I had decided during the day that I was going to tell you a phrase my friend Andy told. He said, "I hope you can overcome your loneliness and attain your full potential." Then I came here and read, "help Lee overcome his emptyness," then I did not not know what else to say. Walter gone as he is will show you the way because he wants you happy. In fact, he needs you happy. What is happy to you? Define happiness and count your many blessings, name then one mbae one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Guests are here, house is clean. Beloved Husband (BH) took all the garbage out after I bagged it for him...

It is now 8:37pm. The guests have left. Dinner was chicken and bacon melt. Mashed potatoes, and veggies. It was very good. For dessert we had banana cream pie. I have done half the dishes and soaked the rest for tomorrow.

Just sitting back enjoying a glass of wine.

It has been a good day.

Till later,

It's Mson with love

Sorry for my absence everyone!! Been SUPER-busy w/ school and work...Hope everyone is ok. I'm feeling alright. I feel bad for not coming on here for so long though. I haven't forgotten any of you though!!

So I got my two test results..the thyroid one, and the HIV one. Both came out negative! I asked the doctor if I should get tested for HIV one more time in a few months just to be sure..She said I should if I "want to be anal about it" (her words). Going for a HIV test is never easy, and it's not going to get easier..But I will take my final one in a few months. Better safe than sorry...

As for the thyroid...Well...It's normal, so I'm not fat because of an underactive thyroid..I'm fat because I overeat and don't exercise!

I still have no explanation for the lumps on my legs and the swollen arm thing.

Again, I'm very sorry for my absence!! I will get back to all of you soon!!!

MUCH Love,
MA

Praise the Lord!

I am really glad that you do not have HIV and that you have no thyroid. I have been praying for you and will continue to pray for you. Very happy to hear that you busy with school and work.

I hope you take care of yourself mbae resting, eating and exercising.

I am sorry that there is no explanation about the lumps on you legs and the problem with your arm. I hope you can find a doctor who will help you with that.

You don't have to apologize for not being here. You are fresh in my mind everyday in which I pray.

About testing again, people are asked to test again because there are a two percent of people who do not show up positive until after six months since exposure. It is all about peace of mind.

Thanks a lot for checking in.

Love always
Mson.

Good to hear from you Mson and you always have pearls of wisdom.

I have been a spiritual counselor for a long time and at one point had a healing center. I know spiritually what is going on with a person. With Lee, he knew that and still wants that part of me to listen to him, heal him, counsel him. But, he is a heartless person. A person who takes without looking back at his own responsibility of abandonement. I know that.

As I said, when I start cutting those ribbons and letting him go, he is back trying to reattach them. Not in a physical way because he says I am diseased and he doesn't want to catch anything from me. Lee never stops to think of how cruel his words and heartlessness can hurt. He is the one who gave HPV to me. It is still almost incomprehensible to me I was stupid enough to let him get into me, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. Just bad choices and decisions can land you where I am now.

I am going to wait until after harvest, and then he is out of here. He complained last week that he has put in so much time and effort into developing this vineyard he would hate to see some jerk come in here and get the credit for the grapes. He most certainly was paid and overpaid for what he did. And, I am not just talking about getting into my life and giving me HPV with the high risk types. Now I have genital warts. He still denies that he, his GF or wife had them. Must just be me. Dr. Nikola said their immune systems were able to overcome it. Mine did not.

Going through the different vineyard blocks, I have been cheated. But, what can you expect from a cheater? Maybe Lee needs to retain that attorney on a full time basis.

I honestly do not feel lonely. Pretty happy here with my beautiful home and my babies who are growing by leaps and bounds. I had wanted to post a picture of the Viognier at budbreak. Now they are already 12 to 14 inches high. And loaded with flowers which will be come the grapes.

Thanks Mson for praying for me. You, too, dearest Homer.You have your hands full with those sweet little puppies Homer and it is good to hear from MA. Thank God you are going to be o.k. Look to Mson and Homer for inspiration. They live healthy, well rounded lives and are such a blessing of encouragement to me.

Take care,

Bobbie

I second Mson, MA....no worries...keep on doing your thing and check in with us when you can...xoxo,Homie

Glad to hear your babies are growing strong...keep on keeping on, my friend....
One Love
Peace of mind is the most important thing in life....

