To Homerx February 17, 08

As you know I can relate. Melba, who gave birth to me, does not like Ricky and she is not kind to him or I. I refuse to call her my mother.. We have not spoken in 2 years and I doubt that we will ever speak or have a relationship again. Her loss as well as mine for everyone deserves a loving mother, guess it just wasn't in the cards for me...and thats OK. I have love in my life from you and Mson and MA and others as well as Ricky and a couple of very close friends that I have had for decades and they love me and I love them with out conditions so its all good.

Don't want their kids to turn out to be carbon copies of themselves. Where would the adventure be in that? Maybe, sometimes, parents are just so afraid of other people's opinions over the happiness of their own children, then turn a blind eye to what is really in the heart of their child.

Sorry Homer. You are such a very sweet person. Your mother must really miss you. Bet you have always been a loving, giving person. Ricky is one lucky guy I can tell you that. I am happy you have each other, your home, your lives with your new little family. Those are the dogs of royalty! Please post a picture when they are ready. We would love to see them. With you and Ricky in the picture too. The proud parents.

I wish you could see my babies. They are into budbreak and I just can't get enough of being out there and telling them how precious and beautiful they are to me. I love those vines. Sometimes, they can push four inches in one day.

God is showing me that I can wait on things that really matter. Getting the house fixed is months away. Normally, that would totally flip me out but I realize there is not one thing I can do about it but wait until the replacement windows come, wait for the exterior of the house to be torn off and the process to get it fixed begins. Sometimes, I amaze myself. I have never been a person with any patience but I am learning to go with the flow Homer. Guess if anything HPV has taught me, is I can't make things happen. Just life is going to be able to take care of things.

Love,

Bobbie

So true, my sweet Bobbie...so true...I envy your baby grapes and your plants ...they are living things that bring you joy and I love that. I love your connection with nature and the spirit of the world and all things living....inspirational and amazing, that is what you are!!!

I missed you today....;(

You always check in. Homer and I were wondering where you are. Just want to tell you that you are loved, blessed and cared for.

Bobbie

Dear Homerx and Bobbie,

I am doing well because I have life. I have Dear Husband, I have you. I am not sleeping outside, I have clothes and food. I have the job at the club , I am blessed.

Just a little slow. Forgot to do laundry today. Haven't done the dishes in a while now. I feel like I am slipping and it is only I who can lift myself up. With the help of God.

I have been praying for family and friends (you are my friends) and have been going to the labyrinth and reporting to work. I am over sleeping. Maybe I need the rest. I am eating though. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I have been skipping rope as well. Yesterday and today I did not write my communal letter home. I think I am ready for a change.

I hope I am OK.

Love
Mson.

Mson, because today I could barely drag myself out of bed. I knew I had to but I kept telling myself, look it is only 7:30, 8:00, 8:15, I just need a little more time. Had really bad dreams last night that didn't make any sense at all. Unless, there is a message in there for the future.

You just take your time. We are just worried about you that is all. We honestly love you Mson. Not many people I have met in my life who are as sweet and true as you are. In spite of what you have been through, you still have love.

The wind is blowing hard and cold here tonight. I have already told Homer that I am going to post a picture of my baby Viognier grapes which have just pushed forth. Every few weeks, you will know my babies and how they are coming along. Right now, they have just awoken, little leaves and the baby flowers which will become the grapes. That is the best picture I can send to you dear friend of mine. Take care of you and those whom you love.

Your friend,

In Christ,

Bobbie

My birthday is 17th of July, 1968.

I guess we are all feeling tired and a little bad..My throat hurts today and I have been sleeping a lot also... ...today I am going to take some thing for my throat, some tee and honey and watch TV and relax, I am not feeling very good today either so I guess it is going around....
One Love,
homer

Mson and Homer and MA too. Also feeling a little under the weather. When I do, just give myself permission to rest for awhile.

Bobbie

Dear Friends,

Sorry to hear everybody is feeling down.

I am just going through the motions of the day. Today I remembered to do laundry. I skipped rope. Went to the disability office to get our cheque. They did not send to direct deposit like they usually do. They needed my temporal resident permit. I then had to go to the lawyer's office and dropped my proof of income. Hopefully everything works well and I can apply for my permanent residence.

The kitchen is a mess. I will attack it tomorrow morning. Dear Husband (DH) says that every dish in the house is dirty.

Went to the labyrinth. I am walking in stride. No rush, taking my time. Did the prayers. Then I went to the market and got bread, sandwich meat, butter milk and juice.

Came home and had some fries for lunch. Then I went to meet a friend and her new baby Callan. He is the cutest 6 month old.

After that I came home and had a rest before going to speak at a core training for the AIDS office. I was very emotional when I got to speak about my late daughter Jessy. Most people were crying with me.

