You may not want to hear this but maybe you should go into the hospital for observation. Definitely see a psychiatrist. He'll put you on meds and you'll probably feel better. I don't know if reading books about PPD would help. Also, maybe look into a support group where other mothers are experiencing the same thing. Can you bottle feed your baby so you can take meds? Your baby will still be healthy with formula. I'm sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing. I have been suffering for 7 months. I'm tired of it and ready to be back to my old self.

You should speak to your doctor immediately. Is your mom or sister or a friend around to help you out a little? Maybe be there for support or to give you an afternoon off.

You can still take medication for post partum depression even if you are breast feeding. That won't prohibit getting help and it shouldn't.

Reaching out is hard and it is scary - but you need to weigh the risk vs the benefit. At this point with thought of harming yourself and/or your child, you have to get help from medical professionals.

Please call your doctor's office as soon as possible and tell them you believe you have post partum depression. They should be able to get you in soon.

Good luck!

You have done the right thing in coming here to look for help. You are not alone! Millions have felt as you do, millions more will do so in the future. What would you tell another mother who was going through the same thing? Then that's what you should do!

No one can be alone 24/7 with a young baby and not feel as you do. You may just need a break. Your doctor may be able to arrange something for you. Please let us know what is happening and how you are doing.

Thank You everyone for your thoughts, I really don't see how strangers I've never met can make me feel some relief and those close to me cannot. My situation hasn't really gotten any relief however I have gotten the baby on the bottle 80% and now he sleeps in his crib all alone which is great because I can get some sleep without that rigor mortis feeling in the morning. I'm still sad and my husband still tells me I'm insane. I should leave him I think that would help he's just not sensitive to the situation and of course doesn't understand nor does he care to. I decided Paxill wasn't for me I'm not stubborn I am just really not the medicated type. My family has a history of taking anti-depresents and they aren't at all the same on or off them. I want to go a more natural route. Walking daily about a mile with the baby has helped to a point. I guess it's not as stress free as it could be if I was able to go alone. I wish I had someone who could help out but I really don't, I'll just have to figure this all out on my own. It's HARD I really want some alone time. They're not looking for volunteer astronauts to go to Mars are they?

I wil admit that i have no idea what you are going through but you can get through anything. If you can keep from 'smacking' your infant(i hate the term baby) than you have enough love for it to get through thisPPD and give it a life worth living: JUST LIKE YOUR LIFE! Have you tried reading your favorite book to your baby? My mother did that and i am closer to her than anybody else. An infant CAN pick up on vibes and when they get the vibe that you are trying to bond they return the favor.

((hugs)) it is hard to be someone's mom. There is so much growing between mom and child and your relationship with your husband changes and grows too. All in seemingly different and incompatible ways sometimes.

Have you spoken with your doctor? You don't have to take anti-depressants, but you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

Being a mom is never going to be 'stress free'. There are easier times and there are hard times and all the times in between. Its the same as all life, really.

Good luck!

I went through a similar thing, but probably not to the extent that you are feeling. I do remember cringing and wanting to scream everytime the baby wanted to eat - I felt like I was only a walking bottle. I couldn't even remember what it felt like to get dressed nice and some days even what clean hair felt like. All I wanted to do was sleep. My husband really couldn't help me. Some of this is natural, expecially if you were a very independant women like I was /am!

It took time. But you WILL make it through. At one point I called my mom and told her that I just couldn't do it. She got very quite and then said something that still gets me through tough times...she said "you WILL do it, because you HAVE to. no one else can do it for you and that little life needs YOU."

All I can say is get help wherever you can. Find a church, utilize the daycare / mother's day out, even hire a babysitter once a week and go get a pedi. Get out there again so you can feel like yourself again. It is NOT selfish. Your baby needs a healthy you. I now have 2 beautiful daughters, ages 1 and 3, and I LOVE my life. You WILL make it. GOOD LUCK!

Don't be afraid of the anitdepressants. They may save you and your child's life. Hormanal changes/post partum depression are very common. This is not your fault. I can't image living with someone who is not understanding and sympathetic to a person he loves, especially after having his child. He sounds like a "ME" person. I do not mean to be disrespectful about your husband, I just don't understand people like that, and believe you me, I know a lot of people who are exactly like him.

big hugs from me! hang in there, it will get better!! but your in charge of making it better (with or without meds)! find someone (husband? hello! - your baby too!!) to look after youre baby for an hour or 2 and get out of the house! watch a movie. take up a pilates/yoga/dance/??? class once a week, somehing youve always wantde to do. Find new friends that are supportive. Or maybe go for a walk/jog with youre baby if you cant find someone to look after youre child. to quote Nike: just do it!