Broken Hearted Forum - Is this a good reason to break up?

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Is this a good reason to break up?

Q: Is this a good reason to break up?

asked by: EVERDAYLIFE on February 7th, 2008

New User

You know I have no clue what is happening. Well recently things have been going great and i couldnt ask for more from my girlfriend for almost one year. Get this, our 1 year is on valentines day. Thats in one week.
Well getting down to the point. My girlfriend doesnt like my friends. The reason was that at the beggining of our relationship I would see her then go home and get into trouble with them. Not necessarily trouble trouble but trouble in her eyes. It was drinking and smoking, and she wasnt liking that. So I did my best to understand that she would get anxiety about me dying or falling victim to a dui or getting arrested. So she put our reltationship on the line and told me if i dont stop smoking she wouldnt be with me cause I could not control it, it was everyday. So making the decision was hard but i knew i wanted to be with her. So i stopped. I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her.
but she continued to hate my friends for the way they are. but me i dont see anything wrong with what they do. She threatened our relationship many times over my friends.

To make a long story short, its been a couple months since i hung out with my friends and i can control what i do with them. Examples are not drinking heavily with them and smoking. I know i can but she just doesnt trust me and its been months since i have broken her trust. So now my friends have called me and i wanted me to play basketball with them and i really want to play. I dont see harm in my playing basketball.

So yesterdayi told her i was going to play but she said we had plans, but the plans werent really plans plans just me going to her house after class and hanging out. like we do everyday. She said if i go to the game she wont be happy, then it was that she was mad, then it was " we are going to take a break if u go play bball and hangout with ur friends." Then the big one was " If you go i will never talk to u again and we are over." She does have anxiety but all this was over bball and my friends for one night. One night.

Was what she did right? Was i in the wrong? Cause i even invited her to the game for support but she just got mad. This sucks cause i miss her and she broke up with me. She hasnt picked up her phone or text me back or anything. I dont want us to break up over this. I completely think this is immature and stupid but i dont want to blow up and get mad at her and we argue and say something i will regret. But im trying my hardest not to call or text her cause i dont want to be desprate. its hard.

This is long but if anyone can elaborate on this and help me out on what to do that would be great. I dont know what to do with this one cause i dont want to not be with her.

Replies(10)

Galaxy

replied on February 7th, 2008

Supporter

Hmm ... well if I were you I think I would start learning 'not to be with her' because i don't think she has the right to tell you how to run your life and I, for one, cannot abide someone trying to control me - can you?

Rosie H

replied on February 7th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

wow. it sounds like she just wants to control you and have you all to her self. BUt this is very immature and not healthy for a relationship.

You have not been in wrong in my opinion. You worked with her and gave in to what she wanted only to be mistrusted more. I too would get mad if my boyfriend went out all the time with his buddies and got into fights or having the cops called. but I know my hubby isnt that foolish and he would not put me into a bad spot. He goes out with his buddies and parties but its in moderation and I do not mind in the least.

Your girlfriend needs to grow up a little and see that a relationship is a two way street. I think you should wait to call her and let her make the contact. She did this so now she has to deal with it. Once you guys are on neutral ground then be honest with her and tell her...."This is how you make me feel....." The truth may hurt but she also cant keep doing this to you.

Best wishes I really hope it all works out. She just needs to learn the same as we all did.

bbfeet9

replied on February 7th, 2008

Experienced User

Does she have any friends that she hangs out with? How do you feel about that? Are they good influences or bad? You did your part by doing what she initially asked. If these friends are "good" friends who were around before her, i suggest you think about it. "Good friends are sometimes hard to get and keep. "Girlfriends can sometimes come and go. She has no right to give you an ultimatum (spell check please) Your not married, and even if you were, we all have our own thing. Just as long as we know not to cross that line.