I just got home and I am doing nothing. I took my medication and in a few minutes I will be in bed.

Wi chat later.
Love
Mson.

and it is already Spring. Not long and it will be Summer, Mson. Then all good things come.

I am glad that you are the one who decides your fate, your outcome, your ability to get through these travails. I love you Mson. Homer loves and respects you tremendously.

Going to bed now, too.

Love,

Bobbie

Good morning all...anyone feeling better? I have to admit, I'm not. My elbow is killing me and my throat hurts and I want to curl up and sleep for 100 years...but I wont. I am going to get up and do laundry and walk on the treadmill at the very least...no excuses....then I can relax but I have to do something today..have a great day.
One Love,homer

I am not very sick but I did not feel like going in to work with the sniffles. I woke up at 8:45am, two days in a row. I am trying my best not to sleep in more than I already do. I find 8:45am a good time to wake up for me.

Right now I am eating a pineapple breakfast. Yummy. I will then make lemon zinger tea and sooth my soul.

A friend I was with in advanced school with found me on line. We were in a two year course which ended in 1987. That is over twenty years ago and she found me. She was a good friend and I am glad we reconnected. She was shocked that I got married after all that I have gone through and my question is, why would I not be married? I am a human being. But I understand what she means. It is difficult for somebody with my background to find someone. God is real.

Today I am supposed to rest but our neighbours Pascale and Chris are moving and I would like to help them. I am not very sick. I knocked on their door and they are not there and so I left a note to say help is available.

Meanwhile, I will take the garbage out, clean up the filthy kitchen and see how the day goes.

Bobbie and Homerx,

There is a chorus we sang in school.

"I don't worry, I don't fret, I don't worry. God has never ever failed me, yet he will never fail me. Troubles come from time to time but that is alright I am not the worrying type because, I have CONFIDENCE, God's gonna see me through, no matter what the case maybe I know, I know He's gonna fix for me..."

Let us carry on whichever way we can, taking care of ourselves and going step mbae step.

I have already skipped rope this morning. Feels good.

Now to the cleaning.

Love
Mson.

Thanks,Mson for the encouragement....you be sure not to over do it today.... I enjoyed the chorus...very nice...

The moving of our friends is over. We boxed things and had the guys load them. My Dear Husband (DH) was just at home. I think he figured if they need him they will call him. The did not delegate duties. One had to keep asking what to do next. Pascale went and got DH and his job was to watch the vehicle outside. He did that for a while and then came back home.

Like Homerx, DH told me not to do so much as I was sick. Then Pascale told me at first that she was mad at DH. I asked her why and she said that he just stood around. I told her the job is volunteer and I stated that I never expect other people to do my job for me. Then she corrected herself and said that she was not mad but annoyed. I told her it was the end of a day and everybody was tired and I said if she wanted to discuss the topic further, she should talk to her man Chris as DH is my husband. She did not bring up the topic again.

I am still not very sick but I am going to rest right after I do those dishes. Pascale did not even call me to help with the move. I was going to throw garbage out when I saw her putting stuff mbae the elevator. So I started helping her. She commented that I was the only friend who came out to help her and she commented about how she would still be packing if I had not shown up. She said she would not know what to do without me. That was kind of her. For me it is just common sense that they need someone to help.

I am done ranting.

I will smoke a :J and get to those dishes. It will be a matter of time and I will have a clean kitchen. But I must finish this j (a bit left) and get on with it. Ya. I have to get off my ass and do those dishes. Tomorrow is housekeeping day and I might as well start today.

This weed is not burning well. No problem, I am lucky to be able to access this medication. So what if it does not burn? You know? DH forgets I have a kind of a cold and so smoking my own. He has tourettes (sp) syndrome so we are both members of the club.

I am off to the sink. Mission number one get to the sink...

Love
Mson.

You are a good friend, Mson....enjoy your MJ and relax and take it EZ tonight...Pascale should be grateful that you didn't say screw you when she dished DH and made her do it alone!! But you are 2 kind and have a huge heart...I would have done the same I suppose...have a great night...you 2 Bobbie and MA if you are still around...

Busy, busy, busy... Work, school, all that stuff.

So..I went to the doctor today. Not the ER this time, thank God. I told the doctor about my worries about HIV, my symptoms, the tests I took..Of course like the other two doctors he said I probably don't have it. Of course, he has to say that-he's the doctor. Also, I told him about my weight gain and irregular periods (I get them every three months) and he is concerned about me having thyroid problems...it kinda freaked me out cuz my mom had thyroid problems.

So I got two blood tests...One for my thyroid, the other for HIV. I get the results in 2 weeks... Oh jeez, I hope I don't get hit with a double whammy and find out I have a messed-up thyroid AND HIV...

Well, all I can do is wait....

Hope everyone else is alright...

Love,
MA