I've been clean & sober since 1991. Here are my ideas to help a friend:

Just be there.
Love him unconditionally.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Don't be judgemental.
Maintain personal boundries.

He's very lucky to have a friend who cares enough to find out how to be prepared to help him with his new life. I wish you both well!

All of these things are great advice thank you so much!

I'm really not sure how his family will be as far as supporting him, they all drink and his brother the one that I would say he is closer to is a alcoholic himself.

I will be there for him and I think he really does know that, I think it gave him some confidence in going through it.

I'm not sure how long ago it was but he said that he went through rehab before and he failed because he did it for every reason but for himself.

Congratulations on your new life!

It will likely be difficult even when rehabbing for himself, his own reasons. It sounds like he will have to look for support outside of his close family. Doesn't mean he has to cut them off entirely, but he will have to use good judgement & trust his own inner voice in dealing with them. I personally believe our inner voice, our instinct, is our best guide for anything we face.

I might suggest that if he's afraid of failing this time that he should remind himself that he is a different person now, he's in a different place mentally & now he has a good friend in you who's got his back.

Anyway . . . I just signed up here a couple of weeks ago so I'm not sure how this works, but I think you can email me or whatever if you want.

RE: my new life? I'm a totally different person now. People who find out about my past are completely surprised!

I totally agree with what you have said about his family, I think it was really hard for him to tell them, I think he felt like they would try to detour him or down play his problem.

Inner voice, I so agree with this so much it has been the only thing I have been able to hold onto.
It's been very hard for me to keep on a straight road myself since the accidental death of my only child June 24th 2006.

I knew if I didn't keep pushing forward I would fall back and the fact that everyone wants to give you depression meds for my loss doesn't help.

We are all so different than people knew of us most the time it's because they have only known the drug of choice not who is crying inside to get out.

I'll check out this site for PM or email.

Is he still living with his family? If he is, is there any friends (preferably sober) that he can move in with? Being around other alcoholics is one of the main downfalls of an alcoholic which can mess up their recovery.

Being there for him is the most important. Just be as good of a friend as possible. Listen to him, talk to him, and make sure he knows that he is cared for deeply and has someone to go to if he ever needs to talk to anyone.

If you are willing, tell him you have your phone on at all hours and that he shouldn't hesitate to call if he is scared, lonely, or upset, or even just wants to chat. Having that should be a really reassuring support system for him.

Also, if you want, maybe you could try attending some AA meetings with him (even if you don't have a problem with it yourself). Going to these alone can sometimes be scary for some people, especially for the first few times, so he might like the support. If he'd rather go alone, at least he knows the offer is out there and that you cared to think of it for him.

I am sorry about the loss of your child, by the way. That must have been terribly hard on you.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat. My dad is an alcoholic and has been through over 15 rehabs, so I have been through this before many times. I know it's tough, but you are doing a GREAT job of wanting to be there for him and be such a good friend.

How are you doing, Cali? Did your friend return from rehab?

My friend does live with his family for now but wants to get his own place, I know he was waiting until he got through all this to move to the next level.

I'm waiting for him to get out now, I think it should be this weekend and I'm a little worried about the outcome. I hope that I can be the strength that he needs or wants.

Maybe there's a social worker at rehab who could help find him someplace to stay. There are group homes for people in recovery.

Look at it this way, he had the power within to decide to go to rehab and stick with it. He's got a pretty good chance of staying sober if he continues to tap into it.

Yeah I have been watching Intervention and saw a few of the homes that were being offered for people, very nice options.