If you scroll all the way down on the home page you will see where it says Medical Marijuana Debate...that is where it is. On the bottom.

You really touched me and had me all choked up with your new thread here. I tried not to cry but... ...you touched me very deep. I am so sorry about your daughter. She is in a good place now ..I know she is. GOD is with her and she is looking down on you and wanting you to prosper and do well and be happy and healthy. She is your little angle.. and mine.
You have come a long long way from where you were and I know you must be a very strong and brave lady. You are truly amazing to me. Do you know that? You have overcome many hardships and handled it with grace and compassion and love. You are my hero. You are my inspiration. I am proud of you,Muthoni. You are a brave strong woman...
I am so sorry to hear about you being sexually and physically and verbally abused. That is horrible and the people that did that to you will have to answer to GOD.
We were all young and stupid and did things we are not proud of when we were younger. Forgive yourself because God forgives you. Do not carry that with you. We are human. We make mistakes. It is OK. Ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself....you are a precious child of God and a fantastic human being. Know that...
Let us keep in touch and I hope others join this thread so that we can share the love and hope and wisdom that we have found in each other.
Peace and Love and health and Prayers,
homerx

Thanks for your compassionate nature, Homerx

I just got up from a nap from 3:00pm - 5:15pm. I don't know what I was thinking before when I was not t resting. I am about to start my fourth week of Kivexa to treat AIDS. I was taking Combivir and Nevaraphine (sp). The Combivir was causing me to have fatigue but I was so disorganized that I had no nap time. I was fatigued for years and it never settled until I started Kivexa. I thought I was fatigued from my mental health medication. It was a good thing to think that because I got one of my mental meds reduced from 20mg to 7.5mg gradually. I was walking like a zombie when I was on a high dosage. I have come a long ways it amazes me. I had to learn how to swing my hands as I walk. Imagine that. I really walked like a deer in the head light.

The only time I ever remember having a nap regularly was in high school between 1981-85. We called it siesta and would nap every Sunday afternoon. I was a young teen at the time. Now that I am almost forty, I am going back to my strong points that I had in the past. It is the third time this week that I have taken a nap thanks to Homerx's encouragement. Homerx is the reason I keep coming back to these forums. Every morning when I smudge, I remember all my Internet friends. I call them forum-mers.

I believe every one has room for improvement. The right thing that we need comes to our lives at the right time. Between 1998 to around 2003, I stopped going to the AIDS organization except for volunteer work as a speaker. I had also just got engaged and was busy with all that. I tried another AIDS forum but nothing was happening. I was happy to find Ehealth forum because I found what I needed within no time through Homerx. I can sing about this for ever. I needed a gentle nudge and Homerx provided that. Not at all ashamed to share what keeps a person with HIV in good condition. I was looking for a positive minded HIV person and I thank Homerx for being so bold. That is why I started this post so that I can communicate with you. Other people are welcome to join as Homerx said. I can see people are viewing.

Homerx showed me that I too have things to bring to the forum. Mbae appreciating me and what I had to offer. Thanks Homerx. You too are my hero because you talk as it is. You are open about your status and have written so many articles in a very short time. If you were just beating about the bush, I might not be so in tune.

About my past, I no longer feel the hurt, the pain and the anger. God has cleansed me from all that. Thanks for the encouragement. I know I am forgiven and I am free again. I carried burdens and burdens in my heart for a long time and then I realised that because of these burdens, my positive side could not flourish. Starting September 15, 07, I started recording all the wrong I had done since I could remember. Mbae end of December, I had a complete list which I stopped adding into for there was nothing left to add. I had as many positive attributes as the negative. Everything was crowded in my heart and I had to let the negative go. Here is the list of what I have been forgiven. It amazes me. I don't know how I survived carrying so much. I know now that I am an overcomer.

Here is the list:- Worry, fear, ugliness, doubt, impatience, cowardice, shame, anger, pain, self blame, regret, loneliness, guilt, insecurity, sadness/sorrow/grief, craziness, hatred, loss, enemies, anger (again), hatred, anxiety, confusion, jealous, generational curse, prostitution (seeds), lying, stealing, AIDS, controlling, CLUTTER, promiscuity, boredom, messy, disease, self destruction, depression, ignorance, bi polar, stress, laziness and forgetfulness.

Lord have mercy.

