Loosing My Child to Drugs

oh my god! I am so sorry about everything that you are going through! I really am. Maybe Oprah would be a good thing! By the way i am 17 so I know about most of this stuff. My aunt used to do drugs, she is 3 years older than me so she is pretty young... she got me into drugs when I was 12 cuz she knew everybody thought i was innocent enough so she could hide her stash with me. I was lucky enough to get out of most of it when I was 15 but I still smoke pot sometimes but not often... I know how you feel though cuz when she was doing it my grandma put her in bootcamp for 9 months and it worked really good but then a couple months of being home and hanging with those old friends she got back into it. It really suck cuz i have missed out on all the fun things to do with her cuz she is always doing drugs... she has even forgotten to pick me up from school cuz she was too busy getting high with her friends. I am trying to get clean but it is really hard cuz i have done it for so long and was exposed to it since i was little... i doubt this helped but just wanted you to know that there are others out there that is dealing with the same thing... kinda.

Do you support her at all with any money, a place to live, or anything of the sort? Have you thought about doing any kind of intervention? It seems drastic, but often times they can work. Sit down, tell her if she doesn't get clean you won't do A, help out with B, you will do C... (example...you won't let her stay at your place anymore and answer the phone if she needs you, you won't help and watch her son while she goes off to get a fix, you will file a report to the state for child neglect or a court case against her to get custody of her son since being raised in a drug environment is terrible and you could probably win). A lot of the time, being faced with harsh realities and having so much taken away can be enough to get a person to get into rehab and stay until they realize what they are doing.

With that aside, how is her son? Does he realize whats going on? Is he healthy and happy? Have you ever thought about talking to the authorites to keep him safe? You could always get her arrested for possesion; even if its only for a few nights it would at least go on her record if something ever bad happens or she gets caught again. Jail sounds horrible and scary, but she has to stay sober there and can probably sort her life out much better and learn a trade to earn herself money the honest way.

I know that both these options sound SUPER scary, but it's the only thing I can think of if detox, rehab, and supporting her haven't been working out. I am so so sorry that you have to go through all of this; it must be really hard to watch your daughter grow up and change so drastically. Make sure you have lots of friends to talk to about this; having support and someone to talk to can help you out a lot and help the pain. Know that you have many people who care and love you and will support you through your struggles with your daughter. If she does go into a rehab, you shoud think about attending some of their meetings. They talk about why people use, what to expect, and everyone tells their own stories. It helps you understand a lot better and feel a little less alone.

Hang in there. You are doing great and being very strong through this. I really hope that your daughter finds her way onto the right path. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

I'm sorry to hear about this. My brother died because of drugs and his story was lot less dramatic than this of your daugther. He had good profession, engineer, so he had no problem to afford his drugs and he was just occasional user. He lived normal life. He used crystal meth, exctasy.. So it looked like one day in a party some friend give him some drug with some deadly chemical in it because he didn't survive it. He never went to rehabs, he was just occasional users but here you go the consequences. After his dead well my parents suffered a lot but to be honest with the anxiety my mom was having when my brother was alive and not knowing of what could happen (same like you) I think she is much better now really.

I will keep you in my prayers.

My daughter is in the same boat. She took off last summer for over a week leaving her 4 kids (including a newborn). The fact that she left the new baby made us all think she was dead. It was horrendous. I feel for you so much. Having a child in this position is a nightmare.

I live in a different state than my daughter so it's not possible for me to enable her with material items or free babysitting or bail her out of trouble. I never send her money. I do buy her phone minutes, but I think that way she'd have the means to call 911 if she needed to. Also, living apart saves me the heartache of being pulled into her games. I'd probably enable her in any way she asked in order to feel that she needed me. That would be disaster for all concerned.

My daughter works & her boyfriend stays home with the kids. He's clean & the grandkids are very happy, so I know they're well taken care of. I'm concerned about your grandson. He's old enough to know something's going on even if he doesn't know what it is. Having an addicted parent is tough on a kid. There's a lot of baggage that goes with it. I don't know if you can be involved in his life, but you'd be a fantastic role model for him just by keeping in contact & showing an interest in what he does & loving him unconditionally.

Keep trying to communicate with your daughter. Mine won't discuss her issues at all. I wish she felt like she could. However, I keep calling & letting her know I care & I love her regardless of what she does. What she does isn't who she is. She's my daughter, no matter what. I love her, no matter what.

AlAnon helps loved ones of alcoholics. I don't know if there's such a program with Narcotics Anonymous. Does anyone know? If there isn't, I'd still check out AlAnon meetings because the principles are basically the same. It could give you some good insight into what's going on & empower you with the tools you need to deal with issues you may face.

Don't give up! There's always hope! There are alot of mothers like us out there. Women are naturally strong & we can help each other out if we try. Who would know what another mom in our position would need better than one who is already there??

Thanks for the info on the phones!

