I'm not sure if I can give you any advice...but maybe you can answer something for me...how long is the time period between "crashes?" My husband seems to be exhibiting some of your some behavior but his seems a bit prolonged. How long do you stay in that irrational state? I'm just curious...I know it can vary from person to person.

Well in my experience the actual crash can last for 1-2 days. worst being the first day. There is a build up to it, we are starting to understand the patterns better...but still feel very helpless. Last week for example, all week I was happily manic (odd term) but productive, personable, full of energy, then Saturday morning I was flying high, I knew it was too good to be true. Around Saturday afternoon, I started to down cycle and it just got worse and worse, Sunday was a disaster and Monday I couldn't go to work. Today, I am still upset. I'm feeling sorry about my behavior and actions, and I really and getting tired of this Jeckle and Hyde situation and Dr visits. The crashes have avereaged about 3-4 times a month and "usually" on the weekends. The only thing I can think of..and I am far from being a Dr. is that I work and live on a set schedule Mon-Friday, work-eat-tv-bed, same time, everyday. Weekends are always different, things to do, no set schedule etc. I think that could be part of what triggers the crashes. Plus I don't know if you or your husband drink, but weekend drinking also can be a trigger, I've realized as well. Even if its just a glass of wine. Hope some of this helps, and I wish you well.

I can relate to the whole Jeckel and Hyde feel.. The only advice I can give.to you and your partner, is to find a support group.. I find it helps me.. She needs to find a support system, so when you have these "crashes" she as a understanding of what your going through or how to tell the signs of when your going to crash.. aslo take her with you to your dr. appt..
Hope this helps

Hi- We did look into (did not go yet) to support groups. One thing I don't understand s that they told me that they do not have any sponsor-like programs as say an AA group does. When you are crashing sometimes you need talk, its sad, obviously depressing, and upsetting to the people who care for you. I feel like for that reason there is really no one to call to talk to. Drs are not available 24x7 and that is where I think you end up killing your partner or family.
Do you know of any support groups that have sponsors for people with bipolar?

i don't know of any support groups but i can say that this forum has helped me tremendously. my husband and i are going through the same situation as you and your partner. i'm destroying are relationship. i've been down now for almost a week and it keeps going down. i'm more of a down bp than up. and i rarely remember my ups. we're newlyweds and i've been recently diagnosed. during our engagement i was depressed and he knew/accepted it. also we found out that i was infertile so i had major abdominal surgery 10 days after our honeymoon. then we were going to try to get preg and then i was diagnosed with bp. sigh. how can any union survive such a mess??

btw - i am on meds. lots and still this happens. i want to go to a silent soft room too for a few months. but life gets in the way.

Well one thing I can say for certain is that it seems that tragedy happens all seemingly at the same time. Similar to your story I was starting a new high profile job (high stress), then no later was I diagnosed with a non curable auto-immune disease, and in the earlier stages of a new long term relationship. You have obviously had more unfortunate biological problems than I, however everything hitting at one time doesnt change the unfortunte depressive outcome. Its too overwhelming, I am tired of popping pills that arent really working either. Its overlapping PPD that is happening too, which a lot of people go through. Excpet people like us "fester" and take longer to dig themselves out of the hole. My partner is looking into family support groups that she can go to herself, while I go to my regular Dr. for therapy. I think that if she goes without me, she will have the chance to speak openly with other people and hopefully have a support system for herself too! All I can say, and I can't ever say this enough...is that this is the true test of how much one loves you for the "good" in you. Those glorious days that you shine and are the person you want to be, and the days that you want it all to end.. If someone like your husband and my partner is willing to see you through it, then that action alone speaks for itself. The trick for me is getting rid of the guilt I feel about bringing down the relationship, it only prolongs the depressive state, if anything I will do it for HER and try as hard as I can... hang in there, I am glad these forums have been helpful to you. I just joined so, I am hoping they will be for me as well.

There are support groups out there. Go to NAMI website. They have a regional directory and you can find out what is available in your area. They can be helpful as these people have been the mile in your shoes. Sometimes a shoulder to cry on is needed!

Crashes is the cause of every relationship I have ever had. The is way I have come to grips with it and now realize the is no man that will put up with me. I have faced that and been married and divorced three time due to BPD. BP people usually don't hang around crowds much, don't go to getogethers, outings etc... we seen to keep more to ourselves. At least that is the way I am. I always look for an excuse why I can't attend something.

Well I have had several postings, one of which carries over to this topic. Family gatherings and get togethers in general (even work) are a big trigger of mine. When I was younger I was "made" to go to family functions reluctantly. I got extreme anxiety, hated getting dressed up and being someone I am not. I don't do small talk and I hate having to be put in that position. I get extremely depressed, due to this because I often wonder why everyone else seems to find it to be so joyous and I can't F*#! (excuse me) stand it. It becomes a problem in life... as we all know that life seemingly revolves around b-days, holidays, wedding, engagement parties, and the list just goes on and on. NOW you've got another family and person (my partner) stuck in my mess. Who loves family, enjoys seeing and talking to them, and it just becomes a big mess! I am hoping through therapy that I will be able to handle some sort of interaction with people under these circumstances in the future...for now I just avoid them like the plague because I can not risk having a crash and missing work as a result of it. I am lucky that my partner has been as supportive as she has been. She sees family now on her own, without me.

Go2Extremes... I feel like I'm reading my life when I read your posts. The "crashes" you describe are exactly what I've been going through for the last three months. Just out of nowhere! I've always had issues with depression and some symptoms of bipolar but wasn't diagnosed until four months ago. Since then if anything things have gotten worse not better. I've also been experiencing some pain in my body... am an athletic person and have always stayed in shape until last year when all of this really hit hard.
There are support groups for this btw. What city are you in and I can help you find one. I haven't attended one myself yet, I'm still trying to come to terms with the idea of the diagnosis.
I'd love to talk further if you'd like or anyone else. It's nice to know there are others out there dealing with the same day to day issues as we are.
Thanks for posting and being so honest!

Hi Lana,
Thank- you for your post. I have a very unorthodox story as to why this was originally posted. I was on a medicine called Plaquenil for arthritis, when I posted this Bipolar problem. This drug has a SEVERE side effect of depression, anxiety, OCD and delusions that I was not made aware of. I was taking this drug when I posted this problem with my relationship and things were just awful for me at that time.
As it turns out, the drug Plaquenil was causing depression and doctors mistakenly diagnosed me as BP. Once I got off the medicine and the drug got out of my system, I was back to my happy NORMAL self again. My relationship is back to where it should be, life is good.
Ive been off the medicine for over a year and a half (thank god!!)
I just read back my original post from Feb of 2008, I can't believe that was me that posted that! All I can say to anyone that is reading this is stay AWAY from the drug Plaquenil if you have arthritis and also read ALL of the side effects to any your prescription medications if you suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. as they may very well be the cause of your so-called disorder..
Be particularly careful of allergy medicines, as more and more side effects for depression and suicide are coming up (advair, singular..)

Good Luck and please see my other posted regarding the warnings on Plaquenil- side effects-depression.