Jealousy of online porn normal ? (Page 1)

as long as he's still interested in you, I don't think it's a problem. Everyone has an opinion on it though, but look at it this way-he's never gonna meet the people he watches in porn. It's just a fantasy, and it's not necessarily that he wants to have sex with that woman in the video, it's just seeing it happen. Maybe you could try watching porn together. You might like it, and you'll be handy for him for when he gets turned on hehe.

lol no problem any time.. my bf chris was like "we can just put a towel underneath us or in the shower lol" and i was like no no and oh no. it's just gross to me lol and ive never done it in the shower so i dunno how that would work lol. Aunt Flow is visiting me right now and yesterday chris was like "this is a good thing, atleast we know your not pregnant" and then i said for you yea (i was talkin bout the pain and blood lol) he said "for both of us" and i said "here you can deal with all the pain cramping and blood and we'll see if its a good thing lol" and he said "eeeeewwwww i'm sorry baby"

My husband looks at porn and I could really care less, as long as its legal. He also has a subscription to Playboy, and I'm not jealous because I think its a natural thing for men to do......now if he started flirting with my friends...there'd be hell to pay!

I feel a little out of step here but I do not think I could be attracted to a man who watches a lot of porn. I prefer men who like books, and music, and live gigs, and mainstream or arthouse cinema, and even a bit of theatre, but porn? - nah, not for me. I could not imagine having much to talk about to a guy who spent his time doing that. Am I in a minority here?

If it were excessive porn and he went about broadcasting it all over the place then no I wouldn't be attracted to them either. For example, if some guy listed 'porn' under interests on his myspace or something, I'd steer clear lol I think it's normal to watch porn and that goes for anybody but it's best to keep it a private activity really.

thanks everyone. lol this does make me feel better. but since it comes down to the fact that my husband is a computer programmer he spends almost all his time on the computer. when i first stated living with him i noticed that a lot of the tabs open on firefox were naked women. it's not even videos, just picture. but he's really slowed all that down. oh well, i told him he could still and just tells me he doesn't have too. but thank you all. ^^ lots of help from everyone. and yes if that was his only interest i wouldn't be with him. thanks again.

I do get jealous of porn but I'm OK if my boyfriend watches it from time to time. We have sex daily so it would be a little weird if he needed porn. I also think if you feel weird about porn, just talk openly about it without getting mad. He's not doing anything wrong by watching it, but if it makes you uncomfortable then you both should talk about it. I'd rather him be honest with me about it and not sneak around... that seems shady. I think its all about openess and honesty in a relationship so one person doesn't have to hide anything from the other.

But I do have a good solution... make your own videos together!!!! (And make sure you have all the originals if you break up LOL)

I think men who watch porn and get off on it behind their wife/girlfriend's backs are selfish cowards- especially when their partners are willing and available for hot steamy sex! The majority of women I know would rather have sex with someone who appreciates her beauty and makes her feel desirable and wanted, than watching other (fantasy) women faking orgasms! Might be a good idea to go out and get the real thing while hubby plays with himself in the computer room!

Kinna if you're actually advocating infidelity because your partner is involved in an instinctual behavior maybe you should avoid men for a bit, because they do a lot of things based on instinct and i'd hate for you to degrade yourself constantly.

If your husband is taking care of your needs sexually and his interrest in pornography isn't intruding on his ability to take care of his responsibilities in life then your jealousy of porn is entirely a personal problem. Here's a good metric. If his level of involvement in porn were a differnet activity, video games, football, stamp collecting, would it be an issue for the relationship? If your problem is with porn and not his behavior, then that's an issue you need to learn to cope with.

Wolf, are you saying that it's OK for (married)men to be involved in 'instinctual behaviours' such as getting off on porn and that it should not be seen as an act of infidelity?

...And no, other hobbies or activities would not be an issue for the relationship, because I've never heard of a man getting off by playing video games, watching football or admiring his stamp collection.

Talking about instincs...knowing that your man appreciates your beauty ,that he desires you sexually and that his focus is on YOU when you're making love, is a HUGE sexual turn on for women. And I'm sorry to say, but men watching porn on the side line are sending out a completely different message to their women.

So, I guess if it's Ok for men to act out on their "instincts", then it should be Ok for women to do so also?

Infidelity has a very specific definition. It is an intercourse outside of the marriage. Porn provides no intercourse it does not occur outside of the marriage unless your spouse hides it from you. In either event it doesn't meet the conditions of infidelity.

I guarantee you that you have no more right to determine when a man gets off than he does you. In fact I would argue that that kind of thinking borders on an abusive relationship.

