I love that! Singing is praying twice!
Good morning my ladies, hope today finds you well and in good spirits. Bobbie, I looked up HPV last night on my computer. I know why you are so angry with your X...I would be 2. You are right...always use protection. You must be careful every time. I hope you are doing good today.
Muthoni, Your website is awesome. Very cool and heart warming.
I slept like a rock last night. That is another benefit of marijuana...I ate well and slept like a child. I could not do that before. Yes, I could sleep but I would wake up 100 times and I had no appetite and even if I did it would not stay down. But thank God that those days are behind me. I get very angry when I think that getting marijuana for AIDS makes me a criminal and I could go to jail for it. But if I want to kill myself with cigs and booze then the government approves and I can by it at the local grocery store. Its a mixed up world sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to say good morning and I hope you both are doing good. How about we pray together real quick to start the day.

God give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen!

Sometimes Homer, I awake at night, through the night and the first thing I do is pray for healing for the person God put's in front of me. I feel I have become even more blessed by just hearing your kindness towards me. Look how God loves me!

Reading about all you have gone through with your illness, makes me realize that for the reason only known by God, he choose you out to be special, to suffer like his only beloved son, to show that no matter what you can take the hits, the hurts, the pain, the sorrow, but you can still love and give back to others. That is the one, true explanation of love.

Don't know why when marijuana is a plant God put on this Earth, like other medicinal plants to help us (I am part Cherokee) and people have lived for all this time on the planet, why now does it come down to criminal behaviour? Oh, let's see! The pharmecutical company's can make up all this want-to-be, sort-of-like it drugs.

Homer, you do what you have to do. When my brother's wife was dying, she was in so much pain, you couldn't even sit on the side of the bed with her. I had a friend who wanted to help her. What could I do? My husband said they would find it if I mailed it to her. It makes all of us criminals just wanting to help each other out.

I met some wonderful friends, Don and John when Walter and I were on a trip to England and Scotland. Don had AIDS. I loved them from the very start. We had ducked into a little doorway on a tour of one of the castles.

I will PM you. Don't want to get dropped.

Love,

Bobbie

OK, do that. We can talk more freely in private. I love you, Bobbie...you are a rare bread of person. You know, my fathers name is Walter!! Middle name Reese...so you are part Cherokee? From Oklahoma? We have a bit of Cherokee in our family also..this is getting interesting!
Love,Homer

Thanks for your encouragement Bobbie. I love singing as well. I sang since I was a little girl. Right now I am learning this song:- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7E4u5VCHRg

When as person has HIV, the virus eats the fighter cells that are supposed to fight illness. That is mainly what is happening. Then there is stress from knowing that death is near. Guilt of things you have done. Regret. Trying to deal with spirituality. Feeling like a leper. One gets confused. Self worth goes down. Stigma does not help. One feels less loved. One experiences discrimination. Every body reacts differently. As for me, I was about to start a new job as a secretary in a medical school. I went ahead with my plans. The day I was told I had AIDS, I went and did outreach with the prostitutes. I used to be one of them and I knew there was no information about AIDS. I did outreach for the three years I worked in med school. This type of work and the fact that I was in a medical school made way for me to come to Canada. God works in mysterious ways.

Most people are not able to continue with their lives as per normal. The situation becomes too sad. I have not been out of work because of AIDS. When I came here after working in Kenya in a decent job for three years, I was hired to flip burgers and when they could not pay me well, I did house keeping in people's homes. Then I started doing HIV/AIDS speeches which I have done for almost 10 years. Been a public relations officer for the marijuana club since 2001. I have done janitorial work here and there over the years. And we run our own educational group. I have done outreach with street people in Victoria from 1999-2003. All this tasks have seen me as a woman of distinction through the YM/YWCA. That award helped me feel validated. All I am trying to say is that there as many things happening to people when they are told they have AIDS, as there are people who have AIDS. Everyone reacts differently. I lived without even thinking much about it. The strangers, family and friends helped me along the way. Definitely God has been holding me at the palm of His hand. May God bless all those who have supported me along this journey including yourselves.

Today I had a great day. Woke up around 9:19am, came to the computer and found an email from my sister-in-law who is China. And a note from her husband who is in Kenya. I love hearing from family. I write them every Tues, Thurs and Sat. I like them to know what is going on with me. Writing to them has really helped me because they know how to pray for me.

My dear husband asked me out for coffee. He wanted to know if I wanted to go far away or if I wanted to go a short distance. I thought for a minute and decided to go the long way. We had a nice walk to the coffee shop. He had a hot chocolate with an espresso and I had a chai latte. It was the best. From there we went and had dairy queen burgers.