That is a beautiful testimony about the survival of the human spirit and our ability to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.

Add to the above: The Spirit of worry, the spirit of fear, the spirit of ugliness, the spirit of doubt (and the others mentioned). These are all spirits not from God but from the opposite side planting doubt in our hearts that we are indeed loved and cherised by Him who made us. Once you recognize where that is coming from, bind it in the name of Christ and put it behind you. Then ask that you be given the Spirit of hope, the spirit of peace, the spirit of beauty, the spirit of trust instead.

You have both come a long way. And, still you have found love and peace in your hearts.

Roberta and Muthoni,
Good morning! It is way too early to haver tears in my eyes but alas, they are happy tears. I am so happy that we are all here to support each other.
Roberta, you are such a great person. I am glad we connected. And Muthoni, what can I say? You are my hero!
None of us are without a past. I am afraid that if I tried to make a list of my past sins and past mistakes that it would go on forever. I have been so far from all that I could have been. So far from perfect. And that is OK. That is human. No one is perfect. We all have skeletons in our closets. How can you live past 10 years old and not? Forgive yourself, I forgive myself, God is love.
Did you read my original post, it is under the Medical Marijuana forum, where I first told my story? I had 25 T cells...I was so close to death, I was a shell of my former self. But with prayer and exercise and rest and nutrition and my medication I have come back. I am not and will probably never be who I was before. And thats good. I love who I am now. I am 48 years old and I am born again, with a new chance at life and a new couple of friends!
I was on Combivir also as well as Sustiva. They worked OK for me but for the last 3 months I have been taking Atripla. It is 3 medications in one and instead of having to take something twice a day I take it once at night. I also take Xanax for anxiety and Darvaset for head aches. I had a stroke, as you know, and the headaches are horrible sometimes. But manageable.I also take Cumadine to thin my blood and Plavex and Lipatore for my heart and to keep clots at bay and my blood flowing good. But that is good, I have access to this medicine and I don't mind taking it. I am blessed that I live somewhere where it is available to me.
Ok, my friends, I have to go to town and do my errands today. I hope you have a wonderful day and I will talk to you soon.
Peace and Love,homerx

You have faced death in the eyes. Sometimes I think I have done that and then I hear a story like yours and I am blown away. This is why I love story telling. I get inspired and I get to see how far other people have come. Then I don't feel so alone. I thank the Lord for bringing you back to life and now you minister to others like myself. Homerx, you are something else. Glad to know you.

Right now I am at the medical marijuana club. I work at the front desk and I am an activist. Homerx, as I was telling you about my job, the people I clean for phoned and they said I should phone them if I am not going in. They cannot see the connection between my not getting paid and my failing to go to work. Anyway, she said she will come down and pay. And that is when she will get my resignation letter. I am spending too much time stressing about this job. It is worth it but not that much.

I am just sitting here working and waiting to get paid. I hope she shows up with the full pay. Lord have mercy. Either way I am quiting.

If she doesn't show up with all your money then make her sign a note saying that she still owes you some. Dont let them take advantage of you , Muthoni...you stand up for your self, OK? And you will find another job if you need one. Do they have SSI in Canada? It doesn't pay much but it pays enough. I don't work at all anymore and I get $750 a month from SSI and $325 a month from my last job, I had a long term disability plan. So if I didn't have the love and financial support of my partner I would be in deep doo doo!
I am an activist also...well, I do what I can out here in the middle of Texas...I do on line activism by sending e mails to congress and Human Rights and stuff like that.
Dont let those people from the cleaning place ruin your day, but make them pay you everything they owe you!!!
And thanks for the kind words...you know, I think at one point, when I was very very ill, I died, I left my body but came back for some reason...maybe you were the reason!!! I was not scared but I was not ready to go to the next life yet....I had unfinished business I guess..
OK, I am going to get busy with chores and walk and exercise some... ...I don't feel like it but I will do it anyway.
Peace and Love and good health,
homerx

Homerx,

I didn't have to make her sign a note because she paid me in full. That's gotta be the hand of the Lord. After she paid me, I gave her my two weeks notice. She took the envelope out of my hands and quickly opened it. She noted that the last day would be February 27, 08. She walked away as though upset.

