I have similair situation/problems...

I can't give you advice on how to get your own life on track...seeing as I am still struggling my self. I can however tell you this...

STOP LIVING FOR OTHER PEOPLE!...

And again, struggling with this my self...I keep on thinking of what other people want me to do or how they want me to do it. It's like you are just going through the motions, day after day after day and trying to please everyone around you. Some days it feels like I know what to do but have this chain wrapped around me so tightly...squeesing the life out of me and other days I just feel like I will never know what it feels like to be my own person. I have this feeling of "I have no right to choose for my self because everyone else knows better than me". "Making my own choices will lead to failure and ruin.".

Having no support from one's family/friends (that is if you have friends) doesn't help much either. They always have this picture in their head about what THEY want you to be and what THEY want you to do and how THEY want you to do it...and because you can't see what they see as clearly, no matter how hard you try, you will end up disappointing them every time.

I keep on trying harder and harder and harder to please others around me and make them happy...but the harder I try the harder I fail and the further down I sink.

That's why I have come to the conclusion that ppl like me (and you?) need to find their own meaning in life. So long as you seek meaning through pleasing others (Pleasing...is different than helping mind you), you will stay "chained up" and devoid of a will of your own. It's almost like a form of mental abuse...

If you come across a way to pick your self up and tell the ppl around you to LET GO!...please tell me how you did it...I would love to know...

There is so many possibilities in this life. Yet, I can only see one path...that which other ppl impose on my through THEIR dreams, fears and needs...it is THEIR path and not MINE...

Sometimes I just want to scream:

"LET ME CHOOSE MY OWN PATH AND LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE! DONT MAKE ME FEEL SO GUILTY FOR LIVING! AND WANTING TO LIVE THE WAY I WANT TO!"

Eish...I hope I didn't make you more depressed instead...sorry if I did.

And yea, there I go again...ALWAYS thinking of EVERYONE else and not about me. If someone crashes into me, I am usually the one who appologises first WHY!!!!?!?!??!?! WHY do I ALWAYS feel so GOD DAMNED GUILTY...WHY! WHY! WHY!

I need to stop now...I'm ranting...and I'm not in the best of moods at the moment. Was in a manic state yesterday afternoon and like they always say..."What comes up, must come down".

So, before I get kicked off this forum for being an utter looney-tune...

Best of luck and I truely Truely TRUELY hope you find your way...I know how it feels...and I hate it enough to do something very stupid.