We walked for a bit and my dear husband went his way while I went to walk the labyrinth. I walk the labyrinth every day but Sunday. Then I remembered that I had to pick up my meds. It was noon and so the pharmacy was closed for lunch. I decided to go to the library to pass time but they are on strike indefinitely. I decided to come home and the time table said collage. I was excited to do some collage instead of sitting around bothering dear husband for nothing. After 45 minutes of collage, I went to get the medication.

I saw a friend Allan as I was walking and he offered to walk with me to the pharmacy and back to town. That was pleasant. I was shocked at the price of one of HIV meds called Kivexa. 30 pills for $1303.56 - that is amazing and I don't have to pay any of it even though I am not from here. That is why I serve the community as my way of saying thanks. When I say God works in mysterious ways, this is what I mean.

When I got home, it was time to go for a doctor's appointment. This is why I love to live downtown for everything is so close mbae. Homerx, I am still undetectable. Yay! My fighter cells are at 260 but after hearing about your friend who had zero fighter cells, and as I think you used to have 25 of them, then I am grateful to have what I have. I know a woman who had two. As you said, it is not about numbers. It has been four weeks with the new medication and I was wondering what the results would be. I was a little nervous but now I am relaxed. I better smoke a joint. I have no side effects from Kivexa.

From the doctor's I rested for almost an hour. Thanks Homerx for teaching my how to rest just mbae the way you wrote it down that rest and exercise are very vital. I wonder what I was thinking before and really I am grateful for you. Keep on writing and as a friend once told me, don't stop writing. You really never know you might touch somebody who is lost in their own little world. I truly do love and respect you.

I woke up around 4:20pm with my dear husband holding a joint. I woke up and made a cup of tea. Had that with some cookies (new development this 4:00pm tea) and now I am going to smoke this joint and write to family. It is 5:31pm and I am off to work at 6:00pm.

Nice chatting. Love and light
Mson.
Mson.

Muthoni. If all of us could actually just say, I have to do what is right for me and in the process make the conscious decision not to deliberately hurt another person, this would be a different place, a different world.

Same goes for Homer. And, thanks for the love and light. We know which side you are coming from Muthoni.

Love,

Bobbie

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives...I am going to make this a good day. I will walk on my treadmill, play with my dogs, exercise and watch some TV and eat a good lunch. I want you wonderful people to have a great day today! Dont let life or people get you down. Every little thing is gonna be alright! Peace and Love,Homer

My dear husband woke up at 6:00am and I rolled off the bed at 6:30am. We got ready and were at the bus stop at 7:30am. This is to go to the conference. We even got in the bus and as it turned the corner, I suddenly remembered that I did not pack my mental health medication. I told my dear husband what was going on and he asked what do we do now. I went and told the driver that I had forgotten my medication. He looked at me asking me what I wanted him to do. Then he gave me my ticket back. I told dear husband that I would connect with him later but he insisted on coming home with me. He too got his ticket back. Thank goodness. he had to go back in the bus to get his back pack. I hate to confuse him with my forgetfulness. Forgetfulness was the last thing I wrote on my list of evil deeds and I am determined to fight it.

If I went without my medication, I would go through withdrawal symptoms which can present as mania. I was telling my mother-in-law that it was the evil side that is fighting us and she said may be I am only human and that I forgot. She could be right but I still say satan be defeated in Jesus name. I should double check things. Be more careful. I am glad I remembered before we went too far. Lord truly had mercy on us.

When we got home I saw all the things that needed to get done. The kitty litter, taking the recycle out and paying the bills. These chores left me feeling lighter. I then went to walk the labyrinth. As I go in I say the Lord's prayer and Nelson Mandela's 1994 speech. Then in the middle I sing a prayer to God. I do this in my language. As I come out of the labyrinth, I say the apostle's creed. Then I pray for family. I just got back and I promised myself that I will do a smudge today. It is 10:28am here and on to the smudging. It is 10:34am and I have finished the smudge. It really doesn't take that long. I light sage and say, "May my hands do good work, may my brains think good thoughts, may my eyes see you. May my ears hear you. May my heart be connected to you, bless the womb the fruit of life." Then I add, "The blood of Jesus upon me, the blood of Jesus upon my dear husband, the blood of Jesus upon family, the blood of Jesus up extended family. The blood of Jesus upon friends, the blood of Jesus upon forum-mers (that includes you and I). The blood of Jesus upon the people of Kenya, the blood of Jesus upon the people of the earth. The blood of Jesus upon the earth, the blood of Jesus upon the Universe..." It is supposed to be a Native American prayer but I have modified it.

I should have a milky hot chocolate. This is so that I don't have to throw out the milk. We will be back on Saturday at some point.

Till then,
God bless.
Mson with love and light extended to you.

Have a great time and be carefull, my friend, you and your hubby are in my prayers and on my mind...be safe and have fun!!!!! Tell us all when you get back!
P.S. I wish we had a labyrinth here, I have always loved them but have never lived close to one...