I did my morning routine then I went to check email and this is what I found.

Someone had read some things I have written on the Internet and he asked?

how were raped by Dr Mumo?

I wrote back

I was working for the late professor Jasper Mumo as his secretary when he was chairman of the department of human pathology. I was in the back room typing exams when he came and held me tight from behind and forced his way with me. I am glad he is dead.

He wrote back

Thank you for telling me that...I knew him very very well. How could he do
that with you without your consent? But he was also something like a
Church Elder in AIC Ziwani!! His wife also seemed like a godlly woman!
Oooh I am sorry ! Where are you now? You also said something like you were
HIV positive by then? Dr Mumo's death was questionable somepeople thought
he made it through suicide.

Please keep intourch

I wrote back

He was also said to be a free mason with Moi. He was very godly out there but his actions did not show that godliness at work. He had been known for extra marital affairs. Yes I had AIDS at the time but I was not telling anybody because I had my own dignity to safe guard. Plus, if he was behaving this way, he deserved what was coming his way. Did his wife survive the accident? I felt sorry for her.

Right I am in Canada. I have been here for almost 12 years. Still looking for papers. Very difficult to land in Canada with an illness like AIDS.

Maybe Jasper's death was suicidal I have no clue. I don't care.

He wrote back

Jasper's wife, Rhoda, survived but I do not know her whereabout at this
time. The last time I saw her she was not healthy but I thought it was
just a stress. Yes, I can agree he must have been a free mason with Moi.
I know the family so well they even used to have marriage problems--often
fight. I do not doubt what you are saying. Minneh, would you mind if I
call you on phone?

I gave him my number. Was ready to face the bull mbae it's horns. He called in the evening and he explained to me that he was in Califonia and Jasper my ex boss in Kenya was his foster father. He was very kind and said he would look for Rhoda so she and I can keep in touch. My beloved husband when I told him the story he told me to be careful not to get stalked. He has been stalked before. But this had to do with my experience of rape. I wanted to make sure that I got to the end of it. This person is from my country Kenya.

It was a frightening day. The past back to haunt me

This boss raped me just before I came to Canada. I resigned.

Peace
Mson

Mson, I dont know...I would think twise before giving them my address or phone number. That is in your past. Maybe it is for the best to keep it there and to not be in touch with those people..but the decision is yours. Why would they even want to talk to you? Its over. Leave it. But you are smart and will do what is right.
I must go to town now and do all my running around. Check back later. Have a great day...love,HomerX

Then this morning I found an email from the same guy telling me to donate some money for a school being built in Kenya. I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

I know it is in the past but still fresh in my heart as I realized after this guy contacted me. It was over ten years ago that the rape happened and still coming back to haunt me. Lord have mercy on me and heal my soul from the refreshed wounds. Amen.

My morning started at 8:45am. I did my devotion, made the bed and started laundry. Beloved Husband and I smoked a J I am going to wait for the wash to finish and while the clothes are in the drier, I will treat my hair. I do it at home to save time going to the salon and money. Every three months I do to the salon for a relaxer.

I have to work this afternoon.

Thanks for the warning about giving address and phones numbers out to strangers. He is from my country. Maybe I am just homesick...

Love - Mson

For sure don't give that guy your home address. I hope it is unlisted. God only knows what his motives are. You just never know. This is a complete stranger to you Mson. What has this done but get you all stirred up inside and bring back that painful and horrible thing that dreadful man did to you. Maybe he got AIDS and found out later and couldn't deal with it.

Rape is a violent, vicious and horrible act of violence against a person's body and soul. It is never about sex. It is about power and the abuse of it.

Listen to Homer. He would never stear you wrong.

Sorry about all this Mson. You are such a dear and caring person. You have never deserved this to happen to you.

This guy sounds like a player to me. Already hitting you up for money. And you work hard for what you get. You get a little ahead, save it for a rainy day not to just hand it out to some yahoo with his hand out.

Bobbie

Listen to Bobbie....don't even contact them....let it go, let them go...

Where are you Mson? We miss your sweet spirit and genuine love for life. Hope you have not allowed that person who contacted you to upset you and disturb your life. You are a very careful, thoughtful person who likes order in your life. I can tell that about you.

We miss hearing from you.

Take care of YOU.