Then right away I called the people whose office I clean and told then I had resigned but would like to continue working for them. They said they will call me back. They called me back and they said that they will try and work soemthing out. Meanwhile, I have two weeks of work of which I have been paid for fully. I really thank God and all who prayed for me. I was soo concerned that I asked to be prayed for on line on the prayer chain. I have seen the answer.

We have disability pension but I don't get everything because I am not from here. eg Nutritional supplements. We can only make so much above the disability and I take advantage that and work to get my dear husband and I pocket money. This way I can send $50 here and there to the family in Kenya. So I need this job. I only clean twice a week

They always say, "But mbae the grace of God there goes I."

I have to go to clean tonight to catch up with what I didn't do during the weekend. My dear husband was asking me with loving eyes if I was going to be at work the whole day and then go clean. I have to do what I have to do. I needed to work the whole day today so that I can have Thursday and Friday off to attend a conferrence in which I am a key note speaker.

The cleaning job boss phoned to find out up to when she paid me. I told that she paid me very well and it was up to the end of my notice. I don't think that was her intention but God works in a very mysterious way.

The people I clean for also called back and they said that they have a contract to work with but they will try and get me in. The hard part was trying to get paid and that is over.

Thanks Jesus.

YES! I had a feeling that it would work out. When I was saying my prayers last nite in bed I said an extra prayer that you would get what is owed to you and that you would not have any hardship from this. I am so happy for you. I know it will be alright. Is your husband HIV also? You do not have to answer me if you feel it is too personal. I understand.
I think it is very cool of you to send your family in Kenya $$$ when you can. That is so sweet. When people who do not have much to give give anyway there is something very special about that. It will come back to you and then some...believe it.
When you speak at conventions and what not, do you speak on AIDS? Do you get paid any $ or is it charity? I think that is great. I would be 2 nervous I think but maybe not. I would LOVE to hear you...I bet you are a very inspirational speaker.
OK,Muthoni, I will talk to you more later, I need to get to walking and exercise some this morning...as soon as I finish this cup of coffee! Talk to you sune,Love,homerx

Roberta777, how are you doing today? Did you have a good night? You know, you were in my prayers also!

Homerx,

Thanks for writing. I love reading and writing so this is great. Your prayers were answered and I thank you for them. I am not too concerned any more. The main thing was to get the money. I would hate to be working without knowing if I will get paid or not.

My husband does not have HIV thanks goodness but he has torrettes (sp) syndrome and is therefore unemployable. We run an educational group. http://www.SAN-FAN.com We do not get as many calls as we would like to but we appreciate whatever we get. He works on that project among other projects he is doing. He keeps really busy and that is why I had to make a timetable so that I am busy as well.

The conference we are going to is mbae UNICEF. I am praying to God that I do such an amazing job for Him that we get hired for often.

There are seven of us in the family and then there is Mami and Ndandi. I always wonder who to send the $50 to. It is tough. I have explained to my family that money does not grow on trees and when my parents were here for the wedding, my Mami told me that I have to take care of myself first. It was in 2005. I only send when I have sacrificed something. Every month we give to the BC Children's hospital as well in memory of Jessy, my daughter. "Freely we have received, freely, freely give..."

Yes, when I speak in conventions I speak about HIV/AIDS. The definition, the time line, the transmission equation and then I tell my story. I volunteer as a Speaker at the AIDS office. This is my 10th year doing this. When I speak for SAN-FAN Educational Group I get paid a certain fee and even when I speak for the AIDS agency, I am given a honorarium...I have done hundreds of speeches and I still get nervous.

Here I am on Utube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDIoJr_4I0I It was years back. I was still angry.

I have done a hundred skips for the day. I want to increase to 150 why not. I love it when the blood rushes through my body and my heart beats fast.

From there I am going to go for a walk and do my prayers. I will ask that you continue to be blessed so that you can bless others. Then I will crochet for an hour, collage for the next and then head to work. If I was not doing the activities, I would be bored staring into thin air. Boredom is dangerous but I have beat it. Thanks for your motivation. I'll never forget you my dear Homerx. You improved my life just mbae being who you are. Incredible.

I have laundry going as well. After I fold it, I will put myself together and go face the world. "With God on our side, who can be against us?" I am learning to dress nice again. I am living not dying. And even if I was dying, why not go out in style? LOL.

Everyday I light a candle for God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and the Universe and for all those who have died before me. One candle. One love.