How much we are alike with all people of faith when it comes to protecting our homes and loved ones. I knew a healer from the Phillipines and worked with him. He would ask me to burn sage in each corner of the healing room before we prayed for people. It is a holy herb.

Remember, too, that the closer you become to God and helping others, the more you realize who you actually are. A child of God. Always remember who stands over you, guards you in all of your ways, holds you in the palm of His hand.

Keep up your good work Muthoni and Homer.

Yes, I did feel your prayers this morning. Especially about 7:00 a.m. California time. Thanks and God Bless You.

Bless you ...you are so kind. I know in Gods plan we were meant to connect at this time and place... ...Peace and Love, Homer

God doesn't make mistakes. I know some people point out all the failures, mistakes, pain, suffering, lack of our learning how to love each other. But, is that God's mistake? Or, is it our own free will and ability to just run around and do our little thing? How arrogant we are. Still, we have the free will to keep making our own choices.

Also to you Homer, love and peace to you. You have blessed my life also.

Luv you too.

Bobbie from California

That is so true. People like to blame God for there own mistakes and misfortunes and then they don't want to give Him credit when something goes right...thats there doing. Silly human pride I suppose. But thats OK...life is good...

Got good news today that my HPV pap smear came back normal only to find out it is like what you live with everyday. No. It is there. It is like HIV and other things you brave people live with every minute of your life. Must be part of the reason we have connected.

One positive thing for the two of you is you have found somebody to love and support you. I must be a little brat feeling sorry for myself tonight when normally I don't even want a person with me. Just too many conditions, things to deal with.

All I know is that you both have been so loving and good to me. For that, I thank God. For He is the one who hands out the blessings on this earth. For a moment there, I almost let despair get to me, until I suddenly realized where it was coming from and I am not going to delete it. Realize God loves you. He loves me. He loves all of us. That is enough.

Love,

Bobbie

Thanks very much for your prayers. I got a standing ovation and the lady from UNICEF said we should do another conference. We had a fun trip. Lot's of medical marijuana smoking and I went to the hot tub. the water was cool but who cares? I had energy for this trip unlike other conferences where I have been fatigued. You prayers have been answered.

At one point in the speech, I was going to introduce a school that had come all the way from Victoria and I was going to mention the teacher from the same school who gave my name out to the conference organizers but I forgot. And it really bugged me the whole of Saturday and part of yesterday. My dear husband said that I worry about the darnest things. He told me I did an excellent job and I concluded my speech so well that continuing to talk would have ruined it. Stuff like forgetting bugs me.

Like it bugs me that I did not have a underskirt to puff my wedding dress. I am going to be a maid of honour in a friend's wedding in August and she is looking for such a skirt. I didn't know anything like that existed in 2005 and now that I know, I wish I had known about the under skirts. I tend to worry about things that I can do nothing about. Lord have mercy.

Other than that, everything was great. Thanks for your prayers.

Glad to see that Homerx is a Moderator! Way too cool. You deserve it my friend. From the time you joined in January, you have written quite a number of posts. The ones I read helped me to be a better person. You have helped me to exercise, you have been a peer and you have helped me fight boredom mbae having all my activities in a timetable. I was impressed that you had fewer years than me in the world of AIDS but you were doing so much to keep yourself healthy.

Bobbie, as Homerx once said, we all have our crosses to bear. The last time I heard about HPV was 12 years ago while I was working at the University of Nairobi. The Professor I worked for, Late Aggrey Nyon'go was doing a HPV study. I wish you more acceptance.

Up to 2002, I did not believe AIDS was still in my body. I went for four tests before I could believe that the virus was living in me. Because of becoming undetectable, I thought the tests would show negative but I was wrong. I had to accept I had the virus six years ago.

I am in my working uniform. I have two more shifts left. After I do that one today there will be one left and then we will see what happens. I have given everything to God.

Having this fellowship here has helped me to realise that I am not alone and I have also been reminded that there are other diseases out there that are affecting people in different ways.


Health to all of us and I did miss you

Muthoni,
Welcome home...Bobbie and I missed you and thought about you. I am so glad you had a great time! That is awesome. I had a feeling you would. It is a great feeling to give back isn't it? It gives your life purpose and meaning.
I cant stay on the computer today because Ricky is home and we have a lot of chores to do and puppies to bath and yard work and house work...
But I will write more tomorrow. I hope this finds you in good spirits and good health. I am glad everything went well at the conference and I will talk to you tomorrow.
Love, homer

I know what you mean Mujthoni. I am finally able to get it. A virus lives within the immune system. Just because it isn't showing it's face at the moment doesn't mean you don't have it.

