been having them off and on constantly!!!) and myalgia...the second one really worries me because I think that myalgia is a symptom of HIV. But my HIV test was negative as I told all of you... So I have to wait to get another test...another month and a half or so. Not knowing is absolute agony, almost as bad as taking the test. I thought I was in the clear, but then I get sick again, and now i'm worried again.

And now the people at my job are mad at me for calling in sick so often.

One thing after another....

Need to go and rest....

Love to everyone,
MA

Take care of yourself. Give yourself a break here. Sounds like you are under a lot of stress.

Mson and Homer. There are always going to be moochers out there. Let them in past the doorstep and the problem is getting them back to the other side of the door.

So this girl has an absess? So what? Let her get her tail out there and get a job at Wendy's or McDonald's. You work Mson. Homer has his own responsibilities and pulls his weight. Don't let people use you because of your good hearts. They in the end are not going to be thankful but just secretly resent you because you have it and they don't.

Bobbie

MA,

I am sorry to hear about your illnesses. Are they treatable? I will pray for you about your work.

I hope that you will continue to take care of yourself. It is the only thing you can do as you wait for your test results.

My body has carried this virus for more than 15 years and I only learned to take care of myself since this year. I have tried several times and failed but I think this time I am very serious. I could be more serious. Just pressing on even when it seems like the last breath. Never giving up. Pressing on...

If you have HIV which I hope you don't, remember that nothing much has changed. You are the same person somehow. There is no need of going crazy. I don't know which country you live in but I hope it is one with medication. I will pray for you.

Maybe it turns out that you don't have HIV? You have learned your lessons at such a tender age. Very tender.

I glad to see that you are resting. You are a hard worker my dear and HIV or not, you will go far. There was no medication in Kenya but God found a way of bringing me to health in Canada. Even you He is looking over you child.

Thanks for sharing because now I know how to pray.

About the results you told us about, the doctor catches 98% of the people infected in the first test. There is another 2% who are slow progressors. That is why the population is asked to go for two tests each three months apart for blood test. This is what you are doing and I am very proud of you. To get an accurate test for blood work, one must wait three months during which time there are no risk activities.

Remain strong and know that all opportunistic illnesses are illnesses on their own. Myalgia is a disease on it's own even though it could be a sign of a virus.

Please remember that you are not a lone. We are here for you any time of day.

Take good care
Love
Mson

There is nothing wrong with helping people it is when they steal from you. I will always help someone. Not so that they may give me thanks but in so doing, I would be doing the work I was called to do. I just have to put my cereal and buns elsewhere. Eventually she will go away.

I am asking God to protect us.

Thanks for the advice.

Always in love and light
Mson

Sorry to say but I have to kind of agree with Bobbie here. You have to be very careful who you decide to help because some people do not appreciate it and after a while expect it and may even take it without your knowledge. Or just expect that every time you see each other that you give and they will take...I will help people who i feel need and will appreciate it, no more doing it out of guilt or because some one is just hitting me up for something. I do work hard for what I have and agree with Bobbie...get a job!!!