Love and Light
Muthoni.

Good Morning. Thank you for praying for me. All of us know when we are prayed for. It is that added grace and love given to us freely by another believer.

You can always tell who has a truly loving heart but the acts of kindness they show to another. I love knowing people like you both. And, look how God loves you! You both have partners who love you. That is the greatest gift of all. How I wish I had somebody to love me and be here for me in a loving relationship.

Even going through all you have both gone through with HIV and AIDS, you are still on your path and inspiring others.

Can you imagine the lives of people who don't have faith? I honestly can't and wouldn't be able to live without my love for the Lord and knowing how much he loves me and blesses my life. Just have to look at all the blessings he keeps pouring over me, each and every day.

You both have had real challenges, tremendous hurdles to overcome, but you are not only still standing, but you have achieved a lot. I am sure that is why you have overcome so many hardships. Because, you know there is real meaning and value to your lives. You were not just randomly put here. You were put here to help others. That is true ministry.

So proud of you Homer being the new Moderator on GLBT. You will do a great job.

I tried to look up on Marijuinna Debate to read your story. Which one is it? I would very much be interested in reading it.

Take care,

Bobbie

Muthoni,
WOW! I watched your youtube video and I was blown away. You are so unbelievably strong and so cute!
I was trying not to cry but the tears came and they were bitter sweet. I love you,Muthoni. You are everything I wish to be, you are my hero. I will write more later but I am at a lose for words at the moment. You have touched me so deep. God blessed me with you.

I am a gay man. 48 years old. I almost died from AIDS. I could not eat. When I did I threw up immediately. My tummy was tore up and continuous violent diarrhea was the norm.. I lost 67 lbs. in 3 weeks. I would sweat so horrifically bad when asleep that I slept on towels and my LTP would have to change them several times in a night. Like every hour. Drenched. My doctor put me on HIV meds and prescribed Marrinol to help me eat. It worked but I would still throw up so it didn't really help. Marijuana. The weed. I smoked it and the nausea stopped. I smoked it and my appetite was back and the food stayed down. I smoked it and I was able to sleep threw the night. Say what you will about medical marijuana. Until you have walked a mile in my shows and even if you have, I will always be for legalized medical marijuana. Anyone with half a heart should respect that. You can bye cigs to give yourselves cancer, alcohol to deteriorate your liver, crap from every fast food stand on the planet to harden your arteries but you deny me the one little weed that can make my quality of life 100 percent better and make a criminal out of me? Who is committing the true sin here? With marijuana you just plant it, pick it and smoke it. It couldn't be any more natural. GOD put marijuana on this planet for a reason. I am a living example to that fact..

I also wanted to say to you, Bobbie, that you are very much loved and appreciated. If God has a plan for us then this is part of it. You will find a partner when the time is right. You may feel lonely now but there are great things ahead for you. And I am sure you will find the love of your life and that person will be SO lucky!

OK, I walked on my treadmill and lifted some weights and cried into my mp3 player...I was listening to "I'll Be Missing You" by P.Diddy...isn't it amazing how a good cry can make you feel refreshed and kind of lift you higher? Of course I have a head ache now but it was worth it. I feel better. Muthoni, you are 2 much! I am SO very happy to have you in my life now. I feel connected, and to you,Bobbie...you have such a sweet spirit...thank you both.

You are so right on with the medicinal values of marijuana. My brother's 29 year old wife was dying from pancreatic cancer. It was the only thing that helped her when they were able to get it.

A really good friend, a doctor, who was dying from lukemia, was given it in a hospital in New York. So, what is the answer? Just the wealthy, dying doctor can have it prescribed for the alleviation of his horrible pain, or why shouldn't it be available to all who can benefit from it?

Right now, they are trying to set up dispensaries in towns by us and the hardnose types raise all kinds of trouble not wanting it. Bet, if it was any of them and it would help them, they would change their tunes.

The thing with most people is, they think nothing bad will ever happen to them. Just not true.

Thanks Homer. I hope you are right that I will find somebody to share my life with. Most of the time, I am too busy to even have time to think about it, but nights are hard as I always loved being with my husband, cooking for him, just being with him.