EVERDAYLIFE

replied on February 7th, 2008

New User

She has one friend that she hangs out with that she has known for along time. My friends are only two and one of them is like my brother that lives across the street from me. Like i have known him for 13 to 14 years. They have no problem with her but dont want me to ditch them for her. I know that i have for awhile. Like i wish she didnt do this and would just be understanding then thinking her belief is always right. I understand that there has been things i have done that are stupid but i have never broke up or threatened to break up with her casue i really cant see myself without her. Before her i was in a 2 year relationship that kind of ended like this. Im afraid to get left behind cause it was really unexpected. When i start thinking about the whole thing, especially her, i start to think its me who did this. Like its me who made her just break up with me. We have almost broken up like 3 times and im always the one who has came back cause i think its me. But this time i really dont think i did anything wrong and i hate when she toys with my emotions. What should i do? Like give her space even though its hard for me or like try to get her back? Cause i dont want to lose her for playing basketball. Im twisted up right now

bbfeet9

replied on February 7th, 2008

Experienced User

You are kicking your butt all over the place. If she breaks up with you cuz you want to play freakin bball, she is the one with the prob. Sounds like there is something a little deeper going on with her. Three times you broke up, three times you begged yourself back into her life. Sounds like she gets off on your pain. Sounds like she thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and just has herself convinced that you can not live without her!!! If you want to keep sniffin after her like a whipped puppy go ahead. Or be a man and stop letting her control your life, your heart, and your emotions. Is she that GOOD? Be with your buds. You are very close to them. Friends last forever. Girlfriend needs to get a grip and stop leading you around by your nose. You have to stop letting her do this to you. You stopped doing what she asked of you. Thats not good enough for girlfriend. Give her space. Don't blow up her cell. Don't keep texting her. You look like your begging. Let it happen on its own if it's gonna. If you guys split, she will just do this to the next poor guy. Don't get down either. Your a young man, you sound intelligent, you have a long road of life to travel. Leave your mind open to new stuff. You will be fine. If it's break up time, you may wanna count your blessings. She is waiting for you to crawl back, on her terms. P on that hon, move on.

Blue Tink

replied on February 7th, 2008

New User

I agree with BBFEET9 & ROSIE H. Looks like the one with issues is her. A relationship is 50/50 not 95 Do as i say/5 u say nothing. Go out play ball u have included her with ur buddies and she has excluded her self by choice. Good Luck!!

Galaxy

replied on February 7th, 2008

Supporter

Yep, it's a unanimous vote ... you have to let her go. People like that are toxic and, think about it, she seems to have got you right where she wants you - totally dependent on her to the point that you can't imagine living without her!

I think if you ask your friends, they will tell you the same thing.

EVERDAYLIFE

replied on February 9th, 2008

New User

well she really isnt coming back I guess. I dont know what to think about this whole thing. She said it was me who did this because she said not to go to the game and I did. like nothing is getting through to her. Why the hell are girls so difficult? You know ive tried to go back to her since the game, actually right after the game, not thinking she would dump me over it, but she said why cant we be "BEST FRIENDS"? For me, my last girlfriend was a hard one to get through, and she did the same caca like this, like out of no where just leave and "BE FRIENDS." But for me the only way I can get over someone is have nothing to do with them, and now she is telling me to be friends. I really cant see her with another guy and be a friend with her. You know ive tried to rationalize this whole situation and I have heard to leave it alone and if it comes back, it was meant to be, and if it doesnt, it was never there..... let me know please

bbfeet9

replied on February 11th, 2008

Experienced User

It's done, it's over, move on. I know, it's like your being slapped all over the place. We can be best friends, yup, she prob already has someone else to hang out with. A simple bb game had absolutly nothing to do with it. Your right, it is prob to hard for you to "be friends" so don't. Go play ball, hang with your buds. Do something to take your mind off her. Yer gonna have so many heartaches before the right girl comes your way. Don't try to find her, it'll just happen one day. Leave it alone and it will come back...hmmmm. I wouldn't want it back.

Makoto

replied on February 12th, 2008

Experienced User

You are lucky, you are free from her now. Stay away from her. She broke up with you because you wanted to play with your friends. How simple minded is that.

I had a girl like that long time ago. You are better off with out that. There will be far better girls out there with far better personalities than her. You feel bad now, but she is doing you a favour.

Plus it sounds like she is getting off on seeing you beg for her to take you back. It is time to stand up for yourself dude. You need to give her the boot and move on.

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