Thanks for the kind words and prayers. Sometimes you feel like your the only person in the world that has stuff like this happen to you. But then, you see there are others out there who are feeling the same pain as you are. My heart is broken. I am so scared. I feel like my child is just swimming in circles and refuses the life line. I talk and talk till i am blue in the face, which only makes her angrier to the point where she tells me to get out of her business. I back off, till the next time.
I gave birth to a beautiful healthy sweet baby girl, on a beautiful spring day in 1981. She was 7 years after my second daughter. We were alone together all day, and bonded like no other. I was not working, so it was just "us" most of the time. We were always going and doing something. She was so smart. By-passing kindergarten and going into first grade, she absorbed everything so quickly. I cried like a baby the day she started school. She was the one who held it together and told me i had to be a big girl. Oh gosh, that was so long ago. Now today she is a full blown addict. She has a little boy, my grandson. He is as smart as a whip, just like his mom was at that age. He is safe and healthy, and his other grandparents make sure he knows nothing. My daughter and grandson live with them, as we live to far out in the country for her. The family does not want to hear about it anymore. Every time i try to talk to one of them they just roll their eyes and move on to the next topic, which has nothing to do with her. I checked out some support groups for me, i feel like i'm loosing touch. I wish God would shine down on her and give her the strength to look to get better. I can't anymore. Everything under the sun was put out on the table, she bucked everyone of them. We tried intervention, she figured out what was going on and took off. That was a waste of time for sure. She finally got a job, AT A STRIP CLUB, my God, will it ever end? Any job she had lasts only a few pay checks. She gets money and goes off on a toot, misses work, doesn't call in and gets fired. I'm so happy she is doing something to earn her own money, but a STRIP CLUB? I feel like crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head. I am sad everyday. When the phone rings at nite i just about fall out of bed. Wondering who could be calling this late at nite. Her, the police, the hospital, whomever. My girl is dying in front of my eyes. She is supposed to bury me, not the other way around. She has been in jail for a few days. She just got sick from lack of drugs. The police just gave her a bucket and said that don't deal with a junkie. They don't give you methadone in jail to relieve your symptoms, they call it "geeking" She gets through it the best way she can. When she gets out a few days later she looks like death warmed over, hits the nearest drug house then sleeps for a day. How awful is that? I talked to my oldest the other day, he is 31. He is totally disgusted. He said, mom, why doesn't she just take to much of whatever it is she is taking and just get it over with!!!! I was shocked. I couldn't even finish the conversation. I told my husband what he said. My husband is not Julie's bio dad. Anyway, i told him what my son said. His reply was, well, what the hell do you expect at this point. Everyone is sick and tired of the same stuff. It's old now. We are just fed up with YOUR looser of a daughter. Needless to say, we did not speak to each other for days. I HATED him at that moment. See, i am in this alone. I don't even bring up stuff anymore. Jeez, i did not realize how i have gone on and on. I must have needed to. My fingers on the keyboard try to keep up with my thoughts. But thanks for listening (or reading)...Please keep me in your prayers along with my daughter.

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. From my own drug history and my own mother still does the things your daughter does. The only thing that has freed me from my mother is to let her go. I love her but I do not try to help her be sober or help her get money. I do not talk to her about her dope deals and such. I have totally backed off. I have 5 siblings and 3 of them still live with her. Some of them are already doing drugs with her. I have called the police and child protective services on her. I have cried and begged. I even did hard core drugs with her for 3 years. I have beat my self blue trying to support my mother and brothers. I gave every dime to her. I started work at 14 so my brothers could have food and shoes.

But after all of this and I am now 21. She is still doing the same thing. I do not hang on to the hope that she will ever get better. I no longer stay up at night scared that my lil brother will be raped or hurt by one of her men. I do not give her money. I stay away from her sick lifestyle. I love her and I make sure to tell her. I see my siblings a couple times a week and I try to teach them another way of life. But I dont get involved in my mother. I know it has to feel different and hurt more when its your own child. I do not have kids but I feel that my mother is my big kid.

I am ok with her life today. I do not hurt anymore because of what she does and I do not live in fear. The only reason is because I went to Al-Anon. Its an organization that helps family, spouses, and friends of drugs addicts and alcoholics. PLease look them up on the web. Or PM me as soon as you get this. I would love to give you more information about Al-Anon.....there are soooo many people out there just like you. You can find tons of people in your city that you can meet and get support from. It saved me sanity. Please PM me....

My grandsons dad has been in jail for the past two years. He was quite an addict also. He robbed a bank and arrested. My daughter does live the his parents. (they were never married) I have more than once asked her to come live with us, but she says that we live to far from the city. She lost her drivers license, but she will still use any ones car. Yes, they do get the short end all the time. They won't throw her out because of the baby. We have him on Fri. Sat. and Sun. I take him home after dinner sunday nite. He is a beautiful bright little boy who has no idea about what is going on. We all make sure that he is ok. That fam has totally had it. I talk to the other gramma at least twice a day on the phone. I have not spoken to my daughter since she used my bank information to buy dope. This was about 2 weeks ago.