Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 307 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:5
A bad time in my life Posted: 02-08-08 08:41am
I'm at the lowest point in my life at the
minute. I just feel like telling you about
it.
I broke up with my bf of 4 and ahalf years
last week, and we're staying friends and
but thats not even really the problem. I
just feel kind of empty. I have a few
close friends rather than many
acquaintances, but I rarely feel truly
happy. When I'm with people I'll laugh
along and seem alright, but deep down I'm
still sad. I don't know why. I don't feel
lonely, I feel alone, if you understand
the difference. Because I can be
surrounded by people and still not feel
like any of them understand me and they
don't know what I'm thinking, and Ive
spoken to my best friend about stuff and
she helps a lot but I don't wanna talk
about it I just want it all to go away.
It's been the worst week of my life.
Monday night was worst, I ended up walking
home in the dark by myself and I couldn't
stop crying or shaking all night. I'll not
tell you what happened, it's not
important.
I just feel a general sense of sadness, in
everything I do. There's something else
preying on my mind, it's another guy, well
2 others really but that's a different
story. There's this guy I like and yeah I
know I just broke up with my bf, but I
really like him a lot and now I don't
think he's speaking to me. I haven't known
him for long but I'm scared that he's
gonna walk out of my life and have nothing
to do with me anymore. I think it would be
a shame because we both felt a connection.
Anyway I dunno why but when I start liking
someone I get a little...obsessed. I
haven't stopped thinking about this guy
since we met, and I don't even knw why. He
has a girlfriend now and the thought of
them together makes me sick, and
rationally I know that it doesn't matter
cuz I don't know them and it should be
easy to forget about it but I can't.
anyway, just wanted to share. if anyone
has any tips on how to stop thinking about
it, please tell me because even when I'm
busy it's always there.
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1211 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 02-08-08 12:14pm
Having a few close friends rather than
many acquaintances is definitely a good
thing. It gives you a strong support
system if you really need one of people
who will love you for you and help you no
matter what.
It is always rough when going through a
break up, especially if you are with
someone for 4 1/2 years. It's completely
natural to feel that empty and sad. Even
if you knew that breaking up is the right
thing to do, there is still a void there
since you were with him for so long. It's
kind of like moving away from home...you
know its good for you, but you still miss
it and have this empty place in your heart
for it.
Over time it will get better and you will
feel less empty. You just have to hang in
there. Do some things for yourself! Go
out and get a manicure, see a movie with
your friends, and try your best not to let
it get you down. It may plague your mind
now, but as time goes on you will see
flashes of time where you won't be
thinking about it, even if its for just 5
minutes. Then gradually those 5 minutes
will turn into 10 min, and an hour, and
hours at a time, and eventually it'll just
be a residual thought that rarely comes
back.
Take advantage of the wonderful friends of
yours and just try your best to get back
out there. Also, don't feel the need to
do everything. Take some nights to
yourself as well. Run a warm bath with
candles, read a book, and relax. Breathe.
Have you ever done yoga before? Yoga has
helped me through a lot of rough times.
It won't make you forget, but it will
relax your mind and body and make you feel
less stressed about what is going on, even
if only for an hour or two. It's nice to
get some relief. The same goes for
meditation.
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sunhb5mla
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Feb 2008 Posts: 4 Location: North East England,
Posted: 02-11-08 17:39pm
Hi there! iv been there and it aint
pretty! and if your like me, and go
through sunderland alot, ya always seem to
meet someone who ya feel is perfect!
But in my opinion.....i think you need to
sit down and think whats more important to
you. i know what you mean with the
difference from being lonely and being
alone. the difference is the lonely side
of it all is that you miss certain things
in your life what you used to have. and
being alone is what you have lost. dont
rush into it all dafty and find an
alternative to breaking your heart
everytime. you'll be fine...as long as ya
keep ya head well high and put yourself
first for a change.
Take Care
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lonestarguy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 592 Location: , Hoosierland, USA
Thanks: 10
Thanked:1
Re: A bad time in my life Posted: 02-11-08 18:52pm
Hi, Lion79:
I'm sorry this has hit you so hard. A
breakup of that length is going to hurt
regardless of the circumstances because
you don't just forget about a person you
have been that close to.
I agree it is a good thing to have family
or friends around at this time, but you
realise that you will have to deal with
the real pain yourself. Loneliness is
another factor that will add to the
depression.
As far as the other guy you fancy, I hope
you are ready for another relationship
this soon. I know you've heard of rebound
relationships, so just be careful that
you're doing it for the right reasons.
I'm sorry to hear that you obsess on guys
you like because that could be a problem
until you get past your former
relationship. There is no magic pill that
makes the sadness go away either. You just
have to establish a new routine and try to
stick to it.
|
Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 307 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:5
Posted: 02-12-08 10:08am
Thanks for all replies.
I'm not looking for a relationship at the
minute, cuz that's why I broke up with my
ex. I felt I was too young to be so
involved at the min, and I just wanna get
out there and do more things. I'm feeling
a lot better now, generally a bit happier
and I've found I'm thinking less of him.
Basically the situation is that we did
sleep together and I couldn't get him out
of my mind, and because I didn't want to
go out with anyone he's got himself
another girl and I sort of knew this would
happen and didn't expect him to be
exclusive, but I asked him if he wanted to
stay friends and he basically said no, so
I feel like he's just used me. I still
talk to him online and stuff but I don't
think he wants to see me. At first it
hurt, but now I'm trying not to care. I
know what I have to do now, and that's to
get out there. I went bowling with friends
the other night and it made me forget
everything, and since I've felt a lot
better. The only thing is that I feel like
I could do with more friends atm because
even though I love my friends whenever I
want to go somewhere or do something with
them it's such a chore to get them to come
out because of busy schedules, different
working patterns and things.
I know I have to deal with it myself, and
the worst time I get it is when I'm home
alone on a night time, and I 'm thinking
of all the people out having a good time
so why aren't I? but realistically I know
that they sometimes are alone and feel bad
about it. I dunno why, but the past couple
of days has made me feel a lot better, and
I want to use this to change my life. At
the minute it's hard because I'm out of my
comfort zone, which I've been in for so
long and it's a huge adjustment, but I
want to turn it into a positive thing and
make more use of other people around me,
and go out more with friends and stuff
like that.
New year, new me, right?
Thanks for your help, I just needed to
vent and for someone to understand what's
going on. I've tried meditation before but
I just get bored lol. Maybe I will try
yoga, but I'd prefer to do it with someone
else rather than on my own.
Actually, you know what's really silly?
I've found something that's made me feel
more positive, and it was a dream I had
about a week ago. I dreamt there was some
sort of demon in the middle of the road,
and loads of people were trying to fight
him and get past but no one could, and in
my dream I had wings and I was really
strong and I beat it. I know it sounds
weird but when I feel down and think about
that dream it makes me feel better because
it makes me think that it must have meant
something lol.
I'm slightly worried that this high I'm on
this week will bring me back down, cuz my
emotions are all over the place. I guess
we'll see.