Love,

Bobbie

Hope all is well,Mson.... my Queen

I am doing well but I must say that I have been a little bit disturbed mbae this occurrence. It was about 12 years ago when the rape happened and it has come back to haunt me just as I am recovering.

When I gave him the number, I gave him the business line. I was in a panic and everything was happening too fast. It is like a bad dream.

He wrote me back and said, when I said i didn't have money:-

here is no problem I am with you! Some is going to give me Rhoda's number
and I'll forward it to you. I understand she is sick too.
I am glad to know you.

I wrote so much on the Internet when I was trying to clear my mind. The Internet was my friend. So this guy read about how his foster father raped me. I never really thought about the fact that this would follow me into my future. I was mainly clearing my head.

Thanks soo much for your advice both of you. I am doing well. I am drinking vodka. This too shall pass. You make me feel needed and wanted. Thanks both.

Always with love
Mson.

You are needed and wanted and so is Bobbie..we all are...

I woke up about 8:55am. I pat myself on the back. I have had cereal. Devotion I have already done.

We have a girl visiting us from Up Island. She is a daughter to our friend. She looked beat mbae life when she got here three days ago but she is starting to look better. The last time she was here was in 2006. I was going through a depression and was not taking care of the house. She was doing what she could. I found some of my clothes where they were not supposed to be and I thought I was missing some other things. Beloved husband said that we should give her another chance. So we are.

I don't want her to be left in the home mbae herself or to be given keys to the apartment.

Now I am going to skip rope a hundred and fifty times, do the smudge, light the candle and start house keeping. Then I will go for a walk and do whatever the timetable tells me to do until I have to go to work for 2:30pm.

The Creator has been awesome to me and I keep giving Him thanks and praise.

Always with love
Mson.

Mson, keep a close eye on that girl...I hate when people steal from me when I am trying to be nice to them. That has happened to me as well and it isn't a good feeling. I have a nephew who I cant leave alone in my house because he will go threw everything and take what he wants. We all work hard for what we have and it is not right to steal especially from people who are being nice to you...
I am going to the store to get ingredients for Ricky to make a stur fry Chinese dish tonight...chicken and onion and bamboo shoots and carrots and well, now I cant remember what all he puts in it but it is SO delicious. I better call him to ask what I should get at the store...
Talk to you later, love,homer

I know what you are both saying when people are allowed to come into your space, your hearts and instead of feeling safe and loved there, they decide to instead take and steal from you. That can take on so many forms. Stealing of trust, stealing of love, the taking of physical things, of possessions, what exactly do they do with those things when they leave and arrive at their destination? They have to look at what they have taken from a good person and feel pretty low inside.

Remember, they have to get their fix for the moment by taking. Be it rape, homicide, taking our posessions, whatever it takes to get them through the moment. Only problem is, in the next minute they are right back where they started from. Alone, probably pretty miserable inside, not feeling love because you have to love yourself first and foremost.

All this is a journey for us. I love your amazing strength and courage Mson and your willingness to be able to love and forgive. You don't have to forgive that man who raped you. It is healthy to honestly admit you are glad he is dead. We are human. Better to be honest with yourself Mson. Who honestly could forgive that? Sounds like he couldn't forgive himself. Otherwise, why is he out of here?

Love to you and Homer and to all,

Bobbie

That someone actually reported the above post as being abusive. Go figure where they are coming from.

I support Mson, her courage in giving of herself in educating people about HIV/AIDS. Homer, too.

For those who can't accept, tolerate or understand that some of us actually do care for each other, well, sorry for you and the circumstances that made you into what you have become.

On the other hand, those of us who care are not about to change. We are all walking our own path. We alone can walk it. We alone can live our lives. We alone. And, of course, it is nice to share with others of like mind in our journeys.

Bobbie

What happened?

I am being very careful. Today at noon we had to go visit Pascale and Chris. So I gave the girl $10 and asked he to mbae pads and use the rest to go to the hospital. It seems like she has a fractured tail born. I also gave her 4 quarters so that she can call us or other people. My beloved husband said that I was a good Christian. She left before we left. I did not want to leave her around the house. We are back now and it is just wonderful to know nobody was going through our things.

Thanks for your explicit writing Bobbie. You couldn't have said it better.

I love you
Mson.