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Q: Unable to come
asked by: daisycat12 on February 16th, 2008
New User
I was hoping someone has been in a similar situation and could give me advice... he seems very upset about this (and he is usually the happiest person I know).

My boyfriend has always been able to come when we have sex and during everything else. Once a few weeks ago, when we were having sex, he didn't think he could but eventually he did. Then last week, we were having sex and stopped since he felt weird and sick. The next day, we tried having sex again but he felt like he couldn't come and couldn't do it (despite being hard and turned on when we started). I think he was just worrying that he wouldn't be able to come. He says there isn't anything else going on except that now he is worried that it has happened a few times and he kept thinking about it.

Is there anything I can do to help? I'll try not to act like it is a big deal or anything if it happens again, etc. But is this just a "him thinking about it too much" thing and psyching himself out? Has this ever happened to anyone with a partner and how long did it take for him to get over it? He says he wants to wait a little while now before trying again... but I'm just worried that when we do, this will just be hanging over us and it might happen again. I just don't know how to approach it.

If it matters, we're in our early twenties and we've been together for almost two years.
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MyLove4U
replied on February 16th, 2008
New User
well i'm not sure. but a little over a year ago my husband was doing about the same thing. he didn't stay hard though. but we figured out it was stress. i mean being in a house full of my mom, sister, and older brother trying to have sex with a room with out a door that locks. but it took us a year to get over it. it wasn't really that long though. i mean this was before we got married and we were 5,000 miles apart for most of the year. you should try to get it off his mind. reassure him that it's a we'll safe and great place and time to have sex. or do something a little more kinky then you normally do. or best thing to try!! give him a back massage and then move out to the rest of the body. that should relax him enough.

but if it goes on try having him go to the doctor. men should come every so often or their sperm will get really nasty. i saw it on a show once. yuck!
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antigone
replied on February 16th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
He should talk to a doctor about this. It can definitely be made worse with worry. Tell him not to dwell on it. Seeing a doctor may alleviate any fears.
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Thus Spoke Mia
replied on February 17th, 2008
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Chances are, there's nothing wrong but a little performance anxiety. He thinks that since he couldn't do it once, every time has a chance of having that same outcome. I think every guy hits that roadblock at least once in his sex life.

Try to take his mind off it, and when it happens - keep doing what you're doing, and don't treat it like it's a big deal. Tell him it still felt amazing, and you'll try for it next time. Once he relaxes and realizes you don't think it's something to worry about, he might catch on and follow your cue.

Or, he might be the kind to be reassured by a visit to the doctor (like mentioned above.) For me, I know if someone recommended going to a doctor, I'd feel a lot worse about the situation. But, it's different for everyone, obviously.
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