Over the years I became reactive to hornet/bee stings. At first it was nothing. Then, over time, I started having a severe reaction. It got to the point if one stung me, my whole arm would swell up. Then, we had to leave our home because my husband also became allergic. So we came to a more beautiful place, on a hill, with some wind. No bees here. At least the only ones are honey bees which thank God, I am not allergic to.

Taking allergy shots for the hornet bee stings and red fire ant stings.

Maybe I am just more prone to danger as I was on prednizone for exposure to mold in my car's air conditioning system. Once you start breaking down your body's defences, you probably are more open to other things.

at the conference. Who in this world can really talk about the experience of AIDS and the journey that you have been on? Only a person who has walked that path. Taken that journey. A person who truly knows what it is like.

How far we have come with medicines to help people who have AIDS. I lost a really good friend from AIDS. His partner is still recovering from the loss. Love just doesn't come walking in your door every day. Love is such a precious gift. The gift to be shared with people who honestly love one another.

How is everyone today? I just woke up. I slept very hard last night. My partner woke me up 2 times and said I was snoring! I must have been very tired. Sometimes when I am exhausted I snore...cant help it.
Muthoni, I told Bobbie that I was going to San Francisco next week with my brother. I am excited and a little nervous. I never go anywhere and get anxious around other people sometimes. But I think it will be fun. I am taking my meds and some MJ with me so I should be able to have a good time. Bobbie recommended a restaurant and I will definitely check it out!
Hope you guys are having a good day. I am off to the store and the post office.

I woke up at 8:45am with the alarm. I decided to set the alarm every night because there were days I could sleep in up to noon or so. I had to break that habit. It is the Creator who has helped me in this matter. I was fatigued for the longest time. It was one of my AIDS medication but I also think the anti psychotic I take for Bi polar had something to do with it. My mission every morning is to fight boredom. As usual, I am having a cup of tea and was doing computer stuff for an hour and a half. I then got ready. I shower at night as it is easier for me and I sleep better. I love mornings these days because I don't take any medication in the morning. I take all my nine pills which include prenatals at 9:00pm.

The timetable said it was now time to walk the labyrinth and I did. I was surprised pleasantly mbae the appearance of blossoms on the View street. Spring is here. It is warmer and I noticed I was about the only person wearing a long heavy coat. I have a couple of nice leather jackets that were given to me mbae a lady at work and I guess the time has come to use them.

I passed mbae the club and got some. My loving husband is away working in the forest where our friends have bought a property. There was no MJ for him to take today and so I wanted him to find some when he got home. I came home and the timetable said crochet. I went out on the balcony and crocheted. I had a lunch break and then I did collage for an hour. Then I did coloring for an hour. I bought myself nice coloring sticks. Investing in my hobby. After that I went to rest for an hour. Those are four hours that I used effectively. I was not on the computer for hours on end and I was able to pass time well.

Homerx, we have beat boredom. If I had not come across ehealth forum, I would still be sitting around wondering what to do when. That is not a problem anymore. Thanks a lot for waking me up and do enjoy your trip and we will see you when you get back. Ricky and the dogs will miss you. We'll miss you here as well.

Just finished my 4:00pm tea. My friend Pascale who is getting married in August wanted to go for an evening walk and I am just waiting for her to show up. I am the maid of honour in her wedding. What an honour. My job right now is to lift the couple unto the Lord.

Bobbie, I hope you are doing well. I did a smudge this morning after doing a hundred skips on the rope. I thought about you. You are very good in encouraging people. I know you have courage. May that courage take you far. Keep praying and you will see God's work. I knew I wanted to get married but I didn't pray about it. I didn't start praying until last year. I only prayed in panic. "Oh God, please help me!" No other communication with God until the next drama.

My Dad always sings me this song. "Why worry, when you can pray, trust in Jesus, He knows the way. Don't be the doubting Thomas, believe upon His promise, why worry, worry, worry, when you can pray." Now if I start to worry I go into prayer mode right away. With the hobbies, I now don't have time to worry. It is time to reflect and project. This is such a big change in my life. The Creator has made sure...(I forget what I was going to say. But anyway, the time table is great.

Pascale asked me yesterday if I eat breakfast and I said no. She did not say a word. Another woman friend had asked me if I made breakfast for my husband. I didn't eat breakfast so I did not make breakfast and I was sleeping the morning away. Thinking about what I have read from Homerx and even my father in law had asked if I eat anything in the morning. It was terrible how I did things in those days. I would swallow my morning medication with a sip of water. No food. So the breakfast thing got to me today as we came from walking Pascale and I, I bought some cinnamon buns for breakfast tomorrow. I gave two to Pascale, I inhaled two and now I have two left for breakfast. Breakfast Homerx, breakfast. I have always heard people say that breakfast is the most important meal for the day.

Pascale's fiance, told as about another labyrinth and we walked it. It was great because one steps on grass. The other one is made from bricks but nobody is complaining.