Love,

Bobbie

I always like to sing this chorus for someone who has been crying. "And Jesus said come, to the waters, stand mbae my side. I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied, I felt every tear drop, when in darkness you cried, and I strove to remind you, that for those tears I died."

The more I read about your exercise, the more I am encouraged to keep skipping. You do a full work out. Wow! God bless you and keep you. Hope the head ache has stopped. I feel connected to you as well. Maybe one day we will meet eye to eye.

I went for my walk via the post office where I found bus fare from UNICEF to go to the conference on Thursday. My husband comes with me as my caregiver. I went to the bank and deposited the cheque and then I went and sent my youngest sibling $50 to help with bus fare to go to college. It is busfare for twenty school days in a month. My heart always feels complete when I send something to family. The act motivates me to keep working. We are poor here but they are poorer there. I always give half of what I make to my loving husband. Once I make sure he has pocket money, I am free to send mine home anytime. The amount we spend going for dinner can help a person for a month in my country.

He felt bad today that I didn't tell him I was going to send money. He wanted to add to the amount. I told him I will be sending some more soon and he gave me $20. How kind. He shared with me what I shared with him. I love him.

When I got home I smoked a dobbie then I started to collage for an hour. I had lunch (jam and marmalade) sandwich. Soon is was time to come to work. There are four guys playing card, I am at the front desk. I love working here. Music all the time. I am allowed to come to ehealth forums at work because it is health related. I have been working here since 2001. I hope to work for many more years. There is about a dozen of us working here. It is fun.

In January 2006 robbers came in with bandanas, metal pipe and base ball bats. I was at the front desk. I was depressed for months on end after that and even had to go to the mental hospital. My point is, it is a great job but anything can happen at anytime. Earlier we used to have police raids and it seems the police are turning away from our activities. We have partial support from the city.

Anyway, I thanks God that I am busy in the community. We had the International AIDS Conference in Toronto in 2006 and I asked myself since it was 10 years since the same conference brought me to Canada. So I asked myself what I had done in those ten years. My biggest achievement was getting medication, getting married, continually teaching about HIV/AIDS since I started in Kenya in 1993. I have joined the club here and I have written to several people who reached out to me. The conference found me in good standing even though nobody was watching. But God was watching...always watching.

Nice writing to you. You are on my prayer list. All forum members I pray for as I do my smudge. Haven't had time to do that yet. Maybe tonight. Still got an hour and ten minutes till close. Then we have a staff meeting and we will be toking away. They are monthly meetings.

Thanks Bobbie for your support and thanks Homerx for your compliments on the video.

Bobbie if I found a spouse with all my drama, you will get one for sure. They come when you are not looking. Keep the faith. I'll be praying for you on that matter.

God bless
Muthoni

Need to actually understand what happens when a person has HIV/AIDS. The toil it takes on the human body as well as the human spirit. Thank God you are better and you were able to get through that horrible time.

Also, love has pulled you through. Love for yourself, for others, and hope for the future and your willingness to reach out to help with encouragement. I am like a lot of people, pretty ignorant when it comes down to what a person actually goes through when they have AIDS. I didn't even know what HPV was with the high risk types. I am learning Homer. Protection. Protection. Protection. Right now, even the thought of being with somebody now is pretty much out of the question. How would I explain that I, a lady, has HPV and couldn't actually be with them? Look before you leap would come to mind.

Bobbie

One of my favourite rock operas is Evita. I have read by theologians that she had the true concept of the love of Christ and of her fellow man. I believe it.

To be able to give when a person hasn't got a lot to give, but does so anyway, is the perfect example that we all should try to live up to. In this world, the people who give the most to their families that I know are the Mexican workers who work here on my place and still send back to their parents, brothers, sisters, wives, and children. They work so hard and yet their families are the entire world to them.

Sometimes, you can look around at people who are big, rich fat cats (in their wealth) who go to church, sure, but don't have the slightest understanding of a kind heart towards others who are really struggling. They can be so entrenched in their anti-abortion beliefs they are willing to drag their employees to go in front of abortion clinics to make the lives of desperate people pure h**l to get through them to the front door. Just so much hate in the world. It could be different, if there were more people like you Muthoni and Homer. Guess we don't change the world but by one kind deed at a time.

I loved your song! I also love to sing and praise God. I was a cantor for 10 years for the Diocese of San Jose and still love to sing. Singing is praying twice.

Bobbie