When you talk about a woman's instincts are you talking about receiving the attention of multiple men or a woman's natural instinct to nest, or decorate her body. Because if you claimed that a woman flirting innocently with men was infidelity people would look at you as if you had lost your mind but it's quite a lot closer to cheating than pornography. It is an intercourse, its doubtful you'd discuss it with your spouse. If you were told that you couldn't purchase cosmetic or clothes or things for the home because it was a distraction from the attention your man needs you'd freak. Men just ask to be able to fulfill the same instinctual needs that women thrive on.

Most women today are so busy out there making a success of their lifes and careers that they honestly don't need the attention of 'multiple men' Surely they do appreciate a well meant compliment from a man, but they certainly don't 'thrive' on it.

There is also a huge difference in being well groomed and by simply 'decorating' your body. In fact, men also like to groom..they purchase nice clothes and shoes, they shave, (don't forget the after shave lotion) and visit the hairdresser regularly. Ok..granted..they(men) might not freak out when they were told that they have to go without their "guccis and lipsticks".. but they will most certainly do so if they were told not to watch any rugby/soccer/kricket matches, because it would be a distraction from the attention their women need.

Pornography is a completely different ball game.The porn user thrives on the sensation and instant gratification he gets from watching pornographic scenes/dvd's of other people (from outside of the marriage) and/or getting worked up (and getting off) by looking at pornographic immages of other women (from outside of the marriage). The majority of porn users hide this behaviour(which very easily becomes an addiction) from their spouses.

How would a porn user react if his wife/girlfriend was to post some pornographic pictures of herself onto the internet? Would he be happy with the fact that thousands of other male porn users(from outside of the marriage) would be using these immages to act out on their fantasies and sexual needs? Or would he feel betrayed by his wife if she did this?

I realise that there are women who don't have a problem with their husbands/boyfriends using porn and there are also people using porn together as a couple. It is their choise and I'm not critisisng or judging them.

However, many women are devastated when they discover their husband's secret...(others are simply so disgusted that they leave the relationship all together) and a concerning number of marriages are currently ending up in the divorce court because of pornography.

Porn serves the same value in the lives of men and women that nesting or aquiring plumage does. It is an instinctive drive to procreate with multiple partners that isn't appropriate in modern society. If you had your choice of letting your man take care of that drive with porn or be polygamous I'm guessing you'd find Porn a lot more appealing. The correct option is not to villify the man in your life for doing something he has a natural drive to do and is content not to shove in your face out of considderation.

If my spouse put nude pics of himself out in the public domain I imagine I would be equally upset as if I put nude pictures of myself out on the web. However the topic we're disucssing isn't exhibitionism or disrespect in the marriage. We're talking about acknoweldging people outside of the marriage are attractive.

Women wouldn't be finding out secrets if they were just honest about their husband's need to look at porn in the first place. It's not as if you can just decide your husband is going to stop being male just because it icks you out.

I have to completely and totally agree with Kinna on this one! And this is coming from someone who a) has gone through the extremes of both worlds, enjoying looking at porn myself and sometimes with my husband to feeling totally disgusted and degrated by my husband looking at it. B)someone who has studied Psychology for the past 15 years with emphasis in the field of sexual studies. Wolf, I feel that you are arguing your point to lead your life the way you feel comfortable with, and you are making points that you feel make your liife choices correct. There really is no need to feel as if you need to justify your situation. In reality, you are actually amoungst the few that are simingly completely and honestly okay in a world of pornography, and that is okay. I say amougst the few because there are many who SAY they are okay with it, only to end up in my office a complete wreck because they can no longer deal with it. The reality of the situation is that while many women (and even men) say they are okay with it, and have no issues in it. This is usually because of our human "instinct", we typically like to go along with things to avoid confrontation etc., in other words why argue an issue that so many say will never change because it is the man's instinct and he can't help it? This whole gibberish concerning instinct is just that. Yes we all posses innate instinct, however, you (Wolf) seem to be using those as more of a stereotype or an excuse. Just because a male has the "intincts" of seeking out youthful/reproductive mates does not mean that that is an excuse to get on the comp. and masturbate to porn, really, is this what you believe...someone has done a number on your mind;) and just because women have the instinct to procreate with and seek out masculine independant men, does not give her the excuse to rub all over every male at the gym, why would this be any different than your definition of "intinct" for a man (if you are saying that they only do this based on instinct)? Or better yet, I have an example for you: a while back (a long while back), I enjoyed looking at porn as well (without my husband, just like many men do without their wifes),and yes I had even masturbated to them; when my husband found out HE was mortified, felt betrayed etc. funny how that works huh? Upon asking him what the issue was he said it is not right for me to be finding enjoyment and sexual gratification by looking and thinking about having sex with other men. At first I was angry at the fact that he could be upset with me, but then I got it! Just because we have these instincts does not mean that they are exactly and solely gender specific and that they only apply to one gender or another. Just as his feelings on the matter where not that of the typical male (or maybe they would be if you put your man in that same situation), but saying that it is okay for men and not for women based on the fact that sex is a male instinct is assinine! When we discussed this issue with friends the men had the same feeling, that they would be a bit uncomfortable with their women looking at other men for sexual gratification. Bottom line, depending on who you are (not what gender you are), pornography can be very degrading to your partner (and yes they may even silence that feeling, since society these days says it is normal for men to view porn, and in return women should not have ill feelings because of it). The fact that society says this puts many womens feelings in the background (feelings that happen to be very instinctual to us), and we are just supposed to let males have this overwhelming freedom when it comes to porn, because "o, poor baby needs to get off", HELLO, so do women! So why are our feelings not allowed but a males feelings are while he is masturbating to someone else other than his partner, not sure if you are aware but masturbating IS a form of sex! So would it be okay if a male went and watched a women have sex and did not touch her but masterbated to her? He's not having intercourse with her, by your standards, so why would that be any different than porn? Where does the line cross, and when is enough enough? You have no clue how many people start out on the innocent path to pornography, have it end up an addiction, and how many relationships and families it ruins; more than many addictions that people concern themselves with today. So for people to say it's no big deal,we'll see! So to the alcoholic should we say, "ah go ahead keep drinking since it makes you feel good, or because your sick and can't help it", probably not the best solution, you would most likely attempt to sit with them, talk to them, and tell them how it negitively effects your life, and talk about ways to get through it. I am not saying that pornography can't be a positive thing in a healthy, loving relationship where both partners enjoy that aspect in their life, but I am saying that surely if one partner or the other feels disrespected by it then those feelings should ultimately be considered not just what makes us feel good. So if a partner does not agree with it big deal, suck it up and find other ways to enjoy eachothers company and spice up you'r own sex life without involving others, in the form of pictures and video. To me the pictures and video are just an excuse for not getting in trouble for going out and doing the real thing! Think of how your partner feels (if they object pornography), to know that you just got off to another man/women, even if it was just a picture/video, there is still a real person behind it, real genitalia, and real bodies, etc. You can have your little fantacies, save them for a rainy day, when you and your partner can enjoy them together, that's the whole point of being in a partnership, you do these things together! I could not imagine completely ignoring my husband's feelings just because I felt I had a "right" to be masturbating to other men, to me that is comletely and totally juvenile! It's not a man's right to masturbate to other women if he is in a relationship, and the same goes for women (if you want to have your fantacies in your head while you do so then so be it, but why must your partner have to be devistated to learn that you have to maturbate while watching another women have sex). However, if it is something that both partners seek out and enjoy then so be it, but it should not be something that one partner should feel they are forced to live with just because someone is male or female. As for the comment on women getting upset if they are told they can't go shopping....give me a freakin' break, I am told all of the time that this week is not a good week (financially) to go shopping etc. I don't go around screaming or crying or threaten to leave on the basis that "this is what I am on this earth for, I am women and I must shop, and you just have to deal with it"...come on, not a very good comparrison! And surely a women shopping does not make a man feel completely and utterly terrible about himself and how he looks, nor does it make him feel that his partner is not attracted to him because she went freakin' shopping (if anything he would feel flattered that she would want to "decorate" herself for him)! Funny, I am a women and I can deff. take no for an answer when it comes to shopping, even though you claim that shopping is a womanly instinct, and I certainly don't HAVE to shop just because I am a women, and truthfully there are many times I don't even enjoy it, but it must be done so we can have things that we NEED to survive, (food, clothing etc.). Yes, humans need sex as well to survive, but merely to procreate, that goes for both sexes, but I don't think in anyway that involves pornography. Looking at pornography is just like anything else we choose to do with our time...we choose to do it, we don't have to! And I feel like anything else we "sacrifice" in a relationship, if a partner has ill feelings toward another partner because of it, it should simply be addressed, make a change and don't make a silly excuse like "I NEED to do this because I am a freakin' male", that's just rediculous and completely dismissing of your partners feelings, not a good combo. for a relationship. Obviously I have very many opinions on the matter, but I am telling you from someone who has looked at both sides of the spectrum, that as innocent as it seems, pornography can hurt a relationship very much, while some it can help, it just depends on the couple. But if you are a couple then you have to act as a couple and take eachothers feelings into consideration, and just as a male does not want to be judge for looking at porn, neither does the mate that opposes it, keep that in mind! You should never feel that you are settling for something just because supposedly most people don't have an issue with it...know that this is not the reality when it comes to men watching pornography (and their partners reaction), and you are completely normal if it just so happens that you don't want your partner mastubating to someone other than you!

I'm not even going to bother asking why someone who works in the field of psychology doesn't believe that humans need to act on instinctive drives for fulfillment but let me simplify things; If the man you love takes happiness in an activity that doesn't involve you, consumes a minimal amount of his time, is legal, within the bonds of his marital vows and improves his health. What right do you have to tell him it's